The sun was setting on Jump city in a beautiful bloody red and yolky yellow. The golden rays shone through the open hatch of the observatory on Olympus Height, painting its inhabitants with shadows and lights amidst their open air activities.
Valentine sat, mirthlessly staring at the television in front of her while her long legs stretched out onto the coffee table ahead of her. Lucky Clover sat on her lap dozing. Up above on the second story railing encircling the observatory, Terra decided that TV was below her intelligence and was content to watch the sunset, while her own electronic music player tickled her ears.
Nearby, in the center of the observatory, several stones were pulled from the mountain, serving as either a fire pit or crudely carved into the rocky barbeque pit that stood above it.
And Valentine was in ecstasy, watching her one of her favorite DVD series.
"Kero-chan! This aura…"
"No doubt about it. It's a Clow Card."
"It's coming!"
"This is-"
Click.
"When evil haunts the night, there is a silent Crusader who carries the torch of justice. Those with evil hearts, beware! For out of the darkness comes the GRAY GHOST!"
"AAAGGGH!"
Valentine turned in disbelief at Devil Hand, who stood behind the sofa with an arm outstretched and a remote in hand. He then flopped onto the couch beside Valentine.
"D'! What is the meaning of this?"
"Ya know. The Gray Ghost marathon is up. It's a classic and I wanted to watch it."
"I. Was in the middle. Of something. VERY IMPORTANT. And you just cut me off to watch some random black and white hero show!"
Devil Hand pushed up his sunglasses in offense, "Hey, Val'! The Gray Ghost's a classic! Got way more flair than your girly Japanese cartoon shows!"
"Classic? You call a prehistoric film nobody ever heard of a classic? Card Captor Sakura is a groundbreaking pioneer of the mahou shojo anime genre! Now give me that remote so I can find out what happens!"
"No way, lady! Your kiddie show's on a disc, watch it later! Marathon's only once, and I wanna watch The Mad Bomber episode!"
"Give-"
"Hey-"
"Now-"
"Ge'off-"
Terra turned around briefly to watch D' and Val' wrestle with each other's wrists while they stood on their knees on the sofa, gnashing teeth at each other for control of the remote. She was never gladder she couldn't hear anything but music than now.
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CY-B-Q
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"What is the meaning of this?"
Devil Hand and Valentine turned around on the sofa to see Mr. Freeze's glorious return, plastic bag in hand. As for what was happening, the Foundation's brawler and sorcerer decided that a compromise was best. Thus, the mute button was on, while Devil Hand and Valentine glared and made jabs at the other's show by dubbing their voices over the silence as they intermitted between the shows.
"We're making fun of each other's TV shows." Valentine sniffed in a single sentence.
"It must be a very rewarding enterprise."
"In ways."
"Nevertheless, I have returned from your imposed shopping project, Valentine. Here is the food."
"Did someone say food?" Terra's voice yelled from below.
"Yeah-ha! Boss got the meat! Get ready for our first major BBQ-out!" Devil Hand cheered back, fist thrust into the air.
"Yes!" Valentine also celebrated, all ill-will previous now gone to the thoughts of feasting on cooking flesh, "Say, when was the last time we got to do something this nice, Freezie?"
"The utopian commune we stayed at previously before our arrival in Jump City. They also had a barbeque the night we left."
"Oh, yeah! I forgot about them!"
Terra cut in, "Either way! I'm kinda wanting that dinner now…"
"Very well… here are the ingredients." Freeze proffered the bag in his hands. The other three together snatched it up.
"COOK OFF!"
"YES! FOOD!"
"Let's see here… ribs, sausages, bacon, steaks, chops, marinate-"
The last one stopped Valentine in her tracks as she glared at the label in her hands.
"Freezie?"
"Yes."
"Where did you get this?"
"I bought the marinate at the usual convenience store."
"Explain. This."
Freeze peered in on the outstretched bottle, the action causing Devil Hand and Terra to look up from their barbeque pit they were about to light.
"The CY-B-Q brand was the cheapest I could find."
"Freezie. Do you even know who endorses this stuff?"
"No."
Valentine gave a twitch, but muttered, "Nesium, Xelkias, Yensz, Kerici."
The television suddenly switched on a particular commercial, with a fairly memorable face half-made of blue electronic steel:
"Remember, if you ain't grillin' with CY-B-Q sauce, you just ain't cookin! CY-B-Q brand: official marinate of the Teen Titans."
Awed silence.
Devil Hand choked, "Dude! Boss! You just bought the sauce of the enemy!"
