So, thanks SO much for all your sweet, encouraging notes. I'm not going to let one smarmy anon turn me off writing. There's no worries there. I just don't like people trying to dictate what I do. Anyway, here's the next chapter! I hope you like, and let me know what you think!

Also, I have a bit of a weird pimp here, for my sister in smut's blog: Check out lubadub (dot) wordpress (dot) com. She's just written an Eric/Sookie/Bones sandwich, which is kind of like The Expat on crack. I mean that in the nicest, sexiest way possible.

PS. for those of you wondering, Cat will be making an appearance. All in good time.

Eric

I held Sookie back, but she continued pelting insults at Annette. Well, they continued pelting them at each other. Finally, after about a half hour, I looked down the street to see Bones running towards us.

And I got irrationally furious. I'd been calm up until that point. I possessively wrapped an arm around her waist, and narrowed my eyes at him.

Sookie glanced up at me. "Let me go."

"No. And I don't want him on my property."

She rolled her eyes. "No prenup. This is our property. But that bitch isn't allowed." She glared at Annette. "I don't know what the fuck you're doing here, you stupid twat. I've had it with people thinking they can fuck with our marriage."

Yea, people really had been working that angle lately. However, Bones seemed to be far less calculating about it than Appius. He was like a stupid boy with a crush on someone's wife that he didn't have chance with.

He arrived at that moment, panting and wheezing, wearing ridiculous black glasses and a pair of overly fitted jeans. Fucking hipster. Sookie glared at him. "How the hell did she know where we live?"

"Be fucked if I know." Bones looked at Annette, incensed. "Are you mad? What the hell are you doing here?"

She glared at Sookie. "I came to tell your tart that she couldn't have you."

Bones glanced at me. "She's no tart, and she's not mine. Annette, you had no right."

"But you said..."

He cut her off. "I said nothing of the sort. Now, let's leave these people to their holiday."

I held my hand up, not missing the important point that Annette had tried to raise. "Wait. Annette, why did you think Bones and Sookie were carrying on?"

She crossed her arms. "Because she's all he talks about. Sookie this and Sookie that. And he stayed. He was never going to stay. I thought he'd back by Christmas, and we'd spend the holidays in Scotland, at my husband's estate like we always do." She pouted, looking at Bones, who was an unnatural shade of red. "And he told me it's over. In ten years, he's never said that and meant it."

So she was married too? This just kept getting more and more dysfunctional by the minute. Was Bones her boytoy? He was a bit old and established to be a boytoy.

And then she started sobbing, collapsing in a bit of a heap on our front stoop. Bones went to sit by her, but I raised my voice. "Not on my property."

He looked at me incredulously. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

Sookie shook her head. "He's kidding. Bones, get her out of here though."

I shot Sookie a look. "Did you tell her that you and Sookie were involved?"

"I told her nothing of the sort." He replied, his British accent annoying the hell out of me.

"You've got a lot of balls, even implying anything was going on between you, and the mother of my kids." I hissed. "And kissing her, like you did? I ought to pummel you."

"So there is something going on between you and her," Annette sobbed. "No wonder you haven't come back to me. Is it because she's younger, because her knockers are up where they're supposed to be? I said I'd have the surgery, Crispin, if that's what it's about."

"Jesus, Annette." Bones muttered. "It's got nothing to do with that. We were miserable together. We needed a change."

"I miss you," she choked out.

Sookie and I watched the scene unfold in front of us, and she kept a firm hand on my arm. "Eric, come on."

I ignored her, infuriated. "But you told her that you were involved with Sookie." I was going to murder him, slandering my wife's name like that.

"I said I had a lovely American boss. She inferred the rest," Bones sneered.

"And you let her," I growled. "You fucking prick. Didn't you think that would come back to bite you in the ass?"

He shook his head smugly. "No, I didn't. I thought I'd be able to have a normal break up and move on with my life."

I felt my nostrils flare. "With my wife."

Bones shrugged. "Well it's not as though you made much of a first impression. And you're certainly not making a great second impression either. What do you think? You're some sort of fucking Viking? A fucking brute? Come on old man. Wouldn't want you to have a heart attack or something."

