Bella wiped her sweaty palms on the legs of her jeans and knocked on the door. Then she pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and double-checked the apartment number.
The door swung open and Edward towered over her, and the fear that she was in the wrong place immediately evaporated. In place of that fear came overwhelming anxiety, and Bella simply stared at him for a moment.
"Hey Bella," Edward said warmly. He wrapped her in a one-armed hug, which Bella couldn't return. She just stood there and inhaled the woodsy scent of his cologne, trying to compose herself.
Despite her psychological efforts, Bella was unable control her body's physical reaction to him. Her cheeks flushed and her heart launched into a staccato beat. Bella swallowed hard and licked her dry lips. She tried to speak but her voice didn't work, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Hi, Edward."
"Thank you so much for coming over. I'm starving. I've been eating nothing but rice and beans for the past week," he grimaced. "This will be a huge help for me."
She jumped when she felt his hand graze her lower back, and then felt like an idiot when she realized he just wanted her out of the doorway. She stepped through the entryway, blushing, and allowed him to shut the doors.
"It's no problem," Bella shrugged, smiling self-consciously. She was happy to help. She was good at helping.
"So," he said, raising his eyebrows. "What first? Oh, wait - I have something for you."
He disappeared into the living room and then returned with a brown paper bag. "For you."
She peeked inside of the bag and laughed when she realized what his gift was. She pulled out the huge white chef's hat, smiling at him and shaking her head. "There's no way I'm going to wear this."
"Oh, you're definitely going to wear it," he returned silkily. Edward took the hat from her and carefully placed it on her head. He looked her over and smiled. "You look adorable."
There was nothing overtly sexual about his expression, the tone of his voice or even his words…but Bella felt a wave of heat spread across her skin.
"Um, well, why don't we get started? You can show me where the kitchen is," Bella stammered.
He smiled, his green eyes sparkling almost knowingly, and guided her down the hallway.
Edward's apartment was small and Spartan, but seemed to suit him. He didn't strike her as the type of guy who spent a lot of time at home. Whenever she saw him, he was busy and on the go.
His kitchen reflected the bachelor lifestyle. Bella immediately began opening and shutting cabinets, appalled at his lack of cookware and general disorganization.
"Edward…" she trailed off helplessly. "Don't you have pots and pans or anything?"
"Oh, yeah," he laughed. He crossed the small room and opened up the oven. Inside were a strange array of frying pans and two pots. He pulled them out and they clattered onto the counter.
"Ummmmm," Bella hummed. "Okay. I can work with this."
For the next few minutes she determinedly ignored Edward, focusing instead on boiling water and sorting ingredients. She began separating them by recipes and her mind drifted to Emmett, who wasn't very happy about her helping Edward. They didn't get a chance to discuss it in-depth, but it was easy to read Emmett. He didn't hide very much.
Edward sank into the chair opposite her, and the room around them seemed to shrink.
The oven was preheating and the pot of water on the stovetop was slowly coming to a boil. Bella pulled her hair up into a ponytail and wished she had more than a tank top on underneath her hoodie. The room was warming up.
"So," Edward prompted her.
"Ummm," Bella hesitated. For whatever reason, she hadn't thought about actually teaching Edward anything. "Is there something specific you'd like to learn?"
Edward shrugged, smiling that slow, crooked smile. "Not really. Anything in particular that you're really good at making?"
For some reason his words brought a blush to her cheeks and Bella turned back to the stove. "Spaghetti and meatballs."
"Family recipe?" he guessed.
Bella looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Kind of. It's the only thing my dad knows how to make that is somewhat decent, so he taught it to me. Do you have ground beef?"
He went to the fridge for the meat while she began gathering the ingredients for the meatballs. It was strange to be alone with Edward, but less frightening than she expected. Sure, she still blushed practically every time he spoke to her, but hey, they were actually speaking to each other.
