Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the armchair.
Phoebe: So are you going to go talk to Treeger today?
Ross: Yeah, as soon as he's done fixing Joey's sink again. Apparently, he tried to get rid of some of Chick and Duck Jr's food down the pipe.
Phoebe: Isn't that stuff water-soluble?
Ross: That is. But the gravel he used to weigh down the food wasn't. Treeger said to give him about an hour with that.
Rachel looks at her watch.
Rachel: Oh, look at the time! Honey, I'm gonna go get Emma from mom's, and start packing up the apartment for the movers. Call me as soon as you have the papers signed.
Ross: All right. I'll see you at home.
Rachel leans down, and kisses Ross.
Rachel: Love you.
Ross: Love you, too.
Rachel walks out.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm so happy for the two of you! It's about time you guys got back together.
Ross: Yeah, I know. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm with her again. It's like, "Why did we wait so long?".
Phoebe: Because you were both being stupid.
Ross glares.
Phoebe: But look at you two now! Moving in together, raising your daughter...my lobsters are growing up! Oh, I feel like I should sing a song!
Ross smiles at Phoebe, turns to the coffee table, picks up a cup, and takes a sip. He makes a face, and spits the contents the contents back into the cup.
Ross: UGH! That is the WORST coffee I have ever tasted!
Phoebe: Uh, Ross...that's been there since we got here.
Ross looks at her, then starts rubbing his tongue with his hand. Theme song and title sequence play.
So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Treeger's apartment. Ross is standing by the door, while Treeger is looking through the papers on his desk for the rental application. Water is pooling under his feet from his wet uniform.
Treeger: Boy, I'm telling you, there are times when I think Tribbiani doesn't have the brains God gave a goose. Who in their right mind would pour gravel down a pipe to chase duck food down after it? Sometimes, I wish Bing was still living there. Well, at least you'll be there to look after him, Geller.
Treeger claps Ross on the shoulder.
Ross: When I'm not at work, I will be. But I think Joey meant well, Treeger. He just wasn't thinking, is all.
Treeger: Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey, you want a beer?
He opens the refrigerator and takes two beers out, offering one to Ross.
Ross: I'd better not. Rachel was really upset from the last time. Thanks, though.
Treeger puts one of the beers away and sits down at the desk, cracking open the other one. He puts the form in front of Ross.
Treeger: Okay, Geller, there you are. Rent, utilities, the paperwork, you know the routine. All it needs is your John Hancock, and you're all set.
Ross reads over the form to make sure there are no hidden surprises. Satisfied, he signs on the bottom line, then hands the form back to Treeger.
Treeger: All right, you're all set. I imagine you still have keys to the place, so I won't bother giving you the ones I'm supposed to. Just let me know if you have any problems, or if your sister broke anything. Although, between you and me, I'd rather fix it myself, than hold her accountable.
Ross: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Scene ends and opens on Ross's old apartment. Rachel is in the living room, sitting on the couch with Emma. The TV is playing Sesame Street. Rachel looks at her daughter.
Rachel: Did you have fun with Grandma, sweetie?
Emma nods with a smile on her face. Rachel's cell phone starts ringing.
Rachel (on the phone): Hello?
Scene cuts to Ross, who is crossing the street.
Ross (on the phone): We're all set! Paperwork's signed, we can start moving things over any time.
Scene cuts to Rachel.
Rachel (on the phone): Really? That's great!
Scene cuts to Ross.
Ross (on the phone): Yeah, we can start getting those boxes you packed moved over today, if we want.
Scene cuts to Rachel, who has a panicked look on her face.
Rachel (on the phone): The boxes? OH, right! The boxes! Yeah, about that...
Scene cuts to Ross, who stops walking.
Ross (on the phone): Rachel, you didn't forget to pack the boxes, did you?
Scene cuts to Rachel, who is looking around the unpacked apartment.
Rachel (on the phone): No, I didn't forget to pack them! I just...you know, forgot to GET them.
Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Boxes are all over the place, some opened, some unopened. The twins lie in their bassinette, near the couch where Chandler and Monica are sitting.
Chandler: I don't think I have any energy left to move.
