Our Endless Numbered Days

Chapter 6-If You Find Yourself Caught in Love

June 9, 1981

Matthew Reynolds had a problem, and that problem had everything to do with Josephine Flanders. He hadn't called her in a week, not since that night. He realized that this didn't help his relationship with Josie, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. If he called her, apologized for his behavior, and listened to her apology, he would be exactly where he was at the start of this whole mess—completely and irrevocably in love with Josie.

And that was exactly the problem.

It wasn't like Matt had wanted to fall in love with Josie. He certainly hadn't planned it. But somewhere between their friendship and their friendship with benefits, the line got blurred. Matt knew that she didn't feel the same way—how many times had she laughed off her mother's comments about their eventual marriage? How many times had she insisted to her family that they weren't dating? How many times had she told him that they could never be like that? Josie never wanted to do what was expected of her. And, unfortunately for him, he was expected.

The fight at Dylan's had been his fault. She hadn't done anything. He had picked the fight because he wanted her to react a certain way that would show him that she felt the same way. But Josie, as always, didn't do what he wanted her to. He so desperately wanted to know everything that went on in her head, to know what she wanted before she articulated it. He wanted a certain level of intimacy that had nothing to do with sex, but Josie would never be able to give that to him. He wasn't sure if she would ever be able to give it to anyone. Growing up like she had caused her to put up a wall around any personal relationship she had. If things got in too deep, then she would pull away, out of instinct, to protect herself when things inevitably came crumbling down.

He wished that she'd just give them a chance, so he could prove that they wouldn't fall apart. But he knew that they'd never last. Josie could never feel the way about him that he felt about her. So he couldn't call her, couldn't see her until he got over her.

And with these thoughts playing on a loop in his head, Matt sat down at his family's breakfast table and began to eat a muffin. He was alone—it was a bit late for breakfast. His parents were gone, off to work, the both of them. He supposed that Anthony, his little brother, had already eaten, as he was usually an early riser. He had already, Matt was sure, gone over to his friend Bill's house, taking Connie, one of his younger sisters with him. That left him and his other sister, Connie's twin, Ashley alone in the house. Matt hoped that she would stay in her room, sleep until he had managed to figure out what to do with himself for the day—which would most likely end with him just locking himself in his room and turning up his music really loud—so that he could eat his breakfast and mope in peace.

It wasn't that he disliked his sister; in fact, it was quite the opposite. Ever since they were children, Matt and Ashley had been fairly close. Connie, until the arrival of Anthony, preferred to be on her own. Connie was quiet and reserved, which didn't mesh well with Ashley's and Matt's outgoing attitudes. But today the issue Matt had with being so close to his sister was that she always knew what was going through his mind. He had been moping for a week, and so far, Ashley hadn't said anything, but that had more to do with the fact that he was avoiding her than anything else. He didn't want to talk about Josie; he was rather content to leave the whole thing in his head. Ashley wouldn't allow for that to happen. It was only a matter of time, Matt realized, before she cornered him and demanded an explanation, but he was intent on putting that off as long as possible.

Aware that Matt had been avoiding her for the last week, Ashley peered into the dining room and saw Matt munching on his breakfast and frowned in indecision. Should she go in or leave him be? Normally, she'd demand an explanation, but the glimpses of Matt that she had caught this past week left him looking absolutely miserable. Instinct told her to let him sort it out on his own for a little while. But how long is enough? When she saw Matt finish his muffin, sigh, and put his face in his hands, Ashley knew that it was time to intervene.

"What's got you in such a funk, big bro?" He groaned at the sound of her voice and peered at her through his fingers. Anna raised her eyebrows at him. He shook his head 'no' and it was Anna's turn to sigh. "Okay fine, you don't want to talk, I'll talk." She waited a moment, looking for a sign that Matt was listening. He removed his hands from his face, leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "You've been avoiding me, and don't try to deny it." He didn't. "So I let you be, because I'm a good sister and I know you well enough to not push things."

"Well, you're pushing them now, aren't you?" Matt sneered. Ashley rolled her eyes at him.

"I also know you well enough to know that sometimes, you need to be pushed."

"Well now you're just contradicting yourself." Ashley snorted.

"I thought you didn't want to talk?"

"You're right, I don't. So I'm just gonna go back up to my room and—"

"Uh uh, not so fast," Ashley said, forcing Matt down into his chair. "You're going to sit there until we get to the bottom of this." Matt didn't try to move again, know that it was easier to just let his sister talk. "I know a lot about you Matthew Robert Reynolds. And putting that knowledge to good use, I can only assume that the reason you've been…well…like you are right now is because of Josie." Matthew frowned at this conclusion, mostly because she had hit the nail on the head.

"You don't know anything, Ashley, you're only fifteen."

"Oh and at eighteen you know such much more about life than me. Puh-lease. Anything you've done, I've done. You're just mad that I'm right."

