Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter.
Phoebe: How is she?
Ross: Well, she finally stopped the midnight crying about two nights ago.
Phoebe: That's good.
Rachel: Yeah, but then the ice cream started disappearing.
Chandler: You sure that's not Joey's doing?
Ross: Positive.
Chandler: How do you know?
Ross: The fridge was still full.
Chandler: You got a point there.
Enter Mike.
Mike: Hey, guys.
Greetings float back. Mike gestures to Annette.
Mike: How is she?
Rachel: She's doing better. The midnight crying's stopped, and we got her to get out and do things.
Ross: Though we're gonna be investing heavily in ice cream and tissues.
Mike: Well, Joey will be here in a moment, maybe they'll talk this out.
Monica: How did you get Joey to come down here?
Mike: I told him the hot dog vendor outside was giving away free hot dogs, but the vouchers were in here.
The door slams open, and Joey enters in his shorts.
Joey: Vouchers! Now!
Everyone stares at him, as Chandler takes out his cell phone.
Chandler: Facebook moment. Smile!
Chandler snaps a picture. Theme song & title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, and Mike are sitting at the table.
Ross: Well Mike, I gotta hand it to you: you did get Joey into the coffee shop.
Mike: Yeah, but getting him down in his shorts wasn't really my plan. And I thought the poor vendor was gonna have a heart attack, too.
Rachel: A screaming Italian man in his shorts, demanding free hot dogs? The poor guy must've thought Joey escaped from the asylum.
Ross: Yeah, and getting maced in the face didn't help, either. At least he got a free hot dog out of it.
Mike: AFTER I explained to the poor guy what was going on.
Enter Chandler and Annette.
Annette: Hey.
Mike: Hey. How you feeling?
Annette: Fine.
Annette turns to Ross and Rachel.
Annette: I'm gonna take a walk in the park.
Annette leaves. Chandler shakes his head.
Mike: Did they talk?
Chandler: Not really. The most we got was Annette flushing Joey's eyes, Joey saying thanks, then asking the vendor if he could have some of that mace on his hot dog.
Rachel: Why?
Chandler: Apparently, because it was hot enough to open his sinuses.
Mike: Isn't that stuff a little dangerous to be eating?
Chandler: I've seen Joey eat half a burger someone threw in a trash can. AFTER dropping it on the ground.
Ross: Vendor refused?
Chandler: Yeah. He gave Joey some peppers. Last I saw of him, he headed back upstairs, so I'm guessing he's back in his apartment.
Mike stands up.
Mike: I'll be back a little later. I need to check into a few things.
Mike starts to exit, as Monica and Phoebe enter.
Mike: Is Annette still out walking?
Phoebe: No, she's in the coffee shop.
Mike: Good, I need to talk to her for a moment.
Mike exits. Monica turns to Ross and Rachel.
Monica: Do you two have plans tonight?
Ross: Yeah, mending a broken heart.
Monica: You're free? Good, you can watch Jack and Erica for me and Chandler tonight.
Ross: Are you doing that selective hearing thing that you did when we were kids, when Mom and Dad said you couldn't organize the house?
No answer.
Ross: Mon.
No answer.
Ross: Monica!
No answer. Ross gets up and leaves the room.
Rachel: Mon?
Monica: Yeah?
Rachel: We really can't watch the kids, we're still dealing with Annette.
Phoebe: I can watch them for you.
Monica: Really? Thanks, Phoebe!
Monica hugs Phoebe, and then turns to Chandler.
Monica: Get your clothes changed; we have dinner reservations at eight.
Chandler: Why was I not informed of this until now?
Monica: I told you three days ago!
Chandler: I was watching Baywatch with Joey! You could've asked me for a spare kidney to sell on the black market, and I would've agreed to it!
Monica: Well, you still said yes to going out tonight, so let's go. We have to get ready!
Monica shoves a protesting Chandler out the door. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in his recliner, watching TV. Enter Mike, holding a pizza.
Mike: Hey, Joey.
Joey turns around, and points at the door. Mike holds up the pizza.
Mike: Peace offering.
Joey stares at the pizza.
Joey: Pepperoni?
Mike: Thin crust, New York style.
Joey: The offering is acceptable. The gods are satisfied.
