Windstar: Not only is this chapter woefully late in posting, but it's also barely proofread. Apologies, but I'm rushing in the middle of a book deadline and two full time jobs - it's driving me tres fou! Hopefully the updates will come faster and be less sporadic, but with the endless amounts of writing and work I seem to be doing, I'm having a hard time seeing that through. Thanks for waiting so long, and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Six:

Date: Unimportant

Time: Who knows?

Author: Kouji Kohaku

I got a call from Akito today. I didn't really know what I was supposed to say to him, and he did most of the talking. I guess that's a good thing. He told me to keep focusing on sorting out my head, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be sorting out really. Kibo and Hikari are real nice and all, but I don't think I'm ever going to be one hundred percent okay with everything that had happened. Kouichi and I can't even talk properly anymore, and I don't know if it's going to get any better.

I've been thinking a lot about the Digital World lately. More so then usual. I know that the others went back and that Kibo and Hikari know how to open the gate to get there, but there's a part of me that's not sure I want to know what's going to happen if I go. I don't know if I'm balanced enough to go. Back then, I was working out my problems with my dad, but now is something different. Now I'm working out my problems with myself.

I don't know if I can trust myself to be around other people anymore, and maybe it'll be nice to go someplace where everything is so simplified. Earth is so complicated, so confusing. Everyone expects something of you, and everyone expects that things are just going to be okay right then and there. But that's not going to happen, that's irrational, and completely unrealistic. I can't do that to myself, and I can't meet up to everyone's expectations.

I know that I'm not the smartest kid in the world, and I know that I don't have everything down to an exact science. I know that everything's all messed up and that nothing is going to be perfect, and that's why I know that I'm not going to get better here. I need to get out of this place. I need to find my own place and my own pace to breathe at.

Kibo's great…but I need to be by myself for a while. I need everything to be quiet, and I need to not have to worry about people coming in the night, or betrayal, or anything bad happening. I need to know that even if I mess up, there's a constant flow of renewal. After a digimon dies, they're immediately brought back in a digiegg…I need to be able to feel like the world is constantly in motion and that mistakes and accidents can get fixed.

Sometimes, I feel like I myself need to die and be brought back. Sometimes I wonder if I can have a resuscitation period just like them. Sometimes I hope I'll be able to be born into a new world and that I won't remember all the wrongs that I've done.

Kouichi's much stronger then I'll ever be, and he's already been resuscitated once by the digital world. Maybe that's exactly what I need. Maybe…maybe I just need a new life. A life that's away from all of this, away from all the chaos and the confusion.

I talked to Kibo about it, and he's not entirely thrilled with the idea, but he told me that if that's what I want, he'll come with me. He said it was the only way that I was going to come back, and I agreed with him.

He reminded me that time ran differently in the digital world then it did in the real world, and that I could spend as much time as I wanted there and I'd be able to truly work out everything better. It was the only positive side.

I haven't told Kouichi yet…but I think I'll be leaving soon. I don't know what I'm going to say to him, but we haven't been talking much lately anyway. Maybe it would be best if I don't say anything at all, and that I just left. That's probably for the best.

Entry Six:

Author: Kibo

Sources: Takeru Takaishi, Takuya Kanbara, Tomoki Himi, Izumi Orimoto, Junpei Shibayama, Kouji Kohaku, Kouichi Kohaku

The first time that Kouichi Kimura killed someone, had been in the base. It had been two months after his training exercises had started with Shikou. She always had mannequins set up that he would shoot at and practice his target skills with. He'd gotten pretty good at always hitting a mark, and so she'd brought forwards a "more realistic" version.

There was a mask on the head, and baggy clothing hung off what he assumed was simple framework like it had always been in the past. When he'd raised his gun, he'd thought nothing of it. He'd shot at the body and when blood shot from the wound and a scream hit his ears, he'd frozen in shock.

"You're making him suffer." Shikou told him needlessly. "Finish the job."