"It's got nothing to do with Josie," Matt insisted, hoping his sister would just leave well enough alone.

"I call bullshit."

"Well, you're wrong."

"You're a terrible liar, Matt."

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes, you are! C'mon, this'll be over much sooner if you just tell me what the bint did this time." Matt scowled.

"Don't talk about her like that. She didn't do anything. Well…not really anyways." Ashley sighed.

"Look, it's no secret that I don't like Josie. But I'm not exaggerating here; she's always done something. That's just the way she is. So fess up! I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"What if I don't want your help?" Matt retorted nastily.

"You do. Your male pride is just interfering with your ability to accept it." Matt sighed.

"Okay, fine, I'll tell you. But I don't want your help. I just want you to leave me alone."

"You'll change your mind," Ashley said, confidently. Matt snorted.

"I don't think I will."

"Then I guess we'll have to see. So, Josie," Ashley prompted, causing Matt to sigh.

"We got in a fight and—" Ashley laughed.

"What else is new? All you two do is bicker and make out." Matt glared.

"Are you finished? Or should I wait?" Ashley waved her hand at Matt in an annoyed gesture, as if to say 'get on with it.' "So we got in a fight, which is really to say that I picked a fight with her for no reason at all than to just see how she would react."

"Did she react the way you wanted her to?"

"Can I just tell the damn story? You can commentate later." Ashley didn't respond, leaving Matt to continue. "So, no, she didn't act the way I wanted her to. She just got annoyed. I got angry, yelled at her, she sulked and drank, then I drove her home."

"And?"

"And that's it." Ashley stared at Matt disbelievingly.

"You can't be serious. That's it? That's what's turned you into a moping mess this past week?" Matt nodded. "Did she reject your apology or something? Because I'm failing to see how a little lovers spat could have such a drastic reaction."

"Well, I haven't exactly apologized yet."

"And why the bloody hell not? God, it's a miracle that girl let you into her knickers!" Matt flushed.

"Ashley!"

"What? It's not like it's a secret or anything. For Christ's sake Matt, even old Mrs. Hamilton down the road knows you two are shagging. You both think you're being really discreet, but I'd like to take this opportunity to inform you that you are anything but." Matt didn't respond, but his face did get redder. Ashley laughed at her brother. "Aww I didn't mean to embarrass you Mattie. So call her up and apologize. And send the girl some flowers. She'll come around. Besides, you can't avoid her forever. We're all going to her birthday celebration or whatever in a couple weeks."

"What if I don't want her to come around?" Matt asked. Ashley cocked her head to the side at this new information.

"Why wouldn't you?" She questioned calculatedly, putting the pieces together in her mind.

"Because I'm…"

"You're…" Ashley pressed.

"I'm in love with her, okay? I can't get her out of my bleedin' mind! She's there all the time. And all I want to do is tell her how I feel, but then I remember, I can't do that! This is Josie Flanders! She'll eat my feelings for breakfast. It'll be easier for me to get over her if I just…don't talk to her, don't see her, don't apologize. I dunno. It makes sense in my head," Matt babbled away, unable to stop the words from spewing out of his mouth.

"She loves you too," Ashley told him. Matt stared at her, slightly bewildered.

"How do you know that?"

"I've seen the way she acts around you. She lights up a room with her smile when you come in. She likes to spend time with you, although I have no idea why—"

"Oi! You spend plenty of time with me yourself."

"I suspect that I got dropped on the head as a child, and that's why I do the things I do, including hanging out with you. But the point of this entire exchange is that Josie is just as much in love with you as you are with her." Matt sighed.

"I'd really like to believe you, but I can't. I know Josie—a whole lot better than you do, for that matter. And she doesn't want me. Not like that. And she's…pulling away I guess. You didn't see her at the party. She didn't want anything to do with me. And she's said a thousand times that we're not dating, that things aren't like that. And I really…I just need some space, so I can get over her. Then we can go back to being friends." Ashley snorted.

"Look, as a girl, I can tell you right now that if you don't do something, she's not gonna wait around. Right now, you have a chance. You could convince her, should she need convincing, but I really don't think that she does, to give an actual relationship a shot. Or you could tell her that you found someone else and just want to be friends from now on. But if you don't do anything, if you continue on moping around the house and not calling her like some sort of coward, then you're not just going to lose your chance with her, but you're going to lose your friendship too."

"She's probably angry with me for not calling sooner." Ashley shrugged.

"Well, imagine how much angrier she'll be if you wait any longer?" Matt sighed, but a small smile managed to make its way over his face. Ashley, as always, hadn't just helped him sort through his thoughts but gave him hope. He couldn't remember why he had been so reluctant to talk to her.

"Thanks for your help, Ash," he murmured.

