Disclaimer: I don't own twilight series.
Chapter Five:
"Hi Billy it is me Bella is Jacob feeling better? Can I please talk to him?"
"Jacob is still sick Bella. You cannot talk to him. He will call when he is better. Goodbye Belle." Billy snapped and hung up on me.
I stood with an open mouth shocked at how rude and uncaring Billy was. If Jacob doesn't call me tomorrow I will go over there. I pictured myself pulling outside their red house and banging on the door demanding answers like I actually had the guts which I did not.
I blinked a few times to snap myself out of it and headed upstairs to shower trying to think about the rules of netball to distract me from Jacob and Billy's uncaring tone. The strawberry conditioner was running low which aggravated me but distracted me from Jacob at least. My hair was very long and required a larger amount and more care while combing the delicious smelling conditioner through. I eventually gave up on the shower and started to fill the bathtub. Warm water caressed my skin and my hair draped over the side; I decided to deep conditioner it.
As my eyes drooped dangerously I hoped out of the bath and rubbed coconut butter into my wrinkled skin. My hair was heavy as I carefully wrapped it up in a towel and walked to my room thinking of what I should study and how many calories I would have burned off today running with Mike.
I worked on all of my homework and studied for Spanish and English before my tummy grumbled in hunger. Charlie was downstairs in the fridge fishing for leftovers as I went to the cupboard and withdrew a small can of low fat low calorie soup.
"Dad I came first in the cross-country practice we had today."
"That is great Bells..." Charlie said absentmindedly whilst spooning a pasta dish onto a plate. I resisted the urge to smile as the information I just verbalised sunk in; Charlie paused as he sat down, his fork mid way to his mouth with cold food on it.
"What? You sport. You first." Charlie looked confused and shocked; this time I couldn't help but smile. I placed my bowel of now heated soup on the table before continuing between very small spoonfuls and sips of water.
"Shocking I know but Coach Clapp even recommended that I try out for a sport team. She said it showed that I have been slimming down and toning up," another way of saying things that you want to believe.
Charlie indicated for me to stand up and show him by waving his hand, his mouth was full of pasta. I got up and lifted my baggy pj top so he could see, I even tensed my stomach muscles for him and watched his eyes pop in shock; his eyes spoke wholly crap Bella fit! I giggled and sat back down as Charlie swallowed.
"So what do you think Dad? Do I look like I have improved?" Charlie nodded digesting what he saw.
"You look great Bella. Not that you didn't look good before but there is obvious improvement. It looks like you're on the way to getting a four pack and I am on my way to beer six pack," Charlie stated clearly in awe of my hard work. "What sport were you going to try out for Bells?"
"Netball mainly because it is one of the only sports I can remember the rules to." Charlie looked slightly disappointed, no doubt hoping it would be softball or something he followed, but he still looked proud all the same. Tell him what you want now Bella you know what I mean; my voice cooed in my ear. "I guess I will have to start watching my diet and exercise more often to be able to be any good," I casually planted the seeds that would later grow to my advantage. "I was thinking about going for a daily run and cutting back on dinner so I can load up on energy at school but still feel light enough to go for a run in the morning."
"That's fine Bells just remember to eat lots of carbs at school to train okay."
"Don't worry you know me I have taken a massive interest in nutrition and fitness so I know what I am doing," I smiled and started to water the seeds.
"Oh yeah. Well then I guess I will be fending for myself at dinner time then. It will be good for you to have a break from babying me," Charlie said wrapping up our productive conversation. I knew Charlie didn't mind if I didn't have dinner with him because we both enjoyed solitude which is great because it can work to my advantage.
The next day was overcast but not raining I noted, looking out my bedroom window before making my way once again to the bathroom. I had already gone for a run that morning it was quick, only forty minutes, but I didn't really bother with paying attention to the surroundings; I was too focused on my techniques as I powered on relishing the feeling. It is not like it is unusual to have bad weather in Forks so I wasn't surprised.
I shivered slightly before stepping on the scales; tingling with excitement. I knew that I lost weight; I had eaten hardly anything and did a lot of exercise. 103.1lb! That is over a pound good job the voice congratulated. I smiled and this time the feeling wasn't so alien until I remembered Jake as hot water pounded me and I lathered soap on my loafer. I punched the wall instantly regretting it. Why the fuck was Billy so uncaring? Did he care? And why were they pushing me away? You're still not good enough Bells that is why.
