Sorry for the long wait, I was awfully busy and since this fic doesn't seem very popular it was of lesser priority to me... Anyway, here's the chapter, enjoy please^^
Dinner was not a pleasant affair tonight.
It was stiff, mute and tension packed. Unlike other nights it didn´t do anything to relieve Vincent´s stress but only added to it. Partly it was his own fault, he knew that. Lucrecia had cooked a delicious meal, arranged it lovingly on the table, even added a few candles that flickered nervously in the thin air.
The family-feeling just wouldn´t come up. All day Vincent had been thinking, the scene when he had surprised his sons playing in his mind over and over again, distracting him from work. Now he couldn´t stop watching their every move, interpreting unhealthy motives into everything they did. They didn´t even do much. In fact, they did spectacularly well at avoiding to look at each other, talk to each other – they just sat there, stiff as pillars of salt and listlessly chewed down their dinner, probably hoping to be released soon. Kadaj was shuffling his feet and yawned every now and again, whereas Loz gobbled down his meal as if he couldn´t wait to get away. Earlier on Lucrecia had tried to engage them into a conversation but she had only gotten monosyllabic replies and, discouraged, she had stopped and concentrated on cutting her potatoes into microscopic pieces.
There was no talk about annoying teachers, new friends, finished songs or technical problems with a new piece of machinery.
Vincent sighed.
"Go and get ready for bed. I will cover the dishes tonight."
It seemed that they had only waited for his sign as instantly four chairs screeched backwards over the tiles and within a few seconds his children were heading upstairs.
Lucrecia put her cutlery down, then stood and began to wordlessly toss the remnants of their dinner into the garbage.
"I am sorry," he offered, getting up as well and turning to the sink, filling it with warm water and detergent that smelled of artificial lemon.
"I looked at old photographs today. You know, when the boys were younger." There was no need to emphasize that she was referring to Yazoo and Sephiroth exclusively. They´d been married for over 15 years now. They had grown up together, and their souls were intertwined like the branches of two trees curling around each other.
"What did you find?"
"I don´t know... I am not sure. Maybe I let the recent events affect my judgment too much, but I think there´s something... special about them."
"That´s a nice way to put it," Vincent snorted, but when her sharp gaze pierced him the fine lines on his forehead smoothed and he let the dishes slip into the foamy water.
"I´m just saying... They were always close. All of them are, Kadaj and Loz too, they take care of each other, they love each other. But it´s not like that... What if they really are different, I thought to myself." Lucrecia had stopped, the plate hanging askew from her hand over the garbage as she stared into the dark garden pensively. Vincent kept quiet, giving her time to voice her thoughts.
"Maybe it´s in the genes," she suddenly laughed, a bit too shrill and nervous. "I mean, our relationship isn´t exactly conventional either." Her shoulders lifted in a helpless shrug. "When I look at it now it feels inevitable, linear. As if it was bound to happen, maybe... I really don´t know. But I feel that if it wasn´t a singular incident, if there is more going on than we noticed it might be even worse to force them... to stop it." She looked back at her husband, uncertain. "They are not hurting anyone with what they do, are they?"
Vincent had feared that kind of conversation. The foreboding feeling he had had and that he had pushed away roughly was catching up with him now. He had refused to think about it that way, because his sense of rightness had told him that what his sons had done was wrong. But Lucrecia was more sensitive when it came to emotions, the subtle things between people, their chemistry. He trusted her judgment. And if he was honest he´d always known that something was off; walking in on them had shifted something inside him, as if his vision had been slightly doubled before but was perfectly sharp and whole now. That didn´t mean that he was all right with the fact that his oldest son was fucking his brother. Far from it. There was no way anyone could comprehend how he was feeling right now; Vincent was blaming himself for failing as a father. In the face of this atrocity he was helpless and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it. There was just no script or manual that helped him dealing with this situation. He felt as if he was swimming in the ocean, not knowing where the next shore was. In the blink of an eye his sons had become strangers to him, everything he thought he knew about them was wiped from his brain and when he looked at them now he could see nothing but that scene in Sephiroth´s bedroom.
