Chapter 4:

The next day I can't go 10 seconds without flashing on Cartman. Every single thing that happens to me I somehow link back to him. While making breakfast, I hear about a bear attack on the news, which instantly makes me think of Manbearpig, and him. At work everyone's talking about pooling our money for office lottery tickets for the MegaLotto, and I think of when Cartman inherited a million dollars and made Cartmanland just so I couldn't come. When the Madonna song La Isla Bonita comes on that radio, I think of Casa Bonita, and him...literally, I'm at a crazy point. There's no way I can go home right now, wayyy to many Cartman memories there. I turn my car towards Stan's block, and text him that I'm coming.

As I cruise down his block I see him hanging outside waiting for me.

He pokes his head in the window of the passenger side.

"What's up man?"

"Get in dude, I need a drink" I tell him.

A few minutes later we're pulling into the bar's parking lot. Being with Stan is already having a calming effect on me. Nothing like hanging out with your Super Best Friend when your life is going to hell.

"What's wrong dude?" Stan asks once we've got our beers.

"Fucking Cartman."

"Ooh, should have known," he says sympathetically.

"Yeah," I say, "I feel like I should've known too"

"What this time?" Stan asks.

I mostly don't bother Stan with this shit because usually any arguments Cartman and I get into are dumb and worked out the same night. Very rarely have I stayed mad at him for anything, so if Stan hears anything it's usually about a fight that has already been resolved.

"This time I'm done" I tell him.

"Are you serious? That bad?" Stan asks.

"Really bad. Last night, I guess we sorta ended up having "The Talk" and Cartman basically told me that he never saw us as being in a relationship. In fact, he thought the entire idea was hilarious."

"Wow, weak. I'm sorry man. But it's Cartman."

"I know. It's fucking Cartman. I mean what the fuck was I thinking getting involved with him? Did I actually think it would work with us? Like a serious grown-up relationship? Seriously, what the hell was I thinking Stan?"

"It was cause Token's party Kyle, it wasn't like a matter of you logically deciding he would be a good person to start a relationship with. You just went with it. And I mean it lasted a lot longer than most people thought it would. I thought you guys would kill each other the first week."

Token's party. I completely forgot that's how it all started. I mean if you can pinpoint a moment where everything changed. A bunch of the old high school crowd had been back in town for Christmas, and Token had thrown a kickback at his house. I went with Stan, thinking it would be nice to see some of the old crowd- some of whom I hadn't seen since high school days. I was sitting on the couch with Stan and Kenny, drinking a beer when Cartman walked in. I felt my mouth go dry. He looked amazing. He turned to look at me, and I can't really explain what happened but it was like I couldn't look away from him. He smirked at me and headed over.

"Hey assholes," he said, nodding at Stan and Kenny but keeping his eyes on me.

"Hey Cartman," they chorused. I still couldn't speak. My mouth was completely dry and it felt like my tongue didn't work anymore.

"Not gonna say hi Kyle?" he asked, still with a smirk on his lips.

I licked my lips and swallowed hard, "Hi" I squeaked. What the fuck was wrong with my voice?

He quirked one eyebrow at me.

I swear, it was the hottest thing I had ever seen. And I know that sounds insane.

"Gonna go get a beer. Be right back," he told us, while still keeping his eyes on me.

I didn't even try to reply. But the second he turned his back and walked away my breath let out in a big whoosh and I hadn't even realized I'd been holding it in. I literally felt dizzy. I checked out his ass as he walked away. It was nice. Oh my god, what the fuck was wrong with me? This is CARTMAN we're talking about. I just checked out FATASS. I mean not that it was all that fat anymore. More like nicely rounded- omg stop Kyle.

I looked at my beer suspiciously. Maybe there was a date rape drug in it? I mean even though I opened it myself and Stan and Kenny seemed just fine. Do date rape drugs make you check out people you're supposed to hate? Do they make you feel desperate for said people to come back and talk to you. How fucking long was he going to take getting a beer? I scanned the room for him and saw him talking to Token. Yeah, like that's important Cartman. Come back the fuck over here. He looked up past Token and locked eyes with me again. I crooked my finger at him to come over. What the hell, I swear my finger just did that of its own volition. What the fuck was I going to do once he came back over? I have nothing to say to him, I can barely even breathe around him now. I unbuttoned another button on my shirt and started fanning myself as Cartman did a nod at Token and started walking back over here.

"Hot, Jew?" he asked.

I nodded. Not even attempting to speak.

"Come outside and get some air with me," he said.

I got up and followed him, still not attempting to speak.

He led me to one of Token's balconies and the second we were outside I gulped in a huge breath of air, looking up at the stars, wishing on one that I'd be able to act normal with him. I didn't dare look at him, but I felt him studying my profile curiously.

"Jew," he said a bit hoarsely, and I finally turned to him. And then his lips were on mine and he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back, and I swear it felt more right than anything has ever felt before. I closed my eyes, and let him lead, and the kiss got more desperate and harsh and then it was over, and I saw his hands were shaking.

"Kyle," he whispered.

I didn't even try to whisper anything back, I just leaned in and kissed him again. This time it was softer, less needy, but still it was like one of those fairytale dream kisses. And I knew then that I wouldn't ever be able to get enough.

"Cartman," I moaned.

I don't know how we made it to his house that night. The whole thing is a blur of kisses and touching, and clothes being taken off, and when we finally did it, it was like fireworks and I had tears in my eyes. It was like the missing piece to my whole life. Cartman, freaking Cartman. Stan's right. It wasn't logical at all. It was just this crazy feeling that I belonged with Cartman, and I went with it. I think I thought that everything would follow from that moment. That everything would be ok, because we belonged together. And I guess essentially everything has somehow worked itself out, and would have continued to, as long as I never asked Cartman if he felt the same way.

I glance over at Stan, who's texting on his phone.

"Sorry, man," I say.

"Don't worry about it, texting Wendy," he smiles.

"Are you ready to head home?" I ask. Not that I'm ready, but I feel bad to make Stan continue to sit here while I ignore him and think about Cartman.

"Yeah, if you are," he says.

"I'll cover the drinks," I say and head over to pay.

Later after I drop off Stan, I turn towards home in a daze. At least I realize now that I shouldn't be too hard on myself for being with Cartman for an entire year. I mean if such a thing exists, I had thought he was my soul mate, though obviously he hadn't felt the same way.