Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is directing a couple of deliverymen with an air hockey table.
Joey: Okay, careful, now. Careful.
The deliverymen set the table down.
Man: There you are, Mr. Tribbiani. You're all set.
Joey: Thanks.
The deliverymen leave. Enter Annette from her room.
Annette: What's with all the racket?
Annette pauses, seeing the new air hockey table.
Annette: Joey, what's that?
Joey: You like it? It's our new toy.
Annette: Isn't that thing a little bit…dangerous?
Joey: Nah. Why would it be?
Annette: Chandler told me about the foosball table incident.
Joey: It's perfectly safe for the kids. And there's an added bonus.
Joey plugs in the table, picks up Chick Jr., and holds him over the air holes.
Joey: Free air drying!
Annette stares at Joey, as the air blows up Chick Jr's feathers. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. The gang is gathered around the air hockey table, staring at it.
Rachel: Okay, so remind me again why you got this?
Joey: Cause it's air hockey! Everyone loves air hockey.
Ross: Joey, this thing is dangerous. If that puck flies off the table, it could smack someone, or break something.
Rachel: Not to mention, it's noisy as hell.
Joey: It's not gonna fly off the table, and the noise level isn't that high. So, who wants to play a game with me?
Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe turn away, muttering.
Mike, Annette, and Chandler: I'm in!
Monica: Chandler!
Phoebe: Mike!
A pause. Monica and Phoebe turn to Ross and Rachel.
Ross: What?
Monica gestures to Annette.
Ross: Oh, right. (to Annette) Annette!
Chandler: Honey, it's air hockey! This is one of the greatest indoor games God ever invented! I HAVE to play.
Mike: I've always loved air hockey.
Annette: Hell, I just wanna whoop Joey.
Monica shakes her head. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the chair, watching TV.
Phoebe: How long have they been playing over there?
Ross: Are we counting the interruption from Joey knocking the puck out the window?
Monica: No. And we're not counting the interruption from the pizza guy, either.
Ross: In that case…
Ross looks at his watch.
Ross: Six hours and counting.
Rachel: It's like living across the hall from a rec center. That noise is going to keep us and Emma up all night.
Phoebe nods. A loud crash is heard from Joey and Annette's apartment, as Joey runs in.
Joey: Hide me, quick!
Ross: Why?
Joey: Mad redhead!
Ross points to his and Rachel's bedroom, as Annette runs in.
Annette: You are dead meat!
Annette starts hitting Joey. Joey runs around the couch, Annette chasing him.
Joey: Ow, ow, ow! I said I was sorry!
Annette: That was my favorite coffee mug!
Rachel: Hey, keep it down! Emma's taking a nap!
Annette and Joey start speed walking around the couch. Annette continues lightly hitting Joey.
Joey: It was an accident! Besides, you weren't supposed to block the bank shot!
Annette: That was the best mug I ever had! Now I have to go back to Pottery Barn for a new one!
Phoebe gasps.
Phoebe: You…you shopped at POTTERY BARN?
Ross: Uh, Phoebe…the coffee table and the dinner table came from Pottery Barn. So did most of my dishes.
Phoebe stands up and walks to the door.
Phoebe: You all are EVIL.
Mike opens the door, and sees Phoebe.
Mike: Oh, hey, honey.
Phoebe: Hi. I'm going home. This is an apartment of sin.
Mike: …okay.
Phoebe storms out and slams the door. Mike turns to Ross with a confused look.
Mike: What was that all about?
Ross: She just found out we got utensils and the coffee table from Pottery Barn.
Mike: Oh, crap.
Mike runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting on the chair at the end table.
Rachel: So, you finally decided to take a break from the hockey table?
Joey: Uh…yeah.
Rachel: Really?
Joey: No, Annette took away my puck.
Annette: Until you replace my coffee mug, you're grounded.
Joey: Okay, two questions: one, when did I marry you? Two, when did you become my mother?
Annette: You didn't marry me, and the minute I moved in with you.
Joey stares at her.
Annette: Joey, that hockey game you and Chandler were playing most of the night kept Ross and Rachel up. Why do you think Rachel was screaming so loud at two in the morning?
Ross and Rachel glance uncomfortably at each other. Joey looks at them.
Joey: I can think of many reasons.
Ross clears his throat.
Ross: Okay, new subject!
Enter Phoebe, with a box in her hands.
Joey: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey.
A pause. Ross looks over at Phoebe.
Ross: Hi, Phoebe.
Phoebe looks over at Ross, Rachel, and Annette.
Phoebe: Hello, spawn of the soulless corporation.
Annette: Uh, Phoebe, you are aware I shop at Pottery Barn, too. Right?
Phoebe: Uh huh. That's why I wanna talk to you all.
Phoebe sets down the box, and opens it to reveal two coffee mugs. Phoebe holds them up.
Phoebe: Who can tell me what these are?
Joey: Oh! Oh, I know! Don't tell me!
Long pause.
Annette: Joey?
Joey: Ssssshhhhhhhh! I'm thinking!
Ross, Rachel, and Annette shake their heads. Ross turns to Phoebe.