Monica: Me either. I'm thinking I may leave this mess out for a few days.
Chandler looks over at her, eyes widened.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
Monica gives him a "very funny" look.
Monica: What are we gonna do with all of these boxes when we're finished?
Chandler: Well, I was thinking we could give them to Ross and Rachel. Let them worry about how to get rid of these boxes.
Monica: Chandler! That's mean.
A pause.
Monica: We need to start unloading right now, then.
Chandler: On it.
Chandler gets up and holds out a hand to help her up, just as one of the twins starts crying. Monica groans.
Monica: Whose turn is it?
Chandler: I don't know. But if you wanna start unloading boxes, I'll take care of the kids.
Monica: Why do I have to unload the boxes?
Chandler: Because you're a better organizer than me. Besides, do you wanna be following me, putting things away exactly as you want them, or do you wanna do it right the first time?
Monica glowers at him. Chandler moves off to look after the twins.
Monica: Oh, you are SO dead when I finish organizing this house, mister.
Monica gets up off the couch, and walks over to the boxes. Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, watching Die Hard. Phoebe opens the door, and walks in.
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey continues to stare at the TV.
Joey: Hey.
Phoebe: What're you watching?
Joey: Die Hard.
Phoebe: Isn't this, like, the millionth time you watched it?
Joey: Yeah, but Rachel is at Ross's place, Monica and Chandler are gone, and I thought you were out with Mike. So I put on a movie.
Phoebe walks over to the couch and sits down.
Phoebe: Yeah, but this is the only movie you watch.
Joey: That's not true! I watch lots of movies.
Phoebe: Name one. Besides Die Hard.
A long pause.
Joey: Uh...oh! How about those mushy romance movies Rachel made me watch with her?
Phoebe: Did you enjoy them?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Then those don't count.
Duck Jr. waddles past, followed by Chick Jr.
Phoebe: Awww, how are the birds doing?
Joey: They're doing good. Ever since Treeger fixed the sink problem, they've been enjoying a swim in it.
Phoebe: That is so cool! I didn't know chicks could swim!... wait... can they?
Joey shrugs, and goes back to his movie. Scene ends and opens in Ross's apartment. Ross is standing by the couch, looking around the furnished apartment. Rachel is standing by the bedroom door, with a worried look on her face.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, honey, I know you're upset, but I think I have a solution that can work for us and for Monica and Chandler.
Ross: What? Use the boxes from Monica and Chandler to haul all our stuff in?
Rachel: Well...yeah. Although technically, all MY stuff is still in Joey's apartment. This is all YOUR stuff.
Ross glares at her.
Rachel: I'm just saying, it's true.
Ross sighs, and rubs his eyes.
Ross: Well, we have the apartment, that's the important thing. I'll call Monica tomorrow, see how many boxes we can get from her. I'm hoping she'll have some we can use.
Rachel walks over and hugs him.
Rachel: I'm sorry, honey. I know you wanted to get some of this stuff moved today, but when I got Emma from my mother's, I completely forgot to get boxes. And then we came home and watched Sesame Street, and...well, basically, I just forgot.
Ross hugs her back and kisses the top of her head.
Ross: It's okay, Rach. We made a promise to each other, remember? I don't want us to fight so soon after having gotten back together. Yes, I'm upset, but I'll get over it. We have the apartment we want, we can get boxes from Monica and Chandler, and we have our family. I think we should look on the positive.
Rachel smiles, and kisses him, before leaning her head on his chest. Scene ends and opens the next day in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is asleep on the couch, Chandler is asleep on the floor, and the twins are asleep in their bassinette. Monica wakes up, and looks down at Chandler. Chandler's eyes fly open, and he sits up screaming. Monica screams as well.
Chandler: Why must everyone watch me sleep? There will be no more watching me sleep! We went through that already!
Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake!
Chandler: I wasn't awake! I was asleep until I felt a piercing stare upon me! It's like having a thousand needles 2 inches from your face!
Monica: I'm sorry! I forgot about that Eddie incident!
The twins wake up crying. Monica groans.
Monica: Now the kids are awake.