My hand was slightly red and sore as I packed my school bag; I remembered to pack my runners as I walked out the door to my tank proof truck. I stole a glance at my watch; 7am. Enough time to walk to school. Hastily I went back inside and scribbled a note to Charlie:
'Walking back from tryouts after school this arvo so will be too late to start on dinner. B.'
I then quickly pulled my black converse off and put them in a plastic bag before shoving them in my back pack and pulling on my runners. I then rummaged through my drawers and removed a pedometer and clipped it on the top of my skinny jeans before locking the door and jogging to school. Luckily it was a cool day and I didn't perspire like you would normally after exercise.
Upon arriving I headed straight for my locker and put away my runners and unneeded gear. Angela was at her locker; her locker was next to mine on the left.
"Hey Bella I heard from Coach Clapp that you were going to try out for the netball team. I really hope you make it then I will have someone to talk to besides Lauren."
I groaned, "Lauren is on the team? But that is good how you are on the team I never knew you played. It makes sense I guess you are so skinny and tall. Are you in a goal position?"
"You may not be tall but you have slimmed down a bit so you will be fine on that front." I love Angela for her honesty. "And don't worry Lauren is fairly serious about her sport so she won't bother you about personal stuff." Great now she will hate me for how I play but it is better than not playing I suppose, no it is better.
"Yeah I play Goal Defence mainly and sometimes Goal Keeper but I am too terrible at shooting to be attacking. What do you play?"
"Cool. My favourite positions are Wing Defence and Centre so hopefully we will be close. That is if I get in..."
"Don't you worry Bella you will besides it never hurts to have an extra on an eight player team; we need more reserve positions. How about you meet me after your last class and I will walk with you to tryouts. And if you are nervous or need to brush up on a few rules just talk to me at lunch okay?" I nodded and walked with a spring in my step to my first class.
Lunch came around too quickly. For some unknown reason I felt nervous about it; I didn't want to eat I was too motivated to lose more weight especially after this morning. Luckily when Angela caught sit of me fidgeting nervously in the cafeteria line and came over to be with me, she took my nerves to be for the tryouts and not having to eat food. This made me feel uncomfortable with myself; why am I nervous about eating food? I picked up a medium small granny smith apple and a can of diet coke.
"Aren't you hungry Bella?" Angela discretely inquired.
"Nah my stomach is doing flips around a flock of butterflies and you know me I don't have much of an appetite anyway." I told the truth I just left out the reason for my nerves, yet I still felt like I was doing something bad; I brushed that thought away. Once again I planted the seeds of deception.
"Yeah I don't have much of an appetite normally either but when I am scared all I want to eat is strawberry ice cream and nothing else." Angela stated and we both sat down next to Jessica.
Mmm ice cream I thought randomly as I nibbled at my apple and sipped my coke. Looking around I realised I felt very self conscious. I was so aware of all the gross sounds I was making as I chewed and swallowed. I couldn't help but wipe my mouth every sip or few bites; what if I was drooling?
I put down my half eaten apple and stared at it briefly before launching almost too enthusiastically into a conversation with Angela about netball's rules and what are uniforms looked like. Before I knew it the bell rang and I had to throw away my half uneaten apple and three quarter full diet coke. A strange sense of relief and excitement washed over me knowing I didn't eat in front of my friends. I once again shrugged off my intrigue into this feeling telling myself I will research it tonight when I get home.
"Okay Bella I want you paired against Angela. We are going to see how your defending and attacking skills compare okay?" Coach Clapp said to me speaking encouragingly but still like a Coach that means business.
My eyes widened I had been watching the team go through their paces in a quick warm up, Angela not only had the body for a great defender she had a lot more skill than I would have expected from her. I had been shocked enough to find out that Angela looked like she could go pro if she really wanted; after all she is a very quiet academic type of person so I naturally assumed she didn't play sports much. But to find out I was being tested against her was just plain nerve wracking; she looked like she weighed a hundred pounds and was six feet tall. I only just started to notice how fit and toned she looked despite being so skinny; her bones must be really small I thought to myself as I walked with Angela to take position. Angela smiled encouragingly and wished me a quick good luck as Lauren jogged to centre position with a standard sized netball. I gulped and took a deep breath while waiting for instructions.