"Oh, what's that?" Ashley cupped her ear. "I couldn't quite hear you. Did you say thank you for the help? Because I thought you didn't want my help." Matt rolled his eyes and reached up to ruffle Ashley's hair. "Hey, what'd you do that for?" Matt shrugged.

"No reason. Where are Anthony and Connie, by the way?"

"They went over to Billy's about an hour ago."

"I don't quite understand why Connie goes over there with Tony."

"Well, it might have something to do with Billy's older brother Sam."

"No!" Matt laughed in disbelief, "Has our Connie, our shy, unadventurous, inexperienced Connie finally got herself a boyfriend?" Ashley shrugged.

"I don't know the particulars. For twins, we're surprisingly not close; you know this. But Constance, as our esteemed sister would like us to refer to her from now on, did mention something about him having lips as smooth as silk." The two of them burst out into laughter at this description.

"So let me get this straight," Josie began, a smile of amusement on her face. Sirius sat next to her on the floor of his room, smirking. "You and your three friends were the popular pranksters of secondary school or whatever it is you magic people call it?"

"Yeah. Is it that hard to believe?"

"Yes!" Josie laughed. "You're so serious all the time, I feel like I'm the one that needs to pull a prank on you so that you'll lighten up." Sirius wasn't surprised.

"Times are…dark, to say the least. I've gone to six funerals of friends in the last three months. It's rough. People are dying left and right and, while I like to think that I am doing something to stop this stupid war, it's never enough," Sirius admitted solemnly.

"Are things really that bad?" Josie questioned. He nodded. "Why exactly are you all even fighting each other?" Sirius heaved a sigh.

"There's a mistaken belief by some in the magical community that muggles and muggle-born witches and wizards are somehow inferior because their blood isn't 'pure,' whatever the hell that means."

"But why? I mean, we're all people, aren't we? So I can't do magic, that doesn't mean I'm any less of a person than you are!"

"Exactly! It's stupid, killing each other over this blood purity nonsense."

"I just…can't understand why people want to hurt others that haven't done anything to them," Josie whispered, frowning. Sirius scoffed.

"Oh to be seventeen and naïve!"

"Hey! I'm not naïve! And I'm almost eighteen."

"Good, perhaps another year will give you as jaded an outlook on the world as it did me," Sirius remarked.

"You don't seem that jaded to me."

"Ah, well, you have nothing to compare it to."

"Okay, point to you."

"Oh you get points for being right in the muggle world?" Sirius joked.

"Uh, no it's just an expression…" Josie responded, confused. Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes.

"It's a joke, Flanders. And you said I needed to lighten up!"

"Oh, well, I mean, I just—"

"It's fine Josie. I get where you're coming from. And considering my background, I can understand why you would doubt my knowledge of the muggle world."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That blood purity stuff? Yeah, well, the ancient and noble house of Black gives its support whole heartedly to that belief." Josie's eyes widened.

"Really? But…I mean, you're not like that at all!"

"Well, I'm glad you think that. Best compliment I'll ever receive in my life."

"Oh?" Josie prompted, "Um…that is, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I wouldn't have started the topic if I didn't want to discuss it," Sirius assured her. "I'm what you would call the black sheep of the family. Was sorted into Gryffindor, didn't hold back my opinion about their stupid beliefs, and even ran away from home."

"Where'd you go?"

"My best mate, James, you remember, I told you a bit about him and his wife Lily, well, his parents took me in. I stayed until I finished school then moved out, using a little inheritance that I got from my favorite uncle to finance a flat in London. And that's the story. Not very interesting, but people certainly like to talk about it a lot."

"Ah gossip. I more than understand that."

"You've got a reputation of your own, apparently. I can't say I knew much about you before arriving here, but Lily said that you were in the papers a lot." Josie sighed, frowning slightly.

"I don't want to talk about it," She responded, eventually. Sirius shrugged.

"Your choice." Silence enveloped the two, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Slightly bored and not sure what else to do, Sirius studied Josie, who was sitting across from him on the floor. Her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms encircling her legs, pulling them closer to her chest. She rested her head on her knees and her brown eyes were unfocused, staring off into the space to the left of Sirius' head. Her long, brown hair was draped across her right shoulder; absentmindedly she twirled a strand around her finger. In a sudden shift of mood a huge smile burst onto her face and she began to laugh.

"Oh my gosh, I just realized! I said you're serious all the time and you are. 'Cause your name is Sirius. Sirius…serious…get it?" She managed to get out between giggles. Sirius rolled his eyes, having clearly heard the joke far too many times before.

"Haha, I bet you think you're so original," Sirius responded sarcastically. Josie shook her head no, still giggling.

"It may not be original, but it is the first time I've heard it!" Sirius scoffed, letting her get her laughter out of her system. "Besides, I like puns."