He told her funny stories about his clients, and she discovered that he worked in sales. Bella matched him story for story, telling him about the outrageous customers she met in Nature's Harvest.
She showed him how to shape the meatballs, waiting for him to drop a ridiculous comment about balls like Emmett undoubtedly would have. He didn't. Edward simply kept his eyes trained on her hands.
"I like your ring," he commented, reaching out to still her hand.
Bella's heart flip flopped and landed in her stomach. She unconsciously held her breath as his warm hand brought hers up higher. He peered at the ring.
"It was my grandmother's," she replied faintly.
"Is that amethyst?"
"Yes," she said softly.
"It's good for psychic awareness and healing."
Edward let go of her hand and Bella immediately stuck it back into the raw meat. He laughed and turned around, leaning against the counter and watching her.
"My mom was really into gemstones a while back," he said, answering her unasked question.
Bella nodded and concentrated on forming another perfect meatball. She hated the effect Edward on her – absolutely hated it. She felt like she was back in the ninth grade again, and it wasn't a good feeling. She wasn't that girl anymore.
"Bella," Edward said, his voice hesitant. "Are we – I mean, can we be friends?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, nearly cringing at the stiffness in her voice. He shifted uncomfortably and cracked his knuckles. She wondered if that was a nervous habit.
"I want to be friends with you, but I feel like you don't," he said gingerly. "I don't want you to do anything that you're not into."
Bella briefly closed her eyes. She didn't want to be a bitch to Edward, and that's what it felt like she was doing. She hated the awkward, unnatural wall between them – the one that she had erected. It was her fault things between them were so strained, but she didn't know how else to deal with him.
She would never, ever cheat on Emmett, but being with Edward awoke emotions in her that had long ago been buried, and were better left forgotten. She didn't want to fall for him again – couldn't fall for him again - because too much was at stake this time.
"I do want to be friends with you," Bella sighed. "I mean, we're friends with all the same people and we always see each other, so…it makes sense that we should be."
Edward straightened and she looked at him, immediately seeing the frown on his face. He shook his head. "I don't want to be friends with you because it's convenient. I want to be friends with you because I like you, Bella."
"What do you mean, you like me?" she looked at him quickly, feeling her cheeks heat.
"You know…as a friend," he clarified, his voice awkward.
She wanted to cringe, literally. The tension in the small kitchen was overwhelming and she couldn't believe they were having this conversation. She was beyond mortified.
"Well, yeah, I mean we already said we were going to be friends, right?" she stammered. "It's just – "
"It's Emmett, isn't it?" Edward asked. He stepped back from the stove and ran a hand through his hair. He paced for a moment and then dropped into a chair. "He doesn't want us hanging out."
Bella shrugged, hating that Emmett was now in the conversation. "He didn't say that."
Edward snorted. "He doesn't have to. I can tell. Every time I looked at you, he looked like he wanted to kill me."
"He's just protective of me," Bella said in a small voice.
"He doesn't have to protect you from me," Edward argued.
Bella stood there for a moment, looking at the meatballs and wondering what to do. Edward stood up and announced that he had to get something out of his room.
"I'll be right back," he promised. "You keep going and then I'll take over."
Bella nodded, relieved that she would be alone for a few moments. She needed to compose herself. She was quickly learning that although she was in a relationship with Emmett, and had very strong feelings for him, Edward still had power over her. Maybe she wasn't as over him as she thought?
She honestly thought she was, that the emotions she felt were just lingering bits of nostalgia. She hadn't been lying to Emmett when she told him she was over Edward.
"Look what I found," Edward laughed, reentering the room. Bella turned to him and looked down at the wrinkled paper in his hand. It was darkened and tattered, but she could make out the Forks Middle School logo on the front.
"That looks like…"
"It is!" He opened the worn cover to reveal a glossy 5x7 photo insert. Bella gasped.
