Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica is asleep. Chandler is sitting in bed, typing on his computer. Monica wakes, rolls over to look at him, and groans.
Monica: Chandler, it's three in the morning. Go to sleep.
Chandler: Not until I figure out some way to beat that damn Rogue.
Monica: Honey, it's been a week since the fight. Let it go.
Chandler: No. Whoever it is, I WILL have them begging for mercy. No one does the Chicken Dance on my corpse and gets away with it.
Monica groans as she gets out of bed, grabs her pillow and a blanket, and heads for the door.
Chandler: Where are you going?
Monica: To sleep in the street. The traffic will be quieter.
Chandler stares at her as she walks out of the bedroom. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch. Annette walks over with three coffees. She hands one to Ross and Monica, and sits on the armchair.
Annette: Mon, you look like crap. Have you been getting any sleep at all?
Monica: No. Chandler's been keeping me up every night for the last week.
Annette: Oh, that Rogue business?
Ross: How did you know about that?
Annette: Because he called Joey at two in the morning three days ago, talking about it. It woke me up, and kept me up until four.
Monica: Has Rachel been obsessing over that Rogue at all?
Ross: No, she's been busy trying to keep up with Emma. She discovered how to open the cabinets, so we're toddler-proofing the apartment. It's a lot tougher than we thought it'd be.
Monica laughs at Ross's statement. Ross glares at her.
Ross: Laugh now, Mon. But all we're doing is toddler-proofing an apartment for one kid. Wait until Jack and Erica are Emma's age. You have a whole HOUSE to do.
Monica stops laughing, and gets a panicked look on her face.
Monica: Oh my God, you're right! I have to get started on that now!
Monica runs out the door.
Annette: Well, that's one way to get rid of someone. Remind me to use that on my next bad date.
Ross: Speaking of bad dates, how are things with Joey?
Annette: How does talking about bad dates remind you of my roommate?
Ross: You haven't known Joey as long as I have.
Annette laughs.
Annette: We're good. That Broadway audition didn't pan out for me, but I'm sure something will come up. He's been talking to the producers of Days of Our Lives for me, but so far, that's a no go.
Ross: What about your agent?
Annette: Same issue. So, I guess I keep working here till something comes up. It's not so bad. I've worked worse jobs, and Gunther isn't as bad as people make him out to be. In fact, we're having dinner tonight.
Ross looks at Annette with a shocked expression.
Ross: You're going on a date with GUNTHER?
Annette: Yeah, that's what I just said.
Ross: WHY would you do that?
Annette: One, he's a nice guy. And two, he asked me.
Ross: Does Joey know about this?
Annette: No. And I doubt he'd care, he's dating one of his co-stars. Didn't you notice the hot blonde he brought back to the apartment the other night?
Ross: Uh...No. The only blonde I have eyes for is Rachel.
Annette looks around the coffee shop.
Annette: Ross, Rachel isn't here, you can answer truthfully.
Ross: No, I can't. This place has ears all over, and Rachel will find out what I said.
Annette: I'm not gonna say a word to her. But did you see the woman he was with, though?
Ross nods.
Annette: Okay. Seeing him with a woman that hot, what makes you think he'd care if I went out with Gunther?
Ross: Uh...
Ross looks at his watch.
Ross: Oh, look at the time! I have to go get Ben, I'll see you later.
Ross stands up, and makes a hasty exit. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is putting child-proof locks on the cabinets. Enter Ross with Ben.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hey!
Ross and Rachel kiss. Rachel turns to Ben.
Rachel: Hey, Ben!
Ben: Hi, Aunt Rachel!
Ross: Why don't you go put your things up in your sister's room?
Ben: Okay!
Ben runs off to Emma's room. Ross turns to Rachel.
Ross: You're never gonna guess who Annette has a date with tonight.
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Gunther.
Rachel: Gunther? COFFEE SHOP Gunther?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: WHY?
Ross: According to her, because he's really nice, and he asked her.
Rachel starts for the door.
Rachel: Keep an eye on the kids for a moment, will you? I'll be right back.
Ross: Where are you going?
Rachel: To beat some sense into Joey. And then when I'm done with him, Annette.
Ross grabs her as she heads for the door, and wraps his arms around her. Rachel struggles to get loose and head for the door. Ben walks out of Emma's room.
Ben: Dad? Aunt Rachel?
Ross and Rachel stop moving.
Rachel: Hi!
Ben: What are you two doing?
Ross: Uh...isometric exercises. New thing we learned about.
Ben: Oh. I thought you two were gonna start one of those hugging episodes Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler talk about sometimes.
