Chapter 20:
I walked up the stairs fast, trying to get this over with as fast as I could. When I walked in, Carlisle was looking over some paper work at his desk. I smiled and shut the door behind me. He motioned me to the seat in front of him and I walked quickly. He was examining a small piece of x-ray paper and I saw that it was my ultrasound. I looked at him with my eyebrow raised. He sighed and handed me the ultrasound picture. I looked at it, trying to find a flaw, but all I saw was my beautiful baby.
For only three weeks, my baby was so big. Just like me, I guess. Somewhere in me, I knew that I was pregnant; I don't know why I'm suddenly showing, though. My baby shouldn't be more than an egg, not a whole baby. But as long as my beautiful child is healthy. I would give up anything for this child now. I wonder if I will be a good mother. I could hear my new family telling me over and over again that I didn't need to worry.
But I am worrying. The only motherly example I had in my childhood was my mother, and she wasn't exactly mother of the year. I barely saw her for most of my life. I have only ever had the love of my brothers, which wasn't very maternal. So if my lack of motherly instincts ruined my baby's life? I would never forgive myself. How could I forgive myself?
I would never. I'm glad I finally have my family behind me. How could I live without them? What am I going to do when the Cullens leave? I can't uproot the pack and bring them with me, but I can't leave Bella. It's impossible. How will I ever decide? My family is two separate sides, two separate species. And I am in the middle of them all. My biological family is going to all be on one side, and I am still going to be the odd one out. I will never be apart of my family, because I will never be the same as my family, no matter how much I try.
Maybe it will be better if I just leave with my child…. just my baby and me? Will I be able to keep my baby safe? Would I ever be strong enough to leave? I would always be close by, of course because of Bella. I could never leave Bella even if I have to be alone for the rest of my life. My child and Bella are always going to be first.
"Is everything okay, Carlisle?" I asked seriously as he took back the ultrasound and walked me over to the little hospital bed. He layed me down and he pulled the machine out and turned it on. I watched with fear as he took out a bottle of the cold gel and washed off the tip. Carlisle smiled and I could tell it was sincere. I smiled back hesitantly.
"Everything is fine, Mia. I was just looking over your ultrasound and I saw something I didn't notice before. I want to do another ultrasound to confirm my assumption." I nodded and he put the cold gel on my now bare stomach. I gasped at the cold and I giggled. Carlisle just chuckled and moved the wand on my stomach. I could feel my little nudger kicking and I almost cried.
Up on the screen, was my baby. But I noticed what he did too. Right next to my beautiful child, was another child? You could see the little baby head as he/she kick and squirm as much as a baby can. I smiled. I'm a mother of two. I have twins. Carlisle handed me another small picture and I stared at it for what felt like hours. I smiled again. I placed my hand on the top of my stomach after Carlisle cleaned it off and I could feel them kick.
"Twins, exactly as I guessed. They are both healthy, although a little small, nothing unnatural for twins, though. That one right there, she's a girl, and that one, that's a boy. Your children." Carlisle said proudly as he sat next to me. I grabbed his hand and I placed it on my stomach. He seemed startled, but I was mostly scared because as soon as I touched his skin, the kicking stopped.
"Come on babies, this is Grampa. Grampa Carlisle. Kick for him." I whispered to my little kickers. For a minute I thought they wouldn't, but only a second later I felt the whole right side of my body move. I laughed and Carlisle smiled brighter than I had ever seen him. Right below his hand, were their little feet, and I smiled along with him. Was it fair that I should have the worst life, I deserve the worst, but my life is perfect to me? I didn't seem fair. I sighed. I can't ruin my mood now.
"Mia, I can't even tell you the gift you are giving our family, giving me." Carlisle whispered to me. I saw this was the first time he would cry if he could. I smiled at Carlisle and I couldn't even find words. He has done so much more for me than anyone has. I could never give back everything they have given me; just being a family to me meant so much. "Thankyou."
"Carlisle, don't thank me. I am lucky to have such an amazing family; I am honored to have you as their grandfather, and just as a friend, a family member, and someone I can count on. Whatever I can do to repay you, please tell me. Thankyou." I said sincerely. I could see he was truly taken back with everything I have said.
