Al didn't like Superman. This was a truth acknowledged by anyone who knew her longer than five minutes.
It was one of the very first things that helped her to like Techie.
She didn't like Superman either.
Back when they were first getting to know each other, during those few days after Techie's arrival but before The Christmas Party Of Doom, sometimes they'd talk long into the night, playing out different scenarios about just how to get rid of 'Big Blue' (for that's what Techie called him), each idea more outlandish and violent than the last.
The Captain had seen it as the cutest form of bonding she'd ever been witness to and gave them both big mugs of hot chocolate as a reward.
After their initial entrance into the criminal underworld, in the form of rescuing the Riddler oh-so-long-ago, then their exploits on their own and with the Scarecrow, the three henchgirls had actually gotten more than one opportunity to face off with the ultimate spandex wearing boy scout.
And Al found that she didn't like him any better in person than she did in theory.
As an extension, she wasn't very fond of Metropolis.
After all, the two did go hand in hand.
But since the Captain had found a way to get involved in a massive explosion in Gotham a little under a month before, and that was all over the news there, they had no choice but to book it to the nearest place that they were familiar with.
While they didn't have Metropolis wired the way they did Gotham (between the three of them, they knew that city inside and out), they knew it well enough to get around without getting into much trouble.
Key word: much.
Techie accidentally started a fire in an upscale sushi bar where she'd been hired (and Al hadn't let that gaffe slide just yet...after all, how do you start a fire in a restaurant that hasn't got a stove?), while the Captain quietly worked as an auto mechanic in a chop shop that had, just a few days earlier, inexplicably exploded.
Inexplicable explosions and the Captain seemed to go together like waffles and syrup...
(Al couldn't cook, Techie couldn't do math, and the Captain blew things up. If there was a right way to tell someone everything they needed to know about those three women in one sentence, that about summed it up.)
Thusly, the position of main breadwinner of their little family group automatically fell at Al's feet.
She was the only one who managed to get a job and keep it since they'd relocated to Metropolis.
And being a cab driver was about as glamorous a task as you could possibly imagine. Especially considering that regardless of which cab she was assigned by the guy who ran the cab company, it always had some kind of problem with it's heating vents.
Like the fact they blew snow in the middle of February rather than the expected warm air.
Thankfully, she figured she only had about two more days at this before she and her two friends had enough cash scraped up to pick up and move back to Gotham quietly.
But at this rate, she might freeze to death before then...
Shivering, Al reached up and swiped one gloved hand on the windshield, clearing the fog that her breath had managed to create.
She froze in place as she came face to face with the man of steel.
Except he was wearing glasses...and that didn't make any sense...
Al shook herself, blinked and looked at the man in front of her cab again.
Mild mannered businessy type who looked eerily like Superman, but with glasses and without the spit curl.
She let out a little sigh of relief and chided herself silently. Stupid paranoia.
The back door of the cab opened and the Not-Spit-Curl man got into the vehicle, "Corner of fiftieth and third, please."
He even sounded mild mannered...
"Sure thing," Al said.
Or tried to say, at least...her teeth were chattering against each other so violently that the noise she made sounded more like 'Shhh-h-h-h-r-t-t-t-tting'
Clenching her jaw so tightly it started to ache, Al hit the button on the meter and started away from the curb where she'd been parked.
The bright yellow cab traveled about a half a block and promptly got stuck in a mass of traffic.
Stupid Valentine's Day...everyone's shopping.
The cab driver chanced a look in the rearview mirror at her passenger and found that, yeah, if you took off those glasses and fixed his hair just so...he would look an awful lot like Superman...
"Do I know you?" The fare asked abruptly, meeting Al's eyes in the mirror.
Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing...
"Doubt it," Al answered carefully, having to force the words out without her teeth clacking together, "I'm new in town."
Don't tell him anything you dummy! A little miniature Techie-esque voice piped up, That's Big Blue if ever I saw him!
