That night I began the epic search for a cat I could live with and get rid of after a week. Nathan must have warned all the cat owners in town because no one would loan me a cat, not even Michelle, the Crazy Cat Lady. She wouldn't entrust one of her precious babies to a man that got a spider plant drunk and then let it fall into the sea.

A day and a half later, I found myself at an inland pet shelter, talking to a frizzy-haired woman about adopting a kitten. The shelter was a quiet, run down affair with vinyl-sided trailers scattered on some public land. The land had once been a wastewater treatment facility and several signs proclaimed the smell was from the contaminated land, and not the shelter activities. I tended to believe it. Though the trailers were worn, they'd been cared for and were in decent repair, much like the frizzy-haired woman.

"Pet ownership is a lifetime commitment, Mr. Crocker. You shouldn't take on owning a pet lightly. Your application indicated that you've never owned a cat before. Do you really know what you are getting into?"

"No ma'am. But I know your shelter allows for 'trial' adoptions. If it doesn't work out." Privately I mused it won't, but she didn't need to know that. "I can always return the cat here until it can find its forever home, right?" This shelter was perfect for my needs. It allowed a one week trial adoption for people that wanted to ensure that the animals could be taken care of and fit with their new owners. If it didn't work out, the animal was returned, and no questions were asked. It would cost me a bit, but that was worth it to have Nathan pay for a date with Audrey and me.

"Well, you've looked over our adoption agreement, and you did come with references. Let me show you around the shelter and see if we can't find you a new friend." The frizzy haired woman picked up the paperwork, including the two references I forged and then had to answer the phone for (it never occurred to me that they would actually call to see if I was a responsible human being). We left the office and moved into the larger "living room / kitchen" area of the shelter. The walls were lined with cages with adult cats looking bored stiff. Well, actually, bored supple. I've never seen a cat actually be all that stiff.

There were all kinds of cats in that room, as well as another younger woman who was attempting to mop the floor. Her efforts were being hampered by an energetic black and orange cat that chased after the mop. "Looks like it's black tie season again, we're full of tuxes this month," the younger woman called to the frizzy haired woman.

Frizzy just nodded. "Yes, last month they were all tabbies, this month tuxes. Next month I predict a crop of solid blacks."

I looked at her quizzically. She shrugged and told me "It seems like the cats come in color waves. Currently we have a lot of black and white cats, last month we had a lot of gray and brown tiger tabbies. I've never figured out why. But we cycle through the different coat colors regularly. I hate black and white waves, though, because no one ever seems to want to adopt a black and white cat."

I looked around the room again and did notice that about every third cat was a black and white cat of some sort. The cats ignored me, regardless of their color. I thought it would be cruel to take one of them home, and then turn it back in to this life behind bars. Still, they might enjoy the vacation.

As I was musing on this, Frizzy came up behind me. "If you don't see any of them here that are calling to you, we can always take a look at the kitten room."

"Sure, I'd love to see the kittens."

Together we walked down a short hallway to what must have been a room easily ¼ the size of the whole trailer. It was painted with a landscape with butterflies and trees to the ceiling. In the room itself was a small bank of cages, all of which had the doors open, and several cat trees along the back wall. There was also ramps and shelving along the walls and small colorful dust motes zooming around the room.

"Watch your feet and make sure the kittens don't get out. I'll leave you alone in here. Knock on the door when you're ready." Frizzy opened the door and motioned me to go through quickly to prevent kittens from escaping.

As I stood in the center of what was chaos cubed, I noticed the surfeit of black and white kittens. Some mostly black, some mostly white, all moving at high velocity as though they were training to become Olympic sprinters. A few of the older ones were sitting on the shelving batting at ribbons or small furry mice. Others were lounging in the cat trees.

I knelt down as a kitten bounced off my shin and skittered away. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." Not a single kitten wandered over to inspect me. In the corner a melee had broken out by a food dish, and someone ended up in the water bowl. I walked over and plucked the kitten out of the water dish. Water was all over the floor from the kitten's accidental immersion.

I placed it on a cat tree, away from the water and found a roll of paper towels to wipe up the water with. As I bent down to clean up the water, I felt three kittens use me as a springboard into the cages. One of them had their claws out.

So far in less than two minutes in a room full of ten kittens I'd been assaulted twice. Four times if you count that three kittens ran across my back. I was beginning to wonder if the bet was worth it, and then I remembered Audrey walking into the Gull that day for lunch. Oh yeah, it was worth it.

