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Sookie

I put off seeing Sam for two weeks. I really didn't want to be responsible for him having another heart attack.

And I had other things on my mind. I'd gone through a wide range of emotions since we'd really confirmed Eric was leaving. Every time he did something like book his ticket, or buy a new suitcase, I got pretty bummed.

But then again, I didn't want to spend our last time together for a while sad and depressed. It was hard to not spend three weeks worrying about what would be.

It had been really hard, telling the kids. Ceci hadn't understood at all, and Max had asked if we were getting a divorce, after Ce went to bed. He had friends whose parents were divorced. He cried a bit, which was really heartbreaking, since he was usually such a little man. Eric had taken that especially hard, and he told me after we finally got Max to bed that it brought back a lot of memories from when he was a kid. He hadn't cried, but I'd seen his eyes turn a bit red.

It wasn't the kind of thing I'd ever mention.

We spent the weekends in the Hamptons, and tried our hardest to kid ourselves that our lives weren't about to change drastically. When we'd look at each other though, the closer we got to day zero, it was more and more obvious that this wasn't going to be easy. Not by a long shot. We'd been through a lot, but we'd never faced a challenge like this.

Eric volunteered to come to the hospital with me, and then we had a date at our Mexican place, followed by dancing. Our first non-date recreated. I'd wore a red dress that Eric loved and was made for dancing, but thrown a cardigan over it, so Daphne and I wouldn't get into a bitch fight when she accused me of trying to seduce Sam, while my husband sat waiting for me fifteen feet away. Fucking bitch. I did feel good in the dress though.

We sat in a waiting room for a few minutes, while I mustered the courage to have a conversation that I really didn't want to have. I realized, as he dropped my hand when I got up, that Eric hadn't let go of it much in the in the past two weeks. I hadn't even noticed, until he wasn't holding it, which was kind of incredible, considering how hot it had been.

"You can do this. Him retiring is a better option than the alternative," He whispered in my ear. "This is how you have to be his friend right now. This is happening, with or without your involvement. Just because you're taking his job, doesn't mean he wouldn't have lost it anyway."

I nodded, trying not to tear up. "I do know that, I do."

I looked down at his hand. He was twisting his wedding band. He'd always done that. He never took it off, just twisted it around. "Tell his girlfriend to get the fuck out if she's there. You don't have to deal with her shit."

He always knew what to say. "I want some of your fajitas later. And we're getting extra guac."

"Lover, we can get whatever you want. And the sooner you do this, the sooner we can go and eat."

"And go dancing."

He nodded. "And go dancing."

Sam looked like utter shit. He had an almost grey complexion, and was still hooked up to various things. I'd discovered they had been keeping him until they could schedule a bypass, and it seemed there was a bit of a wait list. With the sweltering heat, it seemed suits were dropping like flies. He'd just finally had it about a week earlier and was scheduled to go home the day after tomorrow.

He brightened up slightly when he saw me. I was relieved he was alone, and I didn't have to give Daphne the boot.

"Hi Sook," he said, his voice rough.

I leaned over and hugged him, careful not to pull any wires out. "Sam."

And then I started to cry. I was really an emotional basket case this month. "Sookie, I'll be fine. Don't cry."

I wiped my eyes and tried to compose myself. "Oh, it's just been a bit of a rough month. How are you doing?"

He gave me a little shrug. "I've been better. I guess I wasn't as immortal as I thought I was."

Personally, or professionally, I thought to myself. "You need to take care of yourself. No more elevator."

He nodded. "I'll be racing you up the stairs before you know it. Eric get his manuscript in on time?"

I choked when he mentioned racing up the stairs. That wasn't going to be happening. "Yea. Even a week early. That's impressive for him. He's getting good at this whole revising thing."

"Third edition, huh?" He grinned. "We'll have to do a great cover. With what we're forecasting in first year sales, we can probably even do that recycled paper you're always pushing for."

When I officially took over Sam's job, everything was going on recycled paper. I was making it my first order of business. I hated that we still used pristine paper, when the recycled options were so good, and I hated that he fought me on it for so long. "Yea, I think we can do that. Sam, I heard they made you an offer."