He hadn't even flinched when he gave the kill shot. Hhe ended the man's life, and then promptly was sick. She didn't say anything, and she let him go back to his cell early. Kouji wasn't there, and he was grateful for it. They had been staying with each other again since he'd been well again, but right now, he didn't feel like talking to anyone about anything.

When his brother came back, sweating still from his workout, but looking oddly pleased with himself, Kouichi lashed out for the first time. "What are you so happy about?" Kouji was startled by the antagonistic behavior, and didn't seem to know quite what to say.

"I ran the quarter mile in under-"

"Well that's just great. Congratulations. Have you forgotten that this isn't a vacation, and that we're not supposed to be having fun?"

"Kouichi…?" Between the two of them, Kouichi was always the more fair tempered, now though, he was flying off the handle and it made Kouji distinctly uncomfortable to be in his presence. He reached out with their bond, tentative at first, but applying pressure when Kouichi didn't react. When the older brother was still resilient, Kouji reached a hand to touch his shoulder. "Brother?"

"Don't touch me! God, can't you just leave me alone?" The elder boy smacked his hand away, and turned to clamber up the ladder to the top bunk. He promptly turned his back to his brother, and Kouji stared at him with wide, and uncomfortable, eyes. He shifted awkwardly, and rubbed his arms in an effort to warm them to a sudden chill he felt.

"Sorry." He murmured softly, before going to sit on the bottom bed. Kouichi was determined to stay mad at him, however, and he kept his back firmly to his brother even as he glared at the wall.

The next day was much the same. This time, Kouichi was more prepared for the fact that the mannequin was not a mannequin. He made sure that his bullets hit their mark each time and that the person didn't die in the process. The whole time he held the gun, Shikou had one aimed at him. If he even thought about turning around to aim it at her, he knew that he would die.

These people did not trust him with anything. He didn't even think she needed to have the failsafe. It wasn't like he had anywhere to go. There was a camera recording his actions here, and right now, he knew that there was evidence of the fact that he killed a man, several men, on film. Shikou needn't worry; he wasn't going to be running away anytime soon. There would only be hell to pay if he did. He already knew that there was no way that he could go back to the life that he once lived. He was a murderer, and there was nothing that would make that alright.

He watched Kouji closely, even though he flat out refused to talk to him under any circumstance. He wasn't sure he could speak to his brother without damaging the inherent goodness there seemed to be ever present in Kouji.

Truth be told, Kouichi was terrified. He was terrified that he was going to end up ruining his brother's only chance at survival and savior. He couldn't go back home, not like this, and he couldn't let Kouji get tainted by what he was rolling off into their bond. The only way to avoid it was to cut him off all together, and maybe just maybe Kouji would be free to go.

Seven months after they had been abducted from their home, Rei came to their cell, and met his eyes. He knew without needing to be told, that he was going to be going out on one of the missions that Shikou had been telling him about. He was going to be "doing the Shrine proud" he was going to be taking care of all of the boss's "problems." He felt his heart pound heavily in his chest.

"Come on, kid." Rei murmured, not even bothering to look at Kouji as he unlocked the cell door. The younger boy was frowning at him though, clearly not understanding.

"What's going on?" He asked, trying to figure out what was happening. Their routine had been set for months now. Every day Rei would start by taking Kouichi out of the cell, and he would return fifteen minutes later to take him out. Then they would spend the day in training, and would stop only briefly for a quick meal before training some more. At the end of the day, they would be brought back, Kouichi was always there first – always in a bad mood – and Kouji last.

Today had already started off strangely, because when Rei had arrived, he hadn't taken Kouichi, he'd taken Kouji. Now, it was well past the evening hours and Rei's arrival was throwing everything for a loop. A few beats of terror was searing through him, and he looked at his older brother in concern. Rei didn't say anything, and Kouichi sighed.

"It's nothing." Kouichi murmured and started towards the door. Kouji grabbed his wrist, and held him back. Kouichi tugged it free before Kouji could get his two cents in. "Are you trying to get me killed?" The words were a stark slap to the face and Kouji stood frozen as Kouichi left the cell. Rei closed the door and locked it, and they disappeared down the corner.