"Okay first you will be attacking Bella and Angela will be defending you. We will do this a few times before you and Angela switch roles. Understood?" I nodded at Coach Clapp and turned to Lauren letting my eyes hover on the yellow ball. I mentally ran through all my knowledge on how to outsmart a defending opponent from a centre pass. I took another deep breath in anticipation of the shrill whistle which sounded a split second later. My legs and arms reacted instantly and I was miraculously in front of Angela. Lauren threw the ball and I caught the chest pass with surprising ease. I felt confident as the natural instincts came flooding back so I didn't have to think as much.
I caught fifty percent of the passes made to me. I did not know if that was a good or bad thing but against Angela's height and skill I felt proud.
"Okay Bella and Angela switch roles," Coach Clapp shouted blowing hair out of her face. I didn't have time to wonder if it was normal for her to comment at tryouts or wait till it was over, I was too busy fighting with Angela for the inside position behind the centre third line.
The whistle sounded and before I knew it I was chasing Angela to the right and then the left before I realised she tricked me into going left she had the ball. Dam she is fast, the first second wasn't even up. I felt a massive blow to my confidence; defence was my thing. However that didn't stop me giving it my all. Angela caught the next two balls thrown but I went onto catch the rest of them. I smiled to myself I was enjoying this. I have no idea why I quite this in the first place not only is this fun but it should be burning lots and lots of calories.
After a half court match and a few more skill tests I was told to wait until practice was over to see how I went. I was nervous now; I hate anticipation over the unknown. I watched all the girls expectedly run up and down the court training. The uniforms they wore were a one piece skirt ensemble. The hue was predominantly black with swishy swirls of blue and white stripes lining the seams. I wondered what I would look like in one and what size I would be.
"Bella. Bella practice is over you can snap out of lala land now." Angela laughed softly waving her hand before my eyes. I felt the warmth of blood rushing to my cheeks and took Angela's hand as she pulled me up. "Come on Bella Coach is waiting for you in by the store room," Angela said whilst pulling me along which gave me time to compose myself which was rather hard as I felt the effects of my euphoria and Ritalin wear off.
"So Bella what positions did you used to play?" Coach Clapp enquired as she leant against the door frame to the store room.
"Um I used to play both wing positions and centre but I predominantly was wing defence and centre. I never played in the goal circle because of my height though." I mumbled nervously fighting the urge to break eye contact; stupid ADD. I was twisting a lock of my hair around my finger trying to calm myself.
"Well Bella I can't deny that you are a bit rusty but from what I saw you are more than capable. Welcome to the team Bella," Coach Clapp announced dramatically. I let out a massive breath and smiled up at Angela and Coach Clapp who was both beaming at me as I felt my signature blush once again take over my face.
Angela then took me to the back of the store room to hunt for a uniform in my size. "So what size are your clothes that you usually wear?" Angela asked as she opened a draw full of brand new uniforms and pulled out a few try on pairs.
"Um my jeans are a size zero and my top is a size two," I replied. Angela handed me a uniform marked extra small and turned around so I could try it on. It felt weird wearing it; it was like wearing a full piece bathing suit with a skirt that only just covered the tops of my legs.
"Um it is too baggy." Angela turned back around and nodded in agreement before going back into the drawer to pull out a try on a size in extra-extra small. I eyed it; it looked tiny. Angela saw my face and giggled. "Don't worry Bella, it has stretch and is supposed to be rather form fitting."
I shrugged and indicated for her to turn around. This one was rather form fitting and there were no baggy bits. "I think this one fits Angela. How do I look?" Angela appraised my appearance.
"Wow you are tiny Bella but the uniform fits perfectly and you look great in it." Angela said and handed me a brand new one in the same size and once again gave me some privacy as put my clothes back on.
The walk home was relaxing until I realised I was starting to think about Jacob. What if he doesn't want me? Is he okay? Fuck I am so confused.
My breathing was laboured and ragged as I rounded the last corner and walked slowly up the gravel driveway. I paused before our worn oak coloured door and sighed. Fuck me Jacob. I abruptly turned around and searched through my school bag for the keys to my truck, spilling half the contents onto the driveway. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I was too frustrated to bother with putting the books back in my bag so I just scooped everything up, unlocked the truck and dumped the stuff on the passenger seat.
Trying to slow my frustrated breaths proved almost futile as I pushed my truck to fifty five. It took five minutes less than normal to get to Jacob's house. I forcefully pulled the hand brake and cut the ignition. I felt so angry for some reason. I missed my best friend. It felt like there was something big being hidden from me.
Tears threatened to fall as the gravel crunched under my converse and I reached the door; its red paint was peeling off like the rest of the house. I banged my fists loudly on the door feeling slightly bonkers but predominantly frustratingly angry.