"It was cheaper. It is also a commercial brand; I would be surprised if business enterprises even sent royalties to the local crime-prevention agency. They are after all, children occupied with the protection of this city."
"That's not the point! You just bought the sauce of our enemy! You're endorsing them!" Terra tried to explain.
"I am not. I did not even know this CY-B-Q was created by the cyborg in their organization."
Valentine shook her head, "It doesn't matter! I'm not using the sauce of the enemy! It's like… lying to myself or something! We don't have a marinate, and if we don't have a marinate, we can't have a barbeque!"
"No!" D' gasped.
"We can have a barbeque without marinate, Valentine. It is not physically impossible." Freeze monotonously countered.
"Yeah, but it's principally, ethically, philosophically, and culturally impossible! You just can't have a BBQ without a cooking sauce! At least not one that is used to feed our mortal enemies, Freezie!"
"What do you suggest then, Valentine?"
The girl in black gave this thought as she brought a finger to her chin and tapped her foot. Humming a bit, she turned their trusted pugilist, "Devil Hand. Go out and get another marinate."
"What! Me?"
"Yes, you."
"Why?"
"First, you're not Freezie. Second, you feel about this as well as I do. Third, you have better shopping senses. Finally, you made fun of Card Captor Sakura, and I'm your boss, so I get to punish you."
"Er…"
A wallet was thrown into Devil Hand's face.
"Go! NOW!"
Terra sighed, "Go forth, brave warrior. The fate of dinner rests with you."
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I feel like I'm being mistreated or something. Devil Hand glowered in his head as he headed down the elevator.
I mean, I'm 18 right now! I'm being pushed about by kids three years younger than me! Devil Hand bemoaned as he paced down the emptying streets.
Well, kids who can smite me with crazy magic tricks. I still think Val's show is kiddie. Devil Hand decided as he entered a super market.
As shop goers turned about, they recognized his face through the news.
"OH GOD! IT'S THEM!"
"Huh?"
Oh yeah. I'm a bad guy.
Next thing Devil Hand realized, there was a scream, then a torrent, and Devil Hand found himself in a suspiciously empty area of the super market.
This… might take some getting used to.
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"Titans! Trou…ble?"
They all stared for a good five minutes at the live feed of the familiar red form browsing through the empty aisles. Particularly the spice section.
"Will the wonders never cease." Raven drawled sarcastically.
"Robin, you sure you can catch this guy just because he's shopping?" Cyborg questioned. The resident boy wonder didn't flinch a bit.
"It doesn't matter. He's with the Foundation. One less member for them means one step closer to taking all of them down."
Cyborg shrugged, "You're the boss."
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This is a lot of stuff to take in. Which one? Hazel? Chestnut? Spicy? Full Grill? So many choices, D'!
"Oh, just pick a bunch, D'! This is all of Val's tab, so this can be my revengin' on her revengin', heh."
Plan in mind, Devil Hand plucked off several of the more expensive brands of marinate off the aisles, and into the basket he carried with him. Whistling a jaunty tune back to the empty checkout counters, he realized an issue.
There were no cashiers.
Now, Devil Hand realized he was a crook, and that he could simply walk out of the store, and it wouldn't mean a thing. But Devil Hand was also a man of principle. When he wanted to buy marinate, he'd buy it, no other which-way-watcha-whatever.
But there was still that lack of cashiers to work the thing. After all, Devil Hand never knew how to operate the dreaded registers.
Man! I should have taken that job for cashiering, instead of doing that haulin' around in the back room. But you have to admit… Olivia was kinda cute… made it all worth it. Right, back to the issue at hand.
"Dude, there ain't any shop keepers left. That sucks."
Come on, D'. It shouldn't be that much of a whopper, just stick the stuff in the laser, open up the box somehow, and do the change, right?
The sticking of the marinate in the lasers was no problem, but it took D' a couple hundred buttons to figure out which one opened the register. Combining that with the fact that every button press forced him to re-read the products through the lasers… it just took him a while.
Finally the register opened up its change to Devil Hand. He cheered in victory.
Right… so that makes it maybe like… thirty four… and I got like fifty…so I get my change…
Devil Hand closed the register after picking out sixteen dollars, bagged his marinate and headed for the door.
Which promptly blew inwards into his face.
As Devil Hand got up from his slide across the checkered flooring, he whined out loud, "Dude! What was all that for-oh."
The cowboy sweated the sight of five different superheroes blocking off the front entrance.
"We're taking you in, Devil Hand." Robin put it simply.
