Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the other characters in any way, shape or form…fortunately for them!
Oh Unholy Night
Summary: The title says it all; it's an Akatsuki Crack-fic Christmas two-shot!
Warning: Lots of swearing. It's not me it's the characters I swear!
"Blah, blah, blah" stands for Black Zetsu talking.
redsky100: thanks for the reviews, here's part two.
Christmas Morning
The residents of the Akatsuki usually loved to wake up on their own to be greeted by the quiet misty morning of dawn, its skies painted in the rainbow hue created by the rays of sunrise; where the nocturnal animals retreated from the rising rays of sunlight while the diurnal animals embraced it. All the Akatsuki members, despite their various levels of badassness liked this phenomenon occurrence; they will deny this of course, if you're stupid enough to ask them, and then they will proceed to torture and/or kill you for even thinking such things while the crickets make popcorn and tell every creature in a thirty mile radius to come watch the show. Except Deidara, he loved sleeping in and Kakuzu, he wanted to wake up in a pile of money, however, both will proceed to torture then kill you for looking in their direction. But that's not the point, Tobi the resident good boy had decided it would be one of his many good deeds for the day to wake up the compound's occupants on this most magical of days starting with his dear own senpai.
"DEIDARA-SENPAI! IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING WAKE – ARGH! UGH!"
Remember how I said Deidara loved sleeping in? Well it was an understatement, Deidara LOVED sleeping in. It was the norm for most of the Akatsuki members to wake up early if they even went to sleep at all; Deidara, unless he had a mission, didn't even think of budging until the crack of noon. So right now at 3:30 in the morning, he had Tobi's throat in a death grip but the only thing making him release the annoying shinobi with his trachea and life intact was Leader's threats.
A bloodshot blue eye met the orange masked man's mask, "Tobi go away, un."
"But-"
"AWAY!"
With a sniff Tobi walked out of his senpai's room and made his way to Itachi's pausing only when he thought of, with a shudder, the last time he went into Itachi-sama's room uninvited. (As if he'd ever be invited!) Hidan and the crickets had teased him mercilessly when he regained consciousness a week later while Kisame had laughed himself into a two day coma. Tobi still couldn't look at a pinwheel without his body going into violent spasms. But this was Christmas, Itachi-sama wouldn't mind…right?
The crickets were just waking up from the party they had the day before and had a massive hangover; one that rivaled even the likes of those Lady Tsunade was capable of. But they were just sober enough to realize that there was a disturbance the Force…knowing that this was 99.999% Tobi related they immediately started calling their friends to watch the day's mayhem be unleashed.
Tobi pushed his head through the door way, "ITACHI-SA!"
A kunai lodged itself in the door-jam a few inches away from Tobi's head and from under the rumpled bed sheet, a pale hand with freshly polished finger nails was poised to throw another kunai, this time one that was laced with poison. Tobi, slowly as if not to antagonize the Uchiha any further, retracted his masked head from the still dark room with a quiet, "Tobi will wake everybody else."
Having quickly recovered from one of his many near death incidents, Tobi ran merrily to the bedroom of another Akatsuki member. Having learnt absolutely nothing from his earlier attempts at waking up his fellow associates, Tobi barged right into Kisame's room only to run right back out when faced with the angry groggy eyed man-shark who was wildly flailing Samehada.
Miles away from the enraged missing mist-nin stood Tobi gasping to catch his breath. He didn't even look at Leader's bedroom door; not even he was that stupid!
Konan was already awake and was in the kitchen sipping tea thinking of possible hiding places she could move her stash of Icha Icha. After much deliberation in which she eliminated a church, the crawl space under the rain village ninja school's floor boards and their old hide out in Ame, Konan settled on hiding them under Leader's bed. Yes, not even her childhood friend would think to look there! The rain-nin rarely slept as he was busy plotting the downfall of the tailed beast holders, that or lost in many his daydreams of sharing his pain with the world.