It was the photo from the 8th grade formal, the one the school took as they entered. There was a cheesy backdrop behind them, but all Bella could really see was Edward. He was shockingly beautiful, maybe even more than he was now…or was that thought just from the lost little girl who loved him so much?
"Wow," Bella breathed. After the dance, she had gone crazy trying to find that picture. It never crossed her mind that Edward had taken it; why would he? She looked terrible – too excited, flushed and obviously in awe of the boy standing next to her. The green dress was too loose and the cast looked hideous.
"We were so young," Edward said, his voice wistful. "We had it easy back then."
Bella murmured her agreement, still staring at the photo. Part of her heart ached for that little girl, and the other part still remembered clearly how much she cared for Edward. He had been everything.
"I can't believe you kept this," she whispered, wishing she could touch it. Her hands were covered in raw meat, though, and she didn't want to ruin it.
"Do you want it?" Edward asked, his eyes boring into hers. "Take it. I have another copy of it."
Bella nodded, even more surprised, and watched him put the photo on a countertop across the room. Then he turned around, all smiles, and rubbed his hands together. "Okay, put me to work."
She stepped aside and let him form the rest of the meatballs and then brown them. He caught on quickly, but he had some trouble multitasking and the gluten-free pasta ended up just a bit overcooked.
The next couple hours flew by as they packaged up the food and stored it in the freezer. Edward did most of the talking, and at first it was just questions about celiac disease. She answered as many of them as she could, but she wasn't an expert. She just knew the basics of the disease from work.
Soon, though, Edward branched off. He asked her about student teaching, and Bella was surprised that he even knew about it.
"I really admire that," he told her, carefully layering a lasagna. "I think I would go crazy if I had to deal with kids all day."
She smiled, because she honestly couldn't picture that at all. "It's definitely not for everyone."
He looked up from the lasagna, momentarily stunning her with those sparkling green eyes. "I bet you're awesome at it. You've always been good with kids."
She rolled her eyes, but was secretly pleased he noticed. She babysat all through high school, including his young cousin, Nessie.
"God, it's hot in here," he complained. Edward opened the oven up and placed the lasagna inside. He peeled his t-shirt off and Bella's insides froze – clenched – until she realized he had a wifebeater on underneath it. Thank God.
"Okay," she cleared her throat. "Last dish. Chicken parm."
Edward smirked and brushed by her, his hip sliding against her side. "Actually, this is a special part of the lesson. I am now the teacher."
Bella's heart did a funny little flip flop and she waited nervously for him to explain.
He plucked the white chef hat off her head and placed it on his. It was at a funny angle, and impulsively Bella stood on tip toe to fix it. That left her face just mere inches from his, and Edward paused, their eyes locking. Her mouth went dry and Bella hastily straightened the hat, then pulled away.
"Thanks," he said softly.
Bella nodded but couldn't speak.
"Okay," he clapped his hands. "Still a chicken dish, but much more special than chicken parm. We are going to make Chicken a la Cullen."
Bella laughed out loud and Edward looked at her like he was offended, but he didn't manage to hide the small smile on his lips. He began rummaging through his cabinets and pulling out different spices and wine.
"Edward!" she exclaimed, recognizing the ingredients. "Is this just chicken marsala?
He turned his face away but began laughing. Bella smacked his arm and he hip checked her.
"I thought it was going to be something really good," she grumbled.
"My chicken marsala is the best out there, Bella. Trust me," he replied cockily. "You'll see."
She did have to admit that his marsala was really good, good enough that she even accepted a container of it to take home. She helped him clean up the kitchen even though he said it wasn't necessary.
"Thanks for doing this on your day off," Edward said, punching a few buttons on the dishwasher. "I know it was probably the last thing you wanted to do."
"I had fun," she replied honestly. "Plus, look, I get free food out of it."
Edward laughed. "Are you going to Alice's? Do you want to drive over together?"
She hesitated, knowing that Emmett would definitely not like that. But then she could just go home with him and pick her car up early on Monday. That wouldn't be a problem.