"For what? Buying marinate that ain't your brand?"
Beast Boy caught onto that with surprise, "Dude, you actually buy Cyborg's sauce?"
"That. Was a total accident. We normally don't buy the sauce of the enemy."
Raven cut in sharply, "We don't need a reason to take you in. So be a good boy and just come quietly."
Devil Hand smiled, adjusted his hat, and shifted the bag in his right slightly, "Pardon, miss. But I ain't exactly one to sing choirs. Had enough of my folks tellin' me that."
The Titans tensed as the pugilist began to walk towards them, still talking, "I guess I gotta give and take a few lickin's on my way out the door, but that's alright for you guys. I only got my left hand free here…"
Devil Hand drew back his divine limb, tattoos glowing ember.
The Titans took a step back in preparation.
A tense silence.
Devil Hand gulped, spun about, and ran in the opposite direction.
"Titans! MOVE!"
The place was larger than Devil Hand had expected, as he heaved down the aisles and aisles and aisles…
Man! Why this always happening to me whenever I go out to do something? First I had to go find Lucky Clover when he run off, and now this! Over Marinate!
The two shelves on either side of Devil Hand glowed black, and slid towards each other, the man still in the center. With a terrific shout, Devil Hand leapt into the air and shot out his legs, booted feet slamming into the racks and sheer strength managing to keep them apart.
"That… was close."
Devil Hand spoke too soon, as a boa constrictor decided to wrap its ton of flesh about him very tightly, the added weight dropping both of them to the ground.
"G-mph…uf…meph!" The cowboy hat sticking out of the coils of flesh protested as the tube of snake with cowboy boots poking out the other end stumbled about, bumping into various things and without any release from the green snake. Eventually a burning left hand pushed itself into Beast Boy's scaly flesh, pushing Devil Hand's face free as he snarled.
"Dude! Offa me NOW!"
An amazing blow threw the entire snake off the cowboy, the freedom accidentally making him stumble forward.
A wet sound emanated from the plastic bag. Devil Hand looked at it with increasing horror at the stain. Reaching in, he found one of the bottles twisted up, unable to hold the pressure from the boa constrictions, and now the torn material had healthy amounts of marinate leaking from it.
"Dude! You BROKE one of them! I only have four left now! I paid THIRTY DOLLARS FOR THIS! Alas, poor honey flavor… your sacrifice will not be in VAIN!"
The supernatural brawler roared and swept his fist downwards, releasing a shockwave of amber at Beast Boy, forcing the younger latter to leap out of the way of the ensuing explosion. Devil Hand took this moment to continue towards the rear of the complex, towards the frozen foods. Beast Boy twitched at the knowledge of what mainly was stored there but chased after and into the veritable moratorium of animals.
As the pair raced down the plastic tubs spewing frosty mist, the pursued found an opening and a weapon with a triumphant, 'Ah-ha!' in his head.
"Okay, elf! Take this!"
Devil Hand slid to a 180 halt with a clean squeal, dropped his marinate momentarily to slam his palm into tub of frozen products. The force was enough to cause several packaged meats and others to bounce into the air. The world seemed to slow for Devil Hand as the meat gleamed off his sunglasses, and his kicked into the air, his arms supporting his body as they gripped the sides of the frozen products section, and his legs slamming into each ham with soccer finesse…
Beast Boy was helpless as he took a wrapped ham to the face, several ribs to the stomach and a T-bone to the ankles, tripping him up.
"Score! YES!"
Devil Hand ran onwards, hoping to make use of the head start. As he moved into the canned foods section, his bag decided to promptly blow up, sending bits of brown cooking sauce everywhere, including Devil Hand's immaculately clean clothing.
The pugilist choked as the three remaining bottles fell to the ground, his frozen hand holding the ripped plastic bag.
NO! Hazel! NO!
Cyborg's face peered through the smoking hole in the shelf beside Devil Hand, "Nice arm, care to compare?"
The shelf split in two from the force of a somersaulting kick, spilling metal cans everywhere as Devil Hand shouted indignantly to Cyborg.
"Dude! Look here, Dr. Ion! You're laser cannon ain't even Alexander enough to match the beauty of my unmasked face, and second you just broke my hazel marinate! I like hazel! You better pay for my dry cleaning as well!"
The man-machine leaned back from the explosion of words in disbelief but hardened up, pointing back with his sonic cannon, "Sounds like you need to clear your head first."
