Chapter Ten: Jayfeather
Something's wrong with Lionblaze. He wears fear like a second pelt (my brother the fearless warrior) and he's stalking me. Whenever he's not on a patrol or hunting, he's wherever I am. It's like he's turned into to Dovewing, but he's way better at it. He always seems to have an excuse for being near me, talking to senior warriors, showing Cherrypaw and Molepaw battle moves, saving their skins from Mousefur when they forget to clean her bedding. In fact the only time he actually looks at me is to send strong emotion messages that say: Please don't. Don't make this bad mistake! Which leads me to my only conclusion, he knows about Icecloud. And in about a moon so will the rest of the Clan.
I need to go to the one place Lionblaze can't follow me. I have to yell at some dead warriors anyway. (This is going to be my fifth visit in two days, so this might get ugly.)
I awake in StarClan. Yellowfang and Raggedstar are standing together with, Bluestar and Oakheart, Silverstream who stands with Feathertail, and Spottedleaf (who stands alone).
"We are here to stop you from making a grave mistake." Bluestar announces, "Listen to each of our stories carefully, and then make your own decision."
"I was a warrior before I was a medicine cat if you didn't know that already." Yellowfang mews, "Raggedstar and I were already mates before I was chosen. Obviously that could not go on after I had been chosen, though I won't lie I longed for it. Then I realized I was pregnant. I am certain that this happened before I was chosen, although others were not so sure. Two of my three kits soon died, and I thought that was my punishment. I was wrong. My punishment was the one kit who lived. He grew to be Brokenstar. My punishment was to watch him grow up and do horrible things to my Clan, to have him kick me out of my home! And still love him. How could I not? He was my kit, the horrible murderer that he was. After he helped Tigerstar plan an attack on ThunderClan I knew what I had to do. No Clan would be safe while he lived. I fed him death berries. The action still haunts me." Yellowfang steps back into the line her head and tail drooping. I stare at her in shock.
Bluestar takes her place. "I never thought that something like this would happen to me. I had loathed Oakheart when I first met him. But something changed, I don't know what it was but I fell in love."
"We only had one night together." Oakheart sighs.
"And through that night I became pregnant." Bluestar snaps tiredly, "There were two cats up to become deputy after our old one died of illness, me and a horrible cat named Thistleclaw. After I had my kits my leader told me it was too bad I could no longer become deputy, but he had another cat in mind. I knew I couldn't let Thistleclaw become deputy and then leader. He would destroy the Clan. I took the kits to Oakheart so that they could grow up in RiverClan. On the journey one of them, Mosskit, died. When I got home I pretended a fox had stolen them. I became deputy, and later leader. But I've never forgiven myself. Mistystar is my daughter, and Stonefur my son, though he hunts with StarClan now." Bluestar's voice dies at the end of her story and she closes her eyes painfully.
Silverstream steps up next her eyes filled with sorrow. "You already know some of my story having seen it in Graystripe's memories. You know I died kitting, a very effective form of punishment. It hurt me as well as Graystripe. I met him first when he had fallen in the frozen river, jumping in after Cinderpelt, just a paw then. He was taken with me from the moment he laid eyes on me, and I him, although I was afraid of my feelings at first. He was ThunderClan and I the daughter of the RiverClan leader! How could I even think of him as anything but an enemy? But my heart was not to be swayed. We met for moons, sneaking out to see each other on the border of RiverClan and ThunderClan back in the old forest. When Firestar found out, the knowledge tortured him. But what could he do? Turn in his best friend? Never! Still I caused a rift between them, something I will never forgive myself for. After finding out about us Firestar had made us meet at Fourtrees, the gathering place, which I will admit was much safer. Then I found out I was expecting kits. Graystripe and I were thrilled, Firestar horrified. I soon came to see things through his side and ran to the border before I had my kits. But it was a botched kitting. There was too much blood and something was horribly wrong. Firestar found us and raced to get Cinderpelt, still just a medicine cat apprentice. It was her first kitting, but she could not save all of us, I had lost too much blood and my punishment had come. I thought that was the end of it. But I was wrong! I watched Graystripe ache without me and wallow. I watched him make the hard decision to leave ThunderClan and watch him suffer for it. I watched him have to leave his kits behind. I watched Feathertail ripped from her brother, Stormfur through death. I watched Stormfur and Graystripe reunited only to have that shattered when Stormfur stayed in the mountains with Brook. I still don't know if it was worth all this pain." She steps away and Feathertail leans into her mother to comfort her.
Spottedleaf steps forward, "I am here for the same reason as Feathertail, while we did nothing we both loved impurely. I, a medicine cat, loved Firestar with all my heart. I paid for it with death, while serving my Clan. Feathertail-"
"Loved Crowfeather," Feathertail interrupts stepping away from her mother, "had we not been on a perilous journey, or had I lived, I would have pulled a 'my parents' but Sharptooth and StarClan saw to that. They had me die while I was fulfilling my destiny. How very clever. But I wasn't through yet. I wanted Crowfeather to be happy, so when he fell in love with Leafpool I encouraged them. I was a fool and I'm sorry." She backs away into the line, giving me a look full of pain that tells me she blames herself for everything that happened between Leafpool and Crowfeather.
"It wasn't your fault; it wasn't any of your faults!" I yowl to the sorry group of cats, "But let me ask you this, if you hadn't done what you did, would you have ever been happy? Could you have ever not thought 'what if?'?"
Yellowfang sighs, "I have been thinking 'what if?' I've been thinking it for years. I just want to try and make sure you don't have to as well. This is a risky gamble, but as I said to Bluestar, 'anything worth doing is a risky gamble'. It's your choice to make Jayfeather. We'll let you think about it. And when you do decide, remember us, always remember us." The starry cats fade away at these words and I wake to blackness once more.