Our Endless Numbered Days

Chapter 11- Waiting On You

June 19, 1981

When the morning sun flittered through the curtains that were swaying back and forth from breeze that came in through the open window, Josie found her eyes slowly opening of their own accord. For a moment, she laid in bed, not moving, her breathing slow and relaxed, her eyes only half open. Her limbs felt like lead sinking into the mattress. The sleeping potion that Marlene had given her had worked wonders—after the disaster that was the night before, the last thing that Josie wanted to add to it were nightmares. But the lethargy she was feeling now was certainly an unpleasant aftereffect. She knew that she needed to get out of bed; in fact, the sooner she did, the sooner this whole mess could attempt to be resolved. But the actual act of leaving her bed seemed so daunting. With some effort, she rolled over and sat up. Stumbling to the bathroom, she reached for the shower and turned the water on as hot as she could. While the water warmed up, she looked in the mirror. Lately she had avoided her ritual; she was afraid of what she would see. But now she couldn't tear her eyes away. Her skin was paler than usual, making her look unhealthy and sickly. It didn't help that there were dark, purple circles under her eyes, which were slightly red at the edges. The fact was that the previous night had been the first full night of uninterrupted sleep she had since before the attack. She had lost a little weight—her irregular meal times, if she ate at all, attributing to this. Her already skinny awkwardness was now exaggerated to the point of frailty. Her hair was limp and hanging, an unshapely mass on top of her head that didn't do anything to help her case. The darkness of the color only highlighted just how light she was. She pressed her lips into a flat line and decided right then and there that it was time for a change. No more sulking, no more feeling sorry for herself. It was time for her to do something. The steam from the water began to fog up the mirror and Josie finally glanced away from her reflection.

After her shower, she practically sprinted to Sirius' room. Skidding to a halt in front of it, she was surprised to see it closed. Her fervor from before settling down, she hesitantly knocked on it, hoping that he would admit her, or at least come to the door to hear her out. Silence was the only reply she got. With a frustrated sigh, she knocked again, this time calling out, "C'mon now Sirius, don't be like that, open up!" Silence once again. Taking matters into her own hands, she turned the knob, testing to see if the door was locked. The knob turned in her grip and gently, she applied pressure to the door, opening it, uncertainty in her every move. The door creaked open, and finally Sirius' room filled her field of vision. But Sirius did not. Disappointed, she stood in the doorway, trying to figure out what to do next. She could hardly explain herself when Sirius wasn't there to hear it. And that's when she heard it.

"Padfoot? You there?" Slowly, she stepped into the room, trying to find the source of the male voice. Obviously, no one was there, but the voice had to come from somewhere. It couldn't just come out of nowhere. "Sirius?" she heard the voice again and quickly her eyes followed her ears, landing on the bedside table. A small, rectangular mirror lay on it. Remembering Sirius talking to someone in it earlier, she impulsively picked up the mirror. She looked into it, expecting like usual to see her own reflection, but instead was met with a young man with disorderly black hair and glasses. She visibly startled, but the next second was immediately curious.

"What in the world…" she trailed off and examined the mirror closely, flipping it over and changing the angle so that she could view every part of it. Even after she had been scarred by magic, it still managed to fascinate and excite her. Small trifles like this amazed her; in moments of discovery, everything seemed possible. As her examination continued, she sat down on the bed.

"Who are you? And what are you doing with this mirror?" The voice spoke again, while Josie continued to inspect it. She shrugged, but then, remembering he couldn't see her, brought the mirror back to focus on her face.

"I'm Josie. And well…I just happened to be here when you started talking. I was curious." The young man in the mirror frowned.

"Where's Sirius?" Josie snorted.

"Hell if I know. He's not exactly my biggest fan right now." The man's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his glasses slid down his nose. Carelessly, without a thought, he pushed them back up.

"Do you know when he's going to be back?" His voice was concerned.

"No."

"Then what are you doing sifting through his belongings?"

"I was looking for him myself. But he's not here. Obviously. So I was trying to figure out what to do next and then you…er…called."

"So you decided to answer?"

"I told you, I was curious!"

"Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat."

"And satisfaction brought it back. Whoop-di-doo, we can quote a nursery rhyme." She stared at the mirror and the man stared back at her, challenging her. "So, you're James right?" The man seemed surprised that she knew his name.

"Yes, I am," he confirmed, hesitantly.

"I could tell. Sirius talks about you a lot. I'm Josie."

"So you've said."

"Oh right. Yeah. I remember that. So then, you haven't heard from Sirius either?" James shook his head.

