The Way Back

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters/events belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

"What did he do to me? When he had me. Do you know? Have you known?" Her voice was low like slow water over stones.

He couldn't bring himself to give words to what he knew and so make them real. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less true.

When he didn't answer her, Kagome's eyes slid past him, to the rough hewn stone behind his shoulder. "That's what I thought." She stood, brushing at her torn skirt. She paused as her hand skipped over the snagged hem. She rubbed the material between her fingers, examining the blood spats. For a second, her mask fell, and he could see the fear lingering over her face.

He reached out to her, grasping for her hand. He did not know what he could do to make any of this better, but he hoped he could find the actions to say what he could never put into words. He pressed her hand, and tried to convey all of the feelings for her he had welled deep inside of him.

She finally tore her eyes from her ruined skirt to look into his eyes. The mask was already back in place.

"I'm ready to go back, now, Inuyasha."

He nodded and offered her his back. What else could he do?

Kagome hesitated for just a moment before sidling up next to him and slipping those darling white thighs around his waist.

Inuyasha hoped that this mood would pass when they got to the village, though he really knew better.

ooOoo

Shippou bounded onto her shoulder and wept into her neck for almost a full hour when Kagome and Inuyasha returned to the village.

"Kagome! I thought you were dead!" he wailed, little hands tugging at her shirt.

She let him hang on to her, absently patting at his head as she faced Miroku and Sango.

"We're very happy to have you back, Kagome-sama," Miroku informed her, a kind, though tired, smile on his face. He made no move to feel her up, either.

Sango, upon seeing her, had rushed her in an uncharacteristic display of emotion and clutched her tightly to her chest.

Kagome had pulled back to examine the girl.

She looked terrible. Deep hollows lined the side of her face, and dark circles ringed her eyes like bruises. Could she really be just sixteen years old?

Strangely, Kagome felt unaffected by the dramatic changes in her friend's appearance.

Kagome realized, after a moment, that they were waiting for her to say something. She tried to smile, but the gesture felt difficult to complete. "I'm very happy to be back too."

ooOoo

Kagome had scrambled off of his back as soon as they were in the village clearing. Inuyasha had held back as she strode towards Kaede's hut. When the others crowded in around her, he had stood back to watch her. She was making all the right responses, and maybe it fooled the others, but it sure as hell didn't fool him.

Kaede appeared on the periphery of his vision, coming from the far side of the village. She froze when she saw Kagome.

The reaction lasted maybe just a quarter of a second. Imperceptible to the human eye, her surprise was so expertly disguised.

"Kagome, it is good to see you safely returned," she greeted. The old woman took the girl's arm, leading her away from the village center and into her hut. She tossed a pointed glance at Inuyasha and gestured with her chin toward her home.

Inuyasha followed.

Inside, the hut's temperature approached muggy. A large pot bubbled over the open fire. Boiling water slopped over the sides, smoke rising to the low ceiling as the water hissed onto the ground.

Kaede reached for a bundle of herbs hanging from a line above her head and began breaking the leaves into the water.

"You must be very tired, child. Would you like anything to eat or drink?" Kaede gestured for Kagome to sit while she stirred the leaves into the boiling water.

"No, thank you."

"Surely you must be thirsty?" She reached for a wooden bowl and ladled some of the broth into the bowl. The old miko proffered it in front of Kagome, who did not look particularly interested. "You must keep up your strength if you're going to finish your quest."

A sharp gleam formed in Kagome's eyes. She took the bowl. "Forgive me. You're right, Kaede-sama."

Satisfaction showed in the line of Kaede's mouth as she placed the bowl in Kagome's hands.

"What's in this?" she asked as she began to sip at the broth. "I don't recognize what you used."

"No? Shall we go over it tomorrow?"

"I guess—" She yawned. "I guess that would be alright. I feel so—" Another yawn ripped through her jaws. "I feel so tired." Her eyes began to droop closed. The bowl slipped from her hand, spattering liquid on the rush mats near her knees as she slumped against the wall.

"Oi, hag, what was in that?"

