I don't own Shugo Chara blah blah blah ;p
A/N: this chap starts from Nagi's POV after Rima, Kusukusu, and Chunge are walking to the comedy stage.
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Nagihiko's POV
Not again. Mother walked me into the stage. "Where's the director?" she called. The busy dancers stopped to look at her. They were women, all of them.
One pointed to an old couple in the back. "He's over there,"
"Thank you," we walked over to them. Mother spoke to the old man. "Are you the director for the dancing performances?"
They turned round. "Why yes, along with my wife. Who might you be?"
"I was informed by one of your assistant directors that a dancer broke her leg. He asked me if I had a student at my dancing school that could fill in."
The old woman clapped her hands. "Ah yes! Is this the lucky dancer filling in?"
"Yes, this is Nagihiko, my son." Mother empathized on the word 'son'. It was embarrassing.
"Oh your son eh?" she old lady walked up to me. I found this pretty hilarious since she was only a bit taller than Rima. (Even though Rima wouldn't if she was here, hehe) "What a beautiful son you have!" I blushed at the word 'beautiful'. Honestly, I'd rather like to be called 'handsome' for once. To my suprise, two of her fingers pinched my cheek and pulled me down. "Kneel a bit sonny, so I can have a closer look at you. Hmm, your face has a good complexion and your hair is good length. You are an Oyama are you not?" (Oyama is a male actor that plays as a woman in kabuki)
"Yes Mam'," I slightly bent my head down. This is embarrassing! I mean, if you lived most of your life as a girl when you're really a boy, you lie to everyone all the time, and you move to Europe for a year then come back as your true self then you'd understand how I feel right now.
The old man noticed my actions. "Cheer up son!" he said in a husky voice. "When you're an Oyama you're in luck,"
Luck? How so? This guy's got to be joking...
"You get all the ladies, AND then men!" he grinned. I didn't know what to think. Should I be disgusted knowing that I attract men as well or should I take that as a compliment?
"Um.. thank you," I sweatdropped.
"You know..." he continued. "there was once a time when women were banned from Kabuki. They were banned because they were being used as prostitutes. So that's when the Oyama increased in numbers. Funny thing is though, they were just as attractive as the female dancers. Back then, the Oyama were prostitutes too!"
I am officially disgusted.
I tried to keep my face emotionless. That was gross! It was kinda failing. The perverted old man grinned. Was he grninning like it was a good thing or was he just trying to tease me?! The old woman saw me cringe. "You fool!" she slapped the old man with a fan. "You should watch your mouth! You'll scare the poor thing!" She turned to me. "That was a much long time ago dearie, you don't have to worry now. Let's go see the other dancers so you can learn the moves," she smiled. My mother sweatdropped.
"Men," she muttered.
While walking the old woman and my mother walked ahead of us to talk about their dancing backgrounds and all of that. I was solemnly walking behind them. I have to admit I was kinda worried. I can't dance well anymore. I didn't want to dance for a while. I wanted to take a break from it! Rima popped up in my mind. Oh no, what if she found out about my secret while watching? She would come wouldn't she? No wait, she hates me again.
The old man was next to me as I had a battle with my head about keeping my secret from Rima. "Having trouble young man?" I looked up.
"Err... no sir."
"I know a troubled face when I see one," he stated. I hid my eyes with my bangs. Shoot, I had forgotten that this place was filled with dancers and actors. "This looks like something you wouldn't like to discuss with your mother. would you like to tell me?"
I sighed. Better to tell to this guy than anyone else. "I don't feel confident about dancing as a girl again."
"Oi! Was it because of that comment I made? I apologize!"
"No no, not that. It's because you see, I had to live as a girl for most of my life as part of my dancing training. About a year and a half ago I moved to Europe to advance my studies, but while I was there I lost my confidence because I was overwhelmed. Recently, I moved back here living as a boy, my true self. It was hard for me and my mother, but we both decided I needed a break. Now since this is interrupting my break and..." I trailed off. I didn't really know what else to say.
"Ahh. I see. However, this seems to not be your only problem."
"Well no," I lowered my voice, hoping he wouldn't hear. "There's this girl,"
"Oh girl problems, yes!" he said too loudly. My mother and his wife turned back to us. Their faces scrunched up in confusion.
"Um.. I have girl problems!" (a/n O.o idk.)"You have girl problems," his wife repeated.
"Don't all men do? I was telling this young man about my problems. Right sonny?" he elbowed me. His wife looked mad.