"They´re hurting us," Vincent finally replied, eyes downcast, his hands resting in the cooling water where a thin layer of muddy substance painted surreal spirals between little mountains of deflating foam. "They are hurting me." And he didn´t even want to think about the possibility that maybe, whatever they had done was not consensual.
"I know." The light weight of his wife´s hand on his shoulder wasn´t enough to push the burden off from there, but maybe part of it crumbled. "I think they are hurting too."
Vincent stared at a lazy swirl and then destroyed it by grabbing a plate and curtly cleaning it with a scrubber.
"Maybe we should talk to them again." Lucrecia suggested softly. In her opinion the boys´attempts to avoid any contact with each other said more than anything. Contrary to her husband she was confident that she still knew them pretty well; they were responsible and those were the consequences they had drawn. She could also tell that they were less than happy with this solution.
"Not all problems can be talked away," Vincent snapped waspishly, but regretted it the moment he said it. His wife wasn´t to blame. Lucrecia bit her lips.
Vincent put the last plate out of the dirty water and turned towards her, kissing her on the forehead. "I will go and talk to them. Maybe it´s just like Reeve said and we are worrying about nothing."
The door was closed again.
Shut tightly and towering at the end of the corridor, locking a storm of secrets and tension inside.
Yazoo didn´t care; the situation was too out of control to be intimidating anymore. If they didn´t talk now, if he didn´t take initiative the silence between them would grow bigger and fatter, becoming a monster of epic proportions they might not be able to slash down.
As Yazoo poked his head inside, without knocking, Sephiroth looked up in surprise. He sat on the bed, cross-legged, one of his notebooks opened before him. The page was empty, pen resting on the virginal paper. Obviously writer´s block was striking, or else Seph wouldn´t even have heard him enter. Once an idea caught him, Sephiroth could be writing notes for hours on end without hearing or seeing anything else around him but that brilliant riff or melody that was ringing only in his own ears until it found its way onto paper.
Out of the boxes placed beside the bed, some metal singer was roaring in that raspy voice of theirs.
Sephiroth was still wordlessly staring with a slightly accusing expression, as if Yazoo had just walked in on him masturbating.,,, which was probably not the best metaphor, as he really wouldn´t have minded that. But maybe as if Yazoo had disturbed a private moment. Sephiroth was guarded, wary.
„I´m not the enemy," Yazoo said, slightly waspishly. He sure felt treated like one and it hurt. So he had to say it to reassure himself that he wasn´t. Maybe, if he was lucky, Sephiroth would be kind enough to confirm it as well. Pushing those partly sardonic, partly very real fears away, Yazoo waited for an answer.
The monster between them steered with an unwilling grunt.
Dark pupils constricted for a split second before they turned back to a perfect circle and the elder´s tense shoulders slumped in defeat.
„I know." Sephiroth grabbed the remote and turned the music down. „Close the door and come here."
Yazoo felt his windpipe constricting and almost choked a breath, but turned quickly to close the door. Whatever talk they were going to have would probably (hopefully) make things better. He wasn´t good with stuff like that, communicating feelings in general and crisis management in particular (it was easiest to just reboot an erroneous program but sadly not an option here), and there was no wikipedia entry for this kind of situations he could have relied on. This was completely new territory and Yazoo wasn´t very eager to explore it, but there was no turning back now.
Blank faced he sat down on the very edge of the bed, but to his surprise he was gripped and pulled into Sephiroth´s lap. „'Here' is not there;" he was informed with a lifted brow.
Great, mixed signals weren´t Yazoo's strong point either. Leaning his head against his brother´s shoulder, Yazoo sighed. "Hm."
The dulled music wafted languidly through the mostly dark room as they sat there on the bed, unmoving. At least the physical distance had been overcome.
"Now what?"
Sephiroth shrugged, leaning back against the wall. His clear green eyes were directed at the half opened window but he wasn´t really looking.
