LOL, what's with you guys and Charlie Sheen? XD What about how the world was supposed to end on the 21st? I called my pal and said, "So…the world's supposed to end in like five minutes…wanna grab some Brusters?" I suppose I'm ranting now, OH WELL! And for any Death Note fans that somehow happen to read this, I typed in Google, 'Mello likes chocolate' and it said below, 'Did you mean: Mello loves chocolate?' I just about died XDD! Again, I'm ranting. Sorry, force of habit ^^"
One last note…
FallingStar17: Where are the punctuation marks out of order? Let me know, 'cause I hate little imperfections like that ^^"
A
N
U
B
I
S
I awoke to the noise of loud banging upstairs, along with the words, "Teach me how to dougie, teach me, teach me how to dougie-"
Annoyed, I put on my Michael Myers mask and crept down the hallway, clutching Sadie's underpants. As soon as I found the door that the noise led to, I froze. The music was coming from SET'S room! Fearing for my life, I peeked through the cracked doorway and immediately whipped out a video camera.
Set was dougieing.
Poorly.
The only coherent though in my head was: This is soooo going on AFV.
After about five minutes of watching my father dance, I couldn't suppress a laugh any longer. It came out in a short burst of air, technically setting off a lit up sign with an arrow pointed at me saying, 'ANUBIS IS RIGHT HERE AND SPYING ON YOU'. I cursed my bad luck and took off running down the hallway.
"GET BACK HERE, ANUBIS!" I heard Set scream.
In a flurry of actions, I took off my mask and chucked it at my father's face. Bullseye, I thought in satisfaction as the mask made a dull 'thump' sound on his face. Set let out a stream of rude words as he pried the mask off his face.
I passed one of those glowing digital clocks and backtracked to it, "Pretty lights…." I mumbled, poking the screen.
I was jolted from my stupor by my father's scream of rage. I turned around and he was literally RIGHT behind me. His chest heaved and his eyes were wild with fury.
"Ummm…hi, Pops! I'll just be going now so…" I inched my way back to my room.
He grabbed my wrist, "Give me. The tape." He demanded.
"What tape? What are you- OH, this tape?" I asked, pulling out my video camera, "Can do, here you go!" I threw it to him, "Now, I'll just be going…again…"
He stopped me again, tightening his grip on my wrist, "No, no, no, that isn't enough… I. Want. BLOOOOD!" then he lunged at me.
A father trying to kill his son…is it just me, or does something sound wrong with that sentence?
"What are you doing, Dad? Are you on drugs or something?" I tried to helplessly beat him away from me.
He looked sort of like a rabid raccoon, "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available, because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. (A/N That was for Charlie Sheen 2)"
I blinked, "Ummm, I don't have any children…are you feeling okay?"
Set yelled and lunged at me…again, but a hand pulled him back, "Evil Day, I command you to STOP!"
He frowned and sulked away. I turned to Sadie, "Oh, thank gods; he was seriously trying to kill me!"
Sadie patted my hand, "Don't worry, that bad man will never touch you again." She soothed.
She then summoned a magical unicorn. It barfed up rainbows and farted butterflies before turning to me, "Anubis…" it said in a raspy voice, "before you get on, I require payment for my services… that payment is…."
It sort of lost its train of thought and zoned out on me. Sadie gave me a look that plainly said, 'Happens all the time', "The payment is….." Sadie encouraged, motioning with her hands.
The unicorn jolted awake, "Huh, what? When did you get here?...Oh, right. The payment is…women's underwear…"
Sadie pouted, "What kind of payment is that? Why on earth would Anubis have women's under-"
I sheepishly pulled out the lacy undies, after seeing Sadie's look; I put up my hands, "I swear they aren't mine!"
"Suuure. Just give the unicorn the underwear." Sadie stated, rolling her eyes.
I handed the unicorn the undies, "Thank you, Anubis…I'm not going to ask where the underwear came from…you may climb onto me…" It said slowly, eating the undies.
"Ummm, you're welcome?" I said uncertainly, and jumped on its back. Sadie shortly followed and fastened her arms around my waist.
Both of our faces flushed in realization, "Erm, it's a safety precaution! Wouldn't want me falling off, would you?"
I nodded, "Yes that would be rather unfortunate…"
Without warning, the unicorn launched itself into the air. I slid backwards and tumbled into Sadie. She, too, was hanging on for dear life.
"ANUBIS, HOLD ONTO THE POTATO!" She yelled.
I gave her a strange look, "Sadie, are you feeling okay?" I asked, checking her for a fever with a thermometer I summoned out of the Medical Duat.
