Chapter Twenty Six: Lionblaze
This did not just happen! This could not have just happened! The Clan stares in shock as the rest of our foes fade away. Firestar lays a little way away and I realize that he must have lost a life. But it doesn't matter; nothing matters except the closest cat I've ever had to a father is gone, dead at my paws.
And I haven't even avenged his death! I let his killer slip away! What kind of warrior am I?
"NOOO!" Squirrelfight's anguished yowl pierces the clearing. She buries her face into her former mate's fur. "Why?!" She yowls, "We didn't even make up! Now he's gone –" Her words break off to incoherent yowling.
I lift my father up off the forest floor. Brackenfur and Birchfall rush to help. Our sad procession starts weaving its way back home.
When we arrive back in the hollow, Berrynose's shocked yowl greets us. Jayfeather appears from the nursery looking unsurprised (of course) and he slips into his den. He returns quickly with the herbs he needs for Brambleclaw.
"Lay him over there," he mews nodding to a clear space, "Then go see Hollyleaf, she's had her kits." Foxleap turns and races to the nursery but I shake my head.
"No. Someone has to tell Tawnypelt, I'm going." I mew flatly. Firestar nods to me, having overheard.
"Fine." Jayfeather snaps, "But as soon as you get back you are going to see her." I nod dully.
Dovewing appears next to me and mews firmly, "I'm going with you." I say nothing and we set off.
I should have been able to save him. I should have been able to get there faster. I should have been able to make Hawkfrost pay. Brambleclaw never should have died.
I can still feel his presence at my side, hear his words. But everything seems darker, duller, emptier, now that he's gone forever. It should have never happened. How did it? Why did it? Why would StarClan let this happen? Are they really as powerless as Jayfeather always hints they are?
We arrive at the border and sit down in bleak silence waiting for a patrol. It's not long before a young cat stalking prey appears from the darkness. It's Dawnpelt.
"What do you want?" she asks sounding surprised and only a little hostile.
"We need to talk to Tawnypelt." I mew.
Now she is hostile, "Why? Tigerheart come here!" I feel Dovewing stiffen next to me as Tigerheart appears looking confused.
"Brambleclaw is dead." I mew dully.
Dawnpelt gasps and stares at us in shock. Tigerheart hisses, "No!" While shaking his head, as though that can make it untrue.
I can only nod, Dovewing whimpers when she tries to speak. Horror replaces their hostility at once.
"Follow us." Dawnpelt mews, racing off with Tigerheart. We make it to their camp a short while later, and Dawnpelt calls for her mother. Other cats appear looking confused and worried.
"What are you doing here?" Ferretpaw mews cocking his head in confusion. At the same time Tawnypelt appears looking surprised.
"What is it?" She asks looking at me. I brace myself for the awful words that must be said and the hurt they are bound to bring.
"Tawnypelt, Brambleclaw is dead." I mew. Gasps of shock echo throughout ShadowClan.
"When did this happen?" Tawnypelt is shaking, her eyes pleading.
"Not long ago, in a battle." I mew wishing I could heal her pain.
"I'm going to sit vigil for him." She mews, speaking it as a statement not a question.
"Of course." I reply as I'd do the same. Rowanclaw steps forward frowning.
"He's my brother, Rowanclaw." Tawnypelt snaps. Rowanclaw dips his head and says nothing. But I can see his unhappiness plainly on his face. Nice guy.
The journey back is swift. We arrive in the hollow and Tawnypelt races to her brother's body. I hear her soft gasp of pain.
Jayfeather is already there giving Squirrelflight some herbs.
"Do you want some?" He asks Tawnypelt, "It's thyme for the shock."
"Not now. I need to feel this grief, but later, yes." Tawnypelt mews, her voice choked with unshed tears.
Jayfeather nods, "I'll leave it here then." He walks briskly over to me. "Go see Hollyleaf, now!" I nod and pad wearily to the nursery.
She is cloaked in darkness murmuring to her kits. Foxleap's scent is heavy in the air but he's not here.
"Lionblaze, what's happened?" She mews looking at me in confusion. A wave of anger sweeps through me directed at Foxleap, how could he not have told her yet? No good backboneless wimp.