Ross: Nope! Just isometric exercises.
Ben: Okay.
Ben wanders back into the room. Ross lets go of Rachel.
Rachel: Isometric exercises?
Ross: I panicked.
The door opens, and Joey enters.
Joey: Hey, guys.
Rachel smacks Joey.
Joey: OW! What was that for?
Rachel: You're supposed to ask Annette out! Do you know where she's going tonight?
Joey: No.
Rachel: On a date with Gunther.
Joey: COFFEE SHOP Gunther?
Ross: Did this apartment develop an echo?
Joey: Why is she going out with him?
Rachel: Because she says he's nice, and he asked her.
Ross starts looking around.
Rachel: If you want Annette, you need to- you should- Ross, WHAT are you doing?
Ross: Looking for the echo area, so I can fill it.
Rachel smacks Ross on the arm. Annette walks in.
Annette: Hey, guys.
Rachel: Hey.
Annette: Joey, are you going anywhere tonight?
Joey: Nope. You have fun.
Joey walks past Annette, and leaves. Annette turns to Ross and Rachel.
Annette: What's with him?
Rachel: He found out about your date tonight with Gunther.
Annette glares at Ross.
Ross: What? I didn't tell him.
Annette glares at Rachel.
Rachel: No one said it was a big secret!
Annette goes back to glaring at Ross.
Ross: You never said don't tell anyone!
Annette grabs a pillow and starts beating on Ross. Rachel joins in, as Ben walks out of Emma's room.
Ben: Dad, can I...?
Ben trails off, seeing his father being beaten on. Rachel answers him, without stopping.
Rachel: Your dad will talk to you in a bit, Ben. He's a little occupied right now.
Ben: Oh. Well, can I watch TV? Emma's asleep.
Rachel: Sure, go ahead.
Ben sits on the couch and turns on the TV, as Ross tries to escape the pillows.
Ross: Ben, a little help, here!
Ben: Nuh uh, Dad! You're on your own. My moms taught me not to get in the way of a guy getting hit by two mad women.
Annette: Smart women.
Ross: Why are you hitting me? It's Joey you're mad at!
Rachel: Because you're here, and he's not!
Annette and Rachel continue to beat on Ross as he runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hi, guys.
Mike: Hey, what's up?
Annette pulls up a stool, and sits down.
Annette: Well, I told Ross I had a date with Gunther earlier.
Phoebe: You did?
Annette: Yes. And before you ask why, because he's a nice guy and he asked me.
Mike: Wait, you're talking about Central Perk Gunther, right?
Annette: Did you two talk to Ross, Joey, and Rachel?
Mike: No. Why?
Annette: Because that's pretty much what they said.
Phoebe: So what did Joey say when he found out?
Annette: Nothing. He said "You have fun", and walked out. When I went back to our place to get ready, he was in his room. Didn't come out or anything, when I was leaving.
Phoebe: Really? That's not like him. I'm gonna go see him.
Phoebe gets up to walk out.
Annette: I'm not sure if he's home. He had a date tonight with his co-star.
Phoebe: That's okay, I can call his cell phone.
Phoebe walks out the door. Annette sits on the couch.
Mike: So how did the date go, anyway?
Annette: It was all right. I don't know why everyone knocks on Gunther, he's not that bad a guy.
Mike: Habit, I suspect.
Annette: You mind if I hang here till Phoebe gets back? I kinda wanna mess with Joey's head a little.
Mike (under his breath): There's a challenge...
Annette: What?
Mike: Nothing. I was just gonna watch TV, you can stay for a while, if you want.
Annette: Thanks.
Annette turns to the TV. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, watching TV. Enter Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey.
Joey waves from his chair, not turning around.
Phoebe: What're you watching?
Joey: Baywatch.
Phoebe: What happened to Die Hard?
Joey: Didn't feel like watching it.
Phoebe: Are you all right? How was the date with the co-star?
Joey: I cancelled it. I decided I wasn't really that into her.
Phoebe: She already has a boyfriend, huh?
Joey: Worse. She's MARRIED.
Phoebe winces.
Phoebe: Ouch.
Joey: Yeah, you're telling me.
Phoebe sits down on the couch.
Phoebe: So why are you avoiding Annette?
Joey: I'm not. I was getting ready to go when she left. It wasn't until after she left that I learned my "date" was married.
Phoebe: You should ask her out.
Joey: Who? My co-worker? She's married, Pheebs! I just said that.
Phoebe: No, Annette!
Joey: Annette's married?
Phoebe smacks Joey lightly in the head.
Phoebe: No, you should ask Annette out on a date!
