Down, Down, Down

Thank you Ngoc Chau, NightRose131, I LOVE JACK ATLAS, Tin and Niphuria!

Chapter Five

I ran as fast as was possible for me and my legs were threatening to collapse beneath me as the ground spun past. But I pushed on, determined. My chest heaved and my legs shook with fatigue, my heart was beating so loud I could hear nothing else. Nothing else but my heart. Nevertheless, just as I slowed, I reached the familiar clearing where the trees stood around a long, pleasantly untidy tea table and a windmill close behind it, was looming over the scene. Though it was nearing to pure darkness, there was one moderately bright lantern hanging on a post to the right side of the table and it lit up half of the side of the table, as well as the figure I came here for.

Hatter was half engulfed in the dim, yellow light and half in the shadows of the mellow night – but they were not frightening shadows, Wonderland could never scare me. The nights here were sanctuary, just as was the glorious day. The Hatter had his head tilted downwards and was staring with wide eyes at the table, his Tea was still wallowing in its cup – cold and bitter. Ruined! Finally, I become aware of the colour of his eyes, gray. Even from so far away, they were alight. I was not entirely sure what that colour meant, but I knew that was a negative response.

As I walked as slowly as possible to where he sat, taking my time so that I could catch up on my breathing. I clutched onto the tops of the various chairs tucked into the table or set aside from it as I walked past them, holding myself up in case I fell. Because I was so very tired, sleepy and weak. I would never admit it though! My brain was slowly taking in everything else and because the long run had made my blood circulate, I was able to think at hyper speed. Things were beginning to come together, but so slowly. I knew the place, I knew I had been here before but Hatter was still a mystery... I was not dreaming anymore.

When he heard my muffled dragging feet against the grass, and my fingertips scraping inaudibly across the wood, he looked up shocked. He looked reserved at first, though upon realizing who it was, his eyes lit back up to its vivid, glowing green and he hopped up from his arm chair, almost knocking his hat from atop his head. But he caught it and held it there was he hurried towards me, beaming. However, my face was very different – I was still confused, trying to work things out and biting my lip, I allowed myself to stop a few metres away from him. He understood the message and stopped too, but his smile was still present in the slight curl of his lips.

"I thought you were gone forever!" He exclaimed, and opened his arms again as if I should leap right into them. In fact I thought that it was just a gesture of referring to me, rather than directly pointing. I must admit, I was tempted too but I stayed rooted to the ground, as if large veins of grass were holding me onto my spot. I was glad for that, as I was not ready to make a fool out of myself right now - or ever, in fact.

"Again?" I added. My eyes shyly, moving upwards to meet his gazing, sharp eyes. I tried to meet them stealthily and not look away. Hatter did not answer me, but gave me a knowing expression, as if he understood me completely. I did not understand him though! What is he thinking? I wanted to ask aloud - I did not.

I took a step forward, and gaining momentum. I went up as close to him as possible and tilted my head up so I could study every single detail of his face – his green eyes, the dark hair that fell into them and his lips, parted as if he wanted to speak but could not find the right words, just as I. His breath tickled my cheek, but I held mine in nervousness.

"You see, I recognize you because you are in my dream. It's always been the same dream every night, and I only realized when I saw Chessur's radiant grin! That grin is always there in my dreams in between the trees, and you are there too, with your green eyes always standing at the end of the path. Your hat and your face… everything." I stopped talking when I knew I was not making much sense again, but the images came in my mind as vividly as I saw them when I slept - when I was soundly dreaming. Sometimes I was standing on a balcony, and in turn the characters would be around me, a Caterpillar as blue as lapis lazuli, a White Queen, a pair of twins.

Hatter pursed his lips and smiled again, I was given a little bit of self confidence from it, "I might not just be a dream?" He suggested, wonderfully. There was a sparkle in his eye that I recognised, still not particularly sure where from. A battlefield? No, that was not right?

"My father always told me that dreams are the way we sort out memories in your head. The way we whisper into our own ears…" I laughed a little, with a smile in my voice as I pictured my father sitting on the edge of my bed, telling me about the six impossible things he could conjure in his mind before breakfast. Six impossible things… I might have to try that sometime.

"I think your father is telling the truth! He is absolutely right!" He exclaimed excitedly, to which my smile increased. He pushed the ruffled hair aside from his eyes and tucking some into his high tophat so that he could see a bit better. His face was difficult not to influenced by, if he was happy then you couldn't help being happy too. I thought it would be the same when he was sad too.

"That I'm whispering into my own ears?" I asked. I also could not hide the thoughtful and curious look that appeared on my features. My eyes darted around a little at the scenery before returning back to his eyes, still unmoved, as if afraid to lose me, "What am I whispering?"

I managed a lopsided smile as I asked the question, unsure of the answer myself and directing it at him... hoping that he could help somehow.

"You are whispering that you should come back and remember all the people that know you. And love you." Within a few steps he was standing right in front of me with his pointer finger poking the centre of my temple; I looked upwards at it and frowned. He laughed at my furrowed eyebrows, his finger dipping into the dimple between where my brwos met. I was a bit disappointed because, dare I speak, I thought he was advancing to embrace me – I was very wrong. After a few silent moments of staring at his eyes and not speaking (even barely afraid to breathe) he whispered in my ear, "You promised not to forget me."

His hand closed and moved downwards to gently touch my cheeks, before pushing some of the messy hair on my shoulder backwards and placing his hand there in its place. I suppressed a shiver, and was too weak to smile. I was so lucky that my knees did not give way this time, for that would have been a ruin! Also, would have been me look like a fool!