As they walked together, Rei's irritation of the situation was only growing. "That wasn't very nice." He told Kouichi in annoyance.

"He deserved it."

"He deserved to get told that he was the reason all the bad things in the world keep happening to you?"

"That's not what I said."

"That's what you meant, and it's how he took it."

"Since when did you become proficient in how he takes things?" Kouichi hissed back sharply.

"Kid, you need to get an attitude adjustment. Kouji's not the enemy here."

"Oh yeah? Well who is Rei? Who exactly is the enemy? From where I'm standing, that's all of you isn't it? But if I can't take my frustration out on you all then who am I supposed to take my frustration out on!"

"The people you're assigned to kill." Rei's voice was neutral, and it didn't help. There was a curse forming on the normally mild tempered boy's lips. He held it though, and didn't say a word. Instead he walked pointedly at Rei's side and kept his focus on the path in front of them.

Rei led him to a room where Shikou was waiting for him. He stepped inside, and was led to a chair, where he was instructed to sit down and wait in. What followed them was an extensive list of things that he needed to focus on and pay attention to. He was wired, he was given a gun, and he was instructed on the exact path of travel he needed to take in his…target's… house and exactly what he needed to do once he was inside.

Once all the preliminary discussing was done, Kouichi was brought out of the building for the first time in months. His eyes instantly were everywhere; they took in the walls the trees, the gravel, the sky; the cloudy rainy sky, and anything in between. He felt his heart pound heavily in his chest, and he wondered if he would be able to get out and run free.

He knew that that meant that Kouji would be killed, but there was a part of him that was struggling very hard to not care. There was a part of him that just wanted freedom and wanted to get it now and not later. There was something in him that knew that if he just memorized the route they were on, he could get to freedom, and maybe alert the police before anything else happened.

He scoffed at the idea. All that would do was get him into trouble. He was a murderer now, after all, right? He grimaced at the thought, and kept his head down as he was led into the back of a black Lincoln towncar. It was the nicest vehicle he'd ever been in, and it made him shiver slightly as he sank down into the leather. How many of these cars had he seen on the road, and never imagined what was inside them?

Rei didn't try to talk to him, and he sat beside him. He had a palmpilot in his hands that he was clearly communicating with someone. After a moment though, he glanced up at Kouichi and decided to ask him a question. "Want me to bring your brother to see you when you get back?"

"No." Kouichi murmured darkly, rubbing at his arms and trying desperately to feel some semblance of normal. Right now he felt like he was Duskmon again, just an essence of darkness of death that took his vengeance out on the world for the soul purpose of killing everything in his path.

Rei didn't say another word, and they sat in silence as the van moved down the city streets. It pulled over after an hour or so, and Rei glanced down at him. "You have three hours, then meet at the extrication point. If you're late…"

"I got it." Kouichi murmured. The door opened, and he stepped outside. The car drove off and he shivered. It was his first step out into the free world since he had been kidnapped. It wasn't raining, but it had done so recently. The ground was still wet, and he knew that there was going to be mud all around him.

Forcing himself to remember the maps that he'd been shown for the past few days, and the plan that Shikou had forced into his head, he took a few steps down the path towards the home where his mark would be staying.

He would die for his brother, and apparently…he would kill too.

The plans that Shikou had given him were specific, and every detail of the home's perimeter was calculated into the framework she'd given him. He pulled a mask over his face, and then he easily managed to sneak inside the home. It hadn't taken him long to find the room he was supposed to wait in until his mark arrived.

The waiting was boring, but he didn't dare move or make a sound. He could hear people moving as guards checked the outside wall again and again. He listened to anything and everything, and through it all, his breath remained steady and even.

Then, movement came. The door to the room was thrown open, and he heard crying. Peering through the crack in the door, Kouichi watched as a tall man – his mark – threw a small child onto a bed. The boy was no more then five or six. He was screeching in terror and crying for his mother.

