Typical

Disclaimer: I do not own Community.

Note: Pierce's mind is a scary, scary place…

Make no mistake, I meant what I said. I am done with the study group.

Still, they surprised me a little. Not when they invited me back again, no I could have seen that coming from a mile away. Of course they did. I saved the school. I was a hero. It's only fitting for the hero to be lauded and welcomed back with open arms. We could all feel good about ourselves and pretend that this whole thing never happened. Wouldn't that be lovely and heartwarming and perfect?

Maybe. But I wasn't interested.

No, what surprised me was when no one followed me out. I had expected Troy to do it, at least, because I was his ride and because he still lives with me. That'll be awkward. Maybe he'll have the sense to find his own place and not pretend that he didn't vote to kick me out of his precious group. I had expected Annie to come because she was the last one to give up on me and, knowing her, the first one to change her mind. She's probably feeling worse about this than anyone and so why wouldn't she try to talk me down, to make this a proper happily ever after? Maybe she feels like she can't after the way she, too, turned on me quite viciously and publicly before the Black Rider showed up again. Maybe the others stopped her. Who knows? It doesn't matter, really. It wouldn't have worked.

This little study group of ours, which has become so much more than a simple study group and which Chang is so desperate to become a part of, was formed very near the beginning of last year. Well, if Chang wants my spot then I say let him have it. It's not worth it.

When Abed asked me I decided that it might be worth my time and that perhaps I'd found my friends for the semester. It might bother some people to have to change friends every semester – at least – but not me. I was used to it, really, and given how long I've been at Greendale and the fact that I intend to continue going there until I die, even if I had normal four-year friendships then I'd still need to keep replacing them. Having more disposable friends makes it easier to move on because they can't ever be as important as people you spend four years with.

Greendale to the others is inescapably tied up with the study group. To me, the study group was just the current stage of Greendale and Greendale for me will go on long after the rest have moved on with their lives. I saved the school for the acceptance that I've always felt and always will feel, not for them and they don't see that. They think that I did it for the study group. The oh-so-important, amazing Study Group.

I know that the study group means more to me than any of my other former friends and honestly that's part of why I have to walk away. If this had been just people I had hung out with for a semester but who had been losing interest in me inviting me back then maybe I'd have accepted. Why not, after all? I'm a goddamn hero today and I deserve to be treated like one.

With the study group, though, it's different. I know that they didn't just wake up one day and decide to kick me out of the group. This has been coming for a long time now.

When I managed to make it into the group for a second semester, I was stunned. That had never happened before in my twelve years of attending Greendale and I had actually allowed myself to believe that things were finally going to be different. Maybe these people, diseased and imperfect though they may be, could actually deal with me on a more long-term basis. Maybe they wouldn't let me push them away.

I allowed myself to believe that for over a semester. It was a mistake. This entire year, has been leading up to this. It started happening so gradually that I barely even noticed it at first. 'Oh, of course we can't have Pierce at our Dungeons and Dragons game! He might make Fat Neil kill himself!' 'Oh, of course we can't tell Pierce about our awesome trampoline! He might single-handedly destroy everything!' 'Of course we can't have Pierce at our card game! In fact, let's just kick him out of the group!'

I don't mind being mocked, not really. I'm well-used to it by now and it's not like I really hold back where the others are concerned, either. Fair's fair, and whatnot. What I really hate is to be excluded. I'm always excluded and the fact that they just go behind my back instead of being honest about not wanting my company really burns.

Never mind that I took Troy in when no one else would. Never mind that I offered to give Annie the money she desperately needed for school, even if she ultimately returned it. Never mind that I'm the one who ensure that we all passed Spanish with Chang of all people as our teacher. Never mind that I helped Shirley get over her debilitating fear of public speaking. Never mind that I am always there when they need me. Never mind that I never exclude them from anything and wouldn't have dreamed of it.

Apparently I'm not good enough for them (even Annie, my favorite, but her loyalty has always been to Jeff even if he'll never return it) unless I'm literally single-handedly saving Greendale. And you know what? If I hadn't won then I still would have saved Greendale. I have the money and nothing else to really spend it on. I wonder if that would have made me an even bigger hero.

I've seen enough movies to know how the aftermath is supposed to work. The others were supposed to graciously forgive me and I'm supposed to be touched and completely overlook their bullshit. It's just not going to happen. Even the way that they asked me was so fucking self-righteous…just because I'm so often the butt of their jokes doesn't mean I have no self-respect and no one with an ounce of it could have gone back after that.

I had left my day-planner in the study group room before all of this started. There hadn't been time to get it during the paintball war and when I went back afterwards the study group just happened to be there. That was rather awkward but I've never been a coward so I told them to just ignore me and explained why I was there.

Their reaction left a lot to be desired, to put it mildly.

Britta just smirked and me and said that they all knew that there was no day-planner. What, did she really think that I'd skulk around hoping that my act of generosity would buy me back into their good graces and they'd invite me to come home like I was some truant child? Of course there was a day-planner. And even if there hadn't been, why on Earth would she have said that? What did she think would happen? That I would blush and admit that all I wanted was their love while she and the others could sit there and feel secure in their superiority over me? If I had been there just to try for another chance then clearly I didn't want that to be let known so why would I have responded well to her blowing my cover? Even if no one had believed me, she could at least had the decency to pretend to. To quote a wise dance major, "Britta's the worst."

But even upon being proven wrong about the day-planner, they didn't stop to think that maybe they were wrong about me. Maybe I wasn't looking to brush everything under the carpet. Jeff, sitting there so smug and so gay, acted like he was doing me a favor by inviting me to partake in the group again. Maybe in his mind he thought he was. What could be better than getting to spend valuable time with the great Jeffrey Winger? Never mind that he's a washed-up failed lawyer and I could buy him and sell him dozens of times over, if not hundreds.

Part of me almost wanted to say yes but I knew better than to do that. Nothing had changed, not really. They'd forget about that one bright, shining moment when I was the hero and focus on the negatives that would continue to build up. If I stayed, I could have a few weeks or months more but then they'd want me gone again.

At least this way I can leave on my own terms. I suppose I should be grateful for that and maybe later I will be.

As I walk alone to my car to drive alone back to my house where I'll still be alone (unless Troy can't find somewhere else to crash), I know that I'm hardly blameless in any of this.

But then, and here's the part that they really don't get, even now, neither are they.

Review Please!