I thought about it a while longer. The kittens had their own room, and were apparently free to run around. I doubted I would emotionally scar a kitten that was living the free-range lifestyle, although if another one tore up my arm, I might physically scar it. Assault Kitten #3 or #5, depending on the count, decided I was an on-ramp on the cat highway to hell and ran up my arm with claws out. I could definitely borrow a kitten for a week and return it without feeling guilty when I was putting it back into a cage. We had a workable plan here.

Now to select said furball. I decided assault team alpha was out, and that any kitten that could be identified as clawing me would not be going on a week's vacation. I thought about taking in one of the black and whites, and then thought how disappointed Frizzy would be that the black and white hadn't gotten adopted. She'd guilt me about it and I didn't need any more guilt. Audrey was already in my head guilting me about this whole situation. The other thing was that assault team alpha seemed to be members of the black and white contingent.

That left four choices. One was a gray and white, one was pure white with gold eyes, one was orange, and one was a brown and white tiger kitten. I studied my four potential roommates. The gray and white was zooming around and paid no attention to me. It was chasing a rolling ball with a bell that was jingling merrily. One of the other cats tried to steal it away and she growled and picked up her ball and ran off. I thought about it and decided that if she was an avid jingle bell chaser it just wasn't going to work between us. I slept as lightly as, well, a cat, and didn't want to be woken up by a cat toy in the middle of the night.

White and gold looked at me and hissed when I went to pet it. It promptly scampered off into some cat cube on the floor. I guess I didn't meet that one's specifications. That left me with Orange and Tabby. Tabby was wrapped around one of the black and white kittens. Everywhere the black and white one went, the tabby went with it, as though it was connected at the tail. I couldn't separate friends like that. I guess that meant that the orange kitten would be my new roommate. The orange one was still damp from it's dunking in the water dish earlier. I walked over and picked it up. It purred happily at me, dripping water on my hand.

Having chosen my temporary roommate, I knocked on the door. Frizzy came out, saw the kitten in my hand, and raised her eyebrows. "Put him down and we'll discuss the final paperwork." I deposited the kitten back on a cat tree and made my way out of the room. Three kittens slammed into the door as I closed it, their attempt at the great escape thwarted. It didn't seem to bother them. They just continued making laps around the room.

Frizzy looked at them affectionately and muttered something that sounded like NASCAT. I could see the similarity - nearly identical racing machines going around in circles. I sat down at the table and Frizzy and Mop Girl pulled up chairs. There was no paperwork in sight.

"Mr. Crocker, are you sure you want Butternut? He's not really … a first time cat owner kitten." Frizzy looked concerned.

"Why, is he sick or something? Special needs kitty?" I asked. I'd heard of cats having diabetes and other diseases. If the cat required insulin twice a day, that could have been a problem.

Mop Girl chewed her lip. "No, nothing like that." She paused and looked at Frizzy. I wondered if she wanted this "Butternut" for herself. "You see, well," She paused a moment before continuing. "He's orange."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused." I didn't see what coat color had to do with anything.

Frizzy and Mop Girl exchanged knowing glances. "Orange cats are different. They aren't like your typical cat. I mean, your basic tabby cat is a normal cat. White cats can be a little psycho, Torties and calicos are very independent, but orange cats? Well, orange cats… they are just," Mop Girl shrugged, at a loss for words, then said finally, "orange."

Frizzy tried to explain. "Mr. Crocker, have you ever noticed how frequently that orange cats are used in TV? Morris, the cat from Alien, The Cat from Outer Space, Milo and Otis, even in cartoons, you have Garfield, Heathcliff and Puss-In-Boots, all of them orange. I don't think it's because they show up well. I think it's because some how being orange makes them different. Orange cats are just...more. They are like cats, but extra concentrated. All the best and worst traits magnified."

Mop Girl added, "Orange isn't just a color for cats. Orange is a lifestyle."

Ooooooooooookay. Crazy table for two. No wonder they called them Crazy Cat Ladies.

I turned on my best charming voice and assured the ladies that Butternut and I would be OK. I failed to mention even if we weren't, the end would be the same. The cat had a one-week vacation from cat jail and I had dinner with Audrey on Nathan's dime. Within the hour, Butternut was packaged up in a cardboard box, I was handed a supply of kitten food and toys, as well as a cat bed, and we were beginning the hour long drive back into the coast and Haven.

