I felt numb. My live was fading. Slowly, so slowly. No value, no love, apathetic. I would rather have a meeting with the guillotine to be with Beckett again than to go back with Sinjin.

Sinjin. Yes, he is the only one I am going to be with. Forever. Loveless, monotone life. No Beckett, who can hold me, no Beckett, who can let me feel what real love is. Never again. Love is overrated, cruel and still everybody reaches out, yearns, for it. Why? To be happy? To hold on something which will never last, something that someone will take away from you within a second? Is this love?

It took me a long while to realize that we were already on our way back to our estate. I looked out of the window, avoiding Sinjin's glances. He touched my hand lightly but I flinched. I could feel different emotions right now. They go from anger to sadness, from fury to despair. But all I felt in this silent moment was nothing. I felt empty, as if someone took my heart away, all the way with Beckett. All my emotions gone. I was withdrawn into myself.

Suddenly the carriage stopped. I looked outside to see that we already arrived at our estate. The estate, my cave. The walls that keep me, that hinder me, to be free. I could scream, shout for help, look for someone who could save me, but everyone would just ignore me, as if they didn't hear me, as if I didn't exist. Sinjin got out and opened the door for me. But I ignored him and knew I could ignore him forever. Because what he did to me and to Beckett wasn't a mistake that you can apologize for. I entered the huge door and suddenly all of my emotions came back, out of nothing. I began to tremble all over my body. Breathing got harder and harder and I began to run. I ran somewhere, they couldn't find me, somewhere they wouldn't dare to go, a place they just came in, when I got a new dress to admire it, my dressing room. I entered quickly, shut the door behind me and slid down. All my tears were coming out. The loss of Beckett was infinite. I screamed, I cried my heart out and I couldn't stop. I just couldn't. I realized he wouldn't return and that was my entire fault. A person, willing to love anybody, good-hearted and without any bad intentions, someone like him doesn't deserve to die at all. And just because I was egoistic enough to make him mine and to be with him, to be happy and to forget all of my pains. Yes, all of my pains and not all of his pains. And I knew he had difficulties, although I never asked him about them, because I didn't want to know. I hate myself for hurting him so badly. Love is to abandon your own hopes and wishes to fulfil those of the one you love. I didn't do this. I am a bad person. And he was too good-hearted to realize that.

Suddenly I felt arms wrapping around me. I opened my eyes to see Victoria sitting next to me, while trying to comfort me. My expression turned pathetic again.

"He…he…is…is…dead…" I got out in between sobs. Sadness overcame me again, as I rested my head on her shoulder and began to cry even harder. It was certain. Beckett was dead and he will never return, never.

A few hours later, my cries ebbed away in sobs. I sighed loudly. Victoria was still sitting beside me. She never left. She stood up and helped me up. But I had to lean on her, because I was a little bit unsteady on my feet.

"I want to go to his…" I trailed off. But Victoria knew where I wanted to go, so she guided me to his room and opened the door to the dark, abandoned room. We both entered it and Victoria ignited some candles, so we could see better, although the sun was shining through the open door. I laid down on his bed, absorbing every scent he left on it. I closed my eyes to feel him. My hands slowly slid under his pillow in hope that he could have left a farewell letter. Unfortunately, there wasn't one. But wait what was that under the sheets? I got up quickly, threw his pillow on the floor and removed the sheets with a lot of force. There it laid, a letter from Beckett, well hidden under his sheets, so no one except for me would find it. I underestimated him. He knew me better than I thought. I picked up the letter and sat down on his messed up bed. Victoria sat down beside me and looked curiously.

"What is that?" she asked. I couldn't look at her, because I was fixated with this letter.

"From Beckett." I simply answered, before I opened it, to read what was inside.

Beloved Jadelyn,

I do not know how to start this letter. But there are a lot of strange things happening lately. Not just that Robert and André disappeared out of nothing, but your husband is looking at me, no he is staring at me. And I can't shake off the feeling that he knows. He knows about us, Jadelyn. It is just an intuition, but we have to be careful. No matter what happens, I'll be there for you. It doesn't matter if I am here or somewhere else.

Jadelyn, something is going to happen some time soon. And I don't think this will end well for one of us, in this case for me. But no matter what will happen, I tell you that I would do everything I have done the same again and again. I love you and you love me. And someone like Sinjin won't tear us apart, literally. He can kill me, but he won't take the memories I have. Memories about us, about our love, our eternal love. Jadelyn, when you are reading this, I'll probably be already dead, but remember, that I'll always be there for you. I'll always be next to you, watching you and protecting you.

Jadelyn West, beautiful princess of Scotland, I Beckett Oliver, insignificant servant, will always love you wholeheartedly.

Never forget that

Your Beckett

I smiled as tears were running down my cheeks. He knew it, he did. And instead of walking away, he preserved his dignity and stayed, faced his death. And I love him more and more. From minute to minute I noticed what a gorgeous man he really was. 'Forbidden love will never win' André had said and now I knew what he meant. But he couldn't be more wrong. Love is eternal, if you find the right one to share it with. And I know I found Beckett and that I'll always love him, even if this love was forbidden. Victoria read the letter and smiled.

"He really loved you." she whispered resigning. I nodded.

"He still does." I answered smiling, as Caterina entered the room. I remembered that our last conversation got interrupted by Sinjin, so I asked her, what she wanted to tell me.

"Caterina, you said that Andre said something, when you were down there in the dungeons." I started and she nodded.

"Yes, he said that Beckett shall flee, before they get him. I don't know, who he meant with 'they', though." I looked at her shocked.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked. My voice was really weak and I was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

"I wanted to tell you, but then Sinjin came." she started and I stood up, walking towards her. I knew that this warning wouldn't have helped at all. He would have stayed. I hugged her tightly.

"Promise me, you'll never leave me." I whispered. She wanted to answer, but I felt my stomach twist. I ran to the closet as fast as I could and vomited. Hello, breakfast.

AN: OMG! I am so lazy. Instead of updating yesterday (I've already finished it, but was too tired to stay up for like 10 more minutes, but whatever), I updated today. Here we go. It is the second last chapter, which means that the next one will be the last one. Excited? review and you'll get it.

Just found out, that we have to wait till late september/early october to get a new Victorious episode. Seriously? If it's true, then I'll have to stick to ff even more than I do now...

Thanks ohsnapitzJess for reviewing twice :) And for everyone else for reviewing.

Don't forget to review!

~teddybaer~