"I-I…" Words fail me, how do I tell her this? Just after she's had her kits? In this nice safe warm place… death should not exist here. Hollyleaf looks at me and mews,
"Meet my kits first, and then we'll hear the bad news." I agree hoarsely and look down at the furry bundles. They're so small, so tiny. But they will grow to be great. I used to look like that, so did Hollyleaf and Jayfeather.
Back when we had a mother and father. Back before the prophecy. Back when everything was so simple, so easy.
"This is Ravenkit, my she-kit." She mews pointing to a slight black kit with her tail, "She was born first. This is Jaggedkit, he was born second," she mews, indicating a slightly larger, grey-black tom, "and this is Blazekit." I feel my heart warm with pleasure as I stare at my sister, "May he grow to be as strong and brave as you are." I bend down and lick each kit, starting with the one named after me, and then my sister. The promise of new life is strong coming from them; they will bring pride to their Clan in a time of darkness, I can sense it.
"Hollyleaf," my voice cracks, "You have to know, it's so terrible… Hollyleaf Brambleclaw is dead!"
"NO!" she yowls scrambling up, dislodging her kits who squeal with discomfort and pain. "NO, NO, NO! You're lying to me! You're lying!"
"Yes!" I wail, hitting the ground, despair having sapped my strength, "He's dead! He's gone! I'm so, so, so sorry! I'm so sorry! It's all my fault!" I lay trembling as my sister bends over me,
"Hush! It's not your fault." She lies back down stiffly and gathers up her kits.
"It is! It is! I didn't get there in time to save him! It's my fault!" I half sob, my guilt and pain flowing from me. It feels like a wound and the pain is my life blood, slowly sapping my strength as it gushes out.
"It is not! The blame rests on whoever killed him. Who did it Lionblaze, who did it?" Hollyleaf demands.
"Hawkfrost!" I spit the cursed name.
Her green eyes glitter with rage and angst as I look into them, "We'll make him pay," she murmurs quietly, "Don't worry Lionblaze, we'll make him pay."
"Don't say that." I whisper, "You have kits now, don't say that." I can hardly disguise my fear because for a moment I had seen the old Hollyleaf stir behind my sister's sane eyes. I can't let her go back to that. No matter what I can't let her go back.
"Oh you're right. But it's not fair!" She moans, closing her eyes and breathing heavily. We sit for a moment just watching her kits feed until Firestar's hoarse call shatters the silence.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting." I rise and promise to visit Hollyleaf soon, and join the rest of the disheveled Clan out in the hollow.
"Firestar I need to heal these cats but they won't stay in the den!" Jayfeather complains loudly, his frustration apparent.
"Heal them out here; none of you can miss this." Firestar mews gravely and Jayfeather nods curtly but I can still tell that he's upset.
"The time has come to name ThunderClan's new deputy." I look at Brambleclaw's body feeling sick when I realize that I haven't even sat vigil for him. Tawnypelt shifts uncomfortably but Squirrelflight whispers in her ear and she relaxes.
"I say these words before StarClan, that the spirits of our ancestors and Brambleclaw's spirit," Firestar's voice shakes and cracks, the whole Clan bows their heads and waits for Firestar to continue, "may hear and approve my choice." His eyes gleam stronger as they gaze around the hollow, "Lionblaze will be the new deputy of ThunderClan." Every nerve in my body freezes. I can't have heard right. I stand shell-shocked as yowls fill the air, congratulations float by me. But they are short lived and soon silence returns to the air. I manage to move forward and take my place beside my father and former mother.
"I'm proud of you." Squirrelflight mews quietly, still shaking with grief, "I always loved you. You were my kit, no matter what."
"I know. I'm sorry." I whisper feeling claw-sharp pain in my heart, she shakes her head and her gaze returns to Brambleclaw's body.
"He would have been so proud. I-I'm sorry I took that from you." I shrug, I don't want to think about the past. We sit the rest of the night in silence. When the time comes to bury him I insist on carrying my father. (For some strange reason Mousefur, Purdy and Briarlight don't really protest all that much.)
Even though we hadn't shared a word since last night, I can tell that the bridge between me and Squirrelflight has healed. So I lost my father, but gained my mother.
Oh, I miss him.