That night, I'm lying in my bed and thinking that last night was the last time that I'll ever kiss Cartman. I mean unless I'm ok with a strictly sexual thing with him, which would just hurt that much more after realizing he doesn't feel anything remotely for me, like what I feel for him. You can't be someone's fuck buddy when you think you're their soul mate and expect it to end well.

I hear a soft tap on my window.

No fucking way.

I mean obviously its Cartman because no one else would be at the fucking window in the middle of the night. Do I answer the window? Ok that sounds insane, but do I? Do I want to see him? Despite everything, of course I do.

I get out of bed and pull up the shades and see him standing there. I unlock the window, even though he's more than capable of getting in, even without me unlocking it for him. But at least he's not forcing his way in, and he's giving me the choice of whether I want to talk to him or not. Which I do. Not.

"What are you doing here Cartman?" I ask him quietly.

"I don't know," he says, "I just, I mean I guess I thought I'd come by one last time."

"Cartman, it's over," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I know," he says, "I knew it was last night."

"Then why...?" I ask.

And then he looks at me, and I know what he's thinking. And it's the same thing I was thinking before he came over. That we didn't know last night that that would be the last time we would ever kiss, and had we known, we would have savored it.

And I nod at him, giving him permission.

And then he leans through my window and his lips meet mine, and it's a sad kiss, full of sorrow and regret and it goes on and on and we're breathless but neither of us wants to stop because we know it will be the last time, and when we finally part, Cartman closes his eyes and looks like he's trying to imprint it in his mind. When he opens them, and I see his brown eyes meeting mine, I think the worst possible thing you can think when you've just had your last kiss with someone you're breaking up with,

"Oh god, I am so in love with him"

I don't want him to leave, but I'm also scared that he'll see it in my eyes if I keep looking at him, so I break our gaze, and look down and say,

"Goodnight Cartman."

"Goodbye Jew," he says, before slipping away. And then he's gone, and it's just me standing at the window.