"Hello is anyone home!" I almost barked but managed to sound more like an angry teenager.
"He-ll-o!" I rudely kept knocking until I heard a click and the door swung open before I could hit it again.
"Bella," Billy curtly greeted me; he was square in the middle of the doorway. Billy did not look like he was going to invite me in so I decided to cut straight to the chase.
"Why the hell have you been so rude and defensive towards me lately? Jacob is my best friend and I love him. Why won't you let me see him? I don't care if I get sick because I care for him. Have you even taken him to a doctor? I am worried sick Billy!" I almost screamed the last part my voice had risen so much over the course of my mini interrogating rant.
Billy looked up at me his black eyes looked hared than diamond.
"Bella Jacob does not want to see you." I stepped back a few steps almost falling off the small wooden porch. I gasped in air like a fish out of water trying to digest a fear I had been desperately trying to suppress. He doesn't want you either Bella.
"Wh-w-Wha-what-tt?" I stuttered my voice cracked every syllable. I clasped my hands across my chest; the wretched hole was open and bleeding away my soul.
"B-but I love Jacob. Jacob is my best friend," I choked out looking into Billy's hard face there was not a hint of remorse; I felt sickened. Nobody wants me. Nobody wants me. Fuck.
Wet droplets of the tears that threatened to fall ran down my cheeks soundlessly. I looked up at Billy feeling numb then anger. You are pathetic Bella, you selfish fuck.
"I think you should go," Billy said; it wasn't a suggestion it was more like an order almost a threat. I turned and ran to my truck and speedily drove home feeling bits of me give up hope but a nagging feeling that Billy was lying and that nobody wants you.
Clouds grumbled as I sat in my truck crying without sound. I don't know how long I was there but eventually Charlie came out of the house and spotted me. I guess I have been here a while but I didn't care I felt dead.
I looked up as Charlie first approached with anger then concern as soon as he saw my face; he rushed over to me and carried me to the house and lay me down on the couch. Charlie then went a way for a few moments and returned with my stuff from my truck.
It was so cold just lying there as my blood drained from my extremities. My breathing quickened and came out in uneven bursts as tears fell down. Disgusting, weak and pathetic!
Charlie laid an old warm scratchy blanket on me and bought over a cup of water. I blinked a few times at the water very confused then looked at Charlie; his eyes were full of concern. My breathing continued to become faster weaker and less controlled. I felt like throwing up and passing out and screaming all at the same time; I was so confused. Why was I losing it so easily?
"Bella what is wrong honey? Did tryouts go badly?" Charlie's overly gentle voice betrayed his concern. I took three deep breaths and sipped the water whilst Charlie rubbed my back reassuringly.
"No," I gasped out. "Not tryouts. It was Billy and Jacob and everything. He said he didn't want to see me Dad," I choked out trying to make the words coherent and the statement make sense.
I burst into tears from the realisation that Jacob doesn't want me. I just lay there and cried as Charlie got up and immediately called the Black household. There was no answer so Charlie called Harry Clearwater; I wondered if Seth would know how Jacob is as he did so. Seth might know.
I started to scheme and told Charlie that I'll be back late and wouldn't be having dinner. I didn't wait to hear Charlie's reply as I rushed out the door. "Bella," Charlie called out before running to stop me. I felt his protective hands wrap around my shoulders. I spun around and cried into his chest I felt so broken. Charlie still had the phone in hand and was chatting with Harry as he guided me back into the house. Charlie hung up and turned to face me.
"Bells we are going over to the Clearwater's for dinner next Friday and I think you should come," it was an order that I was too willing to obey; I didn't want to be left alone.
Okay it is Wednesday today so that means I have a whole nine days till I can ask questions; that's if Jacob doesn't talk to me before then. I was suddenly able to plaster on a mask of false acceptance and meandered upstairs; I felt the need to brush my hair and found myself gently brushing through my limp locks as I worked on a creative writing task for school. I had to repeatedly tell myself that Jacob may not be avoiding me and he still loves me; it was hard but it got me through till I went to sleep and woke up to carry on with the rest of the week.
Over the next three days (including the Wednesday a week later), I repeatedly tried to call and revisited Jacobs's house only to find the curtains shut and no evidence of someone being home. Eventually the line wouldn't even connect when I called. I tried to tell myself that it was just a problem with the phone line to suppress my growing suspicions.
