"What about this one?" Serah asked, holding up your average little black dress. Her and Lightning had been shopping for half an hour, but to Lightning it seemed like an eternity.
"I don't care. Just get me something." Lightning mumbled, looking bored.
Serah sighed. "Lightning, could you at least pretend to care? Will you please try it on?" she asked in a sweet voice.
Lightning took a deep breath and mumbled, "Okay." She smiled weakly. She didn't want to fight today. Lightning took the dress from her sister and went into the changing room. They were shopping for a dress for Lightning because she had a formal business party that was coming up. Lightning slipped it on and exited the room. Serah motioned for her to spin in a circle. Lightning followed orders.
"Sis!" Serah exclaimed. "You're gorgeous!"
Lightning tried to conceal the smile that was starting to turn the edges of her mouth upwards. "Thanks." She turned back toward the changing room. "I guess I'll get this one."
"You're sure you don't want to try on anything different?" Serah called.
"I'm positive."
Lightning stared at herself in the mirror absent mindedly. She was caught in one of her less upsetting memories with her sister.
As promised, Lightning and Claire were going to church that day. Claire had put on the best outfit she had with her, while Lightning was wearing the dress she had gotten with Serah. Lightning walked out of her room and went downstairs. She came across Claire watching TV and munching on Cheerios in her living room.
"Time to go." Lightning stated. Claire nodded and walked past Lightning. The woman followed, moving to the car. They hopped in. Claire in the back and Lightning driving. The ride was long and silent. Lightning gazed almost unseeingly out of the windshield while Claire was looking out the window, watching the land rush by them.
They pulled into the parking lot of a local church. Lightning walked inside, not waiting for Claire. She peered around at the people. They all seem so happy. she noticed. Compared to her, they were inhumanly happy.
She felt a tug at her hand and whirled around to see who it was. It was Claire. "Don't leave me!" she exclaimed. People turned to look accusingly at Lightning.
"I didn't leave you." she muttered.
They walked timidly down the aisle, discomfort clear on Lightning's face. She passed a few rows before hearing a familiar voice. "Hey! Hey, Ms. Hardass!" Lightning tensed, her eyes widening. She knew that voice, he was an old family friend, and if she wasn't careful, he would bring back a wave of new, unwanted memories. She calmed herself and turned around, meeting his mahogany eyes. "Haven't seen you in a while." he said and motioned for her to sit next to him.
"Sazh." she mumbled in greeting.
"Lightning."
"Hi, Light!" she heard Dajh shout from somewhere next to Sazh.
"I didn't know you came to church." Sazh started.
"I don't."
"Then what brings you here?"
Lightning glanced down at the girl beside her.
Sazh's jaw dropped. "When did you have kids? I have to admit, you don't seem to me to be the motherly type. Where's the dad?"
"Snow's her dad."
Sazh gasped. "What? He's with Serah!"
Lightning unconsciously put a hand on her stomach, trying to prevent the guilty jolts. "She's theirs." she snapped.
Sazh leaned forward and looked back and forth down their row. "Well, where are they?"
Lightning dropped her eyes to her lap, hiding the rampant emotion. "They're… gone."
"What, like on vacation?"
"No…" she whispered.
"Then I don't understand."
"They're dead, Sazh!" Lightning burst. "I adopted their kid because I feel so damn-" She cut herself off before she could say anything more that she would regret.
Sazh understood. He'd seen how she treated Serah. "Okay, kiddo. I get it."
Claire looked up curiously at her aunt, noticing that she was talking about her. "What were you going to say?" she asked innocently.
"Nothing." Lightning sighed.
The sermon had started and everyone quieted down. "I'm sorry, Lightning. I can't imagine how horrible that must feel." he whispered, putting a comforting hand on her back. Lightning leaned forward and put her face in her hands, hiding. She didn't cry. Her breathing stayed steady. She just wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else, not having this conversation. After a few moments, Sazh whispered, "Hey, Light."
Lightning sat up straight again. "What?"
"Do you really think it's acceptable to wear a black dress to church? Especially one that… small?" he asked, changing the subject.
"Sazh. I couldn't care less." she said, her tone monotonous.
He chuckled. "I see."
"What're you doing here, Sazh?" Lightning mumbled.
Sazh didn't flinch at her rude sounding question. He knew she meant it in a friendly way. "Well, Lightning, I've come to church today so that maybe my son could turn out better than I did."
Lightning turned her head to face him. "What're you talking about? You're the nicest person I know."
"I've done some bad things…"
Lightning didn't continue. She had her own problems to deal with, she didn't want other people's dumped on her on top everything else.
Sazh fell asleep half way through the sermon, Dajh and Claire went to play outside, and Lightning was observing the blissful families around her, jealous of their elated smiles and friendly chatter.
"Sazh." Lightning said as everyone started to exit the church. "Sazh, wake up." He woke up quickly and looked around. His eyes locked on Lightning as she started to walk away. He scrambled after her.
"Sorry I fell asleep."
Lightning didn't answer. She circled around the building in search of her niece but wasn't able to find her. "Sazh. Do you know where the kids are?"