"Things changed. You are aware of that?" It was actually a very legitimate question; Yazoo was amazingly dull sometimes when it came to things that involved subtle (or not so subtle) interaction between people. The problem could be as heavy and immediate as a sledgehammer and hit him right in the face and the boy still managed to be oblivious. Which had some people conclude that he was uncaring, arrogant and jaded, but Sephiroth knew better.
"Hm." Yazoo dropped his lids pensively, shifting a bit on Sephiroth´s lab. A dark shadow flickered over his pale features briefly. "It´s so troublesome," he observed, leaning his head against his brother´s shoulder.
Sephiroth inwardly sighed, a bit bitter. Well, he hadn´t expected any other reaction, not really. If he was honest, it was his own fault too. Ever since he could think Sephiroth had been the big brother; he had taken it upon himself to shield his brothers, which was something he found was his duty and he loved it. Arguably he had exaggerated a bit when it came to Yazoo.
Over the last years he had made sure that nothing unpleasant would come even close to his brother and it was no wonder that Yazoo took it for granted that Sephiroth would continue to do so. He didn´t know any better.
But they had come to a point where it was mandatory for Yazoo to grow up, where Sephiroth had to force him to, lest it end in a catastrophe. Sephiroth just couldn´t make the problem go away, even if he wanted to. On the other hand it had also been a wake up call; if they wanted to stay close then things had to change. Yazoo had to learn to be responsible, face problems and deal with them. This particular one would not just go away, like Sephiroth had hoped; the plan had been to keep a low profile till things had calmed down again and then proceed as usual, but that was too dangerous and too much was at risk. It wouldn't be that easy, not if they didn't want their family to cause grief. Their parents were even more attentive now and should they get surprised again that would be the end of it.
Yazoo shifted again, somewhat confused. They were straying from the usual routine and Yazoo seemed to notice too.
"... What do you plan on doing about it?" he finally asked slowly, looking up at the older boy. Normally it would have been Sephiroth´s turn to say that it was all right and that he´d take care of it, but maybe due to the circumstances he had just forgotten, Yazoo thought.
"We will have to figure something out."
Yazoo stirred, his expression turning blank. "...We?" he asked tentatively, because he wasn't sure if he had just misheard.
"Yes. You and I sums up to We." Sephiroth tilted his head wryly as he looked down at his brother to he how he would react. Yazoo's brain seemed busy processing the information, because it took him a while to finally spit out an answer. "Okay."
It only sounded slightly patronizing, as if Sephiroth was throwing a fit of temporary insanity that would be over in a minute.
The elder was not impressed, but stretched his leg, wrinkling the blanket underneath them. "So, any suggestions?" he asked mercilessly, adopting a casual tone with a light cruel edge.
Yazoo sat stock still. "No." Maybe this had just been a rhetorical question. He couldn't really be supposed to answer that. How would he know what to do? Sephiroth took care of such things.
"Too bad. Me either." Sephiroth reached over to the messy nightstand of his bed and managed to pull out a half broken pencil. The pen he had intended to use prior to Yazoo's entrance had slipped somewhere in between the sheets and he was too lazy to search it now. Unperturbed he grabbed his notebook and started to scribble down a few lines and notes.
Yazoo still sat comfortably in Sephiroth's lap, feeling his brother's free hand supporting his weight at his back. He watched Sephiroth write in the dimming light until finally the corners of his mouth twitched up into an artificial smile.
"You are being funny." Not that Yazoo thought that this was particularly funny but he was relieved to have identified this situation correctly as a joke cracked by his brother. So he thought it was his job to laugh now, or something like that. Smiling was probably enough.
Sephiroth stopped writing and looked back at his brother, not smiling or laughing at all. That was unexpected.
"Am I? I wouldn't know what's funny about not being able to figure out a way to convince your legal guardians that you are not having an incestuous relationship with your brother while fucking him behind their backs. Explain it to me."
"Didn't you just say that I am not the enemy?" Yazoo retorted slightly exasperatedly. Sephiroth could be so bitchy sometimes!