Joey: What? No way!
Phoebe: Why not?
Joey: Well, for one thing, I don't want Mike getting mad at me.
Phoebe: Why would he get mad?
Joey: Because I'd be dating his cousin! What if things don't work out between us? He'd have cause to beat me up, or try to. And then there's you. If I did beat up Mike because he's mad at me for things not working out with Annette, you'd take his side, and be mad at me. I'd lose one of my closest friends, Phoebe. And that's not something I really wanna have happen.
Phoebe stares at Joey, then leans over and hugs him.
Phoebe: Joey, I would NEVER hate you! You've done some odd things in the time I've known you, but I've never hated you. You found the best thing in my life for me, when you found Mike. You married us, right outside of Central Perk. Your one of my best friends, Joey, and I love you.
Joey hugs Phoebe back.
Joey: Thanks, Phoebe. I love you, too. But I'm still not gonna ask Annette out.
Phoebe: If you don't, I'm gonna steal your copy of Die Hard until you do.
Joey looks at her with a stricken expression on his face.
Joey: You wouldn't dare!
Phoebe: That, or I'll tell you the truth about Santa Claus.
Joey covers his ears, and starts making noise.
Joey: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Phoebe smiles, and leaves. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch with his laptop open, surfing web pages. Monica sits down next to him, with the twins.
Monica: Honey, what are you doing?
Chandler: Attempting to contact Joey's people to let them know they left one of their kind behind.
Monica glares.
Monica: You're not trying to figure out a way to take down that Rogue still, are you?
Chandler: This has gotten PERSONAL. That stupid Rogue has beaten me down every time I go near the entrance to that dungeon. I don't know who they are, but when I find some way of getting them, they are gonna pay dearly.
Monica: Chandler, they are just gonna beat you every time you go after them. Honey, it's time to let it go. Rachel isn't even going after them.
Chandler: She only quit for now because they need to toddler-proof the apartment. But as soon as that's done, she's dragging Ross back in to take that Rogue down.
Monica sighs.
Monica: I suppose you're gonna drag me into this, too? I guess I better get into looking at what I'll need.
Chandler: No need. I did it already. All you need to do is point, click, & press buttons.
Monica: Chandler!
Jack and Erica start crying. Monica sighs, and stands up.
Monica: Before you get too engrossed in getting your butt kicked again, can you help me change the kids' diapers?
Chandler: All right. And then after that, it's game on!
Chandler takes Jack from Monica, and follows her out of the room. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Annette, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting on the chair at the end table. Rachel is sitting on his lap.
Chandler: Whoever wrote that guide is an idiot! That stupid Rogue STILL got me!
Ross: You're STILL on that?
Annette: You want me to come on and heal you next time you face them?
Chandler: No, this is between us now. Somehow or other, I WILL make them pay!
Rachel: So how far did you get their health down?
Chandler mutters under his breath.
Annette: What? We didn't hear you.
Chandler: Ten percent.
Rachel: Wow, you got them down to ten percent?
Monica: No, he only took their health bar down BY ten percent, before he got his butt kicked again. Then he started jumping up and down and yelling obscenities at his computer. The neighbors thought Jack was having a tantrum, until I explained to them Jack was an infant.
Annette: Did you tell them it was your husband?
Monica: No, I told them it was my nephew that I was babysitting for my other sister.
Ross: Wait, we don't have another sister.
Monica: I know. But the neighbors don't.
Chandler: It didn't help matters that you were screaming instructions over my shoulder, you know.
Monica: I was cheering!
Chandler: Yelling "Go left! No, go right! Now hit them with your axe!" is not cheering, that's coaching.
Monica: Whatever it takes to get the job done.
Chandler glares at her.
Annette: So what's your new plan?
Chandler: Stock up on potions, and learn some healing spells.
Rachel looks at her watch, then stands up.
Rachel: Ben should be back from the movies with Joey soon. I'll go start supper.
Ross: Okay.
Chandler and Annette stare at Rachel.
Rachel: What? I can cook now!
Chandler: Since when?
Monica: Since I taught her.
Chandler turns to Monica.
Chandler: When was this?
Monica: The night Annette came to town, while you two were setting up the computer.
Rachel sticks her tongue out at Chandler, and leaves. Monica smiles.
Monica: I'm gonna go help her, see if I can share that new recipe with her that I found. Besides, I need to call the sitter, see if the kids are all right.
Monica gets up, and leaves.
Chandler: Okay, now that all the women are gone-
Annette: Hey!
Chandler: What?
Annette: I'm still here.
Chandler: Are you dating or married to anyone in this gang?