Mike grins, and sets the pizza on the table between the two chairs. He sits down in the chair next to Joey.
Mike: So what's on TV?
Joey: I don't know, I was just channel surfing.
Mike: Bored?
Joey: Yup.
Mike walks over to the DVDs.
Mike: How about some Die Hard?
Joey: Sounds good. Mind grabbing me a beer?
Mike: Sure.
Mike walks over to the fridge and grabs two beers, as Annette walks in. She pauses, seeing Joey in his chair.
Annette: Oh. Hi.
Joey: Hey.
Annette: I, um…I-I just need some clothes from my room.
Joey: Oh. Okay.
Annette walks into her room. Mike looks at her door, then to Joey.
Mike: You guys didn't talk anything out yet?
Joey: Nothing to really talk out. Paul told me all there is to know.
Mike: Joey, do you KNOW Paul?
Joey: Somewhat.
Mike: What do you know?
Joey: That he was wearing a designer suit that Rachel would kill to see Ross dressed in, for one.
Mike: I don't think Ross could afford the SHOES he was wearing, in all honesty. I think those alone would cost him at least four month's pay.
Joey: Yeah, but Rachel would love him forever.
Annette walks out, in a black strapless dress. Mike looks at her.
Mike: Where are you headed?
Annette: Dinner.
Mike: With who?
Annette: My date.
Mike: Yeah, THAT answers a lot of questions.
Annette: It did, didn't it? I feel better, now that we've chatted.
Annette walks into the bathroom. Enter Rachel.
Rachel: Hey, guys.
Joey and Mike: Hey.
Rachel: Joey, can I borrow Huggsy? Emma lost her teddy bear, and we can't get her to stop crying, and go to sleep. Not even her favorite lullaby is working tonight.
Annette pokes her head out of the bathroom.
Annette: Who's Huggsy?
Joey: Nothing! He's no one!
Joey gets up and slams his bedroom door shut. Annette stares in suspicion.
Annette: Joey, WHO is Huggsy?
Joey: Nobody!
Enter Ross.
Ross: I found Emma's teddy. It was behind her crib.
Rachel: Great! Wait, if you're here, who's watching her?
Ross: Phoebe.
Rachel: Phoebe left over an hour ago.
Ross and Rachel share a look, and run out the door. Annette watches them go, then points a finger at Joey.
Annette: You're not getting off that easy. I wanna know who Huggsy is.
Joey: Uh…the TV!
Mike: I thought you named the TV Stevie.
Joey stomps on his foot. Mike grimaces in pain.
Mike: No, you're right. That's the TV.
Annette glares at Joey, and closes the bathroom door. Joey starts for his bedroom, as Annette opens the bathroom door again.
Annette: And another thing.
Joey whirls around, backing away from his bedroom. Annette glances at him, eyebrow raised, before turning her attention to Mike.
Annette: There will be no telling anyone anything tonight.
Mike: Unless you can come up with a valid reason for me not to, there will be much telling.
Annette: Chinatown, 96.
Mike pales.
Mike: You win. I won't say a word to anyone.
Annette: I knew you'd see it my way.
Annette smiles, and shuts the bathroom door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Mike.
Mike: Hey.
Mike looks around.
Mike: Good, you're all here.
Chandler: Really? We are? Thank God, I thought I was IMAGINING everyone sitting here.
Mike: Monica?
Monica throws a muffin at Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Mike: Thank you.
Monica: You're welcome.
Mike: So, anyway. The reason I asked you all down here is so I can talk to you about Annette before she gets back.
Joey: What about her?
Enter Annette, behind Mike.
Annette: Yes Mike, what about her?
Mike whirls around.
Mike: Annette!
Chandler: Is THAT who she is? Gosh, I'm so glad you were here to clear that up for me.
Mike: Honey?
Phoebe reaches over and smacks Chandler.
Chandler: Ow! What is it with you people and hitting and throwing things at me tonight?
Monica: Behave yourself, and you won't get hit.
Annette: So, what about me?
Mike: They need to know, Annette.
Annette: No! I'll deal with Paul the same way I dealt with him last time.
Mike: Yeah, I don't think you're gonna find a juggling bear on short notice, or on the money you're making right now.
Annette: Hey, if that clown hadn't fallen off in the middle of the unicycle ride, he would've sufficed last time.