Despite the weapon's power, Devil Hand had even more prowess in close quarters, as a leg lashed upwards into Cyborg's weapon right arm, sending the blast upwards into the Styrofoam and plaster ceiling, with bits of it flying everywhere from the blow. Devil Hand continued with that, swinging the full force of his rising leg around and into the elder Titan's chest. In moments, Devil Hand stood on one leg while the other cannoned away rapidly into various points of Cyborg's torso, leaving his large frame to only jerk to and fro with every hit, until the pugilist dropped his foot to rear back and launch a final spiking heel with the other leg, sending Cyborg through the wall.
"Take that, and-"
Green blasts erupted everywhere, leaving the man to jump from foot to foot as he gave a yelp and ran away in vain from Starfire, plucking up the three remaining canisters in his arms on the way. The pair ran about the various pathways around the supermarket, until they finally met up in the beauty products section.
"Okay! This is getting really tiring! Let's fight for it!" Devil Hand proclaimed whilst stuffing his three tubes of marinate along the other shampoos.
"Very well! What are we fighting for?"
"That's a good question and- oh, look, it's your boyfriend!"
"Huh?" Starfire naively spun about in midair, figuring out what Devil Hand meant by a boy friend. Curiosity abounded too much, due to Devil Hand's mostly earnest features. With that, the brawler spun about and latched the crook of his foot about a container of baby powder and sent it through the air towards Starfire. The Tameranian spun back about again to the danger sense and the sight of the flying box, and fired off a round of eyebeam, leaving an explosive plume of irritating white smoke flying into her body, leaving her sneezing and coughing and tearing from the haze.
Devil Hand rushed forwards under one of these starbolt sneezes and had his foot burn with God Power.
"Milky Way- DRAGON KICK!"
The blow sent Starfire through the ceiling. Satisfied with the size of the hole, Devil Hand returned to his marinate.
The shelf was a smoking mess due to a starbolt sneeze, two tubes of the precious liquid pathetically rolling across the ground.
"This… is… really…stupid."
One of the canisters decided to turn black and explode.
Raven was at the end of the aisles, smirking, "Did I get your attention, cowboy?"
Devil Hand seethed, pulling up an imaginary sleeve on his left arm, "Oh yeah, you sure got it…"
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"I'm bored!"
"I'm hungry!"
"I am winning. Pay attention. You wished to play chess after all."
Valentine and Terra frowned simultaneously from their end of the board, while Mr. Freeze leaned back expressionlessly.
"Still! It's been a long time since D' left! What's he up to now…?" Valentine whined, before slumping into her elbows on the table, "Oi, Achey-Breaky? Where should we move?"
Terra hummed at her black pieces, before deciding, "Pawn to C4."
The magic on the board pushed an animated hunched figure forward.
"Bishop to C4. Check."
The two girls winced together as the solemn figure used its rod to shatter the pawn.
"I see that your foresight is still a few steps short of mine, Valentine." Freeze noted blandly.
The girl in question huffed and looked away, muttering contemptuously, "Wizard chess…"
"Still, Freeze, aren't you just a little bit curious about where D' is?" Terra asked.
"He is older than any one of us. He can take care of himself."
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So this is what a TV dinner feels like… Devil Hand amusedly realized to himself, as he took a break in the ventilation work in the ceiling, after diving upwards into it.
The sun had fallen since then, and a huge number of police work had set itself up outside the supermarket, alongside the Titans. Apparently, fights that lasted longer than a minute was a new concept to the goers of the city. So there was a mass freak-out as everyone whined at the Titan's latest evil nemesis, obviously holed up in the supermarket with hostages and bombs and demanding something to take over the planet.
I seriously need to get out of here. I'm getting hungry.
Maybe the roof…
Well, it's just you and me now, Maximum Juiciness.
With his tattoos glowing faintly in the dark to provide a way of light, Devil Hand crawled through the dusty ducts, until he pulled himself upwards…
A fist smashed into the grating, letting the sheet metal fly off. As Devil Hand pulled himself up, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Yeeeeeh… I can breath fresh air…"
D' Sense forced its owner to handspring away from his egress point, while birdarangs sliced into the metal. As Devil Hand rolled to a halt with his bottle in hand, he found his final hunter.
"It's over, Devil Hand. I was expecting you'd be here."
"Eh… hey, kid, you gotta be cool. If your not relaxed, you'll never be Alexander enough to keep up with me. Ain't Chui-hui teach you anything? At this rate, you'll only be really good at the Bear techniques."
Robin frowned as the two circled each other; "Actually, I've been meaning to ask you about that. What did you mean you trained the True Master when she was young?"