"GIRL PROBLEMS?! SO YOU THINK I AM A PROBLEM TO YOU?! IS THAT WHAT I AM?! JUST A PROBLEM?!!! "
That was scary! The old woman quickly calmed down. "I'll deal with you later." The women both continued walking.
The old man giggled. "That's my wife for you! Always mad at the slightest things, haha. So anyways, what's your girl problem about?"
Someone please tell me why was I telling out my life problems to a crazy old man!? "There's this girl that is coming to probably watch the kabuki rehearsal today for VIP members. She's a schoolmate of mine and we both have chairs in a club. She really doesn't seem to like me and if she finds out about the fact that I've been living as a crossdresser for most of my life then she might tell other people."
The old man huffed. "Hmph. That was all? I was hoping for something more lovey dovey. How dare she try to humiliate the Oyama?! We're true artists and actors, switching from male to female and back. We respect women more than most men for this and-"
"It's not like that sir," I know I know, it was rude of me for interrupting. Still, I didn't want him to think Rima was the villian. "it's that if she tells certain people then they'll get mad at me for lying." The old man nodded in thought.
"Let's go," he said.
"To where?"
He smiled. "Ladies, we'll be with you later. right now I want to show-"
"Nagihiko,"
"Nagihiko something," he finished. My mother didn't object.
His wife sent daggers at him from her eyes. "You better be here in an hour or else I'll kill you!"
"Yes yes honey,"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
He motioned me to follow him. "Hehe, my wife is such a fuss, but I love her anyways. You know, she hated me at first. Somewhere later her hate blossomed to love," he sighed. "she still acts like she hates me now, even though in truth she can't resist my irresitable charms!" he grinned. I found myself smiling. Didn't that sound like Rima-chan and me too? She hates me at first and somewhere later her hates blossoms into...
I blushed.
"Friendship," I told myself. "friendship." Yeah so it was a cold,distant friendship. Nonetheless, friendship was what it was. Even though she "hates" me again, she still accepted that invitation to the festival. She still can't really hate me right? She didn't even glare at me a bajillion times like she was gonna kill me during that awful car ride and the music.
Urg.. the music. That was socially awkward. (You think I haven't noticed the lyrics or anything?!) Thank God years of acting got me through that one.
I didn't notice my surroundings as I was thinking. "Try this on Nagihiko." The old man tossed me a kimono, for men.
"What this?" I asked as if I didn't know.
"Don't look like you've never seen a kimono for boys in your life! Try this on and when you come out I want to test you for dancing. Don't take too long in the changing room! Those ladies take forever to put on their make-up and they won't wait a second!"
"Yes sir,"
------After That-------
I shuffled out of the changing room.
"You take forever young lady!" a woman scolded. I sweatdropped. Young lady? I guess she was looking past me too quickly. Though my long hair is a pain to brush and the reason why people think I'm girly I still liked it. It really grew on me.
"Told you!" the old man declared triumphantly. "Now follow me,"
We walked to a room coming off of the backstage room. It was an extra dancing studio- with male dancers in there! I sound really lame saying this, but wow, finally!
"Are they Oyama too?" I asked.
The old man clapped his hands. "Nope! They dance as males all the time!" WHAT?! I literally started panicking. Yeah so they were guys like me, but I wasn't like them. It's like social rejection or something. "Fellows," they turned to the director. "this kid's here's an Oyama," I blushed hearing the following comments.
"Oyama?! Wow."
"Ne ne, so lucky! You can get all the girls and the guys!" Lucky? Lucky is questionable.
"Oi you! Is it uncomfortable to wear all that extra make-up?"
"I never wore a lot of make-up for my dancing," I answered. *sweatdrop.*
"Enough talking y'all! Now even though Nagihiko's been dancing as a girl today I would like to see how well he can dance like you." Whispers arose from the group of seven.
"W-wha? But I've never really danced as anything but a girl before," I was as embarrassed as ever.
"Well then you'll have to learn! Now come on, we have to time to waste. And men, keep this quiet amongst yourselves." Great, they were teaching me secretively too.
The men organized themselves together and began to teach me the steps. "Here's a prop," one of them handed me a large fan.
------Later On--------
I felt slightly fustrated. "You're arm's moving too softly, be a bit more aggressive while still moving gracefully like this, now try that dance sequence again."
"Okay," I wanted to do my best in this. I wanted to show those guys that I wasn't just an Oyama that couldn't dance like one. Something in my heart and mind felt something weird. I heard a small pop noise. Was that a bone or something?
