Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Continuous action music plays in the background. Joey's bedroom door flies open, and he rolls into the living room, dressed as a commando. Seeing no one, he eases out from behind the chair with a Laser Tag gun in his hand and a sensor on his chest. Annette pops up from behind the counter in a cat suit, and shoots him.
Annette: Ha!
Ross pops out of the bathroom dressed as a commando and shoots Annette.
Ross: Ha!
Rachel pops out of Annette's bedroom also dressed in a cat suit and shoots Ross.
Rachel: Ha!
Scene shifts to Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch, Annette and Alex beside him. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair.
Joey: And that's why I think we should get Laser Tag.
Ross: Joey, you just described every action movie you've ever seen, with Laser Tag.
Joey: Yeah. Because Laser Tag is cool!
Ross, Rachel, Annette, and Alex shake their heads. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch. Annette and Phoebe are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Enter Ross, Joey, and Chandler.
Ross: Joey, for the last time, I am not gonna buy a Laser Tag set!
Joey: Why not? Come on, Ross! Those things were so cool! How many times can you think of as a kid when you got to wear a gun to play tag, and no one asked questions about it?
A pause.
Chandler: You know, the man's got a point.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Come on, it'll be fun! We can make it guys against girls!
Ross: Whoa! NO way! NO guys against girls!
Joey: Why not? We'd whoop them.
Annette: You know, comments like that is what your butt kicked by me in air hockey.
Chandler: Also, think about this for a moment: you wanna play Laser Tag against MONICA.
Joey: So?
Ross and Chandler look at each other, and then at Joey.
Ross: Joey, this is MONICA. You DO remember Monica, right?
Monica: Hey!
Ross: What?
Monica: I can be fun!
Annette: Monica, you remember the Monopoly game last week, when you were the banker?
Monica: Hey, I made a great banker.
Annette: You assigned interest to anyone who got money from the bank! Passing Go ended up COSTING people $200.
Monica: Well…the bank needed to make back its money.
Ross: It's not supposed to! It's supposed to hand out money to the players, period.
Joey: Besides, I thought she might wanna referee the game.
Ross: No! Joey, trust me, you do not want-
Monica jumps over the couch and covers Ross's mouth with her hand.
Monica: What my brother was trying to say before he loses the ability to speak permanently, is that you don't want me to say no, but if I do that, you're not gonna have four girls for the four guys.
Joey: Sure we will. I can ask Alex.
Monica: When?
Joey: Right now.
Joey walks over to the window, and goes out to the terrace.
Joey: Alex!
Alex's window comes up, and she sticks her head out.
Alex (faintly): What?
Joey: Laser tag. You in?
Alex (faintly): Yeah.
Joey: Cool.
Alex (faintly): Joey, you know I have a phone, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Alex (faintly): So why are we shouting?
Joey: It's fun.
Alex (faintly): Oh, okay.
Alex pulls her head in, and shuts the window. Joey walks back in.
Joey: She's in, teams are even.
Monica: Good. I need to go home and start planning.
Monica exits. Ross glares at Joey.
Joey: What?
Ross: You have no idea what kind of monster you have unleashed.
Joey looks at Ross with a worried expression. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, Annette, Mike, Phoebe, Chandler, and Alex walk in, laser tag gear hanging slack, looking dirty and tired. Alex, Joey, and Annette collapse on the couch. Mike sits down in the armchair, Phoebe in his lap. Ross sits down on the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap. Chandler sits down next to him.
Joey: I have absolutely NO energy left at all.
Annette: I think I'm gonna have to sit here for three days before I feel remotely close to being able to lift a finger.
Ross: Now you see why I said don't put her in charge of this.
Chandler: You'd think after that exercise program she had me on when she was out of work, that I'd have sided with you on that one.
Rachel: Honey, move your gun. It's poking my hip.
The gang turns and stares at Rachel.
Rachel: His LASER TAG gun.
Numerous "meh"s are heard. Alex starts picking leaves and twigs out of her hair.
Alex: Six games. Whoever heard of playing six games of Laser Tag just to break a tie?
Ross and Rachel raise their hands. Enter Monica, blowing on a whistle.
Monica: Up and at em, lazy bones! We're burning daylight.
Numerous groans are heard.
Annette: Gunther, do me a favor. Throw something at her, will you?
Gunther smiles, and goes back to the customers.
Ross: Monica, it's almost night time. We're tired. It can wait till tomorrow.
Monica: No, come on! We still have 20 minutes of daylight left, that's enough time for at least four more games! Let's go!
Annette: No. Inside, good. Outside, bad.
Alex stands up, and stretches.
Alex: I better get home; I have an early shoot tomorrow.
Ross: I've got a class in the morning.
Rachel: And I have a meeting.
Monica: Fine. The rest of us will wrap it up.
Chandler: No, we won't.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: The twins.
Monica: Oh, crap!
Monica grabs Chandler's hand, and pulls him out the door with her. Annette turns to Joey.