I became very obsessive over those nine days. I had to run an hour every day at the exact same time. I became obsessed with ordering my food into different colours and texture like I used to when I was a kid. My school work had to be completed the day I got it and then I had to study exactly four hours a day evenly distributing time between each of my subjects excluding gym. I felt like I was going mad.
As a kid I had always liked to sit in a certain spot around the table or at school but it felt like I had no choice; I just had to sit in that spot. It felt like I had gone from a creature of habit to obsessive compulsive very quickly. Although Renee and Charlie had explained to me that I was diagnosed with possible Aspergers as a kid and a tendency to become obsessive. But still it felt weird like the time when I realised I had to close the laundry hamper lid and make sure that it was even, except now it felt like that simple urge had morphed into many others. I didn't mind however I seemed to work really well and avoid dinner with my little routines although that wasn't my plan to start with.
I awoke on the Friday morning early and went for an hour run at 4:30am my watch time exactly.
I breathed in the cold air and hammered my way through the dark tracks in the encroaching forest. It was the only time darkness, lots of uneven ground and my shit coordination didn't cause me problems; I had become very good at what I was doing. I had already attended three netball training sessions which I think helped improve my running and coordination significantly.
I still had not worn my hair out in public and as I was nearing the end of my run I convinced myself to wear it out and blow dry it straight for dinner tonight. I tutted at myself for being so vein as I bounded up the stairs two at a time. It wasn't like it was a formal occasion or anything and I barely knew what Leah was like now.
Once in the bathroom I closed and locked the door then carried out the necessary preparations so I could weigh myself. I made sure there were no foreign objects on me or the scales that could skew results and double checked the positioning of the scale before zeroing it.
I breathed in deeply then exhaled and blinked repeatedly. I was stunned by the numbers flashing before me; afraid that if I believed that what I was seeing was correct that I would somehow find out that it was wrong. Just to be sure I brushed through my hair and re-zeroed the scales and stepped on. Nope my eyes were not deceiving me so I let a smile flood my face it was genuine and felt good like the hot water now caressing my naked body. Even as I stepped out of the shower, dried my hair and plaited it carefully I felt tingly.
I skipped to my room counting my strides; fourteen this morning. Then withdrew my little black book, I had been recording my weight and sometimes my food consumption in. I satisfactorily crossed off my goal weight of a hundred pounds then proceeded to record my weight of ninety nine point eight pounds. I grinned again at my book before hiding it behind my tall skinny book shelf.
Today's gym class had been cancelled and I groaned but remembered Coach saying that is no excuse to skip on exercise to make up which I knew I would never do even if I wanted to I felt too weird when I didn't exercise. I pulled down my now baggy size two long sleeve cardigan thanking my boobs for not noticeably shrinking. I think my boobs are the only fat on my body that I like being there.
I lifted up my shirt and saw the feint but noticeable lines of a four pack and slightly more visible hipbones that were really just tinny pokes. But that will change my little voice said encouraging me to wear the skinny jeans in size zero that I bought the day before yesterday.
I felt kind of like a skinny jean whore I had actually purchased mostly size zeros and as many double zeros as possible which brought the total population of skinny jeans residing in my chest of drawers to eight. The jeans I wore today were gray washed denim. Despite looking shit with my baggy cardigan it worked for me it made me feel slimmer and protected especially when I headed to my first class puffing slightly from walking to school. You are such a dork Bella I thought before entering my first class.
Once again I found that the time from the start of the school day to the end went far too fast but also slow. It was pouring as the last bell ended forcing me to sprint all the way home with my bag secured to me under my poor excuse for a makeshift rain coat which consisted of my baggy hoodie. Charlie was home when I got there and informed me that we would head over to the Clearwater's house in three hours. I thanked myself for skipping lunch and studying; I would freak about not getting enough studying done if I hadn't. I ran up the stairs despite puffing like a smoker.
The lights were already turned on upstairs and in the bathroom. A cold draft seeped through the small open bathroom window; I shivered as I peeled my clothes off and placed them in the hamper before closing the lid evenly and then getting in the shower.
Bit by bit I cautiously shaved my legs as I let the strawberry conditioner soak into my tangled hair; I sat on the floor of the bath tub allowing the shower to wash over my back. I let out a long breath as I stepped out still shivering slightly; the pouring rain had stolen some of my body heat.