He looked around. "I don't see them but I know where they probably are. Dajh's favorite park is around here, let's check there."
Lightning followed him through the winding streets of a neighborhood until they came to a park with a pond in the center and children's play sets off to the side. "There she is." Lightning breathed.
"Told you they'd be here. Maybe we should let them play a little longer, huh? Get their energy out." Sazh offered.
Lightning gave a small shrug and sat on a bench near the water. She watched her niece run and play and laugh. She wondered how the girl could be so content even though her parents were dead.
Sazh sat down next to her with a huff. He waited for Lightning to say something first, but after a minute of silence, he decided to start instead. "How's your job going?"
"You can talk about… them if you want." she muttered, not impressed with his attempt at small talk.
Sazh sighed. "Alright. So how're you holding up? No offense, but you seem like a mess."
Lightning rolled her eyes. "Thanks. I guess I'm holding up okay."
"Mm hm. You miss them?"
Lightning took a deep breath. "Yeah. I miss Serah. Hell, I miss Snow. I just wish I could have been nicer…"
"Can't change the past."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" she asked, acid in her tone.
Sazh chuckled. "Are you sure about raising their kid?"
Lightning rested her head against the back of the bench. "I don't know. It was an impulse."
"Okay, well, if you need any help just give me a call."
Lightning nodded.
They said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. As they drove home, Lightning couldn't escape into her thoughts like she normally could and it was even harder to focus as she became aware of the responsibility sitting in the back seat. Am I able to do this? Take care of a child? she asked herself. Claire was humming to herself, oblivious to how her aunt was looking at her through the rearview mirror. Maybe I should talk to her.
"Uh, Claire?" she said loud enough so that the girl could hear her.
"Hm?" was the answer she got.
"Um, did you have fun?"
"Mm hm." Claire hummed.
"Did you learn anything?"
"Nope."
"Well, of course not. You were outside over half the time." Lightning replied.
Claire started to get bored with Lightning's conversation. "Oh."
Lightning sighed. "Do you want some dinner when we get home?" she asked.
"Okay."
Lightning paused. "What do you want?"
Claire took a moment to think. "Mac n' cheese!" she exclaimed.
Lightning tried to remember if she had any at her house. "We should probably stop and pick some up." Lightning mumbled to herself.
Lightning pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store and got out of her car. She glanced back to see Claire bounding toward her. The girl snatched Lightning's hand making the woman tense, uncomfortable. "Okay." she murmured. They walked in, Lightning grabbing a basket, and went to the nearest aisle in search of Claire's dinner.
Their trip went much longer then Lightning had planned. She thought it would be in and out, but Claire wanted to look almost everywhere. Not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings Lightning agreed and off they went to the many different sections of Claire's interest.
All throughout the store Lightning caught the glimpses other people were giving them. She could hear their voices echo from behind saying how cute Claire was and how perfectly their hair matched. It made Lightning want to get out as fast as possible and avoid unwanted attention.
After forty five minutes of touring the store, they grabbed their mac n' cheese and made their way to check out. When Lightning was in the middle of paying, she was interrupted by the person at the register.
"A check?" the elderly woman questioned.
Lightning looked up from what she was doing. "So?" she said curtly.
"Well I didn't imagine young people nowadays wrote checks anymore. It's just surprising, that's all. Most of them eagerly whip out their rectangular piece of plastic like it's going out of style."
"I guess I'm just different." Lightning growled under her breath.
"That's not a bad thing, though." she replied with a warm, grandmotherly smile. Lightning got back to writing her check. The cashier noticed Claire standing next to Lightning. "Hey there!" she greeted. Claire waved. Lightning tore the check from her checkbook and handed it to the cashier. "Your daughter is very cute. She looks just like you."
"Oh, she's not my daughter. She's my niece."
"Babysitting?"
Lightning hesitated. "Something like that." she mumbled.
Claire had gone to sleep early. Tomorrow she had school. Lightning had work, but that didn't make her go to sleep. She sat on her couch, thinking about the day. Her thoughts took her to her conversation with Sazh in the park. She had come to the conclusion that she wasn't prepared to care of a child but she would do as best as she could.
What Lightning thought on the most was how much she really did miss Serah and Snow. She thought of Serah for a few moments longer than what she could handle and was pulled out of it by the lump in her throat and the heat in her eyes. Lightning Farron, you had better not start crying! she told herself. She leaned forward and put her head in her hands. She struggled to control her now shaking body, to keep the emotion in. "Shit." she muttered as she felt warm drops of liquid spill onto her hand. She took a shaky breath. "Hell with it." she whispered and let herself quietly sob. "Serah. I miss you. I'm… I'm sorry." she choked out between each ragged breath. "I'm sorry." she repeated again and again.
Lightning wiped the tears from her eyes and went upstairs to her bedroom. On her way she heard Claire whimpering from her room. Lightning peeked inside the girl's room. She saw that Claire was having a nightmare. Poor thing. I wonder why a little girl would have such terrible dreams… Lightning thought as she was getting into her bed. It took her a few hours, but Lightning eventually fell asleep. Although, it wasn't a very good sleep.