A/N: Only 3-4 chapters left. Ready or not?
Bad Dreams
By angelwings1
Chapter 17
When she had first seen the valley blanketed white, Hitomi had calmly asked her mother if God could baptize her like He had the world. To see the spotless canvas covering her home, the small child had bubbled with excitement. She had always been fascinated with the clean pearl halls of the Temple, treasuring the symbol of purity as hope for her wingless back.
Ever since that first winter, Hitomi had cherished the first snow of the year as a reminder that she could earn back God's grace. Sadly, those thoughts were forgotten as she battled a mind chilling wind that stabbed into her weary limbs. Hitomi gritted her teeth and shoved another leg forward. She was glad she had enough sense to wear a pair of breeches beneath her robes. They were thin, but it better to wear them than nothing against the weather.
"Curse you Dornkirk," the seer hissed, teeth chattering. There was no doubt in her mind that her ill travel weather was result of the emperor's doings. Hitomi had never heard of a Mystic having the extreme power of manipulating the weather, but the likely hood of two snow storms hitting in forty-eight hours was near impossible. The idea explained a lot about the emperor, including how he was able to save a nation from starvation and collapse. All he needed was to call some special weather to help the crops and cause trouble for invaders. After a small proclamation of favor from some random god, Dornkirk would have had the people under his exploitation.
Her heart burned with fury. 'The man is the Devil. He used his powers to gain power, the very reason why we lost our wings in the first place.'
Hitomi's foot slid in the heavy drift and the woman stumbled to her knees. Both of her bare hands sunk into the cold frost causing a painful grimace to pass over the seer's face. Blinking against the hard wind, she examined her surroundings. With the clouds hiding the sun and everything a blue of white, it was hard to estimate how far and how long she had walked. She had left an hour before midday and from the way her body ached she felt like it had been a week since that hour.
The snow stung in her eyes and she blinked rapidly to scan the blurred horizon. There was a dark mass ahead, towards the right. She hoped it was the forest she had initially aimed for when she left the cover of the castle. It was her only option for travel. If she went through the market, she would definitely run into angry citizens. Sick and exhausted, the seer was nothing against a mob. She wouldn't have made it far even with most of the town tucked in their homes away from the storm.
Picking up her weary body from the drift, she tugged on her cloak and pushed her shoulders into the harsh wind. She needed to rest. Her body was too sick to stand out in this weather for much longer. She was personally surprise she hadn't blacked out already. Each step was a flash of heat and ice. Her muscles were burning. She stumbled a second time, but caught her balance before disappearing into the snow.
The shadows loomed nearer and she hastily doubled her efforts. The trees would offer some shelter from the wind. She might be able to find a place to make a fire and get some rest. She definitely needed it.
After what felt like an hour of crawling through waist deep snow, Hitomi reached the edge of the forest. Refusing to celebrate her arrival until she had found a shelter from the wind, she pressed on past the tree line. She groaned in relief when she spotted the black length of a fallen trunk. Her joy doubled with greedy excitement on reaching the timber and saw it was hollow. At that moment, she didn't care if a horde of snakes and critters lived inside. She grabbed the crest of the hole and drug her weak form over the broken edge. Her weight pulled her in the rest of the way and she flopped boneless onto a bed of leaves and snow. Her eyelids were beginning to slip close when her inner voice reminded her she needed to crawl deeper into the trunk, away from the cold opening. Unfortunately, her legs didn't respond and her arms were too weak to pull her weight even a few inches. Hitomi sighed and rolled over onto her shoulder so her backpack faced the wind. She would have to pray it was enough to keep her from freezing to death in her sleep. Shoving her chin against her chest, the seer slipped away from the world.
..
He still hadn't moved from his spot in her bedroom. There was no point. If he moved, than he would have to face the she was truly gone. It was better to pretend the world had stopped. At least in this limbo, he could hang onto the memory of her lips against his.
"Do you know?" He rasped, unconsciously bringing their bodies closer. 'Do you know that I love you?'
She nodded feverishly, her brain only half-registering the question. "I know."
His eyes screwed shut. It kept replaying through his head. Every time he imagined the feel of her soft mouth, the snatch of memory rose unbidden to the forefront of his mind. He gnashed his teeth together. "If you knew, why did you leave?"
He shuddered. "Was it easy for you to step out? Was it because you d-didn't love me?"