"Have you thought of any names?" He asked as he jumped up and washed his hands and sat back next to me. I smiled up at him. I have. I know the perfect girl's name already. Leah-Rose Sarah Isabelle Black. Named after all of my best friends. But that's all I have. A boys name would be tougher. I would need my family's help. I nodded to Carlisle and I stroked my stomach.
"Leah-Rose Sarah Isabelle Black. Sarah after Jacob's mom. I've been thinking today, and I was hoping that if something were to happen, Esme and Rose would take care of Leah-Rose…it was just at thought, if they would rather not. I know that eventually Leah would stop phasing and we would have to move to keep up appearances, and if something were to happen to me, I would need a god mother or godmothers…"I trailed off and before I even could say another word Esme and Rosalie burst into the room with their arms around me. "I take that as a yes…"
"Yes of course!" They both shouted and giggled. Emmett and Carlisle just smiled and stared at their wives and laughed. I smirked smugly and I turned to the girls.
"Now of course Carlisle and Emmett better like children, with their godchildren in the oven of course…" They both shined with pride and I saw they both would have cried. It surprised me that I held such an effect on these people, my family. Wouldn't it be easier if I wasn't here? I couldn't answer, mostly because it was up to my family; it was something I wasn't involved in. Although I desperately wanted them to be proud of me, I knew it was their opinion. I just sighed.
The day was long and tiring, mostly the shock from all the new occurrences is wearing me out. John and Lizzi were already at Emily's when I got there, and I didn't waste a second before I was hugging her so tight. She smiled at me as she pushed the hair out of my face and pulled me to the table to sit. We decided to go to the beach and Emily packed a big dinner for the guys and headed out. I instantly felt an arm go around my waist and Paul pulled me close to him. I sighed subconsciously. He leaned close to my ear and I could feel his curiosity.
"What did Carlisle want?" He whispered as we were walking out the door. I smiled brightly and I could see Leah walking over to us with Jaylynn attached to her hip. I smiled at them both, and they both smiled so brightly back. I could sense something was up. I raised an eyebrow completely forgetting Paul's question. They just laughed and pulled us to catch up with the rest of the group who were already at the beach making a fire. They waited till everyone was sitting down and relaxing. They stood up and smiled at each other. Everyone was silent watching them.
"Everyone, Jaylynn and I have something to tell you. We- were getting married." Leah said happily. We all starred at them with shock, although everyone seemed to thaw after and minute and jumped up to congratulate them. But I sat in shock, just watching them. I put on a happy face and hugged Lee-lee tightly, showing how happy I was for her. I really am happy for them, they are perfect. I wasn't surprised they were getting married so soon, only a week or two of knowing each other. They are imprints, why wait, right? Jaylynn's over 200, why would he waste his time in finally being with someone he loves?
This only made me miss Jake more. It should be us, engaged with kids on the way. It should be us, hell it's half us. We are two beautiful children on the way. Two powerful children on the way. I sighed to myself. Paul heard me sigh as we sat back down around the fire and he pulled me close. It made me squirm a little, but I didn't deny I liked the company. He smiled at me and he skimmed his lips over mine. I also couldn't deny it was defiantly too soon for this, but I didn't have the heart to deny him.
"What did Carlisle want?" He whispered again in my ear. I felt the immediate pride swell in my heart and I smiled at him. He smiled back and raised an eyebrow. My hands went to my stomach subconsciously.
"Twins." I whispered very lowly in his ear, but everyone immediately turned to us. I hide my face in Paul's shoulder and he laughed and held an arm around my waist. Everyone came over to us and congratulated me, and I said thank you. What Edward had told me earlier popped into my head and I sighed. I tugged on Paul's hand as everyone got into their own things. "Can we go for a walk?"
He nodded and smiled and we excused ourselves. We walked slowly down the shore, hand in hand, although I tried to tug mine away countless times. The silence was easy and tension free as we walked without talking. My thoughts were on Jake and Edward. I thought over what he had said and he was so right, and I hated myself for even putting Paul through this until now. I stopped us when we reached the water line and I watched as the water came almost to our feet.