I literally felt like my head was going to explode. I thought I really might kill him. Sookie held my arm firmly. "Calm, Eric. Bones, I think it's time you left."

"I'm not going anywhere with him," Annette sobbed. "Crispin, you broke my heart."

And then Sookie had had enough. "That's it. I'm done. Get the fuck off my step. I will call the police. I gave you a chance, Bones, but my patience is wearing thin. I will not have an episode of Jerry Springer on my stoop on Christmas Eve. We live in the Upper West Side for Christ's sake."

"Come on Annette. Let's leave these people be."

She got up, and Sookie and I both gasped, as she began hitting him with what looked to be a very expensive handbag. Full of bricks, from the expression on his face. "You fucking cad."

"You're drunk Annnette," he winced, as she berated him with the bag. I looked up to see Max watching from my office window, and shot him a look, which prompted him to vanish. "Sookie, call the police. Please."

She groaned, still holding me back. "Don't hit him. Remember your hamstring. I need you in some sort of form in two days. Tonight too, if you play your cards right."

I nodded. "Someday, I'm going to kick his ass."

"Not on Christmas Eve, you're not." She poked my side. "I can't believe I have to call the police." She held up her phone. "Bones, you're going to the police station with her. We need to be in the Hamptons for drinks with Pam, and you've upset our kids quite enough, you fucking cunt."

"Twice in one day, Lover," I raised an eyebrow with her. "Look at the mouth on you."

She gave me a seductive grin, as she called the police to report a drunk British woman trespassing on our property, shouting obscenities. All this fighting was kind of a turn on. "I'll have some things to say to you later, about this."

"Oh, I'm counting on it." We both stood there, arms crossed, as they continued 'rowing'. "I think you should fire him."

Sookie shook her head. "He's a damn good executive editor, even if he does have shit taste in women."

"He liked you."

Sookie snorted. "I'm a married mother of two. That's not exactly good taste."

I shrugged. "Fair enough."

She elbowed me in the ribs. "And you letting him goad you? Come on. He's only three years younger than you. Maybe four." She stood on her tiptoes and whispered in my ear, "And he's practically a whore. I didn't know she was married."

About an hour later, a squad car and two incompetent looking police officers lumbered out. "We're here for the disturbing of the peace call."

"More like stalking," Sookie quipped. "This bitch figured out where I lived somehow because she thought I was involved with him." she pointed at Bones. "He works with me. We're not involved. He kissed me, once, but my husband is aware."

The cops looked like they'd just walked into a soap opera. In effect they had, I suppose. "Okay, well, we're going to need you all to come down to the station and fill out some paperwork."

"No." Sookie said, her arms crossed. "It's Christmas Eve, and we have two small kids." She nodded up at the window to Ce's room, where they were both peeking out. Max loved people in uniform. It probably seemed ridiculously cruel that he was stuck inside, but there was no way he was coming out. Not with this gong show.

The officer crossed his arms. "Then there's not much we can do."

"Can you just take her to JFK and drop her off?" Bones said, looking pleased that she'd stopped hitting him in the presence of law enforcement. "Fucking bitch assaulted me."

The officers looked between each other. "We can take her in for that, if you're willing to come, sir."

"If it gets her out of my life, I'll certainly come." He glanced at Sookie. "Sorry about this."

Sookie nodded, her lip terse. "We'll discuss this in the new year. Merry Christmas."

He snorted. "Merry Christmas indeed."

And with that, Annette and Bones climbed in the squad car, and we were left standing there.

"Can you talk dirty to me later?" I asked, hoping she wasn't going to hit me.

"Absolutely." She winked. "Good on you, not hitting him. I'm not sure I wouldn't have in your position."

"Well I do have a sex related injury." I smirked at her, as she took my hand and led me back inside. "We should get going though Lover. It's starting to snow."

Max asked a million questions about the police, and it seemed that Ce just wanted some cuddles, to help her forget about 'Cruella', as she'd dubbed Annette. She was wearing fur. I guess to a three-year old, she fit the bill.

