(A/N Credit to TorchwoodRose for Joey in a dress.)

Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching TV.

Ross: Reality TV stinks.

Rachel: What's wrong with it?

Ross: Well, it's all the same thing: twenty-something people pretending to have a problem, just to drive up ratings and cause drama. It's boring. I don't know why we keep the TV.

Rachel: Well, for one thing, you have your Discovery shows. And I like watching E! if there's something good on.

Ross: You're right. I love you.

Rachel: I love you, too.

Ross leans in to kiss Rachel. Enter Annette, who runs for the terrace window.

Annette: You didn't see me!

Ross and Rachel stare in confusion. Enter Joey, in a dress and heels.

Joey: Get back here, Peters! And give me back my clothes!

Joey chases Annette out the window. Rachel turns to Ross.

Rachel: Cancel the cable tomorrow?

Ross: Yeah. Living next to those two is better than anything on TV.

Rachel laughs. Theme song and title sequence plays.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Mike is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Ross.

Ross: Hey.

Greetings float back. Ross turns to Annette.

Ross: Next time you steal Joey's clothes, don't run down our fire escape.

Annette: I'm sorry, yours was closer!

Ross: We had the cops over last night! They thought a transvestite was chasing you.

Mike: Wait, what happened?

Ross: Annette hid Joey's clothes, and took off down our fire escape.

Mike: So what's this about a transvestite?

Annette: I…kinda…left a dress and heels out for him. Although in all honesty, his make-up could've used a little work.

Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe start laughing.

Mike: Annette…

Annette: What? He looked really cute! I even took pictures.

Ross: You did? Lemme see!

Annette pulls out her cell phone, as Ross, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe gather around.

Phoebe: He could use more blush.

Annette: That's what I said! Make his cheeks stand out more.

Enter Joey, in a tuxedo.

Monica: Oh my god, Joey…what is with the tuxedo?

Joey: I needed a reason to wear a bowtie.

Annette: Why?

Joey: Because…bowties are cool.

Chandler: Okay, Joey? Two things: one, you're not the Eleventh Doctor. And two, the Eleventh Doctor sucks.

Joey: Liar! He's better than the Tenth Doctor! Besides, bowties ARE cool!

Chandler: NO ONE is better than the Tenth Doctor!

Joey: Eleventh!

Chandler: Tenth!

Monica: Boys! Take your nerd fight elsewhere!

Chandler looks at Joey.

Chandler: Whoathon?

Joey: You're on! By the way, Ross, you should really consider a tweed jacket for when you're teaching class.

Ross: And you should consider a strapless back the next time you go chasing Annette down the street.

Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. Enter Ross.

Rachel: Hi, honey.

Ross: Hey.

Ross leans down and kisses Rachel.

Rachel: How was your day?

Ross: It was all right, until I talked to Joey.

Rachel: Did he mention the smoke coming from here? Because I can explain…

Ross: No…what smoke?

Rachel: Nothing! And there is no reason at all to look in the oven!

Ross: Rachel, what did you do?

Rachel: Nothing, I swear!

Ross starts walking toward the oven. Rachel jumps up, and races over to stand in front of the oven door.

Rachel: No, don't look!

Ross: Honey, I doubt there is anything in there I haven't seen before. Now come on, move.

Rachel: No!

Ross grabs Rachel, and starts struggling to move her away from the oven door. Enter Annette and Monica.

Annette: Woops, I think we interrupted their hug-fest.

Monica: What're you guys doing?

Rachel: Nothing.

Ross: She said there's something in the oven that I don't wanna see.

Annette: Oh, you must be talking about that roa-

Rachel: Shut up! Or I'll tell Mike about the job offer from the strip club.

Ross and Monica: The WHAT?

Annette: Rachel!

Monica: You got a job offer from a STRIP CLUB? Mike's gonna flip when he finds out!

Ross: Forget Mike, JOEY'S gonna go nuts!

Annette: Well, first off, Rachel is going to die a painful death for saying anything AFTER I swore her to secrecy. And second off, I didn't take the job.

Rachel: You didn't swear me to secrecy!

Annette: We spat on our pinkes, and then swore!

Monica: EW!

Rachel: NOT in front of Monica!

Annette: Oh, please. Like that's any worse than the roast you burnt, that you're trying to hide from Ross? Or the mess in Emma's room you're hiding from Monica?