We arrived back at Gerty at roughly 7PM. On the way home I had stopped at one of the local pet stores to grab a cat box and litter. This damn bet was getting expensive. I was beginning to think that Audrey and I would have to go down the Boston and in addition to dinner, Nathan was going to have to pay for Gerty's diesel fuel.

I made a quick call to Audrey and Nathan to come over and confirm the presence Butternut in my life. They showed up about an hour later, while Butternut was inspecting his new realm. He'd wandered around my stateroom and found his cat box in the bathroom and used it appropriately after attempting to dig to China first. Eventually he made his home on my couch, and curled up to nap.

I stood over my new roommate and contemplated him. Butternut really wasn't that great a name. I mean, really, who names a cat after squash? It seemed like bad luck. And being a sailor, I felt the need to avoid bad luck whenever I could. I didn't want Butternut squashed on my watch. I'd already realized that the cat would have to be contained inside my living quarters on ship. He was small enough he could slip through the scuppers and fall overboard. The death of a plant I could live with. I was honor-bound to protect my temporary roommate to the best of my ability. I didn't even want to consider what would happen if the kitten got into the engine room.

I was in the middle of trying out new names for Butternut when Audrey arrived. She let herself in as she always did. "So Duke, this is your hostage?"

"He's not a hostage, he's my guest for the next week. His name, today, is Butternut. And we were just discussing if he would like to keep that or change it to something more suitable."

"Like what, Aslan? Simba?" She took another look at the kitten, who was ignoring all of us. "Clarence?"

"The cat's not cross-eyed." I glared at her, annoyed. "And he hasn't responded to Oranye, Sunkist, Crush, or Sol."

"Soul? Why would you name a cat Soul?" Audrey looked at me quizzically.

"S-O-L. As in the Sun. He also doesn't respond to Apollo."

A dry male voice let me know Nathan had arrived. "It's a cat. Cat's don't respond to anything if they don't feel like it."

Nathan the cat expert wandered around my couch to see Gerty's newest passenger. He reached down one long finger and traced from the kitten's nose to its tail. The kitten woke up, stretched luxuriously, first the front end and then the back end. Having completed his warm up, the kitten currently still known as Butternut sat primly and licked down ruffled fur on his chest.

Nathan reached out his finger again, and the kitten snaked around his head and bit Nathan firmly. Nathan, somewhat shocked by having a kitten firmly affix itself to his finger, tried to retract his digit only to find that the kitten came with it. I knew I liked this kitten for a reason. I reached out and held on to my roommate while Nathan extracted his finger from the kitten.

Audrey laughed. "Have you considered renaming it Jaws?"

"Nah, that didn't end well for the shark. Or for the Bond Villain." I shrugged. "He can be Butternut, but it seems like such a goofy name for the kitten. But at the end of the week he goes back to his shelter." The object of our discussion decided to leap off the couch and retreat to my bed, disdaining all of our company.

Nathan did his irritating eyebrow raising maneuver he knows I hate, thus proceeds to do whenever I am around. "How did you manage to rent a cat for a week?"

I gave Nathan my best shit eating grin, the one I know drives him as crazy as the eyebrow thing does to me. "Well, turns out this animal shelter down south will allow you a one week trial period to determine if you and your new animal companion are a suitable match. I'm merely availing myself of their policy to settle our bet."

Nathan glared at me, and I returned the glare in kind. Audrey, using her amazing FBI observational skills, sensed the imminent fight and chimed in. "Remember that I need you to feed and water Eleanor's cats on Saturday and Sunday."

I broke off the glaring competition with Nathan to turn and look at her. The rules said that no one lost or won if the competition was interrupted by an outside party. "I remember, Audrey. I promised I'd feel the evil twins, and I will. Just leave me Eleanor's key so I can get in the door." I shot a quick glare at Nathan. "I wouldn't want to be arrested for breaking and entering. It wouldn't look good on my resume."

"Hmmm... I can see it now. 'Haven's Pirate King Caught! Cats instrumental in capture!' Vince and Dave would love it." Nathan quirked his lips into his smarmy grin.

The pair eventually took their leave. I checked to ensure the kitten was still in the living quarters and retired for the evening.