Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey and Ross are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting on the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table.
Joey: So I heard Chandler is hiding now.
Phoebe: From who? Monica or Janice?
Ross: Take your pick.
Annette: Who's Janice, anyway?
Joey: Someone who makes me wanna puncture my eardrums.
Annette stares at Joey in confusion.
Phoebe: She was Chandler's ex-girlfriend.
Annette: Oh. Well, why does she make you wanna puncture your eardrums?
Joey: Because her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, and her laugh is just ANNOYING!
Annette: Joey! Be nice.
Ross: No, he's right, Annette. She is annoying.
Annette: How annoying?
Ross: You're about to find out.
Janice walks in with a baby in her arms.
Janice: Joey, it's your turn to watch the baby today.
Joey screams, and sits up in bed. He looks around his darkened room.
Joey: Oh, thank God, it was just a dream.
A hand comes over his shoulder. Joey smiles, until Janice sits up behind him.
Janice: I want you now, honey.
Joey screams. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch, eying the door. Chandler is sitting on the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter.
Chandler: Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: Watching the door.
Chandler (sarcastically): Really. I never would have guessed that from watching you. WHY are you watching the door?
Joey: In case Janice walks through it again.
Chandler: You know, the man's got a point.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey looks over, as the door opens and Janice enters. Joey, Chandler, and Ross quickly turn away from the door, hiding their faces in whatever magazines are on the table. Janice smiles and waves.
Janice: Hi, guys!
Joey looks up.
Joey: Did you hear something?
Chandler: It sounded like a rusty nail being dragged across a cement block.
Janice laughs, and turns to Annette.
Janice: Can I have a latte to go?
Annette: Sure.
Janice turns back to the three, as Annette starts filling her order. She locks eyes with Gunther and makes the hangman's gesture behind Janice's back. Gunther looks over at Janice, back to Annette, gives her a small smile, and goes back to his order.
Annette: Here you go.
Janice: Thank you.
Janice pays for her drink, and heads for the door.
Janice: Bye, guys.
Joey replies without looking up.
Joey: Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
Janice laughs, and leaves. Chandler cringes.
Chandler: And THAT is the screams of the damned in Hell.
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. The door opens, admitting Ross, Joey, and Annette.
Annette: Oh my god, you guys were right! UGH, I feel like my ears are bleeding from hearing that laugh!
Joey: Now you know why I woke up screaming.
Annette: I don't blame you.
Rachel walks out of her room.
Rachel: Hey, guys. What's going on?
Annette: Are my ears bleeding?
Rachel looks at Annette in confusion.
Rachel: No. Why?
Ross: We ran into Janice at the coffee shop.
Rachel hugs Annette.
Rachel: You poor thing. I think even dogs howl at the sound of her laugh.
Annette: It wouldn't surprise me. They say animals can detect evil in any form.
Annette turns to Joey.
Annette: Oh, Joey, who was that woman you were slipping out the door this morning?
Joey: What? I wasn't slipping someone out!
Annette: Yes, you were! I saw you do it this morning, when I got up. In fact, I think Chandler might know by now, too.
Joey gets a horrified look on his face, and runs out the door. Annette smiles evilly.
Ross: Annette, what's going on?
Annette: Joey had a dream last night that he had a baby with Janice, then woke up to another dream that he slept with her. He doesn't know for sure if the second was real or not, so I'm gonna have some fun with him.
Rachel: Annette! That's evil.
Rachel grins.
Rachel: I want in.
Annette: Ross? How about you? Do you want in?
Ross: I don't know. It seems rather mean...
Rachel: You won't tell Joey, will you?
Rachel gives him the puppy eyes.
Rachel: Please?
Ross sighs.
Ross: That's not fair of you. All right, I won't tell Joey.
Rachel: Thank you, sweetie.
Rachel kisses Ross.
Ross: But I AM gonna tell Chandler.
Annette: Dammit! I wanted to tell him.
Ross: Too bad, I'm calling dibs on it. And there's no arguing with a time-honored tradition like dibs.
Annette sticks her tongue out at Ross. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is looking behind the couch to see if any article of female clothing is behind it. Enter Annette and Rachel.
Annette: Hi, Joey.
Joey stands up and whirls around.
Joey: I wasn't doing anything!
Rachel: Joey, calm down! We both know you've had women here. I used to live with you, remember? But I do have one question for you.