"Yes, but right now you are doing well at failing as an alley too." Sephiroth immersed himself back into the song that was slowly forming in his head, drawing a little dot with an upward line on the third stave.
Before Yazoo could answer a knock sounded from the door. Judging by the force of it that could only be their father. Their mom's knocks were far gentler and lighter.
The boys looked alarmed and Yazoo quickly got to his feet to sit at the chair by Sephiroth's desk. He had to push some shirts and socks onto the floor first.
Sephiroth himself straightened, waiting for Yazoo to be seated, then he gave him a warning look that said 'I'm doing the talking' and invited, "Come in." Yazoo had to suppress a smug smirk, because now things were back to the way they were supposed to be. It did feel a bit accomplishing.
Vincent opened the door and poked his head in, attempting to say something, but when he spotted Yazoo he settled for awkward silence.
His gaze flickered back to Sephiroth, clearly suspicious.
"We were just talking."
Vincent paused, suppressing the urge to grab one of them and drag him out of the room to get some physical distance between them. "Good," he finally said, coming in and closing the door behind him. "I need to talk to you too. The both of you."
"I thought we were done with that already," Sephiroth replied, unnerved, tapping his pen against the notebook with a bit too much force.
"I am not here to make any accusations." Vincent looked around the room to find a place to sit but when there was none he went for the bed, giving Sephiroth a sign to move, and doubtful, the boy did. The mattress creaked as their father sat down.
Uncomfortable silence settled heavily around them.
"Your mother is worried."
Sephiroth rolled his eyes. So much for no accusations.
"We said we were sorry. We still are. It won't happen again."
"Of course it won't!" Vincent barked, but then cleared his throat, forcing himself to calm down. "Anyway, I thought we should talk about what happened that night. I know you talked about it with Reeve already, but I want to understand it too."
The two of them shared a quick look. Yazoo remained silent because he had been told so and he didn't have to contribute anything productive anyways. He wished he could be in his own room, finishing that virus he was programming.
"What do you want to know?" Sephiroth asked slowly, giving his father a side-long glance. He didn't want to tell him any technical details of what they had been doing.
That would be creepy and sick.
„I want to know why you did it. I want to understand it." Or at least try. And he didn't want it per se, but he had to. Vincent tried to ignore the feeling of alienation that threatened to overcome him when he looked at them. He felt strangely detached, sitting in this room with two human beings that somehow were his sons. There was also the ugly feeling of betrayal creeping into his heart on sticky legs. At least Vincent was making an effort here, swallowing all accusations for the sake of his wife and the rest of his family. Even for their sake; they were still his children. He would listen, and it was high time, apparently.
"We already told that shrink friend of yours," Sephiroth pointed out,trying to buy some time. It was admirable that their father was trying so hard, but in this case it wasn't really appreciated. Not until they had found a way to figure this out themselves.
"Then tell it again. To me." Vincent's voice was tight with impatience and authority. He was a pretty hands-on parent, though recently with the boys hitting puberty their relationship had suffered. Besides he was very busy with work at the moment and had practically zero tolerance for their antics.
"Did you give us the cards for the play deliberately to have us out of the house?"
"No, of course not."
Vincent felt some of his worries evaporate and he relaxed a bit. If they hadn't planned it it made them less calculative, less manipulative. And the action could have been spontaneous. It most likely had been. That diminished the potential for a parallel life going on behind his back significantly.
"What compelled you to do this -" Vincent stopped, gritting his teeth and keeping himself in check to not judge their actions by using offensive vocabulary. It would only drive them back into their shells and nothing would be gained. "This," he finished.
The creaking of the desk chair was drawing his attention to Yazoo about whom he had almost forgotten. The boy had that ability to elegantly fade into the background and get out of the line of fire, but this was about him too and Vincent wouldn't allow him to escape this confrontation.
"Yazoo?" he demanded, ignoring Sephiroth for now, who opened his mouth to speak and draw his father's attention back to himself, but Vincent held his hand up sharply, silencing him in advance.