"…what else did I mean? I did train her."
Robin roared and dove at Devil Hand, who limbered away. There, the two boxed, trading and parrying fists, fingers, and wrists.
"You- have to- be- joking." Robin doubted between attacks.
"Why-?"
Robin flipped under a double butterfly kick and caught another whirling strike with the sides of his hands, leaving Devil Hand stuck with his foot lashed out.
"You're only eighteen. That kind of contradicts the fact you trained a woman whose lived till now." Robin smirked.
Devil Hand gave a smile of his own, before suddenly falling off his remaining foot, using his descending momentum to swing his free foot across the Boy Wonder's jaw, and springing away with his freedom.
"Yeah, true. I'm eighteen. How do I put it? …I remember also being this Chinese guy who was really Alexander, and he trained Chui-hui."
"What?"
"Yeah, you know. The God Hands here are old, you know. I just happened to be the one born with it this time, but there were a lot of other guys who had these nifty arms."
Robin snorted, "Thanks for the history lesson. But that doesn't make you better than me at all."
"Really?"
"Really."
"I'll just put that to the test, then."
The tattoos lit up, and Devil Hand rushed forwards in thrusting path of flames. Robin jumped upwards and reached behind his back before flinging out an array of orbs that exploded within the pugilist's path.
As the smoke cleared, Devil Hand was stumbling away from it. As Robin fell to the ground, he rushed in on the off balanced opponent.
"Cool, man! Cool! If you're gonna be Alexander enough, you gotta know how to take it-"
"Shut up!"
Devil Hand smirked, and twisted around to suddenly regain control of his balance, before swinging his God Hand about in practiced motions, wreathing flames through the air until he dropped to one knee and exploded the power in his palm. The force was enough send Robin tumbling backwards.
Devil Hand shrugged, "See? You run too hard, you fall down just as hard. You're pretty good with what my kid taught you, but you're not cool enough to handle Snake and Monkey yet, along with… a dozen other things."
"And you're too relaxed. You never take anything seriously."
"Hey, when you live forever, no matter what, life's like a big summer vacation. Don't matter what you do! Cause when it's over for me, I'll just close my eyes and open 'em up to be ready to get girlfriends and learn more stuff all over again!"
Robin lashed out with his staff, while Devil Hand dodged and returned with just as much finesse.
"I'll beat you… I swear I will!"
"No man, swearing ain't Alexander! Win is win, lose is lose, and tomorrow never dies! You gotta relax-"
Devil Hand reached out suddenly, and Robin found his neck completely covered by a tattooed hand that began to glow."
"-Or you'll burn yourself out."
"ROBIN!"
Devil Hand jumped away from more green blasts, as Starfire apparently returned from the Milky Way. With a few more fanciful flips, Devil Hand landed on the ledge of the supermarket, in the full light of the police who shone on him from below, tingeing the red coated man in a sort of white aura.
"Got my marinate, and I'm all set for dinner. Think of it, kid! You might be able to beat me one day, but you gotta learn how to be Alexander first. Later!"
"Wait-"
Devil Hand back flipped towards the center of the police mass below him. Fist glowing, D' punched the ground the moment he hit it, resulting in a giant shockwave that rent the asphalt and sent giant chunks of concrete and steel upwards, while Devil Hand disappeared in the chaos.
Starfire floated down in worry to her friend, who stared at the hole in the ground, "Robin! Are you unharmed?"
Robin's mouth tightened in disgust at himself, "Yes Star… I'm… fine."
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Devil Hand yawned and adjusted his glasses as he came out of the elevator into the observatory, "Yo, Val! I got your new sauce for ya!"
Mr. Freeze turned from the chessboard he was playing against himself. Terra dozed on the sofa, and Valentine was no longer to be seen.
"By Valentine's standards, I believe you would be behind schedule." Freeze put it, as he caught the bottle that was tossed to him.
"Sorry, Boss. The Supermarket was a killer. So where's everyone?"
"Terra is asleep. Valentine gave up waiting for you and is currently engrossing herself in Factory work."
"So it's just the two of us then, right? You wanna eat now?"
"…No. I never particularly enjoyed barbeques. Too long cooking something I cannot taste at any rate."
A silence.
Devil Hand slapped his face.
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Episode 11: "V For Vendetta: Acte 1" – Tick, Tock, Raven. Time's running out. You're growing more and more beautiful everyday, and no one else can see it, except those who you hate and fear. The Day is nigh, and you can't stop it, and no one can help you… except me.