So this is the last chapter, I would like to thank everybody who had read this short story and I hope you enjoyed it :)
Edward POV
As soon as Emmett and Jasper brought me to the car, I burst into angry sobs. I was beyond the point of caring how ridiculous I might look; everything was just too overwhelming. As if being reunited with Bella in Volterra wasn't enough, I had to deal with the consequences when I got back. I never assumed I could avoid them, I just never realized- I mean, I honestly thought it was for Bella's good and to see, to hear, to feel the ordeal I not only put her through but Charlie and the people around her too, well there was no forgiveness for such an act. I am despicable. I was barely aware of Jasper's calming waves or of Emmett's grim expression. Bella was in pain, she still was, this very second she was outside struggling to breathe and I couldn't do anything to help her. No, here I was, sobbing like the coward I was. I have caused so much pain, I should be strong enough to deal with my own, I don't deserve the sympathy from my family- I almost wish they would hate me because then I would have the opportunity to beg with all I have and even then I wish they would never forgive me. But they don't hate me and it makes it that much harder to live with myself. There is no winning, on one hand, I want to never earn forgiveness because I don't deserve it, and I know that will cause me pain but having them give me sympathy also hurts me because it constantly reminds me of what a loathsome creature I am.
Everybody had got into their cars now, I didn't even notice Esme slip in beside me and hold me. I wish she didn't. Her words were of no importance to me. She couldn't help, she couldn't fix my mistake- this was permanent. I felt even more ashamed to realize that I had been to busy wallowing in pain to even pay attention to Bella. Bella, everything revolves around her. Her every breath, her heartbeat- everything was crucial and right now she was struggling to take a basic human necessity because of me. I could hear her slowly calm down thanks to Carlisle and I was grateful that I at least had him to take care of her, to be able to help her when I was useless. My heart broke that little bit more if even possible when Bella still asked for me, still needed me. I don't deserve her, I never did. Such a turmoil of emotions and thoughts, I just couldn't handle it, it was too much to bear. Any human would be crushed by the weight I was carrying. How can I even express it? How can I find the words to even start describing a fraction of what I am feeling, of what I am thinking. What am I thinking? How much of this is my mind, how much is my family, how much is my emotion? I was beginning to panic, I couldn't do this, I couldn't mend it. I could not make things better.
"Edward, Edward!" Esme called me urgently, her face twisted in anguish. I was a monster to cause so much pain.
"Please Edward" She sobbed "Stop this, stop torturing yourself, please stop." She clung to me for dear life and once I connected with what was around me, everything hit me like a tidal wave. It shook me enough to give me the determination to pull myself together for my family. Right now- misguided or not- they cared for me, they supported me, they were there for me. I would stand strong for them as long as I needed until I could go back to Bella. Like the selfish creature I am, I will go crawling back to her and little does she now that her very presence pulls me together. Everything is ok when I am with her, it was the only thing I was still holding hope for. I needed to see Bella.
I knew my family would be understanding and would not hold me longer than absolute necessary. I sat up straight and met the wary gaze of my family; Jasper had chosen to ride with Rose in the other car as he couldn't handle all the emotions around him. I gave and Esme an apologetic glance and she just shook her head sadly.
The ride home was extremely silent and my mind was constantly on Bella. I avoided thinking of anything else; as long as Bella took me back, everything would be ok, I would find a way to make things ok. Not one word was said as we all immediately went to the dinning room. We took are seats and sat in an awful silence.
"Edward, son-"
"I'll tell you what you need to know and then I have to go."
"I understand." I stared at him and he flinched back, I didn't need to hear his thoughts to understand why- I must look a mess and not particularly amiable. Alice approached me slowly and placed her small hand on my arm.
"Edward, go. I'll tell them what happened." I looked swiftly around the room. Esme was quietly sobbing with a somber Carlisle by her side. Rosalie was feeling beyond guilty with a slight edge of resentment and of course Emmett who felt the distress and sorrow of the situation. Jasper felt guilty; he believed that it was all his fault in the first place, but I could never blame him, he was also relieved, he had Alice back safe and sound and no matter the tension, he would always be grateful for that fact. Alice stood by me, pain etched across her face. Every single member of my family left without a moment's notice when I asked them. Esme loved Bella as a daughter and so did Carlisle. Alice lost a best friend, even Emmett had grown fond of Bella. But they all left, of course not without trying to reason with me when I was unshakable, but the conclusion is they left and now whatever semblance of a life they had temporarily created over the past few months, they were ready to drop it again so that I could come back, back to my love, back to Bella. I nodded at Alice's previous statement and stood up abruptly.
"Thank you." I whispered. Nothing more needed to be said as I quickly fled my house to the only place I could call home; Bella's side.
As I was running, I heard muffled screaming which couldn't be anything else but Bella. I pushed myself to the fastest I could, my mind already flying miles ahead. What was happening now? How much more could she endure? I was at her house in a matter of seconds and climbed through her window without hesitation to find her clutching her pillow with the sheets tightly around her body as she thrashed.
