A not so serious chapter for you all. I couldn't not write it. Hope it's still good!
"I need a suit," Ronon announced matter-of-factly, standing in Sheppard's doorway.
"Well hello to you too," Sheppard said, putting down his book, "I've had an okay day, thanks for asking. It's been a little slow around here," he sighed, "but it's a nice change of pace. How have you been lately?"
"I need a suit for this thing tomorrow," he repeated.
"Don't you already have something?" he asked.
"It's not...right," he said, walking in and pulling up a chair.
"Okay…" Sheppard said slowly, "Why do you need one?"
"For the thing tomorrow."
"Yeah no I got that," he nodded, "What's wrong with what you have? I thought you hated Earth clothes…thought you looked 'dumb' in them."
"Emma's been avoiding me," he answered bluntly, "and I know I'll see her there."
"And you wanna look sharp," Sheppard finished, "I mean, I understand, I do," he shrugged, "but what do you want me to do about it? I can't lend you one, you're four inches taller than me and a hell of a lot bigger than me," he reasoned.
"You don't know anyone?" Ronon asked, shaking his head.
"Ronon, you're the biggest guy on this base," he answered, effectively putting an end to their conversation.
He nodded. "Thanks anyway," he grunted, standing up to leave. He walked a few paces.
"Why is she avoiding you?" Sheppard hazarded to ask.
Ronon paused and didn't turn his head. "I don't know." He left the room.
Sheppard sat thinking for a minute. He looked at his watch and sprang to his feet. He ran to catch up with Ronon. "Come with me!" he called. Ronon followed as they ran to the control room.
Col. Carter was standing talking to General Landry on the other side. "Yes sir. Have a good afternoon," she was concluding when Sheppard and Ronon arrived.
"Wait!" Sheppard yelled, holding to a stitch in his side, "Don't hang up!"
Colonel Carter jerked her head in their direction, eyes widened. "What is it Colonel?" she asked, looking slightly concerned.
"Colonel MacGyver, I have the um the string and tape measurer you asked for," Zelenka said cautiously as he entered the room too, looking confused as he handed the items to Sheppard.
"Thanks Radek," he said, catching his breath. Ronon looked just as confused as Zelenka did.
"Sorry Colonel," he directed to Carter, "General, have I ever bothered you with a trivial favor, sir?" he asked, turning his attention to the computer monitor.
"No, Colonel, why?" he asked from the transmission.
"How many of those can I get?" he asked confidently.
"Let's say you get one," General Landry responded, narrowing his eyes.
"I'd like to cash in on that now, if that's all right sir." He paused. "There is a big team of marine reinforcements coming from Earth tomorrow, am I right?" he verified.
"Yes," the general replied curtly with a nod.
"Ok, I wouldn't be asking for this if they weren't already coming anyway," he began, "But…Ronon here needs a suit for the award ceremony," he explained, lightly hitting Ronon across the chest.
"No, Sheppard, you don't need to do this," Ronon interrupted, "General, it's all right," he quickly said.
"Keep talking Colonel," the general continued in spite of Ronon's interruption.
"Yes sir," Sheppard obliged, "He needs a suit and doesn't have one, so I was hoping someone could get him one and just have it brought through the gate tomorrow."
General Landry pulled out a pen and block of paper. "I'm listening, Colonel," he said expectantly.
"Right," Sheppard cleared his throat, extending the tape measurer to its full length, "Stand still," he instructed to Ronon. "All right, he's…six foot four," Sheppard narrated. He wrapped the string once around Ronon's neck and measured it against the tape measurer, "Neck sixteen and a half…ish," he read, continuing the process, "Chest forty eight, good God you're a big guy," he muttered to Ronon, "Waist thirty nine and a half, seat forty seven, inseam," he got down on one knee, "You'll have to forgive me for this, buddy," he said, looking up at him, "inseam thirty six…and a half," he stood back up, "sleeve thirty seven…thirty eight…thirty sev – thirty seven and a half," he decided, "So he's pretty much a forty eight extra long," he concluded, looking into the computer monitor again.
It was silent in the control room.
"You want a hat, too?" he asked jokingly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"How—why do you know how to do that?" Ronon stammered, looking stunned.
"I uh, I worked in a tuxedo rental shop for two summers when I was a teenager," he replied, looking uncomfortable. "Back to business though," he declared, standing up straight, "Do you want a two piece or three piece?" he asked.
"What?" Ronon asked, looking at Sheppard as though he were speaking a different language.
"Make it a black two piece and a white shirt, General," he relayed, "Now, bow tie or tie? Maybe a pocket square? Cummerbund?" Col. Carter let out a loud laugh she had been holding back, covering her mouth. "You got a favorite color?" he asked.
"No," Ronon replied shortly.
"Get this man a…navy blue tie," he selected, turning around to look at General Landry, "I like navy blue. You need shoes?" he asked.
"I have boots," Ronon stated.
"That's good enough," Sheppard shrugged, looking him up and down.
"Colonel, I want to let you know that the Air Force will not be footing this bill," General Landry warned.
"Put it on my Visa. Account number ending in 9802. You all are creepy and have all of that information on me, don't you?"
"I'm sure we could find it," he nodded, "Anything else we can do for you?"
"No, sir, that'll be it for now. Hope everything is well back on Earth," he waved, "My apologies Colonel," he said to Carter.
"Don't worry about it," she snorted, still trying not to laugh.
The transmission ended and Sheppard and Ronon walked out together. "You didn't have to do that," Ronon shook his head.
"Nonsense," Sheppard grinned, "Just helping out a friend."
"Can I repay you somehow?" he offered.
"I mean…I did buy the whole thing. You'll just have to call me 'Sugar Daddy' from now on," he sighed with a straight face.
"That's not gonna happen," Ronon grumbled.
"Worth a try," Sheppard shrugged as they stopped in the hallway, "Have a good night, buddy," he said with a smile, slapping him on the arm and walking away.
"Hey Sheppard," Ronon called.
Sheppard stopped and turned around.
"Thanks," he nodded to him.
Sheppard lazily saluted back in his direction as he sauntered back to his quarters.
The team came through the gate the next morning and Sheppard hurried down the steps to meet them. A young marine was holding a garment bag.
"Sir," the marine said standing up straight and saluting him.
"Thanks Sergeant, you're doing your country a great service," he said, taking the bag from him and running away again.
He reached Ronon's quarters and knocked to no answer. No one was there. He went to the sparring ring and found him there with Teyla. "Delivery for a Mr. Dex," he announced as he walked into the room.
"What is it?" Teyla asked.
"It's a suit," Sheppard replied with a smirk. "Yeah, I'm going to need you to sign for that sir," he murmured to Ronon.
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