"Just something to make her sleep while we talk."

Tired suddenly, Inuyasha took a seat near the fire. "You've noticed?"

Kaede seated herself across from him. There was a beat where she did not answer, instead choosing to stare at the bright flame.

Outside, Inuyasha could hear the others crowding near the door to listen.

"You can come inside," Kaede called out.

Sheepishly, his three other companions stepped through the low doorway.

"I believe what I am about to say concerns all of you. That's the only reason I'm indulging your eavesdropping."

Miroku did not bother to hide the look he was giving Kagome. "It's as bad as I feared, isn't it?" he sighed. In that moment, standing in the uncertain afternoon light, Miroku looked like an old man. The strain of the last two months had aged him more than a lifetime of living with the kazaana.

"I'm afraid it is," Kaede confirmed.

Sango frowned. "What is?"

"I wasn't sure at first, when I saw her outside, but now I see… Kagome's soul has fractured. It's as though all of the love has been washed clean out of her."

Inuyasha tried to maintain a mild expression (and, inevitably, failed) as he demanded, "What do you mean all of the love?"

Miroku's hand fastened around his bicep, restraining him from invading the elderly miko's space any further. He hadn't even realized he'd lunged at her.

Kaede showed no emotion as she explained. "Each person's soul intrinsically consists of several distinct elements. Love. Courage. Selfishness, to name a few. Each person possesses these qualities in different proportions. For a miko… the part of her soul that loves is volatile, potent. It's the part of her soul that fuels her powers of purification. In a way, you could say that a miko is an individual born with the highest proportions of love within her soul."

"That doesn't make sense," Sango said. "Not all mikos are in love. And not all mikos are good."

"Not just romantic love, child. Love for others. It is one of the essential elements necessary to purify. As for evil mikos, like Tsubaki... Self-love can factor into power as well. Selfishness is also a strong force."

Shippou peeked out from beneath Sango's hair. "So what does it mean if she doesn't have her love anymore?"

"Loss of her miko powers? The separation of her spirit from her body? It's hard to say."

"That's bullshit, she's nearly purified me with her fucking bare hands twice in the last month." '

All eyes turned to Inuyasha.

He hunched a little into himself as he continued. "What? If the wench is broken wouldn't she be unable to do it?"

Kaede nodded, turning her eyes back towards the sleeping girl. "Perhaps."

ooOoo

"It's late, you should get some rest, Inuyasha."

The voice was low and almost indistinct in the darkness. Had the speaker not been crouched near Kagome's head, she may not have been able to make out the words at all.

"I don't get tired like a human. I'll be fine."

The other—Miroku, Kagome realized—sighed deeply. She could feel the shift of his bones as the air creaked past his lungs, he was so near. "I didn't press it when we were searching, but I know you didn't sleep then, and I suspect you hardly slept while Kagome's life was in question."

"So?"

"You're no good to us if you die because your body is too tired to fight."

Inuyasha snorted, but he did not protest.

Kagome felt a delicate pressure whisper along her brow. She fought the urge to frown as she focused upon it. However, it was gone almost as soon as she noticed it.

ooOoo

Inuyasha had not slept well. Taking his eyes off of Kagome for even just a moment made him uncomfortable. Worse, he could not sleep while he worried that Kagome's… condition was his fault. Impossible to tell while she slept whether or not his fears were a reality.

He tried to keep his tone with her harsh to hide the relief he felt when Kagome immediately, upon waking, asserted her desire to return home. "Feh, why should I let you go when I just got you back in shard-hunting condition, bitch?"

The relief was short lived. She was as beautiful and vital in appearance as ever—in much better condition than in the condition he had found her at Naraku's fortress— yet her eyes held an unnatural quality in them that made his insides twist.

"I won't be long." She turned and left, then.

He followed her to the edge of the bone eater's well. Strange, he thought, to see her jumping through time without her yellow backpack. That had been lost around the time that they had lost Kagome.

The girl was true to her word. She spent only two days in her world, so little time that Inuyasha was just starting to think of following after her when she returned.