Annette: Why didn't we think of that?
Mike: Because we're too tired to move. I'm surprised we're speaking, in all honesty.
Annette flaps a hand.
Annette: Grunts are too much work.
Joey: Not necessarily. Watch this.
Joey turns to Alex.
Joey: Me. Caffeine, need. You get.
Alex: You. Stupid.
Annette giggles, as Gunther carries over coffee for the gang.
Gunther: You all look worn out. What happened?
Rachel: Monica was refereeing a game of Laser Tag.
Gunther: Whose genius idea was it to put her in charge of that?
The gang turns and glares at Joey.
Joey: What?
Annette: You wanna answer that one, "genius"?
Joey: No. I wanna sit here & pretend I'm dead.
Gunther smiles.
Gunther: Don't worry about paying right now. You guys look like a bunch of zombies. Just pay when you think you can move again.
Annette: Thanks, Gunther. I owe you.
Gunther: Anytime. But you're not getting me to cover for you in that game.
Annette: Dammit!
Gunther smiles and walks off. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Ross, Annette, and Mike.
Mike: Ugh, I feel like a zombie.
Annette: You're beginning to look like one, too. But as long as you don't chant "brains" or try to eat me, we'll be fine.
Mike glares at Annette, and walks over to kiss Phoebe. Annette leans over to Ross.
Annette: If he tries to eat me, go for the head shot.
Mike: I heard that!
Annette grins, as Ross walks over and collapses in the chair.
Rachel: Where's Joey?
Ross: He walked Alex home so he could gather up his laser tag gear.
Rachel: Oh.
Annette: I hope he isn't gonna be too late getting back. Last week when he snuck in, I almost clocked him with the cookie sheet.
Rachel: A cookie sheet?
Annette: I thought he was a burglar!
Rachel: Yeah, but a cookie sheet?
Annette: Well, it was the first thing I grabbed.
Mike: I always said your cooking was dangerous.
Phoebe smacks Mike.
Phoebe: Behave.
Annette: Thanks, Pheebs. I thought I was gonna have to get the cookie sheet from my place.
Phoebe: No problem.
Ross stands up.
Ross: I'm gonna check on Emma quick.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross starts walking by the window, and glances out. Joey is standing in Alex's living room, kissing Alex. Ross gasps.
Ross: Oh my god!
Annette: What? What is it?
Ross: Uh…nothing! But you better get home, fast.
Annette: Why?
Ross: So you can get to sleep before Joey tries sneaking in.
Annette: Ross, what're you trying to hide from me?
Ross: Nothing!
Annette glares.
Annette: Rachel, can you coax it from him, before I smack him?
Rachel: Honey, what're you hiding?
Ross leans over, and whispers in Rachel's ear. Rachel gasps and covers her mouth with her hand.
Annette: What?
Rachel looks at Ross, wide-eyed.
Rachel: Are you serious?
Ross nods his head. Rachel starts pushing Annette out the door.
Rachel: Okay, you need to go home, get some rest, and not brain Joey with a cookie sheet when he walks in. Good night.
Annette: Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Annette: You two are hiding something! What is it?
Ross looks up from his cell phone.
Ross: We're not hiding anything. We're just tired, and wanna go to bed.
Mike starts walking over to Ross.
Mike: Hey Ross, do you want the-
Mike looks out the window and sees Joey kissing Alex.
Mike: Oh my god!
Annette: All right, WHAT is going on?
Ross: It's noth-
Mike: Joey's kissing Alex!
Annette: WHAT?
Annette pushes Rachel aside, and runs to the window. Annette glares.
Annette: If you all will excuse me…
Mike: Where are you going?
Annette: To get my cookie sheet.
Annette storms out. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the chairs at the end table. Annette is working at the counter.
Chandler: So what happened last night?
Ross: Joey was in Alex's apartment, kissing her.
Monica: What? Does Annette know?
Ross: Yeah, she knows. She saw them out our window, then left. We caught her halfway across the street with a cookie sheet in her hands. She said she was taking them cookies she baked.
Phoebe: What's wrong with that? Annette's a good cook.
Rachel: Keebler didn't set up shop in their apartment. She had a bunch of those Fudge Stripe cookies on that sheet.
Annette walks over with coffees for them.
Annette: I will have you know, I taught that recipe to those damn elves. They just don't give me credit.
Rachel: Oh, they did not.
Ross: You were gonna brain Joey with the cookie sheet!
Annette: I was not!
A pause.
Annette: I was gonna brain Alex. Joey, I was gonna kick where it hurts the most.
Mike: Before you hurt them, why not ask them what's going on?
Annette: Because they're not here, and violence is much more relaxing.
Mike: Braining your best friend with a cookie sheet, and kicking your roommate. Explain to me how that's relaxing.
Annette: Makes me feel better.
Annette walks back to the counter. Enter Joey and Alex, holding hands.
Joey: Hey, guys.
Numerous greetings float back to him. Joey turns to Annette.