"Don't!" she hissed painfully, snapping a furious glare at him. "Don't make this harder!"
He felt empty, staring down at her perfectly made bed. Even seeing her broken and battered under the sheets would have brought some life to his hollow chest.
"You were my last chance." He mumbled involuntarily, his tone dead. "I told you that one day you would leave, too. I knew and I still hoped that maybe I could bind you to me."
Her jade eyes flashed though his mind and the breath stilled in his weak lungs. "How do I keep going after this? I was ready to die and fade from this lonely life. What do I do now?"
His heart thudded hollowly and his eyes drifted to the window, trying to look beyond the snow and see her familiar figure. She had to be a couple of miles away by now, but to look in her direction made it easier to breath.
"Hitomi, I can't do this without you." He exhaled tightly.
Time suddenly jerked forward as the door crashed open behind him. He could hear several pairs of feet shuffle to a surprise halt behind him, but he didn't move, hoping he could return to his thoughts of her palm against her cheek. He had to believe she was still here with him, or die.
Van's grip on her hand slackened and her hand leisurely slid past his temple to the back of his head while his tangled into the back of her robe.
"Van-sama? Where's Hitomi?"
The unbearable truth stole the last glimmer of hope from his soul and he sunk into despair. "She left."
It only took a small breathe to speak the two tiny words, but it stole the wind out of him. He wavered on his feet, ignoring the gasps. The world was starting back up around him and he wasn't ready to deal with it. 'Leave me alone.'
"Where did she go?" an unfamiliar male asked.
"Don't know." He mumbled. He didn't care who knew. He didn't care about anything. "She probably went home."
"But she couldn't have!" Merle hurried to her brother's side, her tone disbelieving. "She was banished from her home."
It took a few minutes for the news to sink into his brain, but when it did, he felt something unknown stir in his gut. "What?"
Merle meekly glanced behind him, probably at the others who had entered with her, before staring back at him with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Van-sama, but I was so worried about how sick she looked."
"Tell me what, Merle?" he questioned, a small bit of life flaring into his tone.
Her ears pressed against her head, a sign of fear. "She said when she came to Fanelia, it had been against her people's wishes. They forbid her to return."
Van stared at her blankly, "B-But then…why did she…"
The question hung unfinished for several seconds before the voice from earlier spoke up. "I think I know."
The king turned. "How's that, Dryden?"
..
Slanted his head, he pressed further against her wanting mouth, heat bleeding through her in powerful strokes. It was unearthly how he made the room disappear. When he twisted his strong hands into the back of her robe, she pressed dangerously against the full length of him.
"Van!" Hitomi gasped, snapping wide awake. Acknowledging her surroundings, the seer sadly laid her head back down. The leaves rustled when she sighed, "Just a dream."
Her heart caved in as she added, "A broken dream."
She could never go back. Dryden had said the Winged Goddess would summon Escaflowne. Even though, Escaflowne was a god of another country, she was fearful to test the prophecy. Her visions and cards had spoken too much of uprising devastation.
'It's better this way. You're presence was causing friction. Van might not have said it, but your life was probably in danger.'
She awkwardly shifted in her hole and replaced the robe that had slipped in her fitful sleep. Her eyes slid to the gray sky. The snow had slowed considerably and there was a break in the clouds announcing the day was nearly over. 'It might be good to stay here for the night.'
Unbidden a second voice hissed, 'And then? What will you do?'
She pressed her cheek into the cold leaves. 'I don't know.'
Beyond this point, there laid a future lacking everything important. There were no goals, no people, no home, and absolutely no life. With no hope for open arms, she would have to become a hermit, possibly a wanderer. She would live out her days, one after the other. Her only activity would be survival, whether it will be physical or emotional.
'Not that I have much time as there is.'
True, her body was gradually failing. The disease had definitely spread from the feel of the new lump she had found on the inside of her left breast earlier that morning. Millernia said she would soon begin to bleed from open sores. Hitomi cowered at the idea of her becoming a living mummy.
'Why not just end it?' An inner voice hissed darkly in her ear. The seer angrily swatted at the invisible fly. She was suddenly sitting up, fully alert. The pride in her scoffed the idea. She was strong enough to survive this. She would live through it.
'As an invalid?'
Hitomi froze.
'What life is there when you are hobbling your way through excoriating pain?'