Zetsu, instead of guarding his deflowered (in so many questionable and disturbing ways) Christmas tree, was curled beside a snoring Hidan who was propped up against his triple bladed scythe. The Christmas tree was glad for the respite, though it wasn't sure how much longer it had left in this cruel, miserable world and was hoping to die before Zetsu caught his thirtieth wind. Kakuzu was standing above the sleeping duo with a camera and a grin that screamed blackmail when Tobi wondered into the room.
A few minutes later Hidan was woken up by the sound of nearby snickers, his silver hair mussed and eyes bloodshot oblivious to his sleeping partner (and he calls himself a shinobi). Kakuzu and Tobi were looking at something on the table and were the source of said snickers. Konan made up the third portion of their little group and though not as jovial as the other two she had a glimmer in her amber eyes. Scratching the minuscule nubs of his morning stubble the missing-nin thought idly to himself, he was sure he had mysteriously passed out somewhere around two in the morning and had not sensed any sign of the intruding elf while trying his best to block out the disturbing sounds of Zetsu (1).
Bleary purple eyes scanned the room while yawning noticing the missing cookies, "Where the hell is that red blimp, did I catch him?"
Kakuzu let out a snort and sent the silver haired missing-nin an amused look, "You caught someone alright!"
Just then Hidan glanced to the right and finally noticed the sleeping man-plant who was curled around his waist. (How he missed that I will never know) "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU MUTANT HEATHEN!"
White Zetsu's eye flicked tiredly around the room while Black Zetsu was glaring at the fuming missing Yugakure-nin a tad bit testily as he had been forcefully evicted from his much needed slumber. The man-plant-thing gave Hidan a rough shove, "I was here first you psychotic fuck-wad! You move!"
Hidan not one for taking physical abuse without exacting retribution (or screaming about the many joys of being a Jashinist to those unwilling to listen), proceeded to strangle Zetsu; well he tried to strangle the humanoid plant. Every time he reached for Zetsu's neck the Venus flytrap-like appendage would snap close so he settled for repeatedly kicking the plant-like shinobi while Zetsu threw a few kunai at the silver haired missing-nin, both refused to move from that spot before the other. (Childish I know but you should see them fight over whose turn it was to pick the film of the week for movie night)
Konan was trying a failing miserably to school her face back to its normally supremely bored yet expressionless look while Kakuzu was thinking about the millions he'd make on selling the pictures of the two slumbering shinobi on eBay.
Tobi, oblivious to the crickets' ever increasing glee, wondered over to stand before the quarreling duo, "Oh, Hidan-san it is such a pity that you and Zetsu-san are now awake, since Tobi thought you and Zetsu-san looked sooo cute together!"
"…" Konan's amber eyes flicked to masked shinobi thinking smugly to herself that the orange masked shinobi was so dead. Oh well, but at least she would now be one million yen richer thanks to her and Leader's bet! Leader and Konan had wagered that one of the Akatsuki would try to kill Tobi over the Christmas Holiday; the purpled haired rain-nin had bet that they would try to kill Tobi while Leader had bet against it. Konan with a rear smirk had reminded him that though he forbade the missing-nins from killing Tobi, the masked-nin was an annoying little bugger and all their associates were inclined to committing murder on anything that even remotely bothered them. In fact Konan knew that Deidara thought Itachi had killed his best friend Shisui just because the older Uchiha had dared to show him his latest edition of the Icha Icha Series of that time (2). The blond had on so many occasions told Konan that the fact that Itachi got the Mangekyo Sharingan after the kill was sheer coincidence; this was never spoken of in front of the Uchiha of course. However, Leader calmed himself with the thought that he was a supremely badass god whose word was law and should be fiercely obeyed; hence he would be the victor.
"…" Kakuzu was too busy counting his money to care.
"…" White Zetsu marveled that someone actually thought he was cute.