"But I'm back! Oh, I did not even say goodbye to my mother. The things that I needed to do, were not even finished and oh god! I had forgotten so much! I know its there, but i just see an empty void." I said, raising my voice a little and my mind was clearing, though my recall was not yet complete. I was remembering certain things and yet not others such as, who exactly Tarrant Hightopp was, without the memory of ever spending time with him. I knew the name, the face but nothing else. Who was the Hatter to me?

Hatter, nodded once in understanding and dropped his hand, then placing it behind his back before finally breaking eye contact to look elsewhere. I think he misunderstood, though I did not understand myself right now either. Memory is a complex thing, and right now I was so scrambled, that I was becoming so angry with myself for not knowing anything! In hesitation I leaned forwards to him, attempting to catch my balance but he caught my face in between his two warm hands, to which my heart leapt. I shut my eyes tightly, and yet still all I felt was a motion to my right ear as he spoke to me…

"Fairfarren, Alice." He murmured in a hushed tone, that I alone had difficultly catching. Again I resisted moving, I resisted moving my face and ear towards his lips. Unfortunately, I felt his hands leaving my face and despite the warm atmosphere my cheeks felt cold - yearning for the touch to return, how silly of me! Only then did I then open my eyes. This was all too familiar…

Was I leaving? Because it sure felt like I was leaving, with an extremely heavy heart and that recognisable, troublesome aching all over my chest that made me want to fall to the ground, gasping for air and relief. He was leaving me… no! I was leaving him! This was so very, very real and familiar! I had known this from somewhere before… all of a sudden, my eyes glazed over as a few different images in my mind found their links and the pieces joined up together. It was like a thousand photographs being flicked over one by one as they moved over in my mind. But it was only so few, and nothing was finished.

I was standing as a tiny figure at the end of a table whilst the Hatter hurried over, climbing over the cutlery (and breaking them!) until he finally bounced off the edge and picked me up easily between his fore finger and his thumb. I was wearing the small dress he cut out of the chiffon from my too- large dress, and when I had grown out of it, he kept in his front pocket. That was after he hid me in a teapot...

Fairfarren Alice, he said but before I could reach out and touch him. All that was left were his usual, shimmering green eyes shining in the dark, mist and I was in Upland, climbing out of rabbit hole…

Hatter, wanted to say… I…I... think I.

But then that was all I could remember, my victorous stream of recall had ended and I was left with only seconds worth of images. I saw a few events which I believed had not happened at all before now, but the feelings were still gone away and locked in a chamber I could not find in the back of my head – screaming at me to release them. How could I find it? And how could I unlock without a key?

"Hatter?" I called out to him, remembering slightly.

My eyes darted up, impatiently towards Hatter's wondering, questioning eyes, "Oh Hatter!" I cried out, feeling the ache in my chest subside, but not much. The rest of my memory still had to be triggered or unravelled, so the ache would remain for that. His eyes lit up because, as he did, he understood exactly what was happening without us even uttering a single word. His exchange was beyond physical words, what was it? Intuition or premonition? Or was my face really that readable, as if my thoughts were scrawled onto my forehead? Nevertheless, his smile was enigmatic, and had that way of striking me where it hit best.

"I only remember so little…" I added, not trying to let confusion cloud my mind quickly again. For a moment I let the little achievement make me happy! I'd spent a few months away from this place, and afraid to forget, the magic of Wonderland eventually faded and as did its memory, again! As if Wonderland took back these memories once you had left the hole and entered the real world again.

"Alice, you're home!" He said through his smile, also happy that I had not forgotten him and now recalled his existence at least. He finally wrapped his lean arms around my body, leaving me no room to move in his embrace as I was so tightly pressed against him. I was startled by the sudden movement – not knowing where it had come from, and why? I could not breathe but I was fine with that… I felt lovely here. I felt at home...

Hatter was my companion… my friend? I smiled, relaxing and leaned on his slender chest, feeling him breathing steadily and his heart behind that. I couldn't remember our relationship, but it felt bigger than that. I threw away the thoughts at the first sign of upcoming pain.

"I forgot. And I still forget some things…" I whispered, guiltily. Trying to remember anything past the first tea party with the Hatter, having met him twice and leaving him, I was met with a tall black block in my mind that I could not pass. I knew the pieces were behind there somewhere and I pictured them floating in mind, fragments of memory… shattered after leaving Wonderland?

He silenced me, and became conscious of our proximity, he released me to which I tried to hide my disappointment. I desperately hoped that I was not flushing, but my cheeks felt so warm I knew they gave everything way. If I covered them with my hands, it would draw attention and look too obvious.

"Forgive me?" I asked wearily, afraid of the answer. And for a while when he did not answerat all that I was frightened he would not ever say a word! I frowned, turning my head slightly to hide my expression from him. My hair curtained my face from him, thankfully.

"You are back! Now, there is nothing to forgive." He said, soothingly. I smiled through the fact that I did not understand fully my entire story (or our story?), but I remembered a little – so I would cherish that with all I had. I knew Hatter, but how did I feel about him? And who else had I forgotten in Wonderland?

Fairfarren, all I knew was I never wanted to hear those words from his lips ever again.

A/N: Oh gosh! I got so very excited I'm not sure if this turned out right? Basically I didn't give the whole dish away, she only remembers a few things but remembers nonetheless!
What do you think? I now have a vague idea of what can happen, but of course tell me if you have anything too! :) Enjoy!

-fallen11angel