His expression immediately darkened. "Oh? I'm surprised you heard."

I knew what he was thinking, that it wouldn't be me taking his job, because no one would think I could do it. I could see it in his eyes. He was surprised Niall had confided in me. And suddenly, I didn't so bad about what I was doing. No wonder Sam had been an advocate for me. I'd been doing his job for him. "It's a good offer. It's better than nothing."

He set his jaw like he did, before he wielded his power in an obnoxious way. "What are you getting at?"

I sat on the edge of the bed, and crossed my arms. "You're a smart man, and I've been doing your job for three weeks now. You figure it out."

"You're a good substitute while I'm here, Sook, but you don't know enough about anything to take my position."

I was a lot of things, but I was not stupid, and that was how he was talking to me. I was a good person, smart, and loyal to those that deserved it. I was wondering if Sam had ever fallen into that category. "That's not the feedback I've been getting."

He snorted. "Niall is just blowing smoke up your ass. You're a fool if you don't realize that."

I felt my face grow red. "I'm trying to be a friend to you, Sam. I think you should listen to what I'm saying."

He crossed his arms. "We aren't friends, Sookie. I'm your boss. I'm surprised you'd come here, and try to angle for my job. It's quite pathetic."

I stood up. "Suit yourself. See you in a few weeks."

I didn't even look at him as I walked out of the room. Eric stood as I walked by, and the two of us left without a word. We were three blocks away from the hospital before I spat out, "Fuck him."

Eric draped an arm over my shoulder. "It went that well, huh? Sam's a stubborn man. Old school, no matter how he wants people to perceive him. "

"I can't believe I was so stupid, thinking he was doing me any favours."

He gave me a half smile. "You wanted to see the best in him. It's an admirable quality. I'm sure it was what got me in the door."

I wrapped an arm around his waist. "Your huge class and textbook proposal got you in the door. You pried it open with, well, you. And I wasn't terribly wrong about you, no matter how much I wanted to keep my distance in the beginning. You're a different case."

He laughed. "I guess I didn't lead you down the garden path, and make you hoe it and plant the seeds for me."

I shook my head. "And he's going to come back for two weeks, and get canned. I already picked out a new company car. This is happening, with or without him. Niall has already created a shortlist for my replacement, for when I take his job."

"He should be smart enough to know when you're offered an early retirement package to take it."

I lowered my voice. "I've seen Niall's list of complaints about him. He's got more than enough grounds to fire him like three times over. Luna and Calvin are thrilled, and Calvin's worked with him since they were in their early twenties. They started out as reps for the same press upstate."

Eric just shook his head. "He's in denial then. You'll keep me posted on how it goes?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You'll be sick of hearing about it."

He shook his head. "Nah. It'll be a good distraction when I'm holed up in my bachelor apartment watching subtitled movies and eating cheese and baguette for dinner."

"Not meeting with French whores?"

His eyes smiled at me, but his expression was dead serious. "Well maybe some. You know I'm a professional though, and terrified of whores on a personal level."

That was true. He'd stopped meeting with whores a while ago, after the whole pimp abandoned child thing. He'd changed since we had the kids. A lot. "I can't believe he reacted like that. What a man baby."

He squeezed my shoulder as we walked. "Fuck him. Let's go get some Mexican."

I resisted the urge to completely eat my face off so I'd be able to dance later, but caved when I saw the enchiladas at the table next to us just as I was about to order a salad. We both picked off each other's plates, as was our custom.

After a bit of digestion and reminiscing about previous similar dates, we headed over to Eric's salsa bar. They knew us by name, because we'd been quazi regulars for so long. It was funny, how life seemed to get away from me sometimes as I got a bit older. When I looked at Max sometimes, it blew my mind that it had been seven years since he'd been the tiny baby that I'd been both terrified and thrilled to meet.

Our dancing skills had much improved since those early days, and I had a much nicer pair of dancing shoes stowed in my bag, thanks to Pam. She bought me ridiculously impractical shoes for most holidays, and I rarely got the opportunity to wear most of them because I did so much running around.