Ross: Okay, so why are you holding coffee mugs?
Joey: Dammit, Ross! I told you not to help me with it!
Ross: Joey, they're coffee mugs. You use them every morning. How could you NOT know what they are?
Joey: Well, Phoebe asked what they are. So that could mean she thinks they're something different.
A pause.
Ross: Okay, you've got a point there.
Phoebe: Okay, hi! I'm still trying to teach, here.
Annette leans closer.
Annette: Wait a second…Phoebe, that's one of your coffee mugs.
Phoebe: Uh huh. And you know what the difference between these two is?
Rachel: What?
Phoebe tosses the coffee mug in her left hand over her shoulder. Joey leans in and catches it before it hits the floor.
Phoebe: That one came from the evil corporation, and is easily replaceable. This one is not. This came from a small store, and is cheaper.
Ross: Phoebe, I'm not going to replace my dishes that I got from there. Besides, there's nothing wrong with having something that I can replace easily, if Emma breaks it.
Phoebe stares at Ross, and then places her coffee mug back in the box.
Phoebe: I can no longer associate with you, you are dead to me.
Phoebe walks to the door, as Chandler walks in.
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hi, Chandler. Excuse me; I have to prepare for a funeral.
Ross rolls his eyes, as Phoebe exits. Chandler stares at the door, as he walks over.
Chandler: What was that all about?
Ross: She said I'm dead to her because I shopped Pottery Barn.
Chandler: You look pretty alive, for a dead man.
Ross: Thanks.
Chandler: Of course, if you ARE dead, that means Rachel's been dating a vamp-
Rachel: Don't even finish that sentence!
Chandler grins, and turns to Joey.
Chandler: So. Rematch tonight?
Joey: I can't, Annette took the puck.
Chandler: Why?
Annette: You two are grounded from the table until my coffee mug gets replaced.
Chandler: Oh. You mean, like this?
Chandler takes his hand out from behind his back, with a new coffee mug identical to Annette's old one. Annette gasps.
Annette: Where did you find it at? Pottery Barn told me they discontinued that model!
Chandler: They did. But that doesn't mean eBay stopped selling them.
Annette: Good. You two can have the puck back.
Rachel knocks Chandler's hand with her elbow. Chandler drops the coffee mug, but catches it with his other hand.
Rachel: Oops! Sorry, had a cramp in my arm.
Chandler: No worries, I caught it.
Rachel: That's great!
Rachel smiles, and then turns to Ross with a frown. Ross stands up.
Ross: I'm gonna go see if the local supermarkets have any empty egg cartons.
Chandler: What do you need with empty egg cartons?
Ross: To either soundproof our apartment, or Joey's. That, or I'm gonna invest in a pair of earmuffs for the three of us.
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, wearing earmuffs and reading a magazine. The sound of air hockey is heard in the apartment. Enter Annette.
Annette: Ugh, how long have those two been playing?
No answer. Annette walks over and taps Ross and Rachel on the head. Ross and Rachel look up, and remove their earmuffs.
Ross: When did you come in?
Annette: Six hours ago, when a herd of dinos rampaged through the fashion district. How long have they been playing that for?
Rachel: All afternoon, and most of the evening.
Annette: Where's Emma?
Rachel: With my dad. We figured it'd be a good idea to get her away from here, till the noise from your place died down.
Annette: Good idea.
Enter Joey and Chandler. Chandler hands the puck to Annette. Annette glares at them.
Annette: What did you break this time?
Joey: Nothing! God, why do you think we broke something?
Annette: You're handing me the puck, and wearing a guilty look. You broke something.
Chandler: Nah, I just stomped him all over the table. He's mad about it.
Joey: That's because you cheated!
Chandler: I did not!
Joey: Throwing a picture of Yasmine Bleeth on the table when I'm about to sink a winning shot IS cheating!
Chandler: Hey, it reminded us to stop for Baywatch, didn't it?
Joey: I'm not gonna argue the Baywatch reminder, but you still cheated.
Chandler: Oh, and mentioning the Pam Anderson sex tape wasn't a distraction?
Annette: WHAT?
Annette grabs a pillow from the couch and starts beating on Joey.
Annette: You told me you got rid of that file!
Joey: Ow! Ow! I did, I did!
Annette: Then how were you watching it?
Joey: I gave it to Chandler a while back! He has it stashed on his electronic plugging in thing!
Chandler: Joey! And it's called a "flash drive".
Joey: Dude, she has a pillow, and she's mad. Besides, I live with her!
Chandler: I'm married to MONICA.
Joey: She doesn't know you have the sex video yet.
Monica enters from the bathroom, looking pissed off.
Monica: Chandler has WHAT?
Chandler turns to Joey.
Chandler: Initiate running mode?
Joey: Running mode initiated.
Chandler and Joey run out the door, Monica behind them.
Monica: GET BACK HERE, BING!
Monica slams the door. Ross turns to Rachel.
Ross: And we wanted a quiet night in, too.
Rachel giggles.
Rachel: I'd say we got one.
