Yay! Chapter 2. Sorry I didn't update soon, I work in multiple fandoms, and I had a plot bunny-bird-walrus hybrid inside my mind for one, and then there's having to find ideas for a parody, coz if you just throw a bunch of random crud into it, it won't always come out the way you want it to. And also, my title wasn't supposed to be French. I just found the actual title to the actual book by Leroux, and wanted to use that in my title. Yay for creativeness!
Anyway, enough boring you senseless with my rambling, LET'S START THE PHIC!
Carlotta in disclaiming suit: They do notta own POTO, or anything else.
Vanessa: They?
?: WAIT NESSA! *girl wearing black T-shirt with the album art for 'American Idiot' black shorts, black tennis shoes, and bluish-purple glasses with her long, dark mousy brown hair up in two long braids.* HI CREATOR!
Vanessa: Oh, hey, this is Justine, my lovable OC that doesn't even appear in this!
Justine: WHOOOHOOO!
Le Parody de l'Opera
*So, as the scene is changing and the popcorn still raining, horrible, and I mean HORRIBLE, so bad, it's bound to be toxic, singing is heard. Guess who's singing.*
Carlotta: *terribly off key* ! *farts loudly*
Maids: *explode*
Reyer: *waving conductor stick around randomly* Look at me! I have a wand! I'm a fairy princess. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! *twirls around and trips on popcorn* OWIES WOWIES!
Retiring Manager/Manager Lefevre: Guess what? I'm leaving because I HATE YOU ALL! SO LONG SUCKERS! *jumps on random vine that appeared out of nowhere and swings away while making Tarzan noises*
Carlotta: I KNEW IT! PIANGI, YOU OWE ME FIVE BUCKS!
Piangi: Um, may I remind you we live in NINETEENTH CENTURY FRANCE, not TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY AMERICA?
Carlotta: *farts louder than before*
Andre&Firmin: *moonwalk into Opera Populaire similar to how Michael Jackson did in Thriller*
Firmin: WE ARE YOUR NEW RULER-er I mean MANAGERS!
Andre: SHAMOAN!
Firmin: *stares blankly at Andre* Okay then… we own a junk business.
Andre: TT_TT IT'S SCRAP METAL! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Ballet Dancer: *in normal voice* Oooh, they must be rich. *in robotic voice* SWITCH TO MOOCHING GIRLFRIEND MODE!
Firmin: Anyway losers, sit down, shaddup, and listen up. Andre, stop throwing popcorn everywhere. There's a new patron, Le Vicomte de Chagny Raoul.
Raoul: HAI!
Christine: OHMYGOSH! RAOULY BEAR! IT'S MY OLD FRIEND RAOUL!
Meg: OMG HE'S FABULOUSLY HOT!
Christine: OOOH! I HOPE HE RECOGNIZES ME-Woah! *slips on popcorn*
Carlotta: HAI NEW WATCHING PERSON AND MANYJARS! *farts very, very, VERY loudly for a long period of time*
Raoul: Yo.
Andre: WAZZAAAAAAAAAAP!
Firmin: Dude, you really need to lay off the Pixie Stix…
Andre: NEVA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *runs around the opera flailing his arms in the air…and then slips on popcorn*
Raoul: CIAO! *snaps his fingers and starts skipping off*
Carlotta: HE WORSHIPPED ME!
Christine: Dangit! He didn't remember me!
Meg: He didn't SEE you!
Madame Giry: ONTO THE STAGE MY PRETTIES! ANDALE ANDALE! *starts whipping the ballet girls with a lion-trainers whip*
Ballet Girls: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *start dancing on stage, most of them tripping over heaps of popcorn*
Firmin: The blonde one is...?
Madame Giry: My daughter. Meg Giry.
Andre: *somehow recovered and started walking next to Firmin* And the pretty lady?
Madame Giry: Christine Daae.
Andre: OMG YOU MEAN SHE'S RELATED TO THAT DEAD GUY NAMED GUSTAVE THAT IS THOUGHT TO BE NAMED CHARLES BECAUSE OF THAT MUSIC VIDEO BUT IS TOTALLY REVEALED TO BE GUSTAVE BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THAT PICTURE OF CHRISTINE'S FATHER IN THE CANDLE-LIGHTING SCENE IT SAYS 'GUSTAVE' AT THE TOP AND MAKES MORE SENSE BECAUSE OF CHRISTINE'S SON BEING NAMED THAT IN THE SEQUEL AND THE FACT THAT IN THE NOVEL HIS NAME IS GUSTAVE?
Madame Giry: Yup.
Firmin: I hear he played violin.
Madame Giry: Mmmhmm. *takes out a can of beer, opens it, and takes a swig* Dudes, if you don't want to be crushed by a fake elephant bigger than The Malfoy Manor, 24 walruses, and an extra sumo wrestler, I suggest you MOVE OUTTA DA FREAKING WAY!
Andre&Firmin: FLEE! *run out of the way with their arms in the air*
Carlotta: *really deadly, sour, toxic note* CANIBALS COME! *farts with the end of the music* ALL THEY WANT IS THE DANCERS! WHY! I AMA THA BEST!
Other Singers: NO YOU AREN'T!
Carlotta: *fumes* I'MA GONNA SING AGAIN! ACT THREE OF TONIGHT'S OPERA THAT LOOKS AS IF IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FIRST ACT!
Other Singers: SPARE US PLEASE!