"I didn't even know anything was wrong. What exactly happened?" Josie bit her lip and hesitated.

"Well, you see…"

"Yes?" James coaxed.

"He got angry at me last night and stormed off," Josie finally settled on saying, keeping most of the story to herself. She had already spilled her guts to Marlene. The last thing she needed or wanted was for every wizard or witch that came along to know her life's problems. Besides, she had only just met the man. James ran a hand through his unruly, black hair.

"He stormed off? Well, that's not good."

"Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious." Josie was slowly losing her patience with this whole thing.

"He's probably at Remus'. Or Marlene's. I'm sure he's fine. If he wasn't, there would have been word by now." Josie rolled her eyes.

"Sirius can take care of himself. I'm not worried about him getting hurt. I'm worried about how I'm going to fix this mess!"

"There's not much you can do right now. He'll turn up soon enough. He only stormed off for three days last time, when—"James stopped abruptly.

"What? It's rude to start a story, and then not finish it."

"Well, I don't quite know if he would want you to know." James stated, clearly trying to avoid spilling all of Sirius' secrets. It had been a long time since he had talked to someone who wasn't a close friend, who didn't know every last detail. And now was certainly not the time to go trust anyone that didn't. "C'mon. I'm just a…oh what was it?"

"Muggle?" James offered, helpfully.

"Yeah, that. It's not like I have anyone to tell."

"Look, really, it's Sirius' business. You'll just have to ask him." Josie sighed, clearly annoyed.

"Fine, whatever. Unless you have some advice about fixing things between me and Sirius, then I should probably go."

"You'd be surprised how far an apology will go with Sirius," James commented.

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to apologize if the git isn't around to apologize to?" Josie snapped.

"Hey now, I'm trying to help! Don't get mad at me." Josie took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Anyways, as I was saying, apologies—sincere ones, mind you—go far with Sirius. But he has to be ready to hear it." Josie sent James her most incredulous look. "Give him time, he'll come around."

"So you want me to wait?" From her tone of voice, it was clear that Josie was doubtful of this plan working.

"Yes," James stated with a nod.

"I hate waiting," Josie retorted.

"Patience is a virtue."

"Oh there you go again, spewing out fortune cookie phrases in an attempt to appear wise." Instead of getting angry or offended, like she thought he would, James just laughed.

"I'm serious though. You've just got to wait."

"And how will I know when he's ready to talk?"

"Trust me, you'll know. I don't know if you've noticed, but Sirius isn't exactly an enigma in regards to his emotions. He wears his heart on his sleeve."

"James?" a woman's voice filtered through the mirror, but it sounded farther away. Through the medium of the magic mirror, it almost sounded like she was underwater.

"Ah, that'd be the wife." James explained.

"So it is," Josie replied, still a little annoyed.

"I should go."

"You do that."

"Bye now." And then James disappeared. A moment and a sigh later, Josie carefully placed the mirror back on the bed side table, got up off the bed, and left the room. With short look back, she shut the door quietly, and went to find Henry. He always knew how to take her mind off her troubles.

When Marlene returned to her flat that evening, she found Sirius sitting on her couch tying his shoe laces. "What, you actually thought you were going to slip out of here before I got back?" she asked him with a wry smile. He had arrived the night before, and Marlene allowed him to sleep on her couch. She moved to her bedroom and quickly threw her lime green Mungo's robes onto her bed, before circling back to the living room, where Sirius was still sitting, her t-shirt and jeans now exposed.

"I'm not slipping off anywhere," he responded, nonchalant. "Order meeting's in fifteen minutes."

"Yes, but it doesn't take fifteen minutes to walk to headquarters from the apparition point," she pointed out. Sirius shrugged, like he had expected this question, had prepared for it.

"I thought I'd go a little early. I wanted to talk to Mad-Eye about something." Marlene's eyebrows arched high, up into her fringe.

"Right. Sirius, you've never been early for anything a day in your life. Hell, you were late to Lily's and James' wedding and you were the best man. Now, I let you stay here last night and didn't ask any questions. So now it's time to spill," Marlene pressed. She was doing this for his own good, she told herself. The sooner he admitted the problem, the better everyone would be.

"If I get started now, we won't make the meeting." Marlene's lips pursed and she fixed him with a steely glare and he knew instantly that there was no way he was getting out of this. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I want to know why you're being such an idiot."

"Well, according to you, and quite a few other people, I've always been an idiot," Sirius countered. Marlene was not amused by his joke.