"Take that back you little creep!" Black Zetsu was pissed that someone, especially that crazy lunatic, thought he was cute. There was no way he would allow that fruit-loop to ruin his tough man-plant image! Plus crazed Jashinist idiots were so not his type. (That special spot was reserved for the defenseless shrubs and trees which was more his forte *shudders*)
"WHY YOU FUCKING LITTLE PERVERT!" Hidan's purple eyes were ablaze at the implication as his took one menacing step after another towards the still oblivious shinobi. The missing Yugakure-nin was, on hindsight, actually ecstatic that the buffoon had made that statement. He had come to the conclusion that his highly revered (by no one but him) god Jashin had been neglected in his hunt for the elusive Santa Claus. The silver haired missing-nin had decided that Tobi would be the first of many offerings to his ruler though he was sad that his first offering for the day would be this pathetic idiot; the great Jashin deserved nothing but the best but his murderous impulses weren't very choosy at the moment. Seething amethyst eyes zeroed in on the surprisingly still oblivious Tobi as Hidan prepared for the beat down of the century, "I'll bathe in your entrails, the mighty Lord Jashin will feast on - "
"JUST SHUT UP AND KILL HIM ALREADY!"
The masked ninja astonishingly awoke several hours later around noon miles away from the Akatsuki compound. He spent several more hours following the skid mark that looked more like a deep trench back to their hideout, trying to remove all the pine needles and even then he still didn't get them all out of his robe by the time Leader assembled them to open their presents; who knew a Christmas tree could double as a lethal weapon? But Tobi, as always should have known that an Akatsuki, namely Hidan, could take anything and make it a weapon of mass destruction.
The only thing that saved Tobi from meeting Jashin and beyond was when Zetsu finally realized Hidan was using his beloved Christmas tree as his choice weapon of punishment. Sad to say the Christmas tree didn't survive the several hundred blows to Tobi's person and would have smiled as it slipped into oblivion, if it had a mouth, at the thought that it would no longer suffer the onslaught of Zetsu's advances.
The crickets held a funeral at the end of the day at which the man-plant-thing said he would never forget the Christmas tree…he was seen with Mrs. Yamanaka's rose bush the very next day by her cat who now mourns the loss of its eye sight.
Later that day, Leader ordered everyone to retrieve their presents when he finally remembered the bet after watching Stefano and E.J. unleash some stupid scheme on the unsuspecting town of Salem, for the umpteenth time on Days of Our Lives. As stated earlier the two rain-nins had wagered that one of the Akatsuki would try to kill Tobi over the two day period; the purpled haired rain-nin had bet that they would try to kill Tobi while Leader had bet against it. After, the little altercation in which Konan was sure her victory was secured which turned out to be a total bust when the biggest pest on this side of the universe staggered through the gaping hole in the wall through which Hidan had sent him flying, the disappointed rain-nin went to remind Leader of the day's events of the unwrapping of gifts. Feeling her good mood rise but refusing to let it reflect externally because smiles were for hyperactive blonds with too much energy for their own good and maniacal laughter was pretty much ruined by Hidan, Konan rounded up the other shinobi and was sure this would result in another murder attempt on the masked shinobi. Yes, she would win the bet and the money; then finally the Icha Icha Collector's Edition, the Insider's Guide and that new piercing and body art she wanted would be hers!
As all of the Akatsuki members had assembled in the redecorated room, Itachi had settled himself beside Kisame, legs crossed at the ankle to take in this dreaded of days. Kakuzu and Hidan sat opposite of the first two on a two bean bag chairs (3), the missing waterfall-nin was trying to drown out the sound of his complaining partner with the sound of hard stolen cash from another neighbouring village. A somber Zetsu was crouched in a corner bemoaning the fate of his precious and massacred Christmas tree. A few feet away stood Tobi who was curiously prodding at the mysterious purple cloud of angst that surrounded the man-plant-thing. He eventually got bored when he got no reaction, positive or negative Tobi wasn't picky then left to skip around his senpai, "Deidara-senpai! Aren't you glad today is Christmas?"