Hell, she kind of fit the bill anyway.

We got underway about an hour later, both of us exchanging a look about the upcoming storm that the radio was abuzz with. "I hope we'll be able to get out," Sookie said, absentmindedly, as the snow got heavier and heavier.

I shrugged. "There's not much we can do about it if not. It was a package, so if the flight's cancelled, well get a credit for another time."

She smiled, leaning over to kiss my cheek. "I don't really care where we are."

"As long as we're not completely dysfunctional?" I grinned, looking back at the sleeping kids in the rear view mirror. "Because we've seen a lot of dysfunctional, and that kind of took the cake."

Sookie snorted, shaking her head. "Uh, Bill and Mira?"

I nodded. "Right. Never mind."

After a quick stop at the doctor, the grocery store and a pharmacy, we were ready to call it quits for the night. By the time we got to the house, it was clear that we were in for a doozy of a storm. The wind had really picked up. We unpacked the car quickly, after getting the kids inside and turning the heat up. Finally, we settled in, doing a quick check of the essentials. "I think we're good." Sookie smiled, getting the kids a couple of oatmeal cookies, stopping to stick one in my mouth too. "Want some wine?"

"I'm on painkillers."

She shrugged. "So? You're on extra strength Tylenol. Just don't take any more tonight. The doctor just said to ice it. Sit down, I'll get you some ice, and have a glass of wine."

I shrugged, and did as I was told, changing into a pair of sweatpants and elevating my leg on the coffee table while I watched the weather on the news. Ce sat beside me, intently colouring, and Max had vanished with a book. We'd agreed to start Moby Dick when we got back from Mexico. It was a nice, quiet evening, and we didn't realize until the kids had gone to bed that we'd failed at Christmas, in an epic way. "Shit," Sookie hissed, as she pulled the presents out of our room. "Guess what we forgot."

I looked around. "We got the gin for Pam and Alcide. What?"

"A Christmas tree."

I groaned. "Shit."

"I didn't get one at the house, because we were doing Christmas here. With everything this week and this morning, and you with your leg, I completely forgot."

I looked out into the blowing snow and shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you. Maybe Pam has an extra one at Casa Herveaux. The kids probably won't even notice, with all the presents. Maybe we can just pile them like a tree."

She rolled her eyes. "Eric, we can't do that. We have a three year old and a seven year old. It's not like they're teenagers that will find this amusing. I'm sure somewhere along the line they've linked Santa and a tree. I think the thing with Annette caused them enough trauma today."

I sighed and reached over and picked up my phone to call Pam. "You know we're going to owe her a favour."

Sookie shrugged. "We already owe her a bunch. What's one more."

Pam happened to have an extra tree from one of the guest suites that wasn't in use, so she promised to bring it over when she came. Her and Alcide showed up at about nine, Pam looking like a perfect snow bunny, in her ridiculously large coat with the fur hood.

She stomped her boots out in the porch, and I listened, as she talked to Sookie. "It's really bad out there. Where's Eric?"

"He's on the couch. He hurt himself." Sookie said, laughter in her voice. "Come on in."

Alcide came in, carrying a small tree decorated in white crystal. "My step-mother is obsessed with white crystal. I know it's impractical. Gab has been chewing on them all week. All the fucking trees match. There are six trees. She tried to scold me for grabbing this one."

"She's a ridiculous idiot," Pam rolled her eyes. "You better hope she doesn't get pregnant and squander your dad's fortune."

Alcide shrugged. "I have my own money. And he's got an iron clad prenup."

One look at me, slightly haggard with my leg elevated, and Pam burst out laughing. "You're getting so old, Eric. You can't fuck like you did when you were thirty anymore."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe I just pulled my leg on the plane. I cold have done that. And you're old too. You're almost forty as well."

"Or you could have been eager to prove to your baby momma that you still had it." She grinned at Sookie. "A sex related injury. I remember when you did the reading about those. And I'm only thirty-five."

Alcide snickered in the background.

Pam silenced him immediately. "Okay, I won't tell them what you did last year."