Mike: I TOLD you to go with the midget wrestlers!
Annette: Explain to me how midget wrestlers are gonna scare off Paul, Mike.
Mike: Head butt to the groin.
A pause.
Annette: Okay, you got a point there.
Ross: Ahem!
Mike and Annette turn to Ross.
Ross: You were gonna tell the story behind Annette and Paul?
Mike turns to Annette.
Mike: Tell them, Annette. Or I will.
Annette sighs.
Annette: Okay, here's the deal: I used to be a model. I met Paul at a shoot in Paris. It was a whirlwind romance, and we were engaged in about four months. We were going to be married at the Eiffel Tower.
Monica: What happened?
Annette: I found out he was using me.
Mike: Paul leads a bit of what you'd call a "playboy" lifestyle. One of the stipulations of his inheritance was that he be married before he turns thirty.
Annette: So he proposed to me. We were going to be married, until I found him in bed with another one of the models. I broke the engagement, left the shoot, and came to New York.
Mike: Which is where she found me, married to Phoebe and hanging out with you guys.
Annette: And you guys know the rest.
Rachel: Why did you give up modeling?
Annette: I want to be an actress. Also, it's a good way to hide from Paul. Unless it has mindless violence, or naked women, he won't watch it.
Phoebe: Sounds like Joey.
Joey stands up.
Chandler: Where are you going?
Joey: To go get Huggsy for Emma.
Annette: WHO is this Huggsy?
Rachel: Oh, Huggsy is Joey's-
Joey: Imaginary friend!
Rachel: What? No, he's not!
Rachel turns to Annette.
Rachel: You've been living with him all this time, and he never showed you Huggsy?
Ross: Joey, we found her teddy bear. Remember?
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Annette: I still wanna know who Huggsy is.
Joey: No you don't! And he's not in my room!
Annette stares at Joey, turns around, and takes off running for the door.
Joey: Where's she going?
Chandler: Well, I'm not good at reading minds, but my guess is she's going to look for Huggsy in your room.
Joey: Oh, crap!
Joey runs out after Annette. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. The door opens, showing Joey and Annette fighting to get in. Joey shoves Annette aside, runs over to his room, and stands in front of his door.
Annette: Joey, MOVE.
Joey: No way! You're not going into my private sanctum!
Annette: I've been in there numerous times already! What's in there that you're trying to hide from me?
Joey: Nothing!
Annette: Well, if you won't move, I guess I'll have to eat that entire large pepperoni pizza I ordered all by myself.
Joey: Large pepper…wait a minute, you ate dinner! You went on a date for that!
Annette: Dammit! I was SURE the pizza would work!
Annette grabs his arm, and yanks him away from the door. Joey turns around and grabs her waist, keeping her from his room. Enter Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica. Joey and Annette continue struggling.
Chandler: Ahem.
Joey and Annette freeze, and turn around to see their friends standing in the kitchen.
Joey and Annette: Hi!
Monica: What're you two doing?
Joey: Uh…rehearsing!
Chandler grins.
Chandler: Really? We wondered what the racket was, but THIS answers it for us.
Joey: Yep, just rehearsing. Isn't that right, Annette?
Annette: Yep! What're you guys doing here?
Ross: We were on our way home, when we heard the racket you two were making from the stairs.
Annette: I hope we didn't wake up Emma.
Rachel: I doubt it. She could sleep through a bomb going off next to her bed.
Ross: Honey, that's BEN who can sleep through that. Not Emma.
Rachel: Crap!
Rachel runs out the door.
Ross: When you two are done "rehearsing", why don't you come over to our place for a while? Phoebe and Mike are there.
Joey: Okay.
Ross, Chandler and Monica exit. Joey looks at Annette.
Joey: Are you gonna try to get in my room?
Annette: Not right now.
Joey lets go of Annette.
Annette: But sooner or later, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this Huggsy thing!
Joey waves his hand in front of her face.
Joey: There is no Huggsy.
Annette: Joey, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a Jedi.
Joey waves his hand.
Joey: Yes, I am.
Annette: Well, mind tricks don't work on redhead models.
Joey: Since when?
Annette: Since always! It's a rule.
Joey: Stupid rule.
Annette: Blame the Dark Side of the Force.
Annette shoves him toward the door.