Joey: What?
Rachel: Why was Janice leaving your apartment this morning?
Joey gets a panicked look on his face, and runs out the door. Annette and Rachel burst into giggles.
Rachel: How long do you wanna keep this up for?
Annette: As long as we can. I hope Ross doesn't tell him.
Rachel: He might think it's mean, but I guarantee you he won't tell Joey.
Annette: I hope not. I haven't had this much fun in weeks.
The door opens, and Joey walks in.
Joey: Are you SURE you saw Janice leaving? Ross said he didn't see anything this morning.
Rachel: Well, yeah, but Ross was dealing with Emma this morning. She was being a little fussy, because she stubbed her toe.
Annette grabs her purse, and heads for the door.
Annette: I'll see you guys later, I have an audition this afternoon.
Annette winks at Joey.
Annette: Bye, you big stud, you.
Joey stares at her as the door swing shut, then turns to Rachel.
Joey: Okay, DID something happen? Because I can't be too sure.
Rachel: Why? Were you drinking last night?
Joey: No! But I DID have this dream that I slept with Janice. At least, I think it was a dream. I HOPE it was a dream.
Rachel: You don't remember if it was a dream, or not?
Joey: No.
Rachel: What if THIS is a dream, and you're dreaming the whole dream problem up right now?
Joey pinches himself.
Joey: OW!
Rachel: What did you do that for?
Joey: To see if I'm awake.
Rachel: Yes, you're awake, Joey.
Joey: But what if I'm MAKING myself tell me I'm awake, through you? What if I'm really still asleep?
Rachel: If that was the case, then Chandler is going to come through that door asking if you really slept with Janice, right now.
Joey looks at the door for a few minutes, then turns to Rachel.
Rachel: There, you see? You're awake.
Joey nods, as Chandler bursts through the door.
Chandler: You slept with Janice?
Joey gasps at Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting at the table. Ross is sitting on the couch, watching a documentary.
Annette: THANK you, Rachel, for calling me for that little bit with Joey. Chandler couldn't wait to go busting in to mess with him. Although I'm starting to get concerned.
Ross: Why?
Annette: Well, he wandered into the coffee shop earlier wearing nothing but his shorts. Gunther tried to get him out, but he kept insisting it was his dream, his subconscious could stop telling him what to do.
Ross turns around and looks at Annette and Rachel.
Ross: I think it's time you two came clean with him.
Annette: No, not yet! I'm having WAY too much fun with him right now.
Phoebe: Ross, you have to admit that Joey DID open himself up to this, when he told Annette about his dream. Besides, you don't have to be involved. Just sit back & watch the fun.
Ross starts to turns back to his documentary as the door opens, and Joey enters in platform heel Dingo boots, white flare bell-bottom pants, a hot pink tank top, and loud print jacket. Camera pans over to the couch and table, showing the women struggling to contain their laughter, as Ross stares in disbelief at Joey.
Joey: Hi, guys.
Rachel: Joey...what is THAT?
Joey: My going-out clothes. You like?
Rachel looks over at Annette, who's shoulders are shaking with silent laughter. She turns back to Joey.
Rachel: They're...unique, honey. I gotta say that.
Joey: Thanks. I know they're pretty good, but it's always nice to have me give praise for my fashion sense. Especially when it's Rachel representing me.
Joey turns around and walks for the door.
Ross: Joey, you should go to Javu and show that to Monica. I'm sure she'd love it.
Joey: Hey, that's not a bad idea! Thanks, me!
Joey walks out the door. Ross stands up, grabs the phone, and starts dialing.
Phoebe: Who're you calling?
Ross: Monica. I was gonna stay out of this, but now, after seeing that outfit, I HAVE to get involved.
Ross puts the phone to his ear.
Ross: Hey, Mon? It's me. Don't talk, just listen. Joey is headed over to Javu right now. Whatever he says, just go with it. Annette's messing with him, and got us all involved. Get a picture of his outfit, and show it to Chandler. I'll explain more later on tonight. Bye.
Ross hangs up the phone.
Annette: And I thought I was evil...
Rachel chuckles.
Rachel: You should ask him what he and Ben did to get back at me for teaching Ben all the pranks he pulled on Ross.
Phoebe: Where did he get that outfit, anyway?
Annette: I left it out in the living room for him. He thinks it's just something his dream self cooked up.