Joey: Hey, I'm gonna be gone tonight, you have any plans?
Annette: Yeah. Murdering someone.
Joey: What?
Mike: She's kidding.
Mike glares at Annette.
Joey: So, DO you have plans?
Annette: I don't know yet.
Annette turns to Gunther.
Annette: Hey Gunther, you wanna come over tonight and have sex?
Gunther stares at Annette, and goes back to inventory counting. Annette sighs.
Annette: No, I don't have any plans.
Joey: Good, can you watch the kids?
Annette: Yeah, sure.
Joey turns back to the gang.
Joey: Monica, we're not gonna be able to finish that laser tag game tonight.
Monica: That's okay. We're not gonna pick it up till the weekend, anyway.
Ross: Wait, we're what? No, we're not! Rachel and I have Ben this weekend, and we're taking him and Emma to the zoo!
Monica: And you still can! After we settle the tie.
Ross: Mon, you remember the incident with Melissa Farley?
Monica: She was just being a crybaby. I didn't tackle her that hard.
Ross: You knocked her ten yards! I've seen linebackers in the NFL go easier with their hits.
Monica: Hey, we won the game, didn't we?
Ross: And scared over half the neighborhood kids. No one wanted to play with us for a reason. You even went extreme on Clue.
Monica: Well, Miss Scarlet couldn't have strangled him, she didn't have the strength!
Alex: Well, as much fun as I'm having listening to all the reasons why Monica shouldn't referee this weekend, we really need to get going. We have dinner reservations.
Alex turns to Joey.
Alex: You ready to go?
Joey: Yep.
Joey leans in and kisses Alex. A muffin bounces off the back of his head. Joey turns and looks at Annette.
Joey: I didn't pay for a muffin.
Annette: You got a dozen free, remember? Well, eleven now.
Joey: Oh, right. Thanks!
Joey picks up the muffin and walks out with Alex. Annette glares at them, as Gunther walks over.
Gunther: You okay?
Annette: Yeah. Why?
Gunther: Well, for one thing, you just threw a muffin at Joey.
Annette: He's dense. I could've thrown a wrecking ball at him, and he wouldn't have been fazed.
Gunther: Well, whatever's going on, try to work it out soon, okay? I hate seeing you two on the outs with one another.
Annette: Don't worry. I'll work it out of them, all right.
Gunther: I'm so glad I'm not in Joey's shoes right now.
Annette: You don't know the half of it.
Gunther gives Annette a look, and walks away. Scene ends and opens in Alex's apartment. Alex is sitting on the couch, reading a book. Enter Joey from the bathroom.
Joey: Man, what a day. Did you see the look on Annette's face?
Alex: Yeah, I thought she was gonna kill us.
Joey chuckles, and sits down next to Alex.
Alex: Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Sure.
Alex: How long do you wanna keep this up for?
Joey: What do you mean?
Alex: Well, the whole "let's pretend we're dating" thing to mess with Annette. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but she really likes you.
Joey: Oh. Just for a couple of weeks. I'll tell Chandler and the others what's going on, as long as they swear they won't tell her. This is the most fun I've ever had messing with her.
Alex laughs.
Alex: You should've seen the pranks she'd play on the photo shoots back when she was modeling.
Joey: What'd she do?
Alex: One time, she glued the doors to the dressing room shut. It set the shoot back a couple of hours and the photographer was in a rage, but we all laughed until we cried.
Joey: You know she's right across the street right now, watching us?
Alex: Yeah. She's been there for the last five minutes.
Joey: What do you wanna do about it?
Alex: Lean over and kiss me. Make it look good.
Joey leans over and kisses Alex in a provocative manner. Scene shifts to Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette is standing on the terrace, watching Joey and Alex kiss through the window. Enter Ross.
Ross: Annette, Rachel and I are gonna be going to bed soon.
Annette: Uh huh.
Ross: Well, I'm telling you now, so you don't wake up Emma when you leave.
Annette: Okay.
Ross: I'll leave the window open. Just be sure you lock the door on your way out, all right?
Annette: Yeah.
Ross: Okay. Good night.
Ross walks away. Annette turns around, revealing a Bluetooth headset in her ear.
Annette: So I have to see them when?
A pause.
Annette: Oh, okay. Thanks. Good night.
Annette hangs up, and looks in at the darkened apartment.
Annette: Ross? Rachel? Hello?
Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is sitting on the floor of the living room, counting pieces of laser tag equipment and writing on a piece of paper. Enter Chandler.
Chandler: Honey, what are you doing?
Monica: Inventory. I need to know how many working pieces of laser tag equipment we have, so we can set up a tie breaker.
Chandler: Sweetie, it's over. We tied. Let's play something else.
Monica: No, we can't have a tie! A tie means there's no clear winner or loser.
Chandler: You're right, that would be such a bad thing. You're obsessing again.
Monica: Chandler, one word: Rogue.
A pause.
Chandler: I'll leave you to your work.
Chandler leaves the room, as Monica goes back to counting.