Ross and Monica glare at Rachel, who glares at Annette.

Annette: They…didn't know, did they?

Rachel: NO.

A pause.

Annette: Bye!

Annette runs for the terrace window, Rachel behind her.

Rachel: GET BACK HERE, PETERS!

Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch, watching Doctor Who.

Joey: See? Ten had four companions, and anger issues. Eleven has two companions, one who's hot as hell, and his own theme music! He's the better Doctor!

Chandler: Ten has a cooler TARDIS design.

A pause.

Joey: Bowties are cool!

Chandler: Ten snogged two of his companions!

Joey stares at Chandler.

Joey: "Snogged"?

Chandler: Don't judge me. British slang excites Monica.

Joey: Whatever gets you through, man. But this isn't over.

Chandler: Bring it on, Cyber boy.

Joey glares at Chandler, and turns back to the TV. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch. Enter Monica and Ross.

Phoebe: Hey. I thought you were going up to get Rachel, too.

Monica: I was, but she's busy chasing Annette.

Mike: Why, what happened?

Ross: Annette spilled some secrets she wasn't supposed to. And when Monica found out one of them was a mess, she went into Monica mode.

Phoebe: How did you get her down here?

Ross: Very carefully.

Monica turns to Ross.

Monica: You better have that Twix you promised. Or you're gonna be missing a hand.

Ross: Is this gonna be like the time you bit Dad when he tried to take the last pork chop?

Monica: I was hungry!

Ross: Mom cooked that for him! Sometimes, I felt like I needed a whip and chair just to get MY share of the food!

Monica: Oh, I was NOT that bad!

Ross: The "all you can eat" buffets had to limit you to TWO passes through the line. I think some of them even put a sign out that said "all you can eat (except Monica Geller)."

Monica: That was an April fool's prank!

Ross: It was the middle of July when they put those signs up!

Phoebe: AHEM!

Monica and Ross turn to Phoebe.

Phoebe: Thank you. I DID wanna wait until everyone else was here, but with Rachel chasing Annette, and Joey and Chandler doing whatever it is they're doing-

Monica: They're watching Doctor Who at our place.

Phoebe: Really? Wow, they've been at it this long?

Monica: You know how stubborn those two can get.

Ross: Mon, I don't think anyone in this gang can hold a candle to you, when it comes to being stubborn.

Monica: I am NOT stubborn!

Ross: When was the last time you listened to an opinion that didn't agree with yours?

Mike: Okay, before you two get into anymore spats, we really do have something to tell you.

Monica: Sorry. What's up?

Phoebe: Well, Mike and I are-

Annette and Rachel run by the window, dressed in bunny ears and French maid outfits. A second later, a gang of frat boys runs by, in pursuit.

Phoebe: -watching Annette and Rachel be chased by a gang of frat boys.

Ross: Hey, I know that fraternity!

Ross runs out the door.

Ross: Stop chasing my girlfriend! I know your professors!

Monica runs out the door with Ross.

Monica: Ross, wait! They're frat boys, you'll need help!

Mike turns to Phoebe.

Mike: Guess we'll tell them later.

Phoebe: Eh, we'll let them sweat.

Mike laughs, and kisses Phoebe. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Enter Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Annette, all looking disheveled.

Annette: Okay, I think my cardio for the month taken care of.

Monica: Man, I never knew a mob of frat boys could run that fast, or that far.

Ross: If only they were that energetic during finals.

Rachel: I'm just glad we lost them by the bars.

Monica: How did you two end up with a mob of screaming frat boys chasing you, anyway? And where did you get those outfits at? And more importantly, do they have them in my size?

Rachel turns and glares at Annette.

Rachel: You wanna explain it to them?

Annette: No, not really.

Ross: SOMEONE better start explaining. I had to threaten their grades to get them to stop chasing you.

Monica: I don't think it helped when one of them asked, "Which one's your old lady? The hot one or the really hot one?"

Ross: It wouldn't have been so bad, if they didn't suggest a wet T-shirt contest to settle THAT question.

Rachel: Which I would have won!

Annette: Oh please, my chest is bigger than yours.

Rachel and Annette turn to Ross.

Rachel: Sweetie, whose chest is bigger?

Ross: Uh…

Annette: "Sweetie"? You're trying to sway his answer!

Rachel: I am not!

Annette: You just tried!

Rachel: He's my boyfriend, I can call him what I want!