Carlotta: *EXTREEMLY off key* THINK OF MEH! THINK OF MEH FONDLEE WHEN WE'VE SAID GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODBAI! *Farts a really smelly and deadly fart that makes a bunch of seagulls somehow die and fall to the ground*
Phantom *from the rafters* Gah! I can't take it anymore! *throws various items including all 7 books in the 'Harry Potter' series, a segway, a lava lamp, lots of pottery, a pug, 25 PB&J sandwiches, a cello, a live octopus, a Wii, a DS, a DS Lite, DSi, ALL of the equipment to play ALL of the 'Guitar Hero' and 'Rock Band' games, a pelican, and a spider monkey*
Carlotta: *is buried under crap and THANKFULLY stops singing*
Everyone but Carlotta: THANK THE LORD! WE'VE BEEN SAVED!
Phantom: There, that should keep her quite AND keep my basement clean. Wait, do I even HAVE a basement? *starts walking and pondering out loud, 'accidentally' making the backdrop fall down* Oops.
Carlotta: *is, sadly, somehow alive* OMYGOSH! YOU ALLA SUCK! Except for Piangi. LETA ME OUTTA OF HERE SO I CANNA RANT ON ANDA ON ABOUT HOW THIS HASA GONE ON FOR TOO LONG AND ABOUT HOWA ANGELIC MY VOICEA IS! *Farts for a short period of time*
Reyer: I WILL SAVE YOU! WITH MUH MAGICAL FAIRY WAND! *starts hitting Carlotta over the head with conductor stick*
Carlotta: *gets self out of junk* I QUIT! I NEEDA MAH DOGGY! *grabs a puppy with patches of missing fur, paint splotches on its fur and feet, and lipstick all over it's face* COME HERA DOGGY! WE'RA GONNA GET OUR HAIRA DONE! COME PIANGI!
Doggy: SPARE ME OH MERCIFUL GOD!
Piangi: *loud enough for Carlotta to hear* AMATURES! *turns to managers and speaks softly* HELP ME! *gets dragged away by a fuming Carlotta*
Firmin: Dangit!
Madame Giry: You got mail. And it's from the Opera Ghost.
Andre: *looks intensely horrified* GHOSTYS! ME NO LIKEY GHOSTYS! NO NO NO!
Firmin: *annoyed* Great, look what you just did! Andre, go to your happy place.
Andre: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO *starts running around the Opera Populaire screaming 'NO', every now and then falling over popcorn and picking himself up*
Madame Giry: The ghost wants like, a Bajillion francs.
Firmin: Hmm, let me see, aw dang! Only a franc short! I AIN'T PAYING!
Reyer: *is obviously mad* WHO THE CRAP'S GONNA TAKE THE PLACE OF HER!
Madame Giry: Hey I know-
Andre: *gets in front of Reyer wearing an idiotic grin* AN UNDERSTUDY!
Madame Giry: *irritated* If you would kindly listen to me-
Reyer: THERE IS NO UNDERSTUDY FOR LA CARLOTTA!
Madame Giry: CHRISTINE FREAKING DAAE WILL DO IT!
Christine: *excitedly* DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME?
Firmin: A chorus girl?
Madame Giry: No. duh. Sherlock.
Reyer: Oh fine. Let me just grab my magical fairy wand and we'll start from the beginning of the aria. *grabs magical fair-er conductor's stick* BEGIN MORTAL!
Christine: *in beautiful voice* Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goooodbye…
* Christine continues the song as the scene changes to the actual opera with Christine wearing a dress made out of Santa's beard and has a soup can on her head. It stopped raining popcorn, and there are HORSEYS in the background, though they look pretty unimportant*
HORSEYS: WHOOHOO! *randomly crap on the ground*
HORSEYS' Caretaker: Aww dangit!
Raoul: OH MY LORD! IT'S CHRISTINE! WHOOHOO! I'LL INVITE HER TO DINNER! But first, I'll sing. *sings his part*
Christine: *finishes song/aria/opera*
Firmin: *claps from box, grinning widely*
Andre: BRAVA! MAGNIFICA! STUPENDA!
Firmin: *turns to Andre with a serious face* Shaddup Andre.
Fat Lady Watcher Person Dude: Aw jeez. *takes a HUGE swig from bottle that's probably full of some kind of alcoholic beverage, tells Carlotta that the opera totally ROCKED without her*
Carlotta: *starts crying and puts head into Piangi's chest*
Piangi: *to Fat Lady Watcher Person Dude* HELP ME!
YAY! Another chapter! So, as always, R&R, flames welcome, and this time, they will be used to burn the HORSEY crap that's been scattered across the stage. And sorry to those who like any characters that they think were bashed.
Carlotta in disclaiming suit: WHY WAS I-A TAKEN OFFA THA STAGE?
Justine: Because YOU SUCK! *slaps her with a live tuna fish*
Vanessa: O_O R&R for the love of walrus.
Timmy (Vanessa's pet walrus): *makes a walrus groan/roar/moan/?*
Vanessa: Because you will get POPCORN, and COOKIES, and CAKE! And if you guess what reference I made when I said Christine had a soup can on her head, you get M&Ms!
Justine: *smiling* SO GET REVIEWING WHILE ME AND TIMMY TAP DANCE! *starts tap dancing*
Timmy (Vanessa's pet walrus): *joins Justine*
PEACETH!