Sookie cleared her throat. "Anyway, gin? Wine? What do you guys want? We started without you. It was a bit of a stressful morning."

Pam perked up at that. "Do tell."

So Sookie recanted the whole mornings events, even dropping the c-bomb once again. Pam looked between us, kind of slack jawed.

"Not to be an asshole, but Eric, you just believed Sookie? I mean, I know you should have, but if some crazy woman came over to my place and started yelling obscenities about how Alcide fucked her, I'd at least be momentarily suspicious."

Alcide chuckled. "And then ask her into bed?"

"You do have good taste in women." She shrugged. "Maybe."

I rolled my eyes at the two of them. "I already knew about the kiss, and I trust Sookie." I squeezed her hand. "Even though she does like European men."

She shot me a look. "We talked about all this in Paris, and Bones and I had sorted everything out at work. It was only Annette that didn't get the memo."

"Well she sounds like a crazy bitch," Alcide said, getting up for another glass of gin and tonic. "I wonder if they'll hold her here on the assault charges. I doubt she'll be allowed to make her way across the pond again with a record."

Sookie shrugged. "My guess is that Bones drops the charges, and they have some passionate good bye sex. Clearly they're lacking some closure."

I didn't disagree with that. "He's a fucking slimy bastard."

Sookie sighed. "That's because he's an attractive man that I work with."

"Who wants to sleep with you." I raised an eyebrow.

She raised one back. "It doesn't much matter what he wants, does it?"

Pam glanced at the weather channel, which we'd muted. "I don't think you guys are making it to Mexico."

"They may have it cleaned up by then," I said, although I was less optimistic than I sounded. "If not, we'll figure something out." I smiled at Sookie, who patted my good leg.

"We will. You're still on kid duty, Pam." She grinned at the two of them. "They'll be a good distraction for you, from the step-monster."

"I can't believe a twenty-five year old is my step-monster." Alcide rolled his eyes. "I like Pam a bit aged. I don't get the appeal."

Sookie and I looked at each other, as Pam's face grew awfully red. "You're an asshole," she hissed, crossing her arms.

He snorted at her. "You're almost forty. You're not twenty-five. Don't be ridiculous, Pam."

"If you'd rather be married to some twenty-year old floozy, then maybe you should just go and do it."

This was not good. I knew Pam was sensitive about her age, and even after a couple of drinks, Alcide should have known better than to make mention of it.

"I said I like you because you're not one. Do you even listen when I speak?" He wasn't backing down.

"I listen, but you so rarely say anything of value that I wonder why sometimes." She snapped.

And I groaned. I was tired of people fighting in front of us, and from the look on Sookie's face, she felt the same. "Enough. Take it out in the snowstorm."

They quieted down after that, and at around midnight, Alcide called their driver and we waved them off. Sookie tucked herself into my arm, after grabbing me another ice pack. "You're not still silly about Bones, are you?"

"I don't like him. That's not going to change."

Sookie snorted. "That's fine. You don't have to like him. You just have to tolerate me working with him."

I nodded. "And I do. Just as long as he stays out of our personal life."

"Today wasn't his fault. Not initially, anyway."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to beg to differ there. He didn't have to insinuate that he was seeing you. That was a really weak move."

Sookie laughed. "To get away from that crazy bitch? I don't know. I'd probably have said whatever I needed to say too."

I shook my head, slightly irritated that she was defending him, although he had gotten her off our stoop. But he was the reason she was there in the first place. "I don't want to talk about him."

She rolled her eyes. "Now you're cranky." She straddled my lap, and gave me her best pouty face. "Don't be cranky," she whispered, leaning over so her lips were against my ear. "We were going to talk dirty."

My ears perked up at that. "Oh, yea."

"And I'm just dying to have your cock buried inside me, and your big hands squeezing my ass."

She was good at this. "What else do you want?"

She sat back on her heels, avoiding the ice pack on my groin, and locked eyes with me. "I want your huge cock in my mouth, and your hands in my hair."

I grinned, as she climbed off my lap and walked into our room, leaving a trail of clothing behind her. "Alright then."

I was one lucky motherfuker.