Chapter Thirteen: Jayfeather
The spot where Lionblaze had been is cold now. He's with Cinderheart, purring loud enough to wake the dead. Just like Hollyleaf, he's left. Gone from me, down a path he can never return from and I cannot walk.
They always get everything! Lionblaze is the best warrior ever (My dream!), he gets Cinderheart, who loves him while chasing away any ghost of Heathertail. Hollyleaf had been brought back from the dead for StarClan sake! She forgot everything that made her go crazy, and she gets a mate two days back into camp!
What do I get? A life I didn't want, a stupid mentor who backs out of her job before I'm ready, a "great power" that's the exact opposite of great and feelings for a cat that I can never fulfill. Honestly Icecloud probably doesn't like me anyway. Oh and on top of that I'm blind! I'd rather get nothing.
It's all Spottedleaf's fault! If she'd just stayed out of it I could be a warrior right now.
But I'd be a warrior for the Dark Forest, who knows who they might have made me kill.
Agh! What do I do? Do I try to ignore it all? But how can I? Do I turn into Leafpool? But I can't. Can I?
NO! I will never make her mistake. If I do choose to break the code at least I'll be up front about it.
Should I break the code? But that would really kill ThunderClan, I can hear Onestar now. Then again I really don't care at all about what Onestar thinks. But I do care about my Clan. They don't really deserve to have another unfaithful medicine cat, and I need to be my best for them.
Although I haven't been on top of it lately, with searching for Icecloud and all that. I thought Mousefur was going to attack me when I forgot to check her ticks. She is getting more and more impatient; bet it's because of Purdy.
Anyways I need to check Briarlight, she's still healthy but Greenleaf won't stay forever and I'm worried about her making it through Leafbare. The walk to the elders den is murder; all the cats are out sharing tongues. Every paw step brings another couple purring and giggling like kits. They are full of love, while I'm just an empty, bitter shell.
All I'm ever going to be if StarClan gets their way. When you think about it, us medicine cats get a very raw deal.
"Hello Mousefur, how are you?" I mew walking into the den.
"Horrible as usual." She snaps in reply, this should be fun.
"Mousefur! You know that's not true!" Briarlight mews indignantly.
"Oh, and you're here with your herbs the den will smell for moons." Mousefur moans.
"You know that's my fault I forgot to go see him, I'm sorry Jayfeather." Briarlight mews turning to me.
"It's fine," I reply.
"It is not!" Mousefur yowls, "The den will smell, go back to your den."
"But Mousefur, he's already come over here; we don't want to be rude." Briarlight mews softly, trying to appease Mousefur.
"Fine, but the smell better not keep me up! I'm going hunting tomorrow no matter what." She mews stalking out of the den. I hear Briarlight sigh as she turns back to me,
"I'm sorry about that. She's becoming more and more ornery." I flick my tail uneasily, the last time she'd been this bad she's been sick with greencough, and almost died. I smell the air, but it doesn't smell infected. Mousefur's bones creak in the hollow, and her breath is shallow - just from that short walk. I hang my head; it is time to accept the truth.
"I know why," I murmur to Briarlight.
"She's dying, isn't she?" She asks fearfully. I nod slowly.
"Don't say anything. I don't know how much time she has left and I don't want to upset the Clan." I mew to her. Sadly she nods her head and I check her much more quietly than I normally would have.
Back in my den I try to sleep, but I'm too broken up inside. Icecloud is sitting with Foxleap and Hollyleaf, attempting to eat a mouse, but she only had one bite before she pushed it away and laid her head down.
I wonder what's wrong, and then realize she's sitting next to the love fest couple, duh! Poor Icecloud, actually poor anyone who ever has to be anywhere near them- ever.
It probably makes it worse that it's just her sitting there. With no mate… so maybe I do have a chance! Hope lights me up like a star, I have to go for it. I can't bear to ask what if?