"Shut up, un!" the blond still hadn't forgiven Tobi for last night's torture and this morning's intrusion, in fact he made a promise to himself to never forgive the sick god out there who allowed Tobi to be born as well as adding that god, whomever he/she/it may be, to his 'Must kill' list (…yeah, seriously good luck with that). His blue eye narrowed at the still prancing shinobi, he honestly couldn't care less about Christmas and his secret Santa presents as he was busily stabbing a clay sculpture that shared a striking resemblance to his partner, Tobi.
As the blond stabbed the little carving with a senbon and sent a few narrowed glances at the still prattling shinobi, the Uchiha could have sworn he heard a few muttered 'why isn't this working, un?' from the blond as he gave it a particularly hard jab to what looked like the carving's head.
Emotionless Sharingan eyes shifted to the mutilated remnants of the Christmas tree. Random and bizarrely decorated boxes of all shapes and sizes littered where the macerated the tree used to be; most were wrapped with the common red and green paper associated Santa Claus or reindeer while others where hideous eyesore of a mismatch of tape, twine and dirty brown paper. Itachi pondered why the elf was the poster thing of Christmas when it was the death of the Jesus Christ was the supposed focus of the celebration but he supposed not many people would enjoy getting a gift with a picture of a bloody half-dead Jew on a cross as décor on the wrapping paper (4). The Uchiha was puzzled, not an emotion he was normally acquainted with nor liked in the least since Uchihas were supposed to be know-it-all badasses, and wondered how anyone had managed to find the hidden Akatsuki hideout when all living members were present and sneaked presents under the Christmas tree without facing the wrath of Zetsu or being severely mutilated by Hidan.
The Uchiha blinked out of his musings when Konan began distributing the presents from Santa Claus. The shinobi were all wary, though they would rather kiss Tobi (shudders) than admit it, of what could possibly be in the boxes deposited by the elf with enviable ninja skills.
The gifts are as follows in no particular order:
Itachi got a cane and a pair of dark glasses which he promptly incinerated with Amaterasu;
Kisame got a pack of extra strength soap which he threw at Tobi's head, however, at that same moment Tobi bent down to pick up a shiny penny. Kakuzu promptly took it from him along with the soap.
Deidara got a book titled, 'Sensible Art for Dummies'. This too was hurled at the masked ninja only to miss when Tobi at that moment sneezed causing him to heave forward.
Zetsu got a contagious plant disease as payback for the Christmas tree (5)
Konan got a tank full of nitrous oxide a.k.a. laughing gas. (N.B. you can actually die laughing if you inhale too much for too long without medical intervention)
Leader got a lifetime gift certificate to anger management seminars and a free room, paid in full at the Bellevue Institute for the Clinically Insane.
Hidan got a note from Santa; it read:
Dear Murderous Psychotic Fugitive,
It has been brought to my attention by the crickets that you have intentions of murdering me but that wasn't necessary as I KNOW EVERYTHING. Let me be the one to tell you that said plans for my death at your hands are futile as I've said before, .EVERYTHING. Especially about Mr. Huggykins, teddy bears are for babies you homicidal loon, no matter how much skulls with cross bones and blood you put on it. You won't even die a really cool death (6) so get a real job or better yet hold hands and jump!
Tell Shikamaru I said hi and by the way your ass is grass;
St, Nick.
P.S. Jashinism is not a real religion. LIKE DUH! Even Tobi knows that.
P.P.S. It was so obvious that you spiked the cookies…pfft moron! Good luck figuring out which food I hid them in, Merry Christmas Bitches!
Wondering how the hell the fat man knew about Mr. Huggykins, Hidan ripped the letter into millions of itty bitty pieces and was no less determined to find and kill this Shikamaru along with St. Nick or Santa Claus, whoever the hell he was, why can't he pick one name and stick with it? Whatever shut up…WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!
While Hidan was having yet another psychotic break through, his fifth for the day to be precise, the first being this morning when he went totally agro on Tobi's ass with the Christmas tree, the second was when he found out that Deidara used the last of his L'OREAL 212 Sexy Men After Shave Lotion, the third had been around lunch when he repeatedly stabbed the toaster with a kunai his excuse being that it was looking at him funny and the fourth just a few hours ago because Kakuzu was ignoring him so he was therefore bored, anyways, Kakuzu unwrapped his present to see that he got a lump of coal; though we all knew he deserved a lot more than that but he'd probably make a fortune from selling it.