"EDWARD!" Hearing my name caused another blow of pain as I realized the reason for her nightmare. I quickly pushed it aside as I rushed to her and pulled her hands away from her face so she wouldn't injure herself.
"Bella, shhh Bella, I'm here. I'm right here." She slowly stilled and grabbed onto my shirt still whimpering.
"Edward, don't. Don't leave me." I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks and pure agony coursed through me. She needed me so much, and I left her.
"Never Bella, never again. I'm here, for now and always." I slid onto the bed and pulled her close as she subconsciously clung to me. She slowly relaxed into the embrace and eventually her breathing evened out until she was back into a deep sleep against my chest; where she belonged.
I held her tightly remembering the blissful hours we spent once out of the heart of the Volturi. Having her wrapped in the cloak again mu chest after so much time a part was truly heaven. I couldn't help but stare at her face, trace her features, I just couldn't get enough of her. My eyes didn't miss anything, I cherished every memorable side such as her creamy pale skin, her deep brown eyes, her breathtaking blush, but it was impossible not to notice that her creamy white skin was too pale, her deep brown eyes were surrounded by dark shadows and her breathtaking blush was less frequent than ever before. My arms tightened around my frail Bella as I could see all these small details again; proof of my mistakes spread before me. I left to protect her and I only broke her down. She was even more fragile than before, something I would think impossible; she had lost weight, weight that I would make sure she gained back. I needed to focus my energy not on what I did to her, but how to bring her back to life. There would be more than physical work, it was apparent with her behavior towards me that she was very hesitant, her reactions wary as if I were fragile or if I was afraid or that I might run. She seemed slow to show as much affection first, she needed me to make the first step; not that I minded, I just couldn't describe it. Her behavior was just off. Yeah 'off' how would I know? I haven't been around her for so long- who am I to judge such things, to assume I still know her?
Bella stirred slightly but only to come closer to me. Her blood called to me as before, but no such vile thoughts entered my mind. I inhaled deeply- drowning in the scent that covered every surface of her room.
How could I have ever left her? Where did I find the strength, the determination? As I gazed at her beautiful form, I knew that I would never be able to leave her again. Even the smallest absence would tear at my heart. If only I could explain to Bella my turmoil, if only I could make her understand. I will have a lot of explaining in the morning, I am just so happy of where I am to really worry about that for the moment. I was coming back anyways, I knew I wasn't as strong as I had hoped and I was coming back. I stared at her face and again couldn't believe my luck to have fallen on such a beautiful, selfless girl. How could I ever throw that away? How could I not consider her opinion, her choice? Obviously, when it comes to her well being, Bella can never be trusted. I smiled slightly to myself as I thought of Bella's uncanny curse of clumsiness. Could I kid myself into believing that I was actually protecting her by staying? Well, convincing or not, I was staying- there was no doubt about it.
My thoughts seemed to run back in forward as I couldn't keep my concentration on one thing. I mean, who in their right mind would leave their love? What I did was inexcusable. I might as well have stabbed her in the chest and watch her bleed without making any move to help her. I groaned quietly when I heard Charlie's heavy footsteps drag up the stairs to come check on his daughter. I quickly kissed Bella's forehead before dashing out of the window. As soon as I left her, she started stirring and whimpering. My non-existent heart constricted in my chest. Charlie's thoughts were calmer than before but still full of pain and anger.
"Edward, don't go." She cried. "Edward, I love you." So much love after everything I have done- I truly don't deserve her.
What has she done to deserve this? Why was my daughter chosen for this? Why did she have to fall in love with that boy? He thinks he can just come back into our lives? I won't let him, I won't let him hurt Bella like that again. She is worth so much more. If only he could see what he did to her.
But I did see, I did understand; Charlie would never understand to what extent I understood. I could see her clearly walking through the house, her eyes glazed over and empty- a ghost of the beautiful person she really was.
"It's okay baby girl, everything will be ok." He sighed and I felt the strong though of helplessness emanating from his mind; more of his memories of Bella constantly waking up screaming until he just had to let her fall back asleep, he remembered vividly lying awake is his room listening to her muffled screams and it tore both of our hearts. With a deep grumble, he stood up and left downstairs. He cared for Bella so much, his affection for his daughter was often lost in his silences, but he had been worried sick over the past few days.
As soon as he was out of the room, I was back next to Bella and immediately soothed her as I took her back in my arms. I was amazed she hadn't woken up but she was extremely tired and I was glad- she needed her sleep. I contented myself with simply watching Bella sleep, basic things such as her steady heartbeat and every single breath increased my love for her and my determination to fix things as much as physically possible. I would never leave this woman- that much was certain. I stilled my thoughts as much as I could and solely concentrated on the beautiful creature before me. Whatever happens, whatever she feels, I will be there; whatever it takes. It's simple just as it is exquisite.
I love her.