"Oh, come onnnn," Edward teased. "I'm supposed to stop on the way and get the alcohol, anyway. I don't know what you ladies drink."
"Can't have that now, can we?" Bella laughed. Edward excused himself to change, because he turned out to be a rather messy chef. She pulled out her phone and called Emmett, feeling nervous. He didn't answer and it went to voicemail, and for some reason Bella was oddly relieved. She left him a brief message letting him know what was going on, and telling him she would see him at Alice's.
Emmett was in a shitty mood. He was tired and hungover from drinking with his teammates. They had been giving him a lot of crap for his lack of quality time recently, so he finally gave in and went out. He regretted it from the moment he left his house.
Bella was working but she'd be home by ten thirty. He wanted to just stay at home and hang out, waiting for her, but she urged him to go out. He would have had a better time and woken up feeling a hell of a lot better with her, because it was all or nothing with those guys, and as a result he didn't get home until almost four o'clock in the morning. Practice was at eight and the Coach reamed him out for his lackluster performance.
By the time he got home from practice, Bella was nowhere to be found. When Emmett realized today was the day she was teaching Edward how to cook, his mood became even fouler. He showered and parked it on the couch, nursing his bad mood with terrible reality television and a beer.
He felt like a girl, checking his phone every five minutes in case Bella texted him. She didn't, of course, and that made him feel like an even bigger douche bag. When she asked him if she could go help out Edward – well, she didn't really ask, she just said she was – he should have said no. He should have told her it wasn't okay.
Seriously, though, how could he say that and not sound like a giant asshole? He knew Bella and she would immediately come to the conclusion that he didn't trust her. Emmett definitely didn't trust Edward, but did he truly not trust Bella?
He took a long drink from his beer, which was actually just making him feel worse. He trusted Bella. He did. She would never intentionally hurt him – it just wasn't in her to do that. But she loved Edward for a long time, and Emmett knew as well as anyone how hard it was to shake those feelings. He tried to distance himself from Bella and it never quite worked.
Emmett was generally an optimistic guy. He prided himself on looking for the good in people. Maybe it was his hangover, maybe it was the lack of sleep…but he suddenly had very little hope that Bella would be successful in the places that he hadn't been. Bella spending time with Edward would lead only to heartbreak. He was selfish enough to hope that it wasn't his heart that would be broken.
He took a break from the couch to change into jeans and a t-shirt. Alice would give him a piece of her mind if he didn't make an effort to look decent. He was gone for maybe two minutes, and when he made it back to the living room his phone was lit up with a message.
Emmett speed dialed his voicemail and sat down on the couch, listening to Bella's message. She was riding to Alice's with Edward. Well, that was fucking great. He was going to walk in and see Bella holding his goddamn hand, too.
He covered his eyes for a moment, a dull ache beginning to throb behind them. He grabbed his jacket and left for Jasper's. He wanted this day over. He would get Bella and get the hell out of there.
If Jasper was surprised when he opened the door to find both her and Edward, he didn't let it show. His eyes flickered between the two of them and then he stepped aside to let them in.
"Alice is making shepherd's pie," he announced.
Bella gave him a quick smile, all too aware that he was studying her, and scurried for the kitchen. She heard the low timbre of Jasper's voice but couldn't make out what he was saying to Edward.
"Oh, hey!" Alice smiled, looking over her shoulder. "You're early today."
Bella pulled her hoodie off and tossed it on the chair, buying a few precious seconds of time. Rip the band aid off? Or do it slowly?
"Yeah, I was actually with Edward. He asked me to show him some gluten-free recipes, so then we just drove over together," Bella blurted out, trying to make it sound casual. Rip that sucker right off.
Alice didn't say anything for a moment. She kept mashing the potatoes, a little wrinkle appearing on her forehead as she thought.
Bella sighed and sat down. "Look, Alice, I know you don't approve of me hanging out with Edward. But I'm with Emmett. If anything, if I am honestly not over Edward like you think, then this will just help me get over him."