'Millernia said it would painful. The ones who contracted the disease spent their last breaths moaning at the top of their lungs. Do you want that life?'
"Of course not." She snapped quietly, tears filling her eyes. "What I want…"
Her words faded on her tongue as her mind came to a screeching halt. 'What do I want anymore?'
Before, she had lived her life solely to regain the grace of God. To same extent, she still wanted that, but she also felt her heart being tugged back the way she had come.
'It's over…There's no point in dreaming. It only makes it harder to let go.'
Her eyes lifted.
'Let go…'
Unconsciously, the bag slipped from her shoulders and her hands went for the opening. Ignoring how the wind went straight through her cloak, the seer stepped into the snow. With the break in the storm, she was able to see her surroundings. She had barely gotten into the rim of the forest. Her feet mechanically stepped forward.
'Let go…What is left to hang on to?'
..
"That can't be possible!" Van shouted back. "That's a myth!"
"You can't say your fathers before you have taken the prophecy so lightly." Dryden shrewdly replied. "Why else have they have had a High Priest with authority over the crowning. They fear Escaflowne's judgment."
Van whirled on the merchant. "Hitomi will not destroy the world!"
"I never said she wanted to. Her place in their prophecy is as a catalyst to an end. That's why she left. She knew if she stayed, then she would bring this Armageddon to life."
"Her leaving could do the same thing!" Van retorted hotly. "The prophecy doesn't say where it will begin or how exactly. It merely explains the Winged Goddess being connected to Escaflowne's rise."
..
Hitomi could see a break through the trees. It was a clearing. No, it was a cliff.
..
"It doesn't matter." Millernia interrupted loudly, stepping in between the seething king and her flustered fiancé. She stared sourly into the royal's smoking eyes. "Whether or not Hitomi is the Winged Goddess—"
"She is!" Dryden hastily replied earning a sharp glare from his wife-to-be.
"She's out there in the freezing weather, sick and exhausted." She continued stonily. "I don't know what her presence means here, but I know what it means out there. She won't survive the night."
..
Hitomi stared down the sharp drop. There was a frozen river a mile down and another rising wall of rock on the other side about a hundred yards away.
She blinked lazily. If she was the goddess, then her death would keep the prophecy from being fulfilled. If she wasn't the goddess, then she would be spared the painful future of her life. The wind whistled softly through the chasm and her eyes instinctively closed. It was calling to her, whispering to her to come closer. Her feet stepped closer to the edge allowing the chilly wind to blow through her hair.
'Fade away.'
..
Van's head jerked, his mouth open. "W-What?"
'I just want to fade away.'
His eyes frantically swept over the room, ignoring the perplex looks of his companions. "Hitomi?"
'Fade away. Let me fade away.'
Something stabbed in his temple and his hand gripped his head.
"Van?"
"Van-sama?"
He groaned as a wild flurry of images abruptly surfaced. It was like another one of his episodes, except this time he was seeing her. She was standing in the snow, the cloak she had taken earlier whipping around her still form. Her jade eyes were starring downwards. When he followed her gaze, he realized she was looking at a chasm. It looked like the Whisper Crevice. He sucked in a deep breath in realization.
'Let me fade from memory, from existence.'
She was already inches from the edge, her face showing no sign of stepping back from danger. His stomach lurch when her foot rose into the empty air.
Suddenly he was jarred back to the reality of his room, seeing his friends crowding him with concern in their fearful eyes. "Van?"
He didn't say anything to them as he broke for the balcony doors. He heard their calls of shock and confusion, but he didn't pay attention to them. In half a heartbeat, he had flung open the glass doors and filled the room with freezing air.
"Van-sama!"
"My Lord Fanel!"
Two long steps onto the platform and then the room filled with an unearthly whiteness that rivaled the snow.
..
Her hands stretched out beside her as she leaned forward. She calmly imagined herself flying through the clouds like the many dreams before. The wind howled like banshees and her eyes screwed shut. The air pushed against her ribs, stealing her voice and tossing her like a ragdoll. She fought to keep her fall steady, but each blast of air she hit, she spun out of sorts. She couldn't tell if she was scared or not. By the time she figured out, she would probably have hit the ground.
'It won't be much longer.'