"Seriously, Sirius, what right do you have to be angry? That's what I wanna know." Marlene's anger began to seep into her voice and Sirius' rose to meet it.

"And what do you even know about the situation, huh?"

"A whole hell of a lot more than you do, you idiot! Josie told me everything."

"How do you even know something's wrong with me and Josie, huh? I could be here for a variety of reasons!"

"Oh come on Sirius! Are you kidding me? There's nothing else that would leave sitting on my couch, sulking like a fifteen year old, who has just had his heart broken."

"What, exactly, are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything! I'm telling you right out: you're freakin' infatuated with the girl! Just as much as she is with you!"

"I am not!" Sirius responded, a little too hastily.

"Then why are you so angry, huh? She didn't even do anything wrong!"

"She didn't do anything wrong? She could've gotten herself killed! The world is increasingly dangerous and my deranged cousin has caught a whiff of her! She's in danger! And while I can put wards on her house, they only work if she's actually inside the house."

"Oh come on, you've got to understand it a little bit."

"What I understand is that she blatantly disregarded the danger so she could go meet up with her boyfriend, who I should add, is a gigantic git that doesn't care about her one bit, regardless of what he says!"

"What if it was me?" This question confused Sirius.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I mean…what if it was you and me. What if I wanted to talk to you, but it was unsafe for you to go out and meet me. Would you?"

"Of course I would."

"Well then why are you mad at Josie for doing the same thing?" Marlene shouted, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

"But it's not the same, Marlene! We can defend ourselves. We've been trained to fight—we were trained to fight at school, for Merlin's sake! Josie's not. She's innocent and doesn't know what she's up against."

"Oh come off it, Sirius. She's not as innocent and defenseless as you'd like to believe." The two stared at each other in a stalemate, neither willing to admit that their opinion was wrong. Glancing at the clock Marlene decided that it was enough for the night. They had more important things to worry about, what with the Order meeting starting in the next five minutes. "I think you're out of line, but," Marlene conceded, "you wouldn't be acting like this unless you cared about her."

"Of course I care about her. But that's my job. I'm protecting her and her family. And she keeps making that harder and harder to do!"

"She keeps making that harder to do? Do I need to remind you that the only time that she's been attacked was when she was out with you. Not when she popped out to say hello to a friend of hers." Sirius' shoulders slumped under her accusation and hurt flickered across his face for a moment, before his features settled, turning impassive. Immediately Marlene knew that she had crossed the line. "Sirius—"

"Well, it's true, isn't it?"

"No it's not." But the platitude could do nothing to bandage the wound that her words had created.

"We should get going. We'll be late if we don't." Marlene sighed, knowing that there was no way to change Sirius' mood at that particular moment. Anything she could say or do wouldn't help.

"You're right, but before we do, I just…I…" Biting her lip, Marlene looked at Sirius carefully, wondering if the question she needed to ask would tip him over the edge or not.

"Spit it out, Marly."

"Fine. Why'd you come here?" Sirius' brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, why not go to Remus'? Or Peter's? You know they wouldn't interrogate you like I just did." Instantly, Sirius' eyes grew dark.

"Peter's away right now. And Remus, well…I don't know if I can trust him anymore," Sirius admitted.

"You can't trust Remus? What happened?"

"Nothing," Sirius waved off her inquiry.

"Sirius, he's been your friend since you were eleven! The whole lot of you are thick as thieves!"

"Yeah, well, someone's been giving away information."

"What?" Marlene was shocked. "How do you know?"

"Think about it: the last few raids, we've been ambushed. Members of the Order—not well known ones, mind you, like me—have been killed at an alarming rate. There's got to be a reason they know so much. There has to be a source."

"And you think Remus is the mole?" Marlene questioned, disbelievingly. "How could you even begin to think that? About one of your best friends too!"

"Think about it, Marlene! Who else in the Order has a reason to go over to Voldemort?"

"You can't possibly think that because he's a werewolf—"

"I don't like the thought of it either, but we have to face the facts here. Remus, out of all of us, has the most to gain!"

"No." Marlene was adamantly shaking her head so hard some strands of her blonde hair fell out of her pony tail. "Not Remus. Never Remus." Sirius didn't say any more. He had had time to think this all over, to process the fact that one of his friends, a man he had trusted with his life, had betrayed them all. Marlene hadn't. She would understand eventually, but right now was not the time to press the issue.

"I wasn't lying before. I really did want to talk about this with Mad-Eye. Not to name names. I don't want to accuse Remus unless I have actual proof, but there is a mole in the Order. And until we know who it is, we need to be a bit more careful."