Chandler (sarcastically): Really? I thought someone made an alarm clock with a new realistic baby crying sound!
Monica and Chandler get up. Monica walks over to the bassinette, as Chandler heads upstairs to take a shower and get ready for work. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is sitting on the couch, feeding Jack. Chandler walks in, dressed in a suit. He walks over to the couch.
Chandler: Okay, I'm off.
Chandler leans down and kisses Monica.
Monica: Oh, honey, before you go, can you feed Erica? I think she passed back out, but I can't feed both of them.
Chandler: Sure. Where'd you leave the formula and bottles at?
Monica: They're in the kitchen. I left a bottle for her on the counter.
Chandler walks into the kitchen for the bottle, and comes out a minute later with it. He picks up Erica, and proceeds to feed her.
Chandler: I think we should get some of these boxes unloaded today.
Monica: Yeah, Rachel already called me asking if she can get some.
Chandler: How's she gonna get them?
Monica: I'll take them in. I told her I'd meet her at Central Perk this afternoon, after I get some of this stuff unpacked. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of hours. And this will be fun!
Chandler smiles, and leaves with Erica in his arms. He runs back in a few seconds later, and sets her down.
Chandler: Okay, I know we hire young, but that's a little much.
Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey walks out of his bedroom in his bathrobe to the kitchen, tired. He opens the refrigerator, and takes out a bottle of juice, then gets a glass out of the cupboard. Phoebe enters from the other bedroom.
Joey: Morning.
Phoebe: Morning. Hey, thanks for letting me stay over last night. With Mike gone, the apartment was feeling a little lonely.
Joey: Don't worry about it. I'm sure Rachel won't mind you sleeping in her bed.
A pause.
Phoebe: That was Rachel's bed?
Joey: Well, yeah. You didn't think I left the bedroom all fancied up, did you?
Phoebe screams and starts waving her arms all over herself.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh, my God! Augh! I can't believe I slept in the same bed she had sex with ROSS in! Ew! I need a shower!
Joey: Phoebe, calm down! What's the big deal?
Phoebe: The big deal, Joey, is that I was sleeping in the bed my lobsters have had sex in! That's like you sleeping in the bed your parents had sex in!
Joey makes a face as he swallows his juice, then sets the glass down on the counter and scoots it away from him.
Joey: Thanks, Phoebe! Now I'll NEVER drink juice again without thinking of my parents having sex!
Phoebe's cell phone starts ringing. She looks at the caller ID, and answers.
Phoebe (on the phone): Hello? Oh, hey, Rachel! What's up?
A pause.
Phoebe (on the phone): Yeah, I'm at Joey's place right now. We just got up.
A pause.
Phoebe (on the phone): No, Rachel, we didn't. I just stayed overnight.
A pause.
Phoebe (on the phone): Yeah, we can. How soon do you need us to go over?
A pause.
Phoebe (on the phone): Okay, we'll see you then. Bye.
Phoebe hangs up the phone, and turns to Joey.
Phoebe: Monica's bringing some boxes over for Ross to pack his things in. Rachel's wondering if we can meet her down in Central Perk in a bit to help her go over to Ross's place and help her pack stuff.
Joey: Sure, no problem.
Phoebe: I have to go home and change. I'll meet you there in about an hour?
Joey: Okay.
Joey gives Phoebe a quick kiss on the cheek. Scene ends, and opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Joey is sitting in the chair at the end table. Phoebe is sitting on the couch, deliberately ignoring Joey. Monica enters, with the twins in their stroller.
Monica: Hi! Sorry I'm late, I had to get the boxes broken down and put in the car.
Ross: Mon, how many rooms did you unpack, exactly?
Monica looks uneasy.
Monica (vaguely): Enough for the boxes we need.
Rachel: Monica...?
Monica sighs.
Monica: Half the house, okay? I got half the house unpacked and organized already.
Ross (sarcastically): Gee, Monica. I guess the idea of oh, I don't know, TAKING A BREAK never entered your mind?
Monica: No, cause then I couldn't bring the boxes over here and start telling you guys what to do when we start packing!
Everyone stares at her.