Making an appearance today? The most practical ones she'd ever bought me. Black patent Marc Jacobs Mary Jane wedges. My favourite pair of the moment. I usually danced in heels, but I knew I'd be able to dance longer in wedges, and I wanted to stay for a while, since this was the last time we were going to do this for a bit.

Salsa with Eric was seduction at its purest. But then again, whether I had realized it or not the first night we'd come here, it always had been. Eric knew exactly what he was doing, when it came to seduction anyway.

"You know I love that dress," he practically purred in my ear, as we started.

I raised an eyebrow. "I do know."

"What's underneath?" His purr became a bit of a growl.

I gave him a little shrug, and a knowing look. "You'll have to wait and see."

"And that's half the fun. Spending the next few hours trying to figure it out."

I smiled, knowing he wouldn't be able to guess, because I'd bought something new, because I knew something that he likely didn't. "This might be it for you and I, old friend. I'm getting my period tomorrow or the next day." Ever since I'd gone off the pill when he'd gotten snipped, I had terrible cramps. Sex did not happen that week.

He wasn't deterred. "Well that's unfortunate. We'll have to make tonight one for the books."

I smiled, as he pressed himself against me. "We've had a lot of nights for the books over the past few weeks."

He shook his head, his eyes a little sad. "Not enough, Lover. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do without you."

I patted his chest. "You'll be fine. You've gone a few months before. Remember when I had Max and Ce?"

His eyes met mine. It was an intensely emotional moment before he spoke. "I'm not talking about sex."

I knew he hadn't been, and it broke my heart. I knew my husband needed and loved me, even if he wasn't a great romantic who verbally sang my praises on a daily basis. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here if you need me for anything. And you can always come home if it's too bad. We'll figure something out, and besides, I'm making six figures now. First time ever."

He smiled, but his eyes were so sad. "You'll make sure Ceci doesn't forget about me?"

I laid my head on his chest. "Are you seriously worried about that? It's not like we live in the days of letter writing and the pony express. You'll talk to her every day. More than once, if you want. We'll rack up the world's largest long distance bills. And you're her dad. She's not going to forget about you."

"I'm going to get Appius fired for this," he whispered. "It's absolute bullshit to expect tenure faculty to do this."

I shook my head at him, a small smile on my face. "I'm not at all surprised. And you're right. And you're so hot when you're scheming."

"Remember when I fucked Clancy over?"

"And then we fucked in that hotel?"

He sighed. "Yea. That was great." So much of that hadn't been great. The hotel bit had been the one positive memory out of all of that.

"I'll meet you at the airport when you come back in a trench coat." I waggled my eyebrows at him. "Think about that for four months."

He groaned slightly. "Maybe when I come back for Thanksgiving. It might be a bit cold for a trench in December. I'll be back for our fuckaversary though."

I loved Eric's one track mind sometimes. "And you'll have four months to plan it, since it's your year to make arrangements."

"It'll be the best one yet, Lover. Mark my words," he whispered seductively in my ear, as he dipped me.

When we made it home a few hours later and after we relieved Stella and Johan of their babysitting duties, it was mere minutes before we'd dropped our clothes, and I was looking Eric in the eye, as I straddled his lap on the couch. I loved this position, because of the intimacy of the eye contact we had. And because it was easy to cover up with a blanket in case of a child invasion. It was risky, being here on the couch, but at that point, neither of us cared. The kids had gone to bed hours earlier. It felt incredible, but it was sex, with someone that knew my body almost as well as I did. Everything felt incredible.

I knew him too, and if I wanted to finish him, I could do it in a matter of minutes. But tonight, that wasn't what I wanted at all.

I did get my period the next afternoon, much to my chagrin.

The next week, we really made it a priority to be a family, and do family things. I made a point of being home by 5:30 p.m, and we all had dinner and walked Lily every night. Max was hyper aware of what was going on, and he usually had the same bothered look in his eyes that his dad had taken on, which didn't make things easier.

Eric and the kids spent a few days interviewing nannies, because it was obvious when we thought about it that we were going to need a bit of help with me working. We had a regular babysitter for evenings when we went out now and then, and Pam and Stella helped out a lot normally, but Eric was also around quite a bit through the week. Stella had offered to help out next week before she went back to school to 'break the nanny in', as she'd so aptly called it. Eric, with help from Max, and Ceci, sort of, had narrowed it down to one woman that they all seemed to adore. I met her on Friday for coffee; the day before Eric flew out. She came with impeccable references, having nannied for some of Eric's colleagues at NYU, and for someone that Bill worked with at Columbia.

