AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hello, there! So, did you know that a whale's penis is called a 'dork'? And no, I am not lying. One of my very close friends just informed me of this today. I laughed so hard that milk came out of my nostrils. (And yes if you're wondering, I was drinking milk; the milk didn't just suddenly pour from my nose out of nowhere) ANYWAYS, on with another chapter of why Kevin shouldn't live with Gwen. This one is one of my favorites, btw. Enjoy!

STANDARD DISCLAIMER:

Don't own. Sadly never will.

The 10 Reasons Why Kevin Shouldn't Live With Gwen

Reason 4: Couch Fiasco

Author's POV:

The devious, dark-haired teen chuckled maniacally, his normally-deep voice shrill like a person who had recently inhaled a lot of helium as he jumped up and down on the Tennyson's living room couch. For all the time that he had lived with his mother, he had never been allowed to partake in such a "dangerous action" as couch-jumping, as his mom had specifically worded when she banned said activity. This probably had something to do with the fact that Kevin had been around five years old at the time, and also due to the fact that the boy had a notorious rep for breaking things.

Doors, televisions, brick walls; they all just seemed to "fall apart" when Kevin was around.

Mrs. Levin hadn't just been worried about the well-being of her reckless son when she told him no couch-jumping; she had been worried about the well-being of the couch itself.

So that was why Kevin was feeling rather badass as he bounced up and down on the cushioned, beige couch. Because jumping on it made him feel like he was breaking some huge, serious law that would end up costing him big time.

But now that Kevin was much older, he knew that jumping on a couch wouldn't kill him. How could it? It was just a couch; it wasn't like it had fangs.

Kevin snickered at the ridiculous thought.

Feeling very free and somewhat high on adrenaline, Kevin cackled away, jumping to his little heart's desire. After twelve years, he was finally living his dream. And it was the best damn thing he'd ever tried doing.

The experience was so fun, so amazing, so utterly great.

He never wanted to stop.

the raven-haired boy began to try to increase the altitude of his jumps; challenging himself to get higher with every bounce. He simply couldn't believe that his own mom would ban him from taking part in something as exhilarating as this.

Because it was so fantastic.

"…Kevin…?"

The ex-ruffian's onyx gaze shifted up to see Mrs. Tennyson emerging from around the corner, cautiously approaching the still-cackling boy with an extremely bewildered expression. She yawned and rubbed her eyes groggily. "It's three in the morning. What are you…?" Her voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Tennyson. I just… I just couldn't resist, m'am." He spoke with a wide grin and a goofy chuckle. "This is my first time couch-jumping, you see. I just had to try it."

"Ah, well then. Okay. That's… that's not really very normal, but go ahead, have fun…" The woman scratched the back of her head, her green eyes glowing with pure astonishment.

Never in all of her life had she met anybody quite as strange and peculiar as Kevin. In fact, he was the weirdest person she knew. She desperately hoped that her daughter would not marry him.

As Lily continued to watch the overly-giddy bad boy hopping around on her favorite, brand new living room couch, her flabbergasted expression took on a more concerned one. "Kevin, maybe you should stop jumping now. You could get hurt…"

Or my couch could get hurt. Mrs. Tennyson thought to herself grumpily.

"Oh, no, Mrs. Tennyson." Kevin chortled in between bounds. "You worry too much. This is perfectly safe. There's absolutely nothing dangerous about…"

And as the dark-eyed delinquent made one final jump, Mrs. Tennyson's favorite couch went crashing down right through the floor with Kevin clinging to it for dear life; his horrid, drawn-out screaming fading as the couch descended and ending as the couch smashed against the basement floor in an intensely resonant collision.

Silence.

"Kevin…?" Lily gasped, racing over to peer down the massive, gaping hole that was now in the middle of her living room.

And there she saw Kevin, his body all sprawled out in the middle of an enormous wreckage of springs, wood, upholstery, and cushion-filling that was her beautiful couch.

"I'll… buy you a new couch…?" Kevin asked embarrassedly, a purple stain creeping up his neck to stain his cheeks as he rubbed an aching spot on his head.

AUTHOR'S NOTE ENDING:

Oh, Kevin, you should have listened to your mother. AND to Gwen's mother. OK! You know the drill- please rate and review, and I'll love you forever and ever. Tell me- did it suck, or did it rock? Thanks for readin'! Later!