She never spoke about what happened in her world. Not for lack of questions from the group—Sango asking about the health of her family, Shippou prying for coloring sticks or sweet foods.

When all of these lines of inquiry turned up no details, Kagome just shrugged her shoulders. "My family is the same as ever. They were glad to see me." Then, fingering a loose thread on a much smaller bag, she explained, "I didn't have room to pack any snacks for you, Shippou-chan. My new bag can barely fit my sleeping bag and the first-aid kit as it is."

Inuyasha never asked her about his ramen, and when she finally looked at him, he didn't see anything in her eyes.

She'll never love you when she finds out what you've done.

One way or another, he'd always known it would be true.

ooOoo

The village began to feel claustrophobic after returning from her world. The time had come, Kagome realized, to return to the road.

If she had had her way, they would leave immediately, but even Inuyasha pushed to spend another night in the village.

She couldn't help but think he was watching her.

In the past, that might have excited her. She half expected to feel her face warm when she actually caught him staring down at her from a heavy tree limb, but no such reaction ever occurred. It bothered her a little the first time she noticed it, but she just rolled her shoulders back and remembered the night terrors she endured with Naraku.

At dusk, she headed into Kaede's hut for the evening. She chose a corner away from the fire and unrolled her heavy sleeping bag.

"Kagome?"

She looked up to find Kaede standing near her feet.

"Hmm?"

"One of the children in the village is running a fever, and I'm out of the right plants to bring his temperature down. I need a pair of sharp eyes to help me in this darkness."

"Would Inuyasha be better?"

"He hasn't been trained in plant-crafts. Come, give an old woman some help."

A little reluctant to leave her spot and not sure why, Kagome rose to follow Kaede into the edges of the forest.

"I notice you didn't spend long in your world," Kaede began. "It's a shame you weren't there longer. I notice your medicines box was not replenished while you were there."

Kagome shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't want to stay for long."

"That's unusual."

"I just felt like I had things I needed to do here."

"And I suppose you would be wanting to see Inuyasha."

Kagome stopped walking. She watched from the ink-blue shadows as Kaede hobbled ahead of her.

When she finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper. "No, that wasn't it at all. For the first time, I didn't want to see Inuyasha at all."

Kaede turned to look at her. Slowly, she returned to the girl, gently placing a softly wrinkled hand around the girl's shoulder. "And why wouldn't you want to see Inuyasha?"

"I don't know. When I first woke up, after Inuyasha rescued me, I was so happy to see him. And then I remembered, and since then… Since then I feel nothing at all. And I know I should feel something, but there's nothing."

"Kagome, child, I've been worried about you since I saw you a few days ago. I notice a… change in you. It's as though something is blocking the part of your soul that can love—and I don't know what. Can you think of anything that has happened? Did Naraku… do anything to you?"

Kagome laughed, a jagged, broken sound. She remembered the taste of blood as the dread white face, pale like the underbelly of a fish, leaned into her, inhaling her breath. The way it felt for his hands to trail down her sides and peel at the flesh until he was inside and twisting her, coring her out so he could make a home for himself inside of her heart.

"How can you even ask that? You know how he coveted Kikyo. And me, looking just like her… I was doomed the moment I fell into the well the first time."

"Don't speak nonsense. It's a waste of both our time."

"Maybe. But so is talking about this." Kagome looked toward the village, where she could feel Inuyasha's eyes upon her. "The only way I have left is to kill him myself."

ooOoo

They left the next day. For weeks, they travelled. The skies darkened. Village after village, blighted, the rotting corpses left fat and pungent on the roadsides.

His human companions were near the end of their reserves. Kagome had scarcely said two words the duration of the trip, and he could see how her aloofness—no, worse, her alien attitude—affected their morale.

The day he scents Naraku on the horizon is the first day he sees a familiar spark of spirit ignite in Kagome's face. Her spirit energy flares when she fastens onto his back, and he prays for his enemy's blood on his claws. Anything, for Kagome.

A/N: In the home stretch now! Just one more chapter to go and this will be finished! Please tell me what you think!