Monica: I mean...HELP you when we start packing. Anyway, let's go! Chandler said he'll meet us there when he gets off work, so let's get to it!
Monica takes the stroller and heads for the door. Ross looks at Rachel, shrugs, and gets up to follow Monica, followed by Rachel. Joey looks over at Phoebe, who quickly looks away at the wall.
Joey: Pheebs, is there something bothering you that you're not telling me?
Phoebe: No. Hey, look! Doesn't that crack look a little like Elvis?
Joey looks over, as Phoebe runs from the coffeehouse to Ross's apartment. Joey looks around, and notices he's alone. Scene ends and opens in Ross's apartment. Numerous boxes are scattered around, most open with random items sticking out. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are walking around with items in hand. Monica is standing in the middle of the room, giving directions.
Monica: Okay, Phoebe, make sure you pack the bathroom towels in with the bathroom items, and put that box with the others in the bathroom. Ross, wrap that dino stuff you don't want broken in bubble wrap. I think there should be enough left over from our move for you. Rachel, honey, be sure to keep the silverware separate. Joey...good job.
Joey looks up from the counter where he's making a sandwich.
Joey: Thanks.
Ross sets down the dino knickknacks he's wrapping.
Ross: Hey, Mon, here's an idea: how about you HELP us?
Monica: I AM helping! I'm...directing.
Ross sits down on the couch, in exhaustion. Rachel joins him, as Joey sits on a corner of the coffee table, and Phoebe sits in the recliner. Monica looks at them.
Monica: Come on, you can't tell me you're all tired, already!
Ross: Monica, we've been at this for three HOURS. We're tired.
Monica: But we're almost done! Come on, we just have a few more rooms to do!
Everyone groans.
Rachel: Mon, honey, why don't you sit down with us? Take a few minutes for yourself.
Monica: No! There are still boxes to be packed! You all can sit on your butts if you want, but I'm gonna keep packing!
Monica disappears into the spare bedroom, as the others shrug and turn on the TV. Chandler enters.
Chandler: Hey. What, is it game time already?
He sits down next to Joey on the coffee table. Ross glares at him.
Ross: No, we're taking a break while your wife spends some of her pent up energy packing the boxes, instead of giving us orders.
Monica walks in.
Monica (entering the room): Did I hear Chandler out here?
She looks over to see Chandler sitting on the coffee table.
Monica: Oh good, you're here! You can help me pack.
Chandler pretends to lean over in exhaustion.
Chandler: Oh, you know, work was pretty exhausting. I think I'm gonna sit here for a few minutes; kind of find some energy to help you.
Monica grabs his arm, and pulls him into the back room.
Monica: Nice try. I heard you when you came in. You get a choice: watch the kids while I pack these boxes, or start putting the knickknacks Ross wrapped into those boxes for me.
Chandler looks around helplessly.
Chandler: Ross? A little help here?
Ross: You have fun, Chandler.
Ross turns back to the TV, as Chandler gets dragged into the back room. Joey stands up.
Joey: Hey, I'm gonna go to Central Perk for a coffee. Anyone want anything?
Answers of "No", and "I'm good" float back to him. Joey exits the building, and crosses to the window of Central Perk. Looking inside, he sees Mike sitting on the couch talking to a beautiful redhead. As Joey looks on, Mike leans in and kisses the woman. Camera pans over to Joey's shocked face, before fading out. Credits appear on screen.
CREDITS SCENE:
Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's new apartment. Monica, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe each are carrying in boxes. Ross sets his on the counter, and turns to Rachel.
Ross: Well, this is it. We are now officially starting our move into this apartment.
Rachel grins.
Rachel: I know, I've been wanting this for a long time. I love you, Ross.
Rachel hugs Ross, and leans in for a kiss. Monica cries from the bathroom.
Monica: Towels! YES! Something else to organize!
END OF SHOW
(A/N: I know that many Phoebe/Mike fans won't be happy with this episode. Please bear with me, I wanna explore an idea that the show never touched on. As for Lobster and Mondler fans, stay tuned. There's plenty of surprises in store. Also, thank you all who have reviewed my premiere. Your support has given me confidence to keep up the season. Now go take my challenge! LOL)