Rachel laughs, and high-fives Annette. Scene ends and opens in the dining room of Javu. Joey enters in his outfit.
Maître d: May I help you, sir?
Joey: Yes. I'm looking for Monica Bing.
Maître d: May I ask who's calling?
Joey stares at the man.
Joey: No one, I didn't hear a phone ring.
The maître d rolls his eyes.
Maître d: Your NAME, sir.
Joey: Oh. Okay, I can play along in my dream. Joey Tribbiani.
Maître d: Wait here, please.
The maître d walks off toward the kitchen.
Maître d (under his breath): With an outfit like that, you better hope this IS a dream.
He enters the kitchen. Monica is working on three orders, and places them out to go.
Maître d: Chef Bing? There's a man here to see you.
Monica: Who?
Maître d: He gave his name as Joey Tribbiani.
Monica grins.
Monica: You didn't say anything to him, did you?
Maître d: No, ma'am. I simply asked him to remain where he was, while I came to get you.
Monica: Good.
Maître d: May I ask why?
Monica pulls the maître d off to the side, and whispers in his ear. A grin spreads across his face.
Maître d: Your friends have a very wicked sense of humor. I will enjoy this very much.
Monica walks out front. Joey is standing near the entrance, oblivious to the stares of the people waiting nearby.
Monica: Joey! What're you doing here?
Joey: I just thought I might wanna see my outfit, from a different angle. So. What do you think?
Monica: It's...flashy, I will admit that.
Joey grins.
Joey: Glad you like it. Well, I'm off to Central Perk.
Monica: Joey, wait a second.
Monica pulls out her cell phone, and takes a picture. Joey waves goodbye, and leaves. A minute after he leaves, Monica sends the picture to Chandler's s cell phone. Monica's phone starts ringing a second later.
Monica: Hello?
Chandler (over the phone): Where is he?
Monica (on the phone): He said he's headed for Central Perk. If you hurry, you might be able to-
Monica hears a click in her ear. She looks at her cell phone, and sees that Chandler has hung up. She heads back to the kitchen, shoulders shaking with laughter. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Annette is off to the side with Gunther, whispering in his ear. Enter Chandler.
Chandler: Is Joey here yet?
Annette: No, not yet. I got the TXT from Monica about him coming here. I told Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe about it, so they're on their way down right now. Mike's hiding in the bathroom, I told him he has to see this before he gets involved.
Chandler: This is gonna be great. Oh, Monica got off work, she's on her way over right now, also.
Annette: Sweet!
Gunther walks over to them.
Gunther: I need to go check some things in the back. Chandler, you might wanna hide somewhere.
Gunther walks off into the back room. Chandler looks at Annette.
Chandler: Why did he say I should hide?
Annette: Because Gunther knows how to reach Janice, and I'm hoping to have her come here to mess with Joey's head.
Chandler runs into the men's room, where Mike is hiding. Enter Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica.
Chandler: Ross! Get in here, quick!
Ross: Why?
Chandler: Joey and Janice are on their way here!
Ross runs into the men's room, as Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica run into the women's room. Enter Joey in his outfit. Gunther stares at him in shock.
Gunther: Uh, you DO know we paid the electric bill, right?
Joey: It's not THAT bad.
Annette: Honey, you could light up a runway for a 747.
Joey: You don't need to be jealous of my awesome fashion sense.
Rachel snorts in laughter from the bathroom. Monica smacks her, and puts a finger to her lips, as Joey sits down in the armchair. Gunther walks over to Annette, who is standing at the counter.
Gunther: YOU picked that out for him?
Annette nods with a wicked grin.
Gunther: You're evil.
Annette: Thank you.
Gunther chuckles and walks off. Door opens, as Janice enters.
Janice: Hi, Joey.
Joey looks up in horror at Janice's voice, as Annette walks over with a cup of coffee for him.
Annette: Remember, Joey, we're all just a part of your dream.
Joey: You're right, I almost forgot that. But her being here is a nightmare.
Annette: So wake yourself up. What's the one thing you'd never do, in either a dream or awake?
Joey stands up, walks over to Janice, and taps her on the shoulder.
Joey: Hey, Janice?
Janice turns around.
Janice: Yeah?
Joey grabs Janice's face, and kisses her. The gang spills from the bathrooms, as Annette looks on with a shocked look on her face.
Chandler: Oh my god!
Joey looks on with a satisfied smile on his face.