Tobi got a rope to hang himself with. It said so on the tag.
After the unwrapping of Santa Claus' gifts Leader decided to move onto more activities, "It is now time to exchange the secret Santa gifts." Konan flicked her amber gaze at the masked shinobi who was at the moment playing with his rope thinking this was sure to prompt someone into killing Tobi.
While everyone let out groans, Kakuzu was busy rounding up all the discarded gifts from Santa in a bag labeled 'For Sale', except for Tobi's of course; the man loved money but he hated Tobi's existence even more. A frightful revelation yes but truthful none the less. The masked man had on more than one occasion burnt the waterfall missing-nin's money claiming that he was cold and that Hidan-san told him that money kept Kakuzu warm at night. Let's not forget all the money spent on repairs when Deidara went on his must-kill-Tobi sprees. Yep, Kakuzu wanted Tobi dead as well.
Leader silenced the disgruntled murmurs with a glare from his swirly purple eyes, "We will start from the right side of the room and move to the left." Leader himself had opted out of the secret Santa because no one wanted the gift of Pain from the Rinnegan wielder.
Itachi got Konan a book on flower pressing.
Kisame gave Kakuzu underwear from the latest line of Victoria Secret collection. The others sweat dropped while Kakuzu was secretly contented with the gift only to have one of his hearts have a heart attack when he saw how much money it cost.
Next up was Hidan whose gift to everyone's surprise, didn't look anywhere gory in the least. However, the fact that it was neatly wrapped in plain material with a red bow to side made the Uchiha even more wary. Itachi's distrust was rewarded when he removed the parchment paper and just froze. After the first few minutes in which the Uchiha was still in frozen mode Kisame leaned over, "Hey Itachi, what the hell did you get?" The fish-nin peered over his partners shoulder to look at the item in question, then at the smugly beaming Hidan, then back at the square object in Itachi's hand. Kisame's left hairless eye brow twitched then he burst out into ruckus laughter.
The others shared a glance as Tobi skipped over, "Tobi wants to see!" The masked ninja pried the object from Itachi's hands while the others drew closer blatantly curious to see what could get this reaction from the ever stoic Uchiha. Konan and leader sweat dropped, Zetsu leapt back screeching about his burning eyes while Kakuzu was foaming at the mouth thinking how much money he could make out off selling copies of the item…Deidara got red in the face.
Tobi jumped over Kisame who was bent over clutching his stomach to stand on a table that, like the chimney, magically appeared at the centre of the room. The masked man-child did a twirl with the picture still clutched in his hand, "Oh Deidara-senpai! Tobi had no idea you had a thing for balloons!"
The gift was a picture of an obviously wasted Deidara with his hair up in pigtails with nothing on except a bikini combo made out of balloons of various colours. The blond was winking at the camera and had his left hand on the left-side of his head as if running his hands through his hair while his right hand (when he still had it) was rested on his right hip.
"Shut up Tobi!" The blond leapt at the still grinning missing rain-nin, "I was drunk when I agreed to the bet you sick moron! You promised not to tell anyone, un!"
Hidan merely grinned wider at the blond's stupidity and outrage, "You gullible fucking idiot, evil S-ranked criminals lie Deidara-chan. Plus I didn't tell anyone I showed them!"
With a high pitched screech, that would have made hormonal teenage girls everywhere proud, Deidara chucked a few clay bombs at the silver haired man.
When Leader finally got Deidara to stop trying to futilely killing Hidan it was time for Konan to give her secret Santa present. The bloody Hidan was given a tube of Rust B Gone to shine his Jashin amulet.
The black and white sides of Zetsu had been fighting for hours trying to think what gift they should get for their secret Santa. Actually, White Zetsu was worrying about the gift while Black Zetsu just argued for arguing's sake; they finally settled to giving Tobi a baby harness complete with leash and reins so that he could forever be attached to his senpai. Deidara was less than pleased and planned to lead Tobi straight off a cliff.