Oh don't be paranoid, the Captain's voice replied rationally inside Al's head (and if the fact that she was hearing voices didn't throw up any red flags, the fact that the Captain was being the voice of reason in this situation certainly should have), Superman wouldn't be in a cab...
But--but-but--secret identity! Yes! Secret Identity! The other voice answered, sounding like Techie had on the handful of occasions she'd been allowed to go on a three day Jolt! cola and pixie stick binge. This is Big Blue's secret identity! Look at that chin! Nobody has a chin that square and doesn't have a cape at home!
Bruce Campbell doesn't have a cape, the Captain voice murmured. Not that we know of, anyway...
Al silently gagged the two imaginary partners who were both weighing in on the fact--no, the possibility--that the man in her backseat was Superman in disguise...
Never mind the fact that the two women she lived with had so ingrained themselves in her consciousness they were occupying the roles of shoulder angel and shoulder devil...that wasn't important.
"New in town, you say?" The man in the backseat asked innocently, completely unaware of the imaginary argument going on inside the cabbie's head, "Well then, welcome to Metropolis."
Al muttered a thanks and continued to stealthily study the man behind her in the rearview mirror.
Boy, it was weird to sit there and undress him with her eyes only to redress him in bright blue spandex.
"So, what do you think of the place so far?"
Stop trying to talk to me...stop it. Stop it. I'm a cab driver. You're not supposed to be interested in who I am or where I'm from or what I think of your city.
Al just shrugged, not trusting her voice.
The sooner she got this creep out of her cab, the better...he was giving her the willies with those eyes that looked like they were staring straight through her head.
Of course, if he really was Superman, that wouldn't be too far off from the truth...
The car in front of Al's started to move, giving her an excuse to stop dwelling on the thought that maybe, just maybe, Mister Mild Mannered Whatever-He-Was was in reality Superman--
You've got a pencil. Stab him with your pencil! The Techie voice shouted suddenly.
The Captain voice was strangely silent...
Of course, the Captain liked senseless violence...stabbing the guy in her backseat just to see if he was Superman or not was something she probably would've not only endorsed, but come up with.
But how to pull that off covertly from her current position?
And why was she even considering it?
Because he's SUPERMAN! Al could practically see the miniature Techie in her head, bouncing up and down, pinwheeling her arms wildly. Stab him! STAB HIM!
Stabbity! The Captain voice supplied, crossing over to the dark side at the precise moment that the woman herself would have gotten on board with this preposterous plan of action.
Al fought internally for a few minutes...long enough for her to get the cab to it's destination, and if you asked her later why exactly she did what she did, she'd never be able to tell you.
The pencil was in her hand and she was marking down the number on the meter.
Then her door was open, she was out on the street and opening the back door for her fare.
"Full service cab company, huh?" he asked with a disarming grin.
"Yup," she answered as he handed her the money she was owed, along with a generous tip, "Happy Valentine's Day."
When he turned his back to walk away, she struck, jabbing the pencil into his back as hard as she possibly could, not thinking about what the consequences might be if she was wrong.
He just kept walking, like he hadn't felt a thing.
Al was left staring at the shattered piece of number two pencil in her hand and all the little voices in her head had the exact same thing to say:
Well...bugger.
-
A/N: Haha!
I shouldn't have done that...but you know what?
I liked doing it anyway...
Originally, I had planned on having her fare be Lex Luthor, but since A Very Squishy Christmas isn't posted yet (COUGH), I couldn't do that without spoiling that story for everybody.
Besides, Al sorta-unmasking Superman (I say sorta because she has no idea what his identity is, other than the fact he's Big Blue in disguise), is something I can so see her doing.
And stabbing him with a pencil...I can see that too.
Way easier than I'm comfortable admitting, actually.
-launches into uncontrollable fits of giggles-
Stabbity!
I think I hurt myself laughing when I typed that...