She quietly slipped away into the corner of her soul, allowing the wind to have her in the wild tumble it demanded. She inhaled deeply and smelt the pleasant scent of the fields. Fighting the wind, she wrapped her arms around her body and thought of his warmth. There was no flash of life before her eyes. There was only his memory.
His wine colored eyes vivid beneath his dark messy bangs.
His smile, ghostly sad, but warm.
The way his hand had slipped effortlessly into hers.
Abruptly the world toppled and an iron grip wrapped around her. The air swished erratically through her messy hair and rhythmical pounding filled her ears like wind hitting a sail. Hitomi's jade eyes snapped open as a single word flew from her lips. "God?"
Everything stopped when she saw the brightest eyes studying her. She tried to speak, but her mouth flapped open soundlessly. Unconsciously, her hand timidly reached for his tan cheek. His eyes slid closed and she was pressed tighter against his naked chest.
"Van?" she choked.
His nose brushed her temple. Hot breath wafted over the rim of her ear as he hoarsely replied, "Don't ever do that again."
Hitomi's face slid into the crook of his neck. She wasn't sure if he meant leaving or trying to commit suicide. She sighed lightly, content to dream he was holding her. 'I guess Heaven is paradise.'
"Hitomi?"
"Sh," she breathed, wrapping one hand around the back of his neck. "Don't make me wake up."
The world jarred her eyes open and she blinked in surprise to see the frozen river. When her feet touched the cold surface, she realized she had never left the real world. "What?"
"Hitomi." His rough voice whispered shakily. Her eyes were fixed on his anxious face.
"Van, what—"
Something white danced on the edge of her vision and involuntarily her green eyes darted towards it. She gasped in wonderment when she realized it was a pearly wing. Her unbidden feet stepped away from the tense man, his arms falling like dead weight. Hitomi never noticed this as she pressed the tip of her fingers uncertainly against the fluffy softness. The white appendage flinched upon the contact, but soon relaxed as she began to stroke it lovingly. It was softer than any cloud in the heavens.
"I dreamed of it being this soft," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. Her face whirled to his. "But how…"
Her question died on her lips when she saw he was hanging his head away from her. Her hand quietly curled away. "Van?"
He didn't respond to her gentle voice. Slowly she stepped towards him, carefully watching him. Reaching his shoulder, she gently pressed her palm to her cheek and pushed his eyes up to hers. His rubies dully stared at her chin, unable to bring them up any higher.
"Van," she whispered softly, eyes searching. "Are you a Mystic?"
His sad eyes met her, guilty. He opened his mouth, but couldn't will his voice to work. Quietly, his lips drifted close as he hung his head. A weak smile graced her lips as she tenderly pressed her forehead to his. He shuddered out a deep rush of air, his hands gripping her shoulders. His wings hastily swung around her, taking the cold brunt of the wind.
She swallowed desperately, "To think all this time…our connection was deeper than I dreamed."
"I should have told you sooner," he disconsolately whispered. "But I was a-afraid you would hate me."
His words got stuck in his throat and his chest heaved. Her lashes kissed his cheeks and stared up at him. "Why?"
"Because I am everything you worked towards and I did nothing to deserve it. Because my family left the valley. Because I am a coward." His own eyes fluttered open, revealing a lack of confident she didn't know he could express. His hot chest hit hers with each thump of his racing heart. "My mother had come from your valley. She married my father and together they kept her heritage a secret. Only a select few knew, including our advisors.
"Just think of how my people reacted to you. If they had known about my wings, then everything would fall apart."
"Did she have wings, too?" Hitomi breathed eagerly.
"Yes." He replied dully. "She was born with them."
Her eyes slid close, her heart glowing like a thousand suns. "It's finally happened. After so many years, He's finally smiled down on us."
"When I was sick, I thought my illness was connected to my people back in the valley," he continued weakly. "I figured my hope laid there.
"You were everything my mother had abandoned. I was both excited and terrified. I had wanted to find out more about them for so long and then here you were.
"I didn't know what you would think. I spent so long holding it in…"
His eyes grew distant. "M-My mother made me promise when I was very young to never show them to anyone. Said that they were a curse and a blessing."
Hitomi listened intently. This was what she had fought so hard for these two months. He was finally allowing his emotions to be voiced and her heart clenched with each expressive note he spoke.
"That doesn't matter now," she soothed.
"But I want you to understand!" he persisted, eyes back at her. "Everything went so fast. I almost showed them to you in the garden when I was half delirious.