Kisame got divining rods from the still fuming Deidara who said he hoped the fish-nin would go drown himself. The man-shark, who had decided not to waste his time and sanity trying to explaining the purpose of gills to Deidara, instead opted to switch the dumb blond's beauty mask with his exploding clay.
Then it came down to the last two gift-givers, Tobi and Kakuzu and the last two gift-receivers, Deidara and Zetsu. Deidara was left wondering which of the two he wanted a gift from less; cheapskate Kakuzu or…Tobi.
Speaking of the man-child-thing, Tobi was steadily rocking back and forth to some rhythm of a song only he could hear. It was not the first time Deidara was left wondering who spawned the guy let alone how the hell he was allowed in this place. Being insane though a characteristic found in almost all its members wasn't a criterion for recruitment.
"DEIDARA-SENPAI!"
The one eyed blond tried to cover his ears with his good arm, an impossible task of course but you try telling that to the insane artist."Would you stop yelling I'm right beside you, un!"
Tobi, used to his easily annoyed teacher's outbursts held out his offering for Deidara to take. The blond snatched the box and viciously ripped off the wrapping tossing it carelessly behind him. What the hell? It looked like a fucked up H; more precisely like a bunch of dried clay stuck together with gum…chewed gum. Thankfully, Deidara had not taken the creation from the box it was in so he had no physical contact with the thing; thank the lord for small mercies.
Tobi knowing nothing about personal space had his face inches from the bewildered and grossed out blond, "Its Tobi and Deidara-senpai holding hands!"
Behind the self-proclaimed good boy, Hidan was laughing his head off, Kakuzu and Kisame sneered; Kisame because he thought it was gross and Kakuzu because there could be no monetary gain from the item, White Zetsu, Konan and Pein wore stoically passive expressions while Black Zetsu kept asking incessantly if he could eat Tobi and Itachi was eerily still. In fact the Sharingan wielder hadn't even blinked since the unveiling of his secret Santa gift…over half an hour ago, only the faint rise and fall of his chest gave any indication that he was still alive.
"Kakuzu-sama wouldn't let Tobi buy any clay so Tobi borrowed some from Deidara-senpai's statues!"
Deidara took all of one second to register the implications of what Tobi just said, but he still wanted to be sure of his justifiable reason for completely annihilating Tobi, wiping him clear off the face of the Earth, Leader's warnings and threats against such actions be damned.
"You destroyed all my beautiful master pieces"
Tobi nodded.
"My precious works of art that I have slaved hours of labour upon"
Again Tobi nodded oblivious to the blond's rising wrath and his imminent doom.
"You demolished them then stuck them together with chewed gum to create this hideous monstrosity"
"Tobi doesn't think it's hideous!" though he nodded none the less.
Deidara balled his remaining hand into a fist that was conveniently beside his exploding clay filled pouch.
Hidan by this point was doubled over tears streaming down his cheeks, "Don't fucking think about it Deidara-chan! Just do it!"
Tobi tilted his head to the side, "Do what?" Like the retarded retard he was, Tobi wondered closer to his teacher oblivious to the increasing redness of the blond's normally pale face, "Deidara-senpai you are obviously overjoyed by Tobi's gift and cannot find words to thank Tobi. But no thanks are required; Tobi is just doing what good boys do!"
"TOBI!"
The day when the sky was lit by millions of explosions would forever be told in the villages of the land of Fire. Explosions could be heard for miles and some travelers on the outskirts of Konoha were even lucky to see a blond boy atop a clay bird chasing a lolly-pop masked man who was franticly screaming for his dear life.
"That's right, you better run, un!" screeched Deidara as he tossed another dove shaped clay bomb that just barely missed the fleeing shinobi, "YOU SWIRLY FACED LITTLE SHIT!"
"Aah! But Deidara-senpai, Tobi is a good boy!"