Annette: No. Well, not yet, anyway.
Chandler turns to Ross.
Chandler: Now that all the women are gone, tell the truth: is her cooking really that good?
Ross glances at Annette with a fearful look.
Ross (monotone): Her cooking is the best I have ever had, and I hope to share this with the world.
Annette laughs, and stands up.
Annette: Ross, I won't tell Rachel anything you say. I'm not mad at YOU.
She glares significantly at Chandler.
Annette: I'm gonna go upstairs, see about starting dinner for Joey and me, before he gets home.
Annette starts to walk out, then stops and turns around.
Annette: By the way, Chandler, I talked to that Rogue earlier.
Chandler: Really? What'd they say?
Annette smiles and walks out.
Chandler: What'd they say? Annette! WHAT'D THEY SAY?
Chandler runs out after Annette. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing at the stove, cooking dinner. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hey, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Annette: What're you doing?
Joey: Cooking dinner.
Annette stares at Joey in shock.
Joey: What?
Annette: I'm surprised you can cook. I remember my first week here, you burnt breakfast.
Joey: That's cause I was trying something elaborate to impress you. This time, I'm just cooking Hamburger Helper for us. Quick, simple, and doesn't require too much thought.
Annette: Or effort. I don't blame you, I'm tired, too.
Joey: Uh...yeah. Tired.
Annette: Why are you home so early, anyway?
Joey: Work finished early. So I figured I'd come home and start dinner. I thought you'd be at work or out with Gunther still.
Annette: Joey, I only had dinner with him. I'm not gonna date him, Gunther just isn't my type.
Joey: He's not?
Annette: No.
Joey: Well, uh...what IS your type?
Annette pretends to think.
Annette: Well, let's see...he has to be hot, hold down a job, eat everything that isn't tied down to the counter...
Joey glares at her. Annette laughs at the expression on his face.
Annette: I'm kidding. Actually, my type is he has to be loving, caring, not put everything before me-
Joey: What do you mean?
Annette: Well, like, HIS job, HIS family, HIS money, HIS car. I had an ex-boyfriend who did that. Kept putting everything of his before me and our relationship.
Joey nods.
Annette: He also has to sweet, kind, be able to cook, and looks wouldn't hurt anything either. Oh, and not be a complete psycho stalker.
Joey: Sounds like a high standard to meet.
Annette: Maybe. And maybe someone already met it.
Joey: They did? Who?
Annette smiles.
Annette: When I'm ready for them to know, I'll tell them.
Joey turns back to the stove, shuts off the burner, and spoons some food onto a plate. He turns around, and hands it to Annette.
Joey: Here you go. Dinner fit for royalty.
Annette: Sure, if royalty lived off Hamburger Helper.
Joey: Who's to say they don't?
Annette smiles.
Annette: Touché.
Joey grins, as he dishes some more food for himself. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch, holding a pillow and watching TV. Ben comes in behind him, hands behind his back.
Ben: Hi, Aunt Rachel!
Ross jumps up and turns around, pillow up to start beating on Rachel. Ben laughs.
Ross: Oh, ha ha, Ben. Very funny.
Rachel walks out of Emma's room, behind Ross, with her hands behind her back.
Rachel: Ross.
Ross yelps, and spins around with the pillow in his hands.
Ross: Why does everyone insist on sneaking up behind me?
Rachel: Why are you holding a pillow?
Ross: Uh...I was pretending it was you, & snuggling with it on the couch.
Rachel: Aw, that's so adorable.
Rachel looks at Ben.
Rachel: Now, Ben!
Ross: Wha...?
Ben and Rachel bring their hands out from behind their backs, both holding pillows and start beating on Ross. Ross swings his at Rachel.
Ross: Ben, why are you siding with her?
Ben: Because Aunt Rachel promised ice cream!
Ross: I'll make it two scoops if you help me!
Ben looks at Ross, then at Rachel. He starts beating on her with his pillow.
Rachel: Augh! No! Ben, we had a deal!
Ross: Sorry, Rach. Two scoops beats one any day of the week.
Ben laughs and sits on the couch, as Ross and Rachel continue their pillow fight, chasing each other around the apartment. Sounds of laughter and screams follow them.
Rachel: Ross, no-you don't hit that-augh! Who taught you to aim?
Ross: Hey, no pillow there, that's-whoa, watch the picture-what'd they put in this thing, lead?
Ross chases Rachel into their bedroom. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey and Mike are sitting on the couch. Annette is working at the bar.
Mike: Joey, you know how I'm really protective of Annette, and I asked the others to make sure you didn't try anything when she first came to town?