Joey: There, that'll wake me up.
A minute goes by. Joey's smile starts to falter. Suddenly, he gets a horrified look on his face, and backs up a few steps.
Joey: Oh my god, I'm AWAKE!
He points at Janice.
Joey: And I KISSED you!
Janice: Wow...
Joey looks down in horror at his outfit.
Joey: And what am I wearing? I gotta get out of here!
Joey turns around, and rushes out the door.
Annette: Joey, wait!
Ross, Chandler and Mike exit the bathroom, and run after him. Rachel exits a few seconds later, and walks over to Annette.
Annette: I hope he'll be okay.
Rachel: I think he will be. He'll be embarrassed for a few days, but he should be all right.
Annette: I didn't think he'd do THAT. He's gonna hate himself so much.
Rachel: Me either. That's a new one on me, considering how much he hates Janice.
Janice: He's a really great kisser, too. Better than even Chandler.
Monica: JOEY is a better kisser than my husband? I gotta have proof of this.
Janice laughs, as Monica leaves. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Rachel, Phoebe, and Annette.
Rachel: Hi, guys.
Ross: Hey.
Annette: Did you guys catch up to Joey?
Mike: Yeah, we managed to catch up to him three blocks down. He was trying to stand in traffic and get hit by a taxi. We got him off the road, although some people were giving us some strange looks.
Rachel: Why?
Ross: Well, I think it was mostly Joey's outfit. Or lack thereof, I should say. He decided as he was running down the road to start stripping his clothes off. We caught him as he was starting to work on removing his shorts. Although there a slight...accident that might be on the evening news.
Mike: I told you not to grab his waist.
Ross: Well, if you hadn't been trying to direct traffic and helped me hold him down...
Annette: Guys! Focus. Where is he now?
Ross: Locked in his bedroom. He won't come out for anything.
Phoebe: Did you try offering him food?
Mike: We tried food, Baywatch, Die Hard, and Ross offered him a topless photo of Rachel.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: I wasn't gonna actually give him one. I just wanted to coax him out.
Mike: Nothing's worked. He's not budging.
Annette: I'll go talk to him. I didn't think he'd go so far as to kiss Janice.
Annette leaves. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette walks over to Joey's door, and knocks.
Annette: Joey? Can I talk to you for a sec?
Joey doesn't answer. Annette opens the door to a darkened room. Turning the light on, she sees Joey sitting on his bed facing the opposite wall, with a paper bag on his head. Annette walks over and sits next to him on the bed.
Annette: Hey. How you feeling?
Joey: Embarrassed. I can't show my face in public now, after what I did.
Annette: Joey, I'm partly to blame for that. I started this whole joke, after you told me about your dream of Janice. I didn't think you'd go so far as to kiss her to wake yourself up, though.
Joey: It's not just that, even though my lips can never touch another woman's after doing that. It's also me running through Central Perk in my shorts, the outfit I wore, the Tarzan stunt in Javu...
Annette: What Tarzan stunt?
Joey: Uh...nothing.
Annette takes the bag off Joey's head, and turns his head so he looks at her.
Annette: Joey, you've done odd things before. Mike and Phoebe shared some of your more oddball moments with me. But you know what? You didn't care what people think, because you did what makes you happy, and would bring a smile to others faces. And that's just one of the many things I like about you.
Joey: Really?
Annette smiles.
Annette: Yeah. When you're ready to settle down & be with someone, I know you'll make some woman incredibly lucky.
Joey smiles, and hugs Annette.
Joey: Thanks, Annette.
Annette leans back, and kisses Joey.
Annette: There. Now Janice is no longer the last woman you kissed, so your lips aren't tainted with evil.
Annette stands up and heads for the door.
Annette: I'm gonna start dinner. Will you be coming out for some?
Joey: Yeah, I'll be out in a moment.
Annette leaves, and Joey touches his lips. He smiles. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Monica is sitting on the chair at the end table. Enter Chandler.
Chandler: Well, looks who's finally showing his face in public again.
Monica: Chandler! Don't be mean.
Joey looks over Chandler's shoulder at the bathrooms.
Joey: Hi, Janice!
Chandler gets a terrified look, turns around, and runs out the door. Monica stands up, and walks over to Joey.
Monica: Hey, Joey?
Joey: Yeah?
Monica kisses him, then stands back.
Monica: Nope, Chandler's better.