Feeling still cold after drying my body I decided to use the hair dryer to rid my hair of moisture and slightly warm myself in the process. My eyes stared unblinking at my reflection in the small mirror making sure that I untangled every knot and straightened any strays. This took almost half an hour which surprised me only slightly mainly because I am not considered girly.
Deciding I was going to bother with presentation to a minuet degree I lazily fetched my girly crap I had bought the other week and my facial care stuff. This helped me occupy more time as I averted my thoughts from what type of foods we would be having. Just as I finished applying a thin line of black eyeliner and onyx mascara Charlie called. I cursed, running to my room and quickly got changed into a casual black dress with short sleeves, slipped on a pair of thick gray woollen tights and retrieved my red hand knitted jumper, it looked like crap but it was warm so I didn't give a shit.
Charlie was waiting down stair for me leaning against the door; he had changed into a green polo shirt and his favourite weathered but comfy jeans. I noticed he was wearing a belt which he never had to do before and complimented him on slimming down; Charlie smiled and said I looked beautiful, as if, in return before hugging me close and walking me to the passenger side of his police cruiser under a massive navy coloured umbrella. The rain only got heavier as Charlie backed out of the drive way. I still felt slightly chilly and pulled my legs to my chest and absentmindedly combed my fingers through my hair to kill the short time between leaving our house and arriving at our destination.
The rain had lessened as Charlie backed into a drive way. It was dark and all I could really see about the house was that the lights were on. My thoughts wandered almost instantly to Jacob. Was I really worthless or was there something sinister going on? I had to list a long line of profanities at my thinking to shut up; I didn't want to appear a blubbering idiot around Leah and Seth.
Luckily the rain had lessened to a tolerable drizzle and we could make our way to the front door without drowning. I rubbed my forearms as Charlie knocked on the front door. We were greeted by Leah. Her appearance had changed since I last saw her. Long black hair flowed over her shoulders and back. Her eyelashes were thick; kind of like feather dusters. And Leah's skin was a flawless coppery shade. I cringed inwardly as she beckoned us into the house with a happy grin that reached past high elegant cheek bones to her dark eyes. It was going to be a long night; I hate family/friend get togethers.
At first there was an expected awkward silence as everyone sat around the small cosy lounge room; Sue sat perched next to Harry on a squishy all consuming looking chair, Charlie sitting opposite on a ratty old lounge and us kids, (Seth, Leah and I), sat on a corner answering questions whenever one of the adults asked. This lasted until Seth decided he would retreat to his room to do god knows what. Leah and I shared a look and politely excused ourselves from the boring discussion and we too retreated.
"Wow Bella you look great!" Leah gushed complimentarily. "Not that you didn't look good before but you look so much fitter now," Leah said staring at me. I shuffled a bit as I lazed on her bed.
"Nah come off it Leah compared to you I'm not very fit or good looking..." I half mumbled, luckily Leah didn't notice my resentful tone which I have become quite expert in hiding I realised as of late.
Leah blushed before replying, "Oh but you have improved. I can help you if you ever want me to..." I had to work hard not to raise my eyebrows to the moon. Leah sounded so low like she really didn't think what I said was true; how ridiculous I thought. Leah is beautiful and now that I realised it a lot thinner and harder looking.
"Leah, have you lost weight?" I asked incredulously before continuing, "Because I just realised you look so much thinner like you dropped three or four dress sizes. I am so jealous how did you do it? And you look so much more toned and I already thought you were a toned slim machine before but wow..." I couldn't help but gush, it had been so long since I had socialised properly and I was definitely rusty.
Leah stared into my eyes searching for the briefest of moments, I wasn't even sure she had, before answering. "Let's just say I had motivation and know my stuff..." Leah trailed off quietly. I felt a twang of pity for her I had heard from Jacob about how Sam Uley had broke up with her and left her for her cousin Emily. I knew how she felt, almost, I have been trying to better myself ever since he left.
"I understand," I mumbled back. Leah looked up and in that moment we knew each other's pain and said no more on the subject for the rest of the evening. Instead we both filled the time with useless shallow chatter.
Remember the voice is more of a feeling/thought not a voice if that still/ever made sense? Well the point is I am sort of getting into Bella's character. I have written another chapter and have heaps of ideas for the future plot so I won't speak too much of Bella lest I ruin the story (I hope it is a good enough story to 'ruin' aka tell the outcome before the story can be read.)
Read and Review please! I love it even when there is criticism to make me a better writer!
p.s. I hope my style of first person writing is okay because before this story I predominantly wrote in third person.