The man was tugging at his clothes, ripping them off of him in an attempt to start some sordid deed that was unmentionable. Hot anger poured into Kouichi's body and he threw the door open to the closet. The man whipped around, momentarily distracted as he stared at him in shock. Kouichi didn't let him have time to talk, and he lifted his gun.

Front sight, back sight, trigger press, FIRE!

The bullet ripped from his gun, and the recoil only twitched his hand a bit. The man's body shuddered and a death gurgle was pulled from his teeth as he slumped onto the bed bonelessly. It was the first time that Kouichi had seen his kill's face, and for a moment, he couldn't pull his eyes away from the man. He couldn't pull his gaze from the man's open eyes or his sickening pose. He had been prepared to sexually assault a young child, and Kouichi couldn't feel remorse for the death.

The boy was still screaming, this time in terror. Kouichi didn't have to think twice though, he moved towards a phone that was on the stand and he dialed the three digit emergency code. He didn't say a word after that, and he quickly moved towards the window that was his escape route.

Clambering out of it, he climbed down to the bottom completely unharmed, and had slipped away into the night before the police or the guards even knew what had happened. He pulled the mask that he was wearing off as he walked down the street, and when various cop cars drove passed; he kept his head angled downwards. No one noticed him, and he slipped easily and comfortably into the shadows.

He made it to he extraction point with time to spare, and eventually a black towncar pulled up in front of him. The door opened and Rei stepped out. He looked at him casually, before motioning for him to get inside. "Get in." Kouichi did so without question, his body moving of its own accord.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the vehicle, they immediately zoomed in on the sleeping or unconscious form of his brother that was leaning against the other car door. His wrists were bound in front of him. There was a bad cut on his cheek, and a few other lacerations accompanied with dark bruising were on his arms, and blood had dried on his clothes. Kouichi felt his innards twist at the sight.

"You said you wouldn't hurt him if I did what you said!"

"The kid tried to go after you; it wasn't my choice at that point. I gave him a sedative to knock him out for a while; he'll wake up in about an hour or so." Kouichi moved to his brother's side, pulling the broken form into his arms. As angry as he was with the situation, he didn't want anything to happen to Kouji. It was why he was doing all of this in the first place. "Have trouble?"

"The mark is dead."

"Ah…" The man didn't seem particularly interested in that fact. "Your brother's turn is next."

"I'll do it." Kouichi replied easily. "I don't want him to." Kouji's wounds were worse then they looked the first time he'd seen them. They were actually very deep and it looked like some form of whip had come down on him for quite some time.

"To bad you don't get a say in it." The twin glared up at him with all the hatred in the world.

"Why the hell are we doing this? Why'd you kidnap us in the first place? To play vigilante for you? Well screw you, you prick!" The man moved so fast that the boy's head cracked against the back window of the car. Kouji fell from his arms and slumped against the car door even more. Kouichi was hanging breathlessly as the man held him effortlessly by the throat.

"I thought we'd beaten this rebellious streak out of you, it appears as though we were wrong. Let me make myself very clear here. You have no say in anything that our organization does. You are neither our friend nor our ally. What you are is a slave that works for us and maybe gets fed from us. You will not speak until you are spoken to and you will not argue what I say. I don't have to tell you jack shit, and you had better get used to disappointments, because that is exactly what you're going to get at the ends of all of this. Do you understand?"

Kouichi nodded weakly, his lungs burning. He knew better then to fight back against his captor but it didn't matter. His brother was terribly injured and he had just killed someone. He was so shell shocked at the moment that he wasn't even thinking straight about anything. The man released him and he fell back into his seat. He pulled Kouji back into his arms and he held his unconscious brother close to his chest as tears fell from his eyes.

"And another thing. I didn't have to bring that brat with me, I don't have to let you two stay together. I could have him so far away from you that you would never even know if he was alive or dead. But you know, I figured you'd like to see a friendly face even though you didn't want to see it in the first place. Be grateful that you get to see each other at all. One more word out of your mouth about anything else and you'll never see the brat again, got that?" Again Kouichi nodded, this time burying his face in the crook of his brother's neck as he tried to escape the man before him. He would not be able to live through this if he couldn't be with his brother. He just didn't know how to say that or now to communicate to the world that he desperately, desperately, needed help.