Deidara tossed a few more clay bombs his way snarling as Tobi miraculously dodged every last one, "Tobi will be a dead boy if it's the last thing I do, yeah!"
Back at the Akatsuki hideout Leader sighed looking up at the new hole Deidara had created in the roof. He ordered the rest to start making the preparations needed for moving to another hideout, seeing as this one was now fully compromised. Rinnegan eyes shifted to the right as the purple haired kunoichi wonder over.
"Fork over the money red, I won!"
Leader only snorted, "Is Tobi dead. NO! So no money for you!"
Itachi, finally breaking free of his silence, rose to his feet to stare at Konan and Leader, "Bet? This was all because of a bet?" It wasn't the first time Itachi had wondered what his life would be like it he wasn't the genius gifted heir of the Uchiha Clan. Maybe he wouldn't have made it to Unbu, wouldn't have found that pimp Madara Uchiha, he wouldn't have unlocked the Mangekyo Sharingan and now be slowly suffering from blindness with the threat of his foolish little brother selling his body and soul to that pedophile Sannin for the power to kill him. Maybe he wouldn't be here at the hell on earth that goes by the mortal name of Akatsuki slowly but surely losing the rest of his sanity to the passing whims of his homicidal loony leader. Perhaps if he was truly a genius he would have run away from Konoha the first chance he got. But Itachi choose to say none of these things as Uchihas were hot-ass genius badasses that did not bemoan their fate…no matter how cruel it was. So instead he turned and vacated the area with Kisame skipping, ahem, following after him.
Konan had won the money regardless as she cleverly stated that the terms were that the Akatsuki would try to kill Tobi which Hidan and now Deidara had obviously done.
redsky100: So that's it for this one and wow, I really never expected it would get this long! Anyways, no need to worry about Tobi; we all know he'll outlive us all and please review!
(1) I totally creeped myself out with the whole Zetsu/Christmas tree thing but I just couldn't stop writing!
(2) I have no clue what the real Shisui was like but do you notice almost all the powerful ninja of Konoha are perverted in some way? There's Naruto and his sexy jutsu, Jiraiya and his research, Kakashi and his Icha Icha obsession, Tsunade and those massive melons (look Baa-chan has her cosmetic jutsu yet miraculously couldn't tone done those knockers…please!) and let's not forget the bravest pervert that ever walked the earth, Orochimaru (Jiraiya was the biggest and bravest) the 'I will have your body' and 'I must have Sasuke-kun's body' thing…seriously massive hint of his perversion much? And my final case in point, episode 114 Eye Of The Snake (watch it on .com and you'll see what I mean, he wanted the secret of the Sharingan my ass, we all know he just wanted a hot piece of Uchiha ass! In fact I bet this is when he first discovered pedophilia!)
(3) If you watch episode of Naruto shippuden I can't remember which season, when Madara/Tobi was sending Pain and Konan after Naruto, it looked like they were sitting on really big bean bag chairs.
(4) My apologies if anyone was offended, that was not the aim of that statement/ramble. I just wanted to show that Christmas no longer stands for what it used to anymore with all the commercialization and what not.
(5) Sapsucker Damage: Pine branches or trunks with circular holes present occurring in horizontal rings or vertical lines forming a distinct pattern; sap flow coming from the holes; damage may occur year around; all pine species are susceptible. This was found at Common Pine Problems .org and no I am not deranged…at least I don't think I am, just severely bored! ;)
(6) SPOILER ALERT! Okay so about that jab at Hidan's death being stupid, I'm not talking about the part where Shikamaru totally owned his ass (EPIC btw!) but after, like way after, in the Fourth Great Shinobi War. Hidan wasn't summoned along with the other dead dudes by Kabuto so I'm assuming that either Hidan eventually got out of that hole (which is highly unlikely seeing that he hardly has a leg to stand on…I know, that was corny but I couldn't resist and like Santa Claus, Shikamaru's deer know and sees all) or is still down in that hole slowly dying from malnutrition which is such a totally lame (but appropriately cunning none the less) death.