"Do you know what it's like?" he mumbled, searching her eyes. "To live two lives. One you dream about and the other you drag through each day."
She thought back to her youth as a child when she was trying to hide the truth about herself to her family. Hitomi nodded dumbly.
His eyes darkened. "That's what I've done all my life since my parents died. I tried to live as if I was completely different person. I never showed fear or worry or even truth.
"When you kept begging me to let someone in, let you in, I couldn't let myself let go of my m-mask as it were because I would be failing everyone around me.
"I wasn't ready." He added sorrowfully. "I thought about revealing myself so many times to my people. To see if they could accept their only royal for who he was, but Balgus told me I would bring a civil war upon my kingdom, or worse a mutiny against the castle."
"I don't understand what this has to do with me?" Hitomi prodded gently. "I'm a Mystic. You're a Mystic."
"I-I couldn't trust you…" he whispered brokenly, "I was so afraid for my kingdom I couldn't risk my people for the chance to connect with a past my mother had buried."
Hitomi quietly debated his answer. "I wish you still had told me."
He swallowed thickly. "So do I."
She smiled sadly, rubbing his cheek tenderly with the pad of her thumb.
"Don't leave, Hitomi." He begged. His voice was hoarse from the cold.
She stared at him in dread. "I have to. Everything will be ruined if I stay."
"You don't know that!" He growled, pulling her closer as if terrified she would disappear. "This could all be some wild rant of some man's lunacy. This whole thing could be one big farce."
"And my dreams?" She questioned dryly. "Are they also just a farce?"
His jaw tightened. "Hitomi—"
"I'm a seer." She said in a strong voice. "I spend my life trying to predict and fight destiny. You can't tell me my visions won't amount to anything."
"You don't know how it will happen though." He replied hotly, growing frustrated with her. "For all you know leaving will cause this."
"I have to try."
He exhaled loudly, turning his face away. She watched him warily. The wind rushed past his face, flinging up his dark bangs. His brooding profile stayed distant for several minutes before looking to her. "Have you ever been able to stop a vision?"
Her eyes lowered. "No."
The answer was cold and bitter. She had tried countless times to stop destiny's wheel from turning. It was frustrating to a gift to predict, but not have the ability to do anything about it.
"Then come back."
She snapped her face upwards. His fiery eyes stared deeply into hers. "If we can't change it, than let's stand together."
"Together?" she mumbled, unsure, but hopeful.
He nodded, leaning towards her. "I can't do this without you."
Something twisted deliciously in her gut. Her chin instinctively rose to meet him.
"I'll never let you go." He promised huskily, his lips only a breath away.
As she stood there, staring into an eternal promise, she felt a sudden sense of belonging. If time was rewound to the day the soldiers came and she was given the same choice knowing what that meant fulfilling her death and the prophecy, she would still come to Fanelia.
Hitomi smiled and hastily closed the gap between them. One powerful heartbeat later, the pendant became hot against her chest and a blue pillar of light shot down from the clouds. The pair broke apart in surprise as startling warmth enveloped them and their feet lost touch of the ground. Van's arms tighten protectively around the young seer. Hitomi calmly stared up at the heavens, looking for the familiar white light of her guide. There was a disorienting flash and then suddenly they feet hit stone. Glancing around, they realize they were back in her room with three pair of eyes staring at them in total shock.
Hitomi awkwardly stepped a few feet out of the king's grip and felt the world shift beneath her. When she crumbled, she was immediately in his safe arms. Reality had caught up with her again. Millernia shuffled forward, eyes constantly darting up to the immaculate wings arching from her friend's back. Merle sorrowfully looked to her brother, obviously always having known. Dryden simply nodded, excitedly muttering things.
Hitomi kept her focus on his face, fighting the blackness that was edging on her vision. She had returned to world of secret battles and dark politics. She had returned to a castle of war.
..
A smile slipped over his face. Chuckling softly, Dornkirk hunched over his notes and scribbled several figures in the middle of numerous calculations. "Everything is exactly how it should be. Soon she will come to me."
..
A/N: For anyone who read this as soon as this chapter was posted and reread it to find a few added passage, let me just say "No, you didn't skip anything. I had a comment about Hitomi/Van's conversation about being a little unbelievable. I agreed so I went back and edited a little. Hope no one kills me.