Joey: Yeah.
Mike: Well, I was wrong to jump to a conclusion that fast. If you wanna go after Annette, go ahead. Phoebe and I won't be chasing you down with any bats, I promise.
Joey: Thanks, Mike. But I'm not gonna do that right now.
Mike: What? Why not?
Joey: Well, Annette's new to the city. It's not right to take advantage of someone who just came here, and doesn't know many people yet.
Mike: According to Phoebe, you tried that with Rachel when she first arrived.
Joey: Yeah, and I know now that wasn't a good thing to do. Annette's been here for about a month now, Mike. She's a good person to live with, once she gets the jokes out of her system. And don't worry, she's got a second guy to protect her from the creeps in New York, now.
Mike smiles, and claps Joey on the shoulder.
Mike: Thanks, Joey. I really appreciate you saying that.
Enter Ross, with clothes looking disheveled.
Joey: What happened to you?
Ross: We took Ben and Emma to the zoo, before I took Ben back to Carol and Susan's.
Rachel walks in, clothes disheveled as well.
Joey: Okay, now I don't wanna know what you two were doing.
Rachel: Taking the kids to the zoo, before Ross took Ben back and I took Emma to his parents.
Annette: Okay, so when a kid pops out in nine months, are we blaming the zoo for it, or the pillow fight you two were having?
Ross: You heard that, huh?
Joey: I think the whole complex heard you guys. If Treeger goes knocking on your door, don't blame us.
Rachel: Uh, Joey...are you talking about the pillow fight, or AFTER the fight?
Annette: If by "after", you mean when Ben came over with Emma, then yes.
Joey holds his hand out to Mike, who slaps a bill in it.
Joey: TOLD you.
Ross: Told him what?
Joey: Nothing.
Ross and Rachel stare at Joey. Enter Monica and Chandler.
Monica: Hey, guys.
Monica sees Ross and Rachel, and holds out a hand to Chandler.
Monica: I called it, pay up.
Chandler slaps a bill in her hand. Ross and Rachel look at them, over to Joey and Mike, then over to Annette who is texting Phoebe.
Ross: Okay, WHAT is going on?
Annette: Well, I was texting Phoebe to tell her that I owe her.
Ross: Why would you owe her?
Annette: Um...no reason!
Rachel looks at Monica.
Rachel: Mon, what's going on?
Monica: Nothing!
Rachel: Chandler?
Chandler: I can't say, Monica would hurt me.
Phoebe runs in, panting.
Mike: Honey, did you RUN all the way here?
Phoebe: Of course not! I only ran six blocks.
Mike: We only live nine blocks away!
Phoebe: I walked the first three.
Phoebe turns to Annette, and holds out her hand.
Phoebe: Pay up.
Annette slaps a bill in her hand.
Rachel: Phoebe, WHAT was this bet you all were making?
Phoebe: That you two would have sex after the pillow fight.
Ross: What?
Joey: Well, after Ben and Emma came over, we called the gang and started making bets.
Rachel: Why would you do that?
Chandler (sarcastically): Because we were bored, the Knicks weren't playing, and we needed something to bet on.
Rachel: Chandler?
Chandler: What?
Rachel: That Rogue is standing outside the door, waving in.
Chandler whirls around, and runs out the door.
Chandler: Get back here, we have a score to settle!
Gunther walks up to Annette.
Gunther: Can I talk to you for a moment?
Annette: Sure.
Gunther and Annette walk off to a quiet spot.
Gunther: It was wrong of me to ask you to dinner earlier in the week. Co-workers shouldn't date, it leads to problems in the workplace. I want to apologize for what I did.
Annette smiles.
Annette: It's all right. You're a great guy, no matter what they say. And I could always use a friend.
Gunther: Well, you got one.
Gunther holds out his hand to her, and Annette shakes.
Gunther: I just hope you'll find a guy worthy of you here in the city. You're a good person, Annette.
Annette looks over at Joey, who is laughing at something Monica said to Ross and Rachel, and smiles to herself.
Annette: You know what? I think I already have.
Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens on the sidewalk outside Central Perk. Chandler runs up to a woman, and grabs her arm.
Chandler: All right, you damn Rogue, you and I have-
The woman turns around, to reveal Janice.
Janice: Chandler BING!
Chandler: Good-bye, random lady I do not know.
Chandler runs off in the opposite direction as fast as he can, back into Central Perk.
Chandler: Quick, everyone hide!
Monica: Why?
Janice enters behind him.
Janice: OH! MY! GOD!
Everyone except Mike and Annette groans, as Monica throws a muffin at Chandler.