Annette: Really. So you're NOT trying to sway his decision?

Rachel: No!

Annette: Good.

Annette turns to Ross and sticks out her chest.

Annette: Ross, feel my chest.

Ross's eyes widen.

Rachel: WHAT?

Annette: Feel my chest, and then compare that to Rachel's. Tell us which is bigger.

Ross: Um…

Rachel: Now you're trying to influence my boyfriend's decision!

Annette: How am I influencing?

Rachel: "Feel my chest"? That's worse than the frat boys wanting to judge our chests on the street with a wet T-shirt contest!

Annette: What like you saying "sweetie" is any better? You were subtly saying, "Pick me, or you won't be getting sex from me for a month".

Rachel: I was not!

Annette: Liar! You were threatening his decision, because you're his girlfriend! AND you stuff your bra!

Rachel gasps, and smacks Annette.

Rachel: You take that back!

Annette: No!

Rachel: At least my butt doesn't jiggle like a bowl of Jell-O when I walk!

Annette gasps, and smacks Rachel.

Annette: You take that back!

Rachel: Not until you take back your comment!

Annette: No, bra stuffer!

Rachel: Butt jiggler!

Rachel and Annette start smacking each other.

Annette: Take it back!

Rachel: YOU take it back!

Annette and Rachel continue to smack each other. Monica steps in and grabs them by the ear.

Annette and Rachel: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow…

Monica: You two are grounded! Go to your rooms!

Annette: My room is in-

Monica: GO!

Annette walks toward the door, as Rachel walks toward her room.

Rachel: Can we at least-

Monica points threateningly. Rachel walks in and slams the door, as Annette walks out the front door.

Ross: We never did learn where they got those costumes.

Annette (from the hall): A shop over on 65th!

Monica glares, and runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is standing in the bathroom, examining her butt in the mirror. Enter Alex.

Alex: Hello?

Annette: In here.

Alex: What're you doing?

Annette: Rachel said my butt jiggles when I walk. It doesn't, does it?

Alex looks away, uncomfortably.

Annette: Alex!

Alex: Well, how am I supposed to answer that? If I say yes, you get bent out of shape. If I say no, you accuse me of lying. There's no happy medium! Actually, now I know how a guy feels when I ask him if something I wear makes me look fat…

Annette giggles, and returns to looking in the mirror.

Annette: So what's up?

Alex: Well, I was coming over to look for Joey, but here's a better question: Why is Monica standing in the hall, with a bat in her hands?

Annette: Rachel and I are grounded to our apartments for fighting. She's sitting out there to make sure we don't leave until she says we can.

Alex laughs.

Annette: Shut up, it's not funny!

Alex: Yes it is! You're 28 years old, and you got grounded to your apartment by your friend!

Annette: YOU go cross Monica, then.

Alex shakes her head.

Alex: NO way. I'd rather face off against an audit for the last ten years, than face Monica.

Annette: Okay, then.

Annette wiggles her butt.

Annette: Bra stuffing liar…it does NOT jiggle!

Alex: Bra stuffer? Are you talking about Rachel?

Annette: Yeah.

Alex: She doesn't stuff her bra.

Annette: How would you know?

Alex: Two reasons: one, I know people who do that. And two, I asked Ross.

Annette glares at Alex, as the phone rings.

Annette: Hello?

A pause.

Annette: Yes, this is Annette Peters.

A pause.

Annette: What? Are you serious?

A pause.

Annette: Yes, I can come in next week. What time?

A pause.

Annette: Okay, no problem. Thank you.

Annette hangs up, and turns to Alex.

Annette: I just got a call-back about that role I auditioned for.

Alex: What'd they say?

Annette: They want me to come back next week for a second reading!

Alex squeals, and hugs Annette.

Alex: That's fantastic! Congratulations!

Alex and Annette jump up and down, hugging each other. Credits roll.

CREDITS SCENE

Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Numerous pizza boxes and fast food wrappers litter the floor. The end credits for Doctor Who are on the TV screen. Joey turns to Chandler.

Joey: There, see? The Eleventh Doctor IS the better one. That newest episode just proved it.

Chandler: The Tenth Doctor would've torn those gangers apart.

Joey: Bowties are cool!

Chandler: Snogged two companions!

Joey and Chandler glare at each other.

Chandler: Redo?

Joey: Redo.

Joey picks up the remote, and turns on The Christmas Invasion.