"I guess I just don't understand it," Alice shrugged, her voice a little sad. "I mean, why jeopardize something amazing with Emmett for something that you never had before or really even wanted?"
"I do want to be Edward's friend," Bella protested.
"You always wanted to be more than his friend," Alice corrected. Bella opened her mouth to say something else, but Alice shook her head. "Let's just forget about it, Bella. I'm happy that you're friends with Edward, I really am."
Her words and her voice sounded sincere, but Alice's claim left a heavy knot in the pit of Bella's stomach. She forced a smile and began to make the salad.
Just a few minutes later the front door opened and they heard Emmett's voice. Bella wiped her hands off and met him in the hallway.
"Hey," she said, her arms going up for a hug.
Emmett grabbed her arm and shook his head. "I don't feel so good. I need to grab a water."
Feeling snubbed and hurt, Bella watched him enter the kitchen. She heard Alice begin to coo over him, and she blinked away her sudden tears. She was so emotional lately; she hated it.
Bella stepped back into the kitchen. Emmett was slouching in a chair while Alice leaned against the table, one hand on his forehead.
"You don't have a fever," she said mildly. "Are you okay?"
Bella felt s stab of envy. She filled a glass with water and ice and handed it to him. He lifted his head and looked at her, so melancholy, and she felt her heart break a little.
"Do you want to go home?" she asked, her heart in her throat. She had an irrational fear that he would suddenly reject her.
"Not yet," he sighed. Emmett reached out and took her hand, pulling her onto his lap. Immediately relieved, and flooded with more emotions, Bella hugged him tightly. "After you eat we'll go."
"It's okay," Bella shrugged. "I can make a sandwich at home or something. Do you want some soup?"
"Really, it's fine," Emmett shook his head. "I'm just tired."
Edward walked into the room with two empty beer bottles. He opened the fridge and grabbed two more, one for him and one for Jasper. He stopped when he saw Emmett's expression. "Dude, you okay? You look like shit."
Emmett grunted. Bella felt his entire body stiffen underneath her.
Edward nodded towards Bella. "She's a phenomenal cook. Ask her to make you soup or something."
With those parting words, Edward left the room. Bella looked at Emmett, shocked at the very visible anger on his face.
"I need to go to the bathroom," he muttered, gently but firmly pushing her off him.
Bella watched him stalk out of the kitchen. Alice didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken words. Eager to escape the kitchen but dreading a confrontation with Emmett, Bella followed him to the bathroom.
She knocked on the door. "Emmett? It's me. Let me in."
"I'm taking a leak," he called back, his voice irritated.
She turned the doorknob and it opened. Emmett was standing in front of the sink, his hands braced on either side, staring into the mirror.
"What's wrong?" she asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. He was mad at her. She knew it, he knew it, and Alice knew it. "Are you really sick?"
He shook his head. "I'm hungover and I feel like shit. Let's just eat and go, okay?"
"You're mad at me," she whispered. Shame burned in her chest, and she suddenly felt all of the guilt that she had been trying so hard to suppress.
"Let's not do this now," Emmett pleaded. "Come on. Do you want to just go home?"
"I'm sorry," Bella mumbled. "I'm really sorry. I'm just – I don't know. I'm stupid. I won't talk to him anymore if you don't want me to."
He looked at her quickly, and Bella knew that was what he really wanted. He would be happy if she never talked to Edward again. She stupidly offered, and now she hoped he didn't make her promise that – because she doubted it was a promise she could keep. She was just digging herself deeper and deeper.
"It's fine," he managed to say. Emmett moved to go past her but Bella grabbed his arm.
"Wait," she pleaded. "I don't want you to be mad."
"Bella, I don't want to do this right now," he said brusquely. He removed her hand from his arm. "Just let it go."
