Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Southern Vampire Mysteries universe.

A/N: Only one day late. This chapter went through several re-writes before ending up this way. I even toyed with the idea of writing this chapter from Sam's point of view, but decided against it. If you are interested in seeing other characters points of view in later chapters, though, please let me know.

Theme 8: Innocence

POV: Sookie

Rating: T (to be on the safe side)

Like a Child

I have recently come to the conclusion that people in general vastly underestimate their own innocence. I don't know what it says about the day and age in which we live, but it seems nobody wants to believe themselves "innocent."

Due to my telepathy and the fact that I lost my parents at such a young age., I thought of myself as less than innocent a long time ago. I knew that I was still innocent in the traditional sense; seeing as I was, at the time, still a virgin. But I had seen so many less than savory things in the minds of others that I felt that had to count for something. I had very little notion how innocent I still was.

When I slept with Bill the first time, I realized that I had been more innocent than I had thought, because I lost more innocence than I had imagined I would. I don't, even to this day, regret losing my virginity to Bill, but it began to wake me up to how truly innocent I had been, especially since this happened around the same time Gran was murdered. The two events combined made me think I had lost all the innocence I ever had.

I became deeper entrenched in "vampire shit" as I like to call it. So many things began to happen to me. I was almost killed by Rene, attacked by the maend, attacked by the Fellowship of the sun. With each of these events I felt a little more innocence slip away, but I began to realize that there was still some left, if I could keep losing it.

The next event that precipitated my ponderings on my own innocence was being staked in Jackson. To be more honest, it was the events that happened after I was staked. I was already feeling less than pure from my thoughts about Alcide, when I didn't really know the status of my relationship with Bill, but then I almost slept with Eric. That was so far beyond my normal behavior that I wanted to believe it wasn't really me. If I ever actually thought that, I was deluding myself more than should be possible.

Interestingly enough, Eric also brought about a new feeling of innocence in me during the time he was cursed. Part of it was his own innocence. I don't mean sexual innocence, because I'm not sure he's ever had that, but his innocence of nature. During the time he was cursed, Eric was gentle and scared and lost much of his normal arrogance. Part of it was the feeling of safety I felt with him. Even though I knew it was fleeting, our time together was everything I dreamed I would one day have. That feeling went away when Eric's memory was restored.

The packmaster contest took away something different entirely. It was the belief in the general good of humankind. The things I saw that day have never left me despite the fact that I have seen a good many things that were more violent.

The vampire summit held both another attack by the Fellowship, and my bonding with Eric. I don't really know which one had a bigger impact on by emotional state; my sense of purity and innocence, in the long run. But I tell you, I felt afterwards, like I had never felt before, and I was angry about it.

Finding out that Bill had seduced me under false pretenses added to my loss of innocence and the takeover added to my emotional turmoil but the next big event didn't take place until the Fairy War. When Lachlan and Neve held me captive, the tortured and violated me in every way they had time to. Not only did I think I could now truly kiss innocence good-bye, I was not sure I would remain whole as a person. Although, I suppose a person without any innocence couldn't be whole.

What finally taught be the true power of innocence and made me come to the conclusion that people underestimate their innocence and purity (in the most childlike sense) came from my great-grandfathers parting words to me. He told me that the vampire was a good man and that he loved me.

At first, this message drove me crazy for being so cryptic. Then I realized that underneath the need to discover which vampire he meant, I felt in overwhelming sense of hope. That my Niall would speak for either of them, made me believe that some happiness was possible for me after everything. After all, my great grandfather was a fairy and a fairy's blessing always ends in the princess's wish being granted. When I thought that, I realized that no matter what the future held for me, I would be able to retain some childlike innocence, and I, for one, was perfectly happy to admit that.

A/N: Next theme is "Drive." Hope to get it up before I leave on vacation Thursday night. I don't know whether I will be able to update while I'm gone, but if possible, I will.