The younger boy's eyes briefly flickered over to his brother but then they drifted reluctantly to Vincent. "We were just fooling around... I guess." He lifted a bony shoulder in a shrug.
"I see. And how did you get the idea of 'fooling around'?" Vincent pressed, holding Yazoo's eyes captive until the boy looked down at his hands almost petulantly. He was marginally swinging on the chair, left and right, left and right. His feet brushed over a bunch of clothes littering the floor.
"We had sex education the other day and they were talking about homo stuff. It was a stupid idea."
Vincent noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes and turned his head to see Sephiroth bury his face in his hands in a gesture of... embarrassment.
All of a sudden Vincent came to realize that their behavior was not devious, rebellious or conspiratorial. Not at all. The intentions of their actions had not been to make him or the rest of their family miserable; there was no greater, evil scheme here.
They simply had done something extremely stupid without thinking and they had had the misfortune of being caught in the middle of it. It seemed to Vincent that they wanted nothing more than to forget about that deeply agonizing moment of being exposed and their attitude was just a natural reaction to cover their vulnerability. It was only in that very moment of his epiphany that he got a glimpse at how very awkward and insecure they must be feeling, and that he was not making it easier for them by taking that judgmental stance, looking at them from above with disgust, distrust and lack of understanding.
"I see," Vincent finally said, his voice sounding a lot less tense, gentler. His whole rigid posture relaxed, as he sighed and fell back against the wall, rubbing over his eyes slowly. He wondered when he had become a 'parent'. He'd always tried to be at eye-level with his children, to be a friend and someone they could trust. Not someone they had to hide from and fear, whose approval they had to chase. Vincent had vowed to love them the way they were, unconditionally and he was appalled by how easily he had abandoned them in a situation of crisis. Stress at work and them being difficult because of puberty was no excuse at all; Vincent had neglected them horribly.
And it wasn't as if he hadn't made grave mistakes in his youth either, he certainly had (though he hadn't done anything remotely close to...this). They were children after all. And Vincent was here to guide them, to be there and listen to their concerns and their confusion. Yelling at them would not achieve a thing.
"Well... it certainly wasn't one for your brighter ideas." Vincent sighed, letting his hand fall into his lap. It had gotten dark outside and their silhouettes were shrouded in shadows now.
A green eye slowly looked at Vincent through spread fingers and Yazoo stopped his stoic swinging.
"You are not mad anymore?" The boy sounded surprised, careful.
Vincent took a moment to think about that.
"No. I think you learned your lesson. I assume such a thing will not happen again?"
"It won't." Sephiroth did not specify of course that he didn't intend to not have a sexual relationship with his brother anymore but that he didn't intend to get caught again. Technically he wasn't really lying, even though he knew very well that Vincent meant something different than he was referring too.
"Then we are good. If you have questions about... sex please ask your mother or me, before you get hands-on. You can always talk to us, about anything."
Sephiroth nodded, though he severely doubted that they could talk about everything with them. If they reacted that strongly about something they deemed an unfortunate accident, a one time mistake that had occurred because of their teenage stupidity how were they to take the revelation that there was more to it than a curious whim? They would be devastated.
"All right then. Let's leave it at that. Unless you feel the need to talk some more about it...?"
Much to Vincent's relief they both shook their heads. He felt very accomplished; hadn't he proven that Lucrecia's worries were unfounded? This little disruption of their otherwise harmonious family life could be ignored; everything would just turn back to normal.
Things had been worked out.
End of story.
"It is late. You should go to bed now." Vincent got up, stretching out his arm demandingly and Yazoo got up. Vincent guided him to the door. As they left Yazoo and Sephiroth shared one last secret look. They had lulled their parents back into blissful ignorance. Maintaining their family's happiness as well as their own seemed manageable again. From now on they just had to be doubly careful.
This was far from being over.
end~
So, this is it^^ Many many thanks to everyone who reviewed and subscribed and read this story, I loved writing it and sharing it with you!
Please leave me some of your thoughts on this for the last time? :)