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"I uhm..." Meredith rubbed her head as if doing so would make the right words come out of her mouth. She began to panic, the night suddenly came rushing back to her.
"Heard about you and Derek, how ya holdin' up." Mark said leaning with his back to the counter.
Meredith sighed and tilted her head, "What is wrong with him? He tells me he loves me, he wants to be with me, and have a life with me ...all of these perfect things, and now suddenly hes off kissing nurses and expects me to be alright with that? I panicked for one minute, yes I was scared...but when he said those things I knew that I wanted them all. But apparently I don't get to be happy because I'm scary and damaged." She complained.
Mark frowned a little. He knew she was drunk and pissed off. He knew he shouldn't hit on her. He couldn't do this to Derek again...not after what happened with Addison. Derek had been the one person who had always been there for Mark. His family when he had none. He knew it would be a mistake to hit on the love of Derek's life but the honest to god truth was Mark had genuine feelings for her too. He had never known anyone quite like Meredith before. She challenged him, and called him on his bullshit when none of the other interns would even dare. He couldn't avoid the fact that maybe Meredith could be the love of his life too."I don't think you're scary and damaged. I think if anyone is scary and damaged here its him. He has to be to let you go in exchange for some nurse."
"This is what I'm saying." She said in a sigh and tossed her hands in the air. "You know...its getting kind of late." Mark stood up, and started to pull his coat on. He had begun to change his mind, Derek was his best friend. He gave her a small smile "You know if you need someone to ta-" He never got a chance to finish his sentence Meredith leaned forward and pulled his lips to hers, wrapping her arms around his neck. Mark pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. Mark turned to Joe, "I'll take her home" He said with a smile as she began kissing his neck.
The two took a cab to Meredith's home. They soon made their way to the bathroom. Meredith didn't waste her time, she began stripping him. Mark guided her over to the shower and turned on the water. The kisses became more urgent, just before Mark stopped. 'Damnit, Damnit, Damint...Oh now I decide to have a conscience!' He thought, becoming frustrated with himself. "Meredith..." She attempted to continue the kisses, "Meredith...are you...are you uh.. sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure...whatever." She said as she quickly removed his belt, clasped each of her hands around his hips and began kissing his stomach.
"Good enough for me." He smiled as he pulled her up using his finger to lift her chin. The two smiled at one another for a moment before they kissed again, he pulled her closer to him with one hand and shut the shower door with the other.
"I'm stupid. I'm so very very stupid." Meredith said shaking her head. "I mean come on...why do I do these things. I'm sorry Mark...don't get me wrong, the sex was good...no the sex was great... but..." She stopped and sighed. "I love Derek...I love him."
"But he kissed a nurse." Mark reminded her.
"I know he did, but some how by comparison what I did seems a little bit worse." She replied.
"Come on Meredith, he was with someone he didn't even know. She was practically a stranger. He risked his future with you for some random girl." Mark stopped and thought for a second. 'Screw it...tell her how you feel...she has to feel it too...she has to theres no ways something this good could be one sided.' He took a deep breath in, "Meredith...I have feelings for you." He blurted it out like the words were venomous.
Her jaw dropped, she stared at him for a moment...speechless. "You...what?"
"I have feelings for you." He stated simply.
"Mark..." She began. She didn't know what to say, she knew he flirted with her but she had never taken him seriously when he did. She had never even considered that to be an option. "Mark...I love Derek." She said again.
His face flushed. He was embarrassed, "Oh..yeah..of course." He spoke softly and nodded. "I uhm...I should get going. Don't worry about it Meredith. I've got to go, I've got surgery in an hour." He said as he got out of her bed. He found his jeans and pulled them on. He found himself becoming a little angry.
"Mark..don't be upset." She sighed.
"No...no don't worry its fine." He pulled his shirt on and made his way downstairs to the door. Meredith followed, and called after him.
"Mark...I'm sorry. I just..."
"You love Derek...I heard you, I get it, It's fine." He said angrily as he walked out the door.
Thanks for the reviews guys, I'm glad you've liked it so far! and I hope you like this chapter too. I know this chapter kinda sucks but I'm bouncing back and forth between which way I want this to go. It also sucks because I wrote at like 7 in the morning with no sleep. Anyways, please review, I'll try to have another chapter up ASAP. Thanks so much!