June 22, 1981

Josie may have hated waiting, but wait she did. Sirius did not come back to Downing Street that day, but eventually returned the day after, with nary a glance towards Josie. He wasn't ready to listen, which was clear enough to Josie as she watched him stalk up the stairs to his room. Josie realized that, if she had any chance of apologizing, she should follow James' advice—after all, no one knew Sirius better than that scruffy haired man. So she waited. And waited. And then she grew fed up with this whole thing and went to find a distraction.

When Donna called her that evening, inviting her out to a party, Josie knew immediately that she would go. It didn't matter that leaving, especially without permission or a chaperone, was against the rules. Sirius was already mad at her for this. It's not like things could get any worse between them. Besides, she told herself, he didn't care anymore. He'd told her so himself the other night. And going out would be good for her—it would certainly get her mind off this mess.

While she was slowly working on the situation with Sirius (if you could call doing nothing working on the situation), but the situation with Matt remained at a standstill. She had no desire to talk to him, and to be honest, the space would do them good. She'd see him soon enough anyways—her birthday was a little more than a week away and her mother had mentioned in passing the other day that the Reynoldses had RSVP-ed to the event. She was sure it would be a ridiculously boring night, but at the very least, by then they both—because she was still very angry with him—should have calmed down some and they could talk about what happened. Hopefully they could both just forget this whole thing and move on with life, like it had been before. Except not. Because clearly the friends with benefits thing had to stop.

She tried to have a good time at the party, she really did, but it didn't distract her like she thought it should. Eventually, she bid Donna farewell and skipped out early, wanting nothing more than to go home. She laughed to herself in the taxi on the way—she was turning into such a wet blanket this summer! Not so gracefully—although she suspected it had more to do with the heels she was wearing rather than her state of inebriation—she entered her house and climbed the stairs, stumbling only twice. As she walked down the hall towards her room, she passed Sirius' and paused. Right then and there, she decided it was the right time to talk. She was tired of waiting and with the bit of alcohol she'd had at the party, she had all the liquid courage she needed to confront him. She opened the door a little too enthusiastically, and it rebounded against the wall. Sirius woke up immediately, his wand clutched in his hand, his face scrunched up slightly as the light from the hallway filtered into the room. He studied the doorway, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the new lighting, the shape of a human being the only thing he could make out.

"Josie?" The girl in question was standing in his doorway, swaying slightly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Everything's fine." She took a step into the room, stumbling slightly, but eventually made her way over to the bed. She promptly sat down on it, but she seemed to be unable to remain upright a moment longer. She flopped down onto the bed, facing Sirius. Immediately he could smell the alcohol.

"You're drunk," he stated. She nodded.

"I am. But not very. I promise. I went out with Donna tonight. Nothing bad happened to me. I promise. I took care of myself just fine." Sirius sighed.

"Josie…"

"No, just…listen to me, please? James said that you would listen when you were ready but I'm tired of waiting to see if you're ready. I'm ready now. And I need to do this before I lose my nerve. I'm not brave like you, okay? But I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I went out unprotected, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!"

"You talked to James?" But Josie ignored his question.

"You were angry. You were so angry, Sirius," she whispered.

"I was. But I was only that angry because I care."

"I know. I know. And I'm sorry. Forgive me? Please? I'm tired of fighting with you Sirius. I like you, I like you a whole lot, but we keep…" she paused trying to find the right word.

"Fighting?" Sirius supplied.

"Yeah," she murmured. "Fighting." She yawned and Sirius slid over a bit on the bed, to allow her to lie down properly next to him. "I don't wanna fight anymore. I just wanna have fun. But I can't, not when we're fighting. It bothers me too much."

"It's okay. I promise. We're all good." She smiled and her eyes drifted closed. "Go to sleep. We'll talk a bit more in the morning."

"Okay." She shifted slightly in the bed, getting more comfortable, her hands coming together to lay under her cheek. Sirius reached down and slipped off her shoes, tossing them onto the floor. Then he settled back down, wrapping his arms around Josie and pulling her close. He placed a small kiss on her forehead before closing his own eyes and going back to sleep.

A/N: Whew! Finally done! Hope you all enjoyed this rather long chapter and I hope it makes up for disappearing for 2 months. But you've got me for the rest of the summer, so expect some more updates and soon! Next chapter is Josie's birthday, so I'm sure you can imagine that it's going to be quite eventful.

Leave me a review, if you'd like.

Until next time,

NaP