"Paul, listen. I'm really sorry for how I have acted today, I feel awful that I led you on. But Paul you must know that I love Jacob. No matter if he doesn't love me or not, I'm not over him, and I don't know if ever will be. And I don't want to get your hopes up. I don't want to hurt you, but it will only hurt more if I pretend-"
"Mies, calm down. I know that you still love Jake, even if he is a punk and left. I know and I get it. I'm sorry I came onto you so quick, but I figured I could replace him until he comes back…okay, I'll admit, I hoped for more than that. Everyone obviously knows that I like you, and I may even love you. Yeah, I have fallen in love with you since you came here. And I regret that I let Jake get to you so fast, I might have had a chance. But I also know that one day I am going to imprint and I know that none of this would matter, so I guess I am kinda glad he got to you. He imprinted, he can love you forever, but I don't have that security.
"Mia, what I am trying to say is that, I guess I want to be the one that is here for you until you forgive Jake, mostly because I am selfish, but I understand it won't be forever. Jake will realize he was an idiot and come back to the amazing girl he left. And I will accept it and let you go. But now I want to have my chance, even if I am a rebound. I want to be there for you, whether as your best friend, or even temporary boyfriend. I am a big boy; I can handle the pain at the end. I just want my chance."
"Basically, you are saying you want to be my temporary boyfriend? Paul I don't know if I am okay with that." I said unsure. That was the most bazaar thing I have ever heard. Who purposely sets themselves up for pain?
"Why not?" He demanded, a hurt and angry looked crossed his face. I sighed and looked down. I couldn't let myself hurt him like that, it's not right. What he is saying isn't right. I can't just pretend that Paul is Jake and act like I love him. No one can actually make me feel loved like Jake did. He is the one who should be here, holding me, kissing me, and staying by my side as our children grow, as the heirs to the James's magic grow. I turned around and started pacing. What he is saying is sick, wrong, and not right, but how come I desperately want to accept? "Why am I not good enough for you?" I spun around and hissed.
"Paul, that's the thing. You're too good for me. You deserve to love someone who will love you back-"
"Mia, you cannot stand here and tell me you don't feel anything for me. That when I kiss you or when I hold you or even when I touch you that you don't feel my love and your own-"
"I don't-"
"Mia, don't lie! You are only fooling yourself. I am not saying that you love me more than Jake, hell, I know that if the kid was here and standing next to me, you wouldn't spare me a glance before you took off into the sunset and forgot us all-"
"That's not true, you're my best friend, and I would never forget you-"
"But you love me as more than a friend, and you know it. You know you want to admit it, but you are afraid. Afraid that if you do admit it, when Jake comes, you may never get him back. But Mia, I know that he will always be your soul mate, and I know I hate it, but I accept it. I'm saying to take a chance while you can and not be miserable while he is gone. I don't care if I am hurt in the process, or if you love him more, I know all of that. Just know I am okay with it, and I just want you to pick me, now. Don't hurt over him when you have the chance to be happy."
"Paul, I can't be happy without him." I whispered brokenly, dropping my eyes. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. I saw the visible pain and determination. I saw he wasn't he going to give up.
"Yes, you can. Just try, please. And if you are horribly unhappy, then we will end it. And best friends will be our only title." He said so sincerely that it made my heart ache. I thought it over. What could it hurt, I knew that answer, a lot? But if Jake comes back, and I am able to accept him, then I'll hunt down Paul's imprint and be with my Jake. I didn't know what happened to my logical sense, but suddenly, I was happy?
"Okay, Paul. I'll try." He broke into a breathtaking smile and he pulled me into his arms and spun me. I laughed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. Everything seemed okay for a moment, before I heard her scream, and I smelled her blood. I ran before I felt my body moving, before my mind registered that I was running. This was not happening. I felt Paul close behind me, keeping my hand in his grasp the whole time. I could feel his heat and it only made me move faster.
I saw it, her more correctly, standing there, clutching herself. I saw the blood all around and I saw the breathless look on her face, the look of pure agony. Lizzie. She's going into labor, and the baby is already dying.
A/n: Gasp! What will happen to Lizzie? Hate it, love it, just review!