She slapped my hand away, "Anubis, I'm fine! In fact, I'm a little more worried about you. Why did you seem so confused when I mentioned Bob?"
"When you mentioned who?"
"Bob. The potato," She said slowly, "The. Magical. Potato. That. Lives. In. My. Underpants."
I did a double take, "The WHAT that lives in your WHAT?" Sadie opened her mouth to repeat it, but I clamped a hand over it, "Nonononononono! No need to repeat it! I'm just worrying for your sanity."
"No need to worry, 'Nubis!" Sadie said, smiling, "I'll introduce you!"
"Ahhh, no need for that either!"
In the air, odd objects will fly at you. For example: The barrel of coconuts that hit us in the face.
I batted them away, but Sadie stared at them in awe as they pummeled her face, "Hey, 'Nubis, did you know that more people have been killed by coconuts than sharks?"
At that moment, a shark slapped us in the face.
Screw you, Karma. I said inwardly.
At that moment, a box of screws hit us.
…Never mind.
Sadie began rummaging around in her pants, "He's bound to be here somewhere…" She muttered. After a bit, she let out a triumphant roar, "Found him!" She exclaimed, holding up a lumpy object.
At a closer look, the object was indeed a potato. A moldy-looking potato with googly eyes glued on and a Sharpie mouth and nose.
I'm sure I had a FML look on my face when she said, "'Nubis, hold onto Bob! He will protect youuuuuuu!" she waved the insufferable vegetable in my face.
After a moment's consideration, she added, "He barfs cream soda."
"CREAM SODAAAAAAA!" I yelled, and grabbed the potato. He actually did barf cream soda.
I laughed like a madman and threw cream sodas in the air, "Wait!" I said with seriousness, "I must update my status!"
Then she had a FML face.
I whipped out my phone and logged on to Facebook:
Hai guyzzzzzzz!1!1!1 Cream soda iz totes mgoats bein barfed up by a magik potatoe named Bob XDDD! Plus im ridin a unicron!1! PLUssS sadie kane iz totaly behind meh! OMGS SHE IZ SMEXYYYY!111!
She peered over my shoulder, "Hey, 'Nubis, what is Facebook? Who would want to book their face?"
I shrugged and tossed my phone behind me, "LA LA LALA! LA LA LALA! ELMO'S WORLD!"
The unicorn suddenly went into a steep dive. I closed my eyes, "I'm thankful for my pet puppy named Oscar who died, like, ten years ago. I'm thankful for that taco that Horus gave me, even though it gave me food poisoning. I'm thankful for that microphone that Thoth shoved up my-"
"'Nubis, we're here!" Sadie exclaimed, shaking my arm.
"Since when have you started calling me ''Nubis' ( FAIL QUOTATION MARKS)? And where exactly is here?"
"I think I started calling you that around 373 words ago, starting at the word 'me' then going backwards…." She put a hand to her chin in thought, "And here is home!"
I looked around and she was right. Bland, black, depressing stuff. Definitely home.
We got off the unicorn, fed it rainbow apples for its services, and bustled inside, "DADDIE, SET, WE'RE HOME!" Sadie yelled.
Set came by, carrying himself sluggishly. He gave me a mischievous look and tried to speak within my brain. I sighed and allowed him permission.
So…Anubis, my boy…seems like you ran off with the Kane chick.
Yup…
Saw your FB status, seems like you've got a thing for her…
I DON'T LIKE HER!
Then why did you use the word, 'Smexy', when describing her?
It's…..Mexican! For…nice?
Suuure, and I'm the god of chaos.
Ummm, you are.
DON'T YOU SASS ME, BOY!
Nehh :P
Fine, I'll go now.
Good, but I've got a question. How did you see my status? I would never friend a scumbag like you.
Remember that girl you friended, Tes?
Yeah…
That was me.
I paled.
WTF YOU PERVERT, PRETENDING TO BE A FREAKING GIRL! BESIDES, 'TES' IS JUST 'SET' BACKWARDS; I FIGURED THAT OUT IN FIVE FREAKING SECONDS!
Huh, you never said anything about it…
I just…
He gave me a final smirk and disconnected our thoughts. After seeing how red my face was from anger, he laughed and walked away.
Sadie butted in, "So…what was that about? You two had, like, a staring contest that lasted five minutes then you got angry and he walked away laughing."
I was about to lie about it when her dad game stumbling in, "Hey guys! Want to meet Phillip? He's this magical potato that lives in my underpants!"
Anyone else hear about the Missouri tornado? It was really at my great grandmother's house… her house is in complete ruin, (keep in mind that she was AT HOME during the tornado) but she is perfectly fine. Friday, I might go down to Joplin to help clean up if I can…God bless Missouri!