This feeling, it was familiar. I moved my arm up and started again.
"No no no, one more time. This time it's too graceful. Be aggressive but flowing, like a river." One of my instructors said.
I somewhere inside of me said "I'll show you an aggressive river!" I started to dance really quickly, agressively, and smoothly. My body felt like moving on its own, but I was in control. This felt weird. When I was finished with my practice number I took a step back to listen to my results. Panting, I looked over to the director.
"Good I guess," he seemed unsure of himself. "but too fast amd maybe too aggressive? Well anyways, that was great improvement! That's enough for today and oh look at the time!" I looked at a clock mounted on the wall. An hour already?! Time sure flies. "Let's get back Nagihiko, before my wife kills us!" Us? Don't you just mean you old man? "Run boy! Run! And to save time I'll get you the kimono you're supposed to wear for your dance." Honestly, how can I run while he hobbles along? I obeyed anyways.
---Back with My Mom---
"Good Nagi, you're dressed." The dance costume was an (embarrassing) baby pink with sparkles and a matching, ornate floral design on it. The obi was a light yellow with a thinner white rope to hold it.
"Doesn't this remind you of the one- what's that girl's name that went to sleep over in fifth grade- wore?"
"Amu?" I sweatdropped. Honestly, a small foot cramp can send her rolling!
"Yes, that kimono reminds me of that. Except this one is a lighter shade. It brings out your hair,"
"Old Man! What took you so LONG?!" the old lady wailed.
"Yes yes very sorry. Now that we're late we have no time to lose! Hurry and teach this boy the step for his number! We don't want even a replacement to mess up now do we?"
"It's only a practice show,"
The old man sighed. "You never know who might show up anyways!" I thought about what he said. You never know if Rima will show up ethier.
----------After Learning the Dance Moves----------
I was exhausted. I learned all the dance moves in about only two hours!
"That's enough practice for today," the old lady announced. "Now let's take 7 and I want you in position ready to perform for the V.I.P guests by then!" I groaned. SEVEN MINUTES ONLY?! "It's only practice so don't get too nervous, but don't get lazy ethier!"
"It's alright Nagihiko. You've done so well today." the old man said. My mother just remembered something.
"What was it that you were showing Nagihiko earlier?" she asked. He whispered it to her. She nodded. "Oh, I see." I see? Was she mad at me or something? She gently place a hand on my shoulder. "Nagihiko, come." She motioned me over. I gulped.
"Yes mother."
We were walking towards the make-up room. "Mother, do I have to wear make-up?" I started freaking out. Even though I've danced as a girl many times I've never worn the heavy white make-up. I wasn't going to start now!
"No. I was just wondering, how was dancing with the men?"
I blushed. I was hoping she wouldn't ask. "It's okay,"
She raised a thin brow. "Oh really? The dierctor told me you were slightly fustrated." I couldn't keep eye contact with my mother anymore. I just nodded a bit.
"But I was improving in the end. If I had a longer time I would've surely done better," I made my excuse. "Mother, I'm sorry if I don't get this right." I wasn't sure whether I was talking about the dance now or the one the director taught me. This wracked my brain. I couldn't dance gracefully like a girl and I can't dance like a man ethier?!
(a/n this is where Rima starts to eavesdrop)
"Nagihiko, I know." she continued walking. "I am sorry for such short notice." She stopped and turned to look at me. Mother noticed I was walking kind of funny. "Why do you look so embarrassed in your dress?"
"Well, I don't feel too comfortable in it. It's been such a long time and I don't want..." my voice trailed off. I didn't know what to say. I mean, it's been so long and I still don't like wearing dresses.
"What is it you don't want?"
"Well, I feel slightly embarrassed," I said. I hung my head in shame.
"I don't understand, you've done this since forever. You've never told me you felt embarrassed once when you perform. Is it because of the fact that in Kabuki you're the only boy here dressing as a girl? That, must be it then, all the other dancers are young women and you're the only boy. There are some male dancers, but you couldn't dance like them right?"
"Mother, it's not necessarily that," I never felt that embarrassed just because I was always surrounded by girls. I grew up with that so it didn't matter. Sometimes, I felt embarrassed to be around guys because I didn't want them to think I was a weirdo with my long hair.
Something dawned on my mother. She held her chin in her hand. "Oh I see, it's because of Rima isn't it?"