I liked her, after first feeling put off that Eric would choose someone so stunning. She was almost six feet, with bright blue eyes, and the most gorgeous dark brown hair I'd ever seen. When I thought about it though, he wasn't going to pick someone to watch our kids based on appearances, and he wasn't going to be around to gawk at her, so I didn't really care. After five minutes, I realized that Claudine Crane was going to be my child-rearing saviour while he was gone. She was articulate, had all the right answers, even when I didn't know what they were, and was able to stay late on a whim if I needed her. I hired her on the spot, to start on Wednesday. That gave Stel two days to break her in.

After going through a very long list of things he needed to take with him and zipping up the two bound-to-be-oversized suitcases he bought, we kind of just looked at each other for a few minutes, before climbing into bed. It all felt so terribly final.

"This is it, huh?" I said, trying to smile.

He shrugged. "For now. No goodbyes. I don't want to hear it."

It was going to be hard for him, being alone. I made an offer that I'd made most nights that week. "Do you want me to..."

He shook his head, just like he had all the other nights. "I'm not really in the mood. Thanks, though."

I wasn't really in the mood either, if I was being honest. I would have done it though, if I thought it would make him feel a bit better about leaving. Instead, I tucked my head in under his arm and wrapped my arms around his chest. "You're rarely not in the mood."

He chuckled. "If you were into it, I'd be into it. I know you're crampy. I saw you take some Motrin with dinner. I'd rather lay here like this though anyway. I've had sex with a lot of people over the years; you're the only one I ever loved doing this with. I'll miss this more than sex."

I wiped my eyes. Sometimes he came out with these things that just turned me into a sobbing ball of mush. "Shit, Eric."

He thumbed away my tears. "Sorry. Please don't cry. I know I sound like a needy chick. I don't want you to cry." He tilted my head so I was looking at him. "I guess I should be happy that you won't be out looking for professors, in case someone else comes around and catches your eye while I'm not around to drag it back towards me."

I put on a smile. "Don't be an idiot. After you and Bill, I'd never date another professor again. You're a high maintenance breed."

We both slept quite fitfully that night, tossing and turning, getting up to use the washroom a couple of times each.

Before I knew it, it was the morning of day zero, and we were forced to leave our bed for the last time in a while. Eric said his goodbye to the kids at home, because we'd agreed that we didn't want them to see me upset, and I knew I was going to be upset. He didn't cry really, well, not like I cried sometimes, with the sobs and the heaving, but his eyes were certainly wet. He had a bit of a sad goodbye to Stella on our way out the door as well, which was kind of extraordinary in a way, considering that it was only four months, and they hadn't known each other for the first seventeen years of her life. I didn't think he was ever going to let her go, but eventually he did, before whispering something in her ear in Swedish which involved my name, and to which she replied, "Of course, Dad."

Pam accompanied us to the airport, and while at first I was slightly irritated at her intrusion, I was really grateful for it when she hauled my sobby ass to the car after we said what must have been the longest goodbye in the history of goodbyes.

"Call when you get in?" I sobbed into his chest.

"Of course, and I'll call you when the kids go to bed too." He squeezed me hard. "I'm just going to go. I just need to go."

I nodded, understanding what he meant. It wasn't doing either of us any good prolonging this any longer when we both knew what was going. "I'll talk to you in a bit."

He nodded, his eyes still red. They'd been red all day. "Take the kids out for ice cream or something."

"I will."

We both kind of just turned and walked away, and when I made my way to Pam, she gave me a sympathetic smile. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, Pam."

She linked her arm with mine, and we started for the parking garage at JFK. "You'll be fine. If anyone was ever going to be fine, it's you guys. Four months is nothing for you guys."

I choked out, "It doesn't feel like nothing now though."

Pam sighed and shoved her Chanel glasses over my teary eyes. "You can cry in the car. We're going to get you a new vibrator."