Regret burned her heart, and the fire in her chest was so painful it brought tears to her eyes. Alice was right. She was stupid and she should have just ignored Edward. An involuntary cry left her throat and Emmett looked at her, his eyes dark but round.
"Don't cry," he said gruffly. "Stop."
"I'm fine," she choked out, waving her hand. "Go ahead. I just need a minute."
He stared at her, watching as she turned away and tried to hide the big fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Before he could stop himself, Emmett pulled her into a tight hug. Bella burrowed her face into his chest and tried to stop crying, because she knew he hated it.
"I hate that you can do this to me," he whispered, his voice miserable.
"Do what?"
"You make me feel defenseless," Emmett murmured. He kissed the side of her forehead, and Bella looked up at him. Her eyes, so big and vulnerable, twisted up his heart.
Bella leaned forward to kiss him, and he reluctantly responded. He just wanted to go home. It was easier when it was just the two of them.
Bella's grip on his neck tightened and her lips became more aggressive.
"What are you – "
She cut him off, trying to show him how she felt; she wanted him to be happy. Emmett tried to say something else but she kissed him harder, her hands sliding over his torso.
He finally broke apart from her, breathing heavy, and Bella took the opportunity to reach down and unzip his jeans.
"Bella," he hissed. "We can't do that here."
She knew it was a little crazy, and a lot not like her, but the panicked desperation inside of her needed his touch. She needed him, and she needed him now.
"Bella," he held out, trying to get her to stop, but then her hand slipped inside of his pants. Bella squeezed him and he moaned quietly.
He tried one more time to stop her, but Bella brushed aside his hand and he finally gave up. She couldn't really get her hand inside of his pants because they were two tight, so Emmett pulled her hand out and shoved his jeans down.
"Turn around," he said breathlessly. He was shocked at Bella's forwardness, but if they were going to do it, they were going to do it right.
Bella turned so her back was to his chest and watched him in the mirror. Emmett stared back, his eyes never leaving hers, even when he reached around her and unbuttoned her jeans. Her heart was racing and she couldn't get enough air to fill her lungs, but it didn't matter because in the next second her jeans and panties were down to her knees and Emmett was pressed against her.
He was hard and ready, and she was more than ready for him. She placed on hand flat on the wall to steady herself, and both of Emmett's hands grabbed low on her waist.
He pushed inside her with a soft grunt, and once he knew she was okay he adopted a quick, shallow pace. Bella knew he wasn't going to last long, but neither was she. She looked at him in the mirror, memorizing the look of intense concentration on his face, spurring her on toward her own orgasm. She liked watching him.
"Bella," he mumbled. "Oh, God…"
He held her tightly as he came, his arms wrapped around her stomach to hold her back against him. Bella shuddered through her climax, upset when he bent to kiss the back of her neck and avoided eye contact.
They stayed locked in that position for another few seconds, then Emmett pulled out of her. He leaned down to pull up her underwear and then her jeans, even buttoning them for her. Her legs felt like jell-o.
"Can we go home now?" she asked tiredly. She was spent, both physically and emotionally.
He kissed the side of her head. "Yeah. Let's go home."
They made their excuses to Alice and Jasper, who didn't question them because of how crappy Emmett looked. She drove his car home and they didn't speak another word about their fight or Edward.
They took turns showering and crawled into bed. Emmett put the television on and pulled Bella against his chest, but he didn't speak much. She knew whatever happened between them wasn't over, but she didn't want to bring it up again.
Instead, she snuggled against him and tried to forget about everything.
Hours later, while Bella was sleeping peacefully, Emmett was still trying to forget about everything.
let us prepare for upcoming angst.
i am participating in the fandom gives back again this year. if you win me - don't worry, i'm cheap lol - you can get whatever kind of outtake from TORN or IYCRMM you'd like. i'm doing one auction-style and one set price. see their site for deets.
thank you to the usual suspects - siouxchef and prereaders (now including my twilight counsel bff, dinx219...go check out her story).
LUNA