Annette: Let's go.
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Phoebe, and Annette are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Ross and Chandler are at the computer desk. Mike and Joey are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Rachel is heard singing Baby Got Back from Emma's room.
Annette: So, this is odd.
Monica: What is?
Annette: Sitting here, doing the same thing we do at the coffee house.
Monica: How is that odd?
Annette: Have we ever done anything ELSE?
A pause.
Monica, Phoebe, and Annette: Meh.
Monica, Phoebe, and Annette shrug, and take a drink of coffee. Enter Rachel.
Rachel: Ugh, she's FINALLY asleep. And let me tell you something, after three renditions of Baby Got Back, that song is not gonna leave my head for days.
Rachel smacks Ross as she walks by.
Ross: Ow! What was that for?
Rachel: You were the one who got her hooked on that when she was a baby!
Ross: Well, it made her laugh!
Rachel sits down at the table. Monica looks over.
Monica: What're you doing, anyway?
Ross: Looking for an mp3 version of that song, so we can put it on an iPod for Emma to listen to. That way, we don't have to keep singing it every night.
Rachel: I'M the one singing it every night, you know.
Ross: Your voice is better than mine.
Rachel smiles. Annette looks at her.
Annette: You're not mad at him?
Rachel: No, I'm mad. But I can't hit him for paying me a compliment.
Annette grins, as a knock is heard on the door. Rachel looks at Ross in confusion.
Rachel: Were you expecting anybody?
Joey: Maybe it's that pizza I ordered.
Chandler: Yes, I'm sure the pizza guy is going to knock on their door instead of yours, because their spider-sense told them you were over here.
Annette: You ordered a pizza?
Joey: I was hungry. I didn't eat dinner.
Joey gets up and opens the door. Paul is standing on the other side.
Paul: Ah, Johnny. Just the bloke I wanted to see.
Joey: It's "Joey". And what do you want?
Paul: Just to talk, mate. That's all.
Mike gets up, and walks over to the door.
Mike: Speak your piece, and get lost. No one wants you here, Paul.
Paul: All right. Here's my offer: I'll give you five million dollars, to say good-bye to Annette.
Paul looks at Joey.
Paul: And I'll give you an extra five million if you'll marry us. I know you're an officiated minister. So that's ten million dollars, more than you'd make in a season on that soap opera you work on.
Annette gasps.
Annette: Of all the slimy, low-down things you've done, this has to be the lowest. I can't believe you wanna buy my roommate off.
Paul holds up a check.
Paul: I have the money right here. All you need to do is say yes. So, what do you say, Jerry?
Joey takes the check from Paul, looks at it, and then crumbles it into a ball before dropping it on the floor at his feet.
Joey: I say you better get the hell out of here. And if I ever catch you near or hear of you causing trouble for Annette, my friends, or the coffee shop, I'll hunt you down and beat the hell out of you. Now get out of here, and don't ever let me see you again.
Paul looks at the check on the floor, then at Joey.
Paul: Bad move, Jimmy. I'll be back.
Joey: It's "Joey". And you better hope I don't see or hear of you.
Paul leaves, as Joey shuts the door. Annette looks at Joey, stands up, and walks over to him. Joey looks at her, as Annette pulls him into a hug.
Annette (whispering): Thank you.
Joey: You're welcome.
Joey hugs Annette back. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting on the couch, reading Dr. Seuss to Huggsy. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hey, Joey. I'm ho-
Joey throws the book behind the couch, and sticks Huggsy on the couch next to him. Annette grins.
Annette: Joey, what's that?
Joey: Nothing. One of Emma's stuffed animals.
Annette: Is that Huggsy?
Joey: …no.
Annette: Lemme see!
Joey grabs Huggsy and runs for his room, as Annette runs over to block him. Joey throws Huggsy into his room, and slams the door.
Joey: See? Nothing there.
Annette: You have a stuffed animal! That's so adorable!
Joey waves his hand.
Joey: There is no Huggsy.
Annette: Joey. Redhead model rule.
Joey: Dammit!
(A/N Okay, this is the regularly scheduled one. And I have a new poll on my profile, for the season finale. THIS one is going to be a blind poll, but I need you all to vote on it, anyway. The winning decision will be the plot for the season finale. And it's blind, to avoid spoilers.)