Ross smiles, and kisses Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Mike.
Mike: Hey, guys.
Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Annette: Hey, Mike.
Mike: Do any of you know why Phoebe's been walking around in a black dress lately? She said she was in mourning, but I have no idea what she means.
Rachel sighs.
Rachel: She's mad at Ross, Annette, and me for shopping at Pottery Barn for our dishes and the coffee table Ross and I own.
Mike: Uh oh.
Rachel: Yeah, this could go on for a while.
Mike: I'd say so.
Enter Ross.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi, honey. How was work?
Ross: It was all right. Just long. How was your day?
Rachel: About the same. Your parents wanted Emma over, so she's staying with them tonight.
Ross: Oh, okay.
Rachel moves to the arm of the chair, as Ross sits down. Mike sits down on the couch.
Mike: So, I have something I wanna ask you three.
Annette: No, I didn't touch your guitar; it was like that when I found it.
Mike: Wait, what about my guitar?
Annette looks uncomfortable.
Annette: Uh…nothing!
Mike: Annette…
Annette: It was Joey's fault!
Joey turns to look at Annette.
Joey: What's my fault?
Mike: What're you staring at?
Annette: I'll bet I know: the muffins.
Joey looks at Annette with a pleading look. Annette sighs, and gestures to Gunther.
Gunther: How many?
Annette turns to the gang.
Annette: Who else wants a muffin?
Chandler: I'll take one.
Mike: Sure.
Ross: I think Rachel and I are gonna head up soon to fix dinner, so we'll pass.
Annette looks at Gunther.
Annette: Five. And is there any chance I can get the Tribbiani discount?
Joey: They have a discount named after me?
Annette: Yeah. If anyone orders more than four muffins, they knock ten percent off the bill, but they have to be eaten here in less than an hour.
Joey: I could do that standing on my head.
Gunther: I'll give you a dozen muffins for free, if you can pull that off.
Joey stands up, puts a pillow on the floor, and stands on his head on it. Annette laughs.
Annette: Joey, I don't think he was ser-
Annette pauses, as Gunther brings over a tray with six muffins on it.
Gunther: Here you go. One hour.
Annette: Gunther! You're gonna kill my roommate!
Gunther: If he pulls this off, I'll put his picture up on the wall, and you'll get a bonus in your check.
Annette turns to Joey.
Annette: Come on, Tribbiani! You can do it!
Joey unwraps the first muffin and takes a bite. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Enter Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Annette. Ross is carrying Joey in his arms.
Ross: Where do you want him?
Annette: Just dump him on the couch. If he lives through the night, I'll get him to his bed.
Joey groans.
Joey: What was I thinking?
Rachel: I don't know. You ate seven muffins standing on your head. WERE you even thinking?
Joey: No, not that. I shoulda worn sweats, jeans have no give!
Annette: You're just lucky Gunther didn't charge you for those extra two muffins you ate.
Ross sets Joey on the couch. Joey groans and clenches his stomach.
Chandler: I hope it was worth it.
Joey: She got her bonus, and I got my picture on the wall. Yeah, I'd say it was worth it.
Annette: Joey, you coulda died! What were you thinking?
Joey: That nobody is ever gonna beat my record.
Ross glares sternly at Annette.
Ross: You know, you didn't help matters any by challenging him to eat all those muffins.
Joey: Hey, I coulda made it for eight, if I didn't have to sneeze.
Rachel: I don't think Gunther is gonna get those crumbs out anytime soon, either.
Ross: Or the memory of watching crumbs shoot across the room.
Chandler: He had good aim, though.
Annette leans down, and places her hand on Joey's forehead.
Annette: I'm sorry I made you do that. It was foolish, risky, and I promise it'll never happen again.
Joey: Hey, don't worry about it. I did it, so I'm also guilty here. Don't blame yourself too much.
Annette smiles, and kisses Joey's forehead.
Chandler: So. Who's up for some air hockey?
Ross and Rachel glare at him. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Annette, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Enter Phoebe in a black dress.
Monica: Hi, Pheebs.
Phoebe holds up a hand.
Phoebe: Please, no speaking during the mourning period.
Rachel sighs.
Rachel: Phoebe, Ross and I got rid of the coffee table. We still need one, so will you help us out with picking out a new one?
Phoebe looks over at them.
Phoebe: Oh! Hi, you two! I didn't see you sitting there. I'll be glad to help you pick out a new table.
Phoebe exits. Monica turns to Rachel.
Monica: Did you really get rid of it?
Ross: Yep.
Monica: Who did you give it to?
Scene shifts to Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is kneeling down, playing a miniaturized version of air hockey with Chick and Duck Jr.
Joey: Isn't this great, guys?
Chick and Duck Jr. waddle off.
(A/N Next episode will have some major surprises in store for the gang. Hope you readers are ready. And if you have Twitter, follow me on there. Cybermals, I'm on there all the time. Still time to vote on the finale, if you haven't. So get those votes in. And finally, a special thanks to TorchwoodRose for being a good sport when you talk to me on Twitter. It's amusing to tease your British bum. LOL)