"I knew a guy once, who told ten different puns to his friends, hoping that one would make them laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did." Josie stared at Sirius quizzically for a moment, until the meaning of his joke washed over her. She laughed.

"That's a good one!"

"Well, I aim to please," Sirius replied with a wink.

"Oh, how about this one: there were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors," Josie paused for dramatic effect, "were marooned." Sirius snorted with laughter.

"This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer," Sirius responded, "'Four bucks,' says the bartender. The duck replies, 'Put it on my bill.'" Josie giggled.

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'So, why the long face?'"

"An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either."

"Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too." And with this last pun the two devolved into laughter, unable to tell anymore terrible jokes. When their giggling subsided, Josie sighed contentedly, her stomach slightly aching. She smiled brightly at Sirius and he returned it. Butterflies welled up in Josie's stomach, which startled and confused her. The feeling didn't plague her long, however.

"Oi! Padfoot!" And just like that, Sirius was distracted. His head quickly swerved to his bedside table where a small, rectangular hand mirror sat. Getting to his feet, he all but ran the short distance across the room to pick it up. Instantly, Josie forgot about the butterflies that were stomping around in her abdomen at the slightest sign of Sirius' smile and curiosity got the better of her.

"Everything okay, Prongs?" He asked worriedly, focused on his best friend.

"More magic things?" Josie questioned from the floor, but Sirius ignored her. If James had heard her inquiry, he didn't comment on it.

"Things are fine, Sirius. I'm just checking in on you; we haven't heard from you for a week. I wanted to see how things with the muggles were going." Sirius sighed with relief.

"Merlin, here I was thinking that something was wrong. Things are going well; nothing exciting, but that's a good thing. The last thing I want is for a whole crew of death eaters to storm in here."

"That's good to hear. So, what are they like? I'm dying to know. Is the girl as much of a brat as we thought she would be?" Josie gasped and Sirius' eyes widened as he slowly turned to look at her, knowing she had just overheard what James had tactlessly said.

"Is that what you really think of me? That I'm just some rich brat?" Her face was closed off with anger.

"Josie, it's not like that. It was a conversation before I even knew you—"

"Oh so you judged me without knowing a thing about me? Great."

"Josie—"

"I don't want to hear it, magic boy. It doesn't matter. Besides, I was only hanging out with you because I have nothing better to do." And with that oh so witty insult, Josie stormed out of the room. Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh, turning back to James, who was still in the mirror, looking rather sheepish.

"What, exactly, did you want again James?"

Back in her room, Josie slammed the door behind her before beginning to pace in an agitated way. She was angry. How could he, who had just been prattling on and on about equality and not judging people because they're different from you, have written her off like that? If the situation had been reversed, he would have lectured her on not assuming things about people she didn't know. Gosh, he was an inconsiderate, stupid hypocrite! Why did she care so much? With this last thought ringing out in her head like a bell, Josie stopped pacing and flopped on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. Screaming as loud as she could, Josie attempted to let off some steam. Supporting herself with her arms, she pulled away from the pillow, red faced and surprised to find tears welling up in her eyes.

What was wrong with her? She never cried. Well, at least not over something as stupid as this. Wiping away all evidence of her emotional outburst from her face, Josie sat up. Taking a deep breath, Josie tried to calm down a bit; however, the phone rang, which only wound Josie up more than before. Who on earth could be calling her now when she needed time to process everything going on in her head? Without thinking, as she had been avoiding the phone for the past week in case Matt called, she picked it up and snapped, "Yes?"

"Uh, Josie?" The male voice on the other end was clearly recognizable. Josie growled.

"Go to hell, Matt!" She yelled, slamming the receiver back down. Rolling over and laying back down on the bed, Josie stared at the ceiling and began to list all the green things she could think of, in an attempt to calm down.

'Grass. Lettuce. That sweater that looks fabulous on Mary. Emeralds. Artichokes. Brussels Sprouts. The Wicked Witch of the West. Turtles. Why do I even care?' Josie asked herself again. It shouldn't matter what some guy she had only known a week thought of her before he met her. And he had all but said that his opinion had changed. He didn't think she was a brat. And in the long run, his opinion didn't matter. He would be gone soon enough and while he was certainly good looking, he wasn't unforgettable. Besides, it's not like she…

Her eyes got as wide as they possibly could at her realization. Groaning, she threw her arm over her face. She couldn't possibly…She was Josie Flanders. She did a lot of stupid things, but she never did stupid things like this!

But she had. Josie Flanders had done a stupid thing that many girls before her had done; she had developed a crush on one Sirius Black.

A/N: Surprise! I know I said that you wouldn't see an update until August, but I've managed to write this a little bit at a time over the past month, and now it's finally done. And even though I'm updating now, you'll still get one more in August.

Happy 4th to all my American readers!

Feel free to leave a review on your way out—I'm interested in what you think of this very full, very long chapter.

NaP