THE TIE THAT BINDS
PART 2
Takes place right after the Big Damn Movie. Just some fleshing out of thoughts and memories.
Firely and the characters therein belong to Joss Whedon and we wouldn't want it any other way.
"Good answer," he'd said. "Good answer."
And now, kneeling and sorting through the trunk she had "accidentally" left on her former shuttle, Inara's lips curved into a smile as familiar as the smell of incense that still lingered in the sundries she was unfolding.
"I don't know," she had replied to him as she expressed her uncertainty in leaving Serenity again. It was the same smile that so often came unbidden whenever she played back some favorite memories of Malcolm Reynolds: His look of pure satisfaction as he stood there unmindful of his bare nakedness in the desert after throwing a sizable wrench in Saffron's latest plans, dancing at the ball and clumsily bumping into each other…well him into her to be accurate, his detailed and witty storytelling at the dinner table amongst the crew, and the way he was so gentle and protective of Kaylee…
Still lost in memories, Inara rocked back on her heels and let her hands slide out of the trunk where they came to rest on the lip of it. Gentle and protective. She had definitely seen that side of Mal and those were the impressions she wanted to cling to. But her sentiments were true when she spoke of not knowing who she was dealing with when it came to him because she had seen too many versions to be sure. Gentle and protective, certainly, but also volatile and cold-blooded. Her memories were jolted back to Haven, where Mal shot the unarmed Alliance officer, even as he raised his arms in surrender. Mal didn't say a word. He just pointed and fired without as much as a tick. He had the look of a killer then; unblinking, unfeeling, unforgiving. She was afraid of him at that moment. There wasn't a gentle bone to be found in his body then.
At any given moment, all these things made up the person of Malcolm Reynolds...and she was impassioned by them. She tried to recognize that he was on the other end of the spectrum from her not only in upbringing, but in personality. She was always poised, controlled, and aware of her surroundings as well as the people in them, learning long ago how to master her impulses. Malcolm often rushed in without forethought, without consideration, and mostly acted on gut instinct. She also admitted to herself this very notion was what kept her from leaving Serenity. That is, until recently. Having been born and raised into her milieu where her place in society was stately and unquestioned, she was fascinated by how Malcolm managed to work his way over, around, and in between such establishments. He didn't belong anywhere and neither did he desire to. He just wanted to be left alone to keep flying.
Malcolm had referred to it as "her world" the time he felt he had to step in on behalf of her honor. Poor Atherton. He walked away from that duel with more than his ego bruised. Once Malcolm had him on the ground, he couldn't help but poke and prod Atherton with his sword a few more times for good measure. Atherton's face was all hateful and bilious but Inara rather enjoyed Malcolm exemplifying what a great man should be, or should not be, as the case may be. Perhaps they weren't that different after all, she thought with sudden levity. She enjoyed her time on Persephone but whatever she experienced there; it was almost as if she were a spectator to her own life. The journey back into "her world" was temporary, even though the idea was amusing and flattering. She had left all that behind over a year ago, her life on the central planets- the amenities of high society and her responsibilities as guild high priestess. They were just stowed memories now. Memories she worked hard to keep buried.
But memories, especially bad ones, had a tendency to rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times. This time was no different. As Inara allowed herself to enjoy her brief consideration of Malcolm, images from her days on Sihnon assaulted her. At first they were images of beauty and peace. The Companion House's lush landscape, ornate halls, and lavish offerings filled her senses. She could almost smell the spiced incense that seemed to be favored by most of the girls there. Her ascent to high priestess was one that came naturally and the House was pleased with her leadership…for her short tenure anyway. The images that followed then were filled with anger, blood, and pain. And then she left Sihnon. She had to. Just as she had left Serenity.
But here she was, back onboard her beloved shuttle. She couldn't imagine going back to the House on Sihnon after all that had transpired there. But she decided to come back to Serenity, even though she could foresee herself having to confront the same terrible heartache. She was doing well at the training house, was she not? She was happy there. But she couldn't deny a dull, emptiness that still pervaded as she retreated to her quarters after a day of teaching. That emptiness suddenly went away as soon as she saw Serenity and her crew again. And, being honest with herself, she admitted that it happened even before then…when Malcolm appeared on the cortex during her call for "help".
He looked disheveled and awkward but no more awkward than how she had felt during the call. He had said she looked fine and she had thanked him but, in truth, she was never comfortable with compliments from him. Maybe it was because they were few and far between or maybe it was something else. She has heard her share of compliments and flattery from clients, students, and peers and she always accepted them gracefully. But when they came from Mal, she was always unnerved. She didn't question his sincerity, but rather whether she believed the compliments herself. With all of her training and skill, how did this one man dismantle who she was with one look or touch? There was so much more she needed to learn about him, about herself through him, more than any of the fanciest, most renowned schools could teach her. She needed to ask some hard questions…and this time, get answers.