"N-no! It's not like that Mother," I stuttered. Since when did my mother poke her nose in my (nonexisting) love-life?! That took me by complete suprise. Did things really look like that? I blushed A LOT. I couldn't hide it.
"Oh all right," Mother studied my face. She smiled. "Hmm... I guess we won't have to put some make-up on you after all. Your cheeks are nice enough,"
"Mom, I don't want my friends to know just yet,"
"You're afraid she will figure it out?"
"To a certain extent, yes." I had to be honest. Who knows what Rima would do if she found out? she could just run around and scream it out to the whole world or something and people would hate me or label me as a freak. I blinked hard to stop my train of thought. She wouldn't do that would she?! No, that's be out of character for her. I thought of something more realistic. Okay, what if she used my crossdresser identity or something for stand up comedy? Ugh. I shouldn't have said that. I face gone blank with horror for a moment. How could such a sweet angel be so cruel? What am I even saying?
"What makes you so sure she'll come anyways?" Mother asked. "Didn't you say that she wasn't very fond of you?"
"Well yes,"
"Then why?"
"I don't know, I just know she will," I confessed. I just know it. My face was growing redder and redder. Mother softly chuckled. "It's almost time. You better get going then." she pulled something out of her kimono sleeve. "Here, I'll help you." She opened her first. It was a hair tie. I gave a fake smile and took it. My flowing hair was now tied up. Mother took a step back. She looked at me with elevator eyes and finally beamed.
"Welcome back Nadeshiko,"
"It's good to be back mother." I said half-heartedly. I turned my voice to female. Wow, I was still good at it. Keeping a voice change takes practice, you know.
"I will be leaving you now, get in your position very soon."
"Yes mother." She left. I found my Guardian Cape on a table. "Who put it here?" I thought. I mentally slapped myself for being so careless! I took a look around to make sure nobody was watching then I pulled Termari's egg out. I was so nervous and my face was probably still pink. Why, why couldn't I do this?! This was supposed to be easy right? It was practice and there's no pressure, but I'm still getting stagefright? Why can't I dance well enough for anyone!? My body trembled. I found a tear drop onto Temari. I wiped my cheek. I was almost on damnit, you can't cry onstage unless you're supposed to.
.
I need you Temari. I need you now,"
.
I tucked her egg in a pocket on my costume. My mind spoke to me. "Why are you doing this? She probably won't come out,"
"I know," my heart whispered. But there was just a glimmer of hope left. This will give me more confidence anyways. I heard a small thump from behind the sheet separating the make-up room from the rest of backstage.
"Eh? Is someone there?" I felt curious. Whoever it was walked towards the onstage area. "Must be another dancer," I mumbled to myself.
"Places everyone!" the director called. I hurrily walked to my position.
"Hey Nagi!" Chunge whispered. "Break a leg!"
I smiled. Okay, this was getting more familiar. The feeling of performing, I love it. It's like this adrenaline rush you get, but if you're a seasoned performer then it's even better. It's better because you're having that rush, but you're calm and you feel in control of everything. "You know what to do Nagi," I chanted to myself. I really did. I stood straight up. A stagehand passed me a fan for my prop. I could hear the woman introducing the kabuki practice performance.
"Please give a big round of applause for them!"
Music started playing. "You ready?" Chunge whispered. I nodded. The dancers were in place and everything. We were all ready. The curtain opened. I looked straight over the audience's heads so I wouldn't make eye contact with them and get all nervous again. (a/n this is actually a great trick cuz even though you're looking right at the top of their heads, to them it actually looks like you're having eye contact with them.)
I opened my fan in union with all the other kabuki dancers and extended my arm. I raised the fan over my head.
"This," I thought to myself. "is dancing."
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omg i am done! Whoo! over 4,000 words in one chapter! :O in the nick of time too! xD I felt kind of uncomfortable switiching POVs but I guess this gives it a bit more depth. :] i actually had fun writing in Nagi's POV because I like to perform too. I relate to him in that way xD In fact, tonight was the Spring Play at my school. I have good experience in acting but this time I was a stagehand. (hehe more like stage manager! that's the top stagehand ;] ) it's actually fun working backstage too. :D silent glory is what i call it. xD anyways, the play was smooth and awesome! so henceforth, that inspired this chapter here.
and just in case you're wondering i didn't give the directors a name because i am terrible with names when it comes to fanfic OCs. xD
btw, I played DDR for the first time today at an arcade. xD I suck. lmao.
enough chatting, so anyways...
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~Review yes? x3
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