Despite his best efforts, Kouichi couldn't stop what was fated to come. He knew the moment that Kouji had killed someone for the first time. Rei had brought the severely shaken boy back to the cell, and Kouichi just knew. He could feel the anguish rolling off of his brother in droves. The younger teen promptly placed himself in front of their pitiful excuse for a toilet and vomited.

He was shivering violently, badly, his mind was disjointed, dysfunctional. The whole while, he kept murmuring things that made Kouichi burn with hatred towards their captors. "It's what you did, isn't it? Back then…you…they made you…and me…" he couldn't seem to say the words. It hadn't mattered then though, and Kouichi had done what he hadn't allowed Kouji to do for him.

He sat by his brother's side, put an arm around his shoulder, and held him while he cried harder and harder.

That night was the first night that the nightmares came.

After that initial kill, Kouichi watched his brother like a hawk. Every movement, every break in the schedule, everything was memorized. It had to be. When they both returned from training, Kouji would rub at his hands, as though trying to wash off something that wasn't there. Blood. Kouichi's mind supplied for him.

He was trying to wash nonexistent blood off.

Kouichi wondered if Kouji had felt the blood of the man he'd killed, and if he had known what was going to happen when it had.

By now, they both were resigned to their fates. When the day came that Kouichi returned, and Kouji was still sitting on the bottom bunk, his knees drawn up to his chest…Kouichi knew that that night was the night Kouji would kill someone outside the complex.

For Takuya the new school year started like a funeral. The school was herded into an auditorium and everyone had to sit through the boring lectures and reminders that the faculty felt impassioned to tell them about. Now though, he didn't have his best friend to sit next to and chat about life. Now, he was sitting and talking to no one. His head was angled downwards, and he had nothing good to say to anyone.

Izumi's parents were talking about returning to Italy, and so her days at school seemed to be dwindling. Right now, she sat beside him, but neither knew what to say to the other, and both were too miserable to talk about anything.

They were halfway through the rudimentary schedule when the principle put a picture of Kouji and Kouichi on the screen. The image made the digidestined freeze and look downwards in misery. Someone asked them "hey, weren't they your friends?" and they nodded listlessly in return.

"Please keep Kouji Minamoto, and his brother Kouichi in your hearts and minds. Through their memory, remember to keep safe, lock your doors at night, and to not speak with any adult that you are not familiar with."

The words made Takuya want to scream. Kouji and Kouichi didn't just go off with any adult that they met. They had locked their doors, and were sleeping in their beds, when they simply vanished. No one seemed to understand that they weren't at fault! No one seemed to realize that they hadn't done wrong! No one seemed to put together the fact that they were good people and that they hadn't done anything to deserve the bad reputation or the kidnapping they'd been subjected to.

The bell rang, the assembly was dismissed, and Izumi and Takuya left to go to their individual classes. Math class always brought pain and frustration with it. The stinging memory of the last time Takuya had even seen Kouji had been when he'd teased him about his test grades. Now, on overwhelming surge of guilt was flooding through him. It was the last time he would see the twins, and he was giving them a hard time.

Tomoki had joined the soccer team at school, and was surrounded by Katsuharu and Teppei who looked after him. Takuya had gotten into a fight with him recently, unfairly claiming that the younger boy was forgetting that Kouji and Kouichi were his friends first, and that he was betraying their memory by hanging out with Katsuharu and Teppei.

Junpei and Izumi made him apologize, and he did so sincerely. The stress of waiting was getting to be too much for them, and time was passing too quickly for them to hold onto it.

They met at Shibuya station after the first day of school, went to the elevator and prayed that Ophanimon would open the gateway that would allow them back into the digital world. They ended the excursion as they had every other excursion before then, in the basement – crying.

They were starting to feel, for the first time, that they were never going to see their friends again. For the first time, they were starting to give up, and drift apart.