Down, Down, Down
Chapter Seven
My sleepy eyelids did not allow me to open for they were so heavy as if they weighed a hundred kilograms or just felt that way, and with each attempt at lifting one up I merely closed them tighter, snuggling into the soft bed that I was lying in. I felt warm and extremely comfortable, considering that I was sleeping with my head tilted to the side to lie on my slightly harder pillow than I remembered and with a sure hand I wrapped my arm around the side of it. This way I felt even more comfortable.
As warm and relaxed as I was, I could not help noticing the small lapping of cool morning air against my cheeks as if to kiss me good morning – I had probably left the window open again throughout the night, but I was glad because this felt lovely and like the summer. What a warm winter this was! I lay there a moments longer looking at the orange tint of my eyelids as the morning light filtered through and shone onto my face, nevertheless the light was also as warming as everything else at this moment. The colours and rays of light I could feel dancing around on my facial features from escaping between the gaps of leaves made me smile in my sleep. Well, considering that I was half–awake counted for nothing. I was still as dozy as I felt when I went to bed, and I would not mind for sure if I stayed this way forever.
I hugged my pillow a little more gently to myself as I wrapped another arm around it from beneath, allowing myself to sink into it temporarily before I froze in instantaneous shock. Suddenly, all the nerves in my body were awake and screaming – this was not a bed! This was not my bed! Without opening my eyes, I rubbed one arm on top over the figure of the pillow and found a slender arm instead. Had I been dreaming of a fluffy white bed, with the curtains open and billowing in the dawn's crispy air? I had! Yet, this time I was not able to receive this wish for the nicest of dreams to come true! How sad. Though my heart remained at a steady, dazed pace I was glad, because it did not add to the chaos of alerted nerves and vessels all over my body. My senses had become magnified once again, at the right moment, so that every touch burnt and stung me – forcing me to resist flinching away in a sharp jerking movement. Surely that would wake everything up with a mile's radius.
That disappeared as I managed to eventually lift on eyelid open, peering through the blurring rays of lights from through the thick leaves and confirming if the figure beside me I knew so well was wide awake… and traumatised? Or worse still, disgusted? But I blew a sigh of utter relief when the beautiful figure too was sleeping, and breathing so deeply I was sure he was far from waking up still. No, he was far away and dreaming - I had not been caught, yet. I wondered the million possibilities of what he could be dreaming - from experience my best dreams had been of flying or of the boy with the emerald eyes. Surely being the boy with the emerald eyes, I hope he was dreaming of flying instead. My lips curled upwards into a genuine smile and though the burning sensations were still there, I allowed myself to linger with my arms around his for a little while longer. Whilst this lasted, I thought and my smile brightened.
I had been leaning at a sitting position against the carved trunk of the tree, with my head bent sideways to rest on Hatter's sturdy shoulder and naturally, with my arms embracing his free right one – his hand was resting on my lap. I did recall not having slept in this position, but thankfully there were no traces at all of anything but me falling asleep on the shoulder of the Mad Hatter. As much as I knew I would be called terrible names for doing such a thing in my Victorian home back in the real world, such as sleeping beside a person of the opposite gender, let alone let them touch me, embrace me, touch my cheeck - unspeakable, I was not quite a lady nor did I plan to be so prim, but I thought of the consequences now and giggled. Nonetheless, I smiled with how happy that it was Hatter - the handsome, crazy Hatter who smiled often and spoke in odd sentence strings.
As I lay my head down, relaxing on Hatter's shoulder I felt the familiar sensation of my eyes glazing over and a few flickers of photographs moving over one after the other in my mind. As it were a playing record, except with some images missed out because they were an empty side of the music, or that the record was scratched in a lot of place… it kept playing and I could not stop or control it.
I was a small, miniature version of myself again standing on a cut, dead stump of a tree screaming at the Hatter's turned back as he began to walk away from me and leave in the dying part of the forest alone. I understood finally that my size was because of efficiently hiding me in a teapot from the Queen's soldiers now, having me drown in a bottle of potion would have been much easier if he had asked. There was no time for manners then… and I knew this place was where Hatter used to be most, before it perished in fire.
I was screaming for his attention, waving my arms but he returned to me, crouching down before putting me back on his hat...
I held onto the ribbon of the top hat later, resisting the urge to scream and hiding the hate of being vulnerable. For if I was the right, full size I would taken the Hatter's hand and run. Instead he threw me across the river spinning and the hat rebounded off a brawny tree trunk before colliding on the floor with the dirt. With a last look Hatter was tied and taken away without his precious hat. I was alone.
That was it, but it was enough. I unexpectedly sat upright in my surprise and gasping for air with my hands clutching for life to my chest, darting and checking for injuries, it was so painful and my head was throbbing. I continued to heave for oxygen whilst joyful tears began to stream down my rosy cheeks and the pain quickly subsided after that. I laughed quietly to myself because I remembered something! I had remembered more! The chamber I pictured in the back of my mind, bound my chains and locks was slowly becoming free… I laughed a little louder, clawing to my face to get rid of my timid tears.
It was like Hatter was used to being disappointed, abandoned and having things disappear before his eyes. He had disapperared before mine when I left. He had so much history I had not known, and still did not – but he still always maintained hope in the world. He was very much an optimist whilst I was a pessimist, which did not stop him having faith in other people, especially me. New warmth for him grew inside of me, adding to the things I had loved about him before. Not that I loved him… did I?
Out of the blue, I reached for his dear top hat, which lay on the floor beside him, probably having toppled over during the night. Looking around there were no traces of gemfall from yesterday as Wonderland was left as perfect and untainted as it had ever been. As silent as if it had been untouched, a person could have easily slipped in and out of this world without a trace, without a memory... There were no stray dew drops on grass leaves, or even shimmering pink crystals hidden between the flowers from having fallen from the sky. I leaned over Hatters unmoving figure, hearing his breathing against my ear and clutched the hat with my fingers, then pulled it back to me where I sat cross legged facing him. My heart began to race for a brief moment as he stirred and I believed he would reach out with amazing reflexes to halt me in my tracks or even wake up finding me in this awkward position above him. Oh dear.
I hurried back to sit as I played with the velvety texture of the hat in my hands, smoothing it over one way and another the next. The bright red ribbon that was still perfectly wrapped around the outline of the deep black hat and shining against the light, the odd tag tucked to the side of it was still stuck in place. I was so careful to leave it the way it looked for I would be devastated if I broke anything, worse yet how would Hatter feel if I had damaged his lovely hat! But then I began looking for something. Something that had immediately become precious to me the moment it fell into my hands, it was shining, pink and a momentum of sparks flying, and embraces with the Hatter that I know held so close beside my heart. It was difficult to miss, if it were not for the size.
I patted the grass around me searching for the stray gem and found nothing, but hesitantly I kneeled forwards onto the unsteady position of my heels digging into the ground and poked the front pocket of his matching black blazer. Luckily I found nothing there as well, meaning there was no need to reach into it or having the problem of possibly waking him up – which I wasn't sure, was a problem anymore. I wanted to smile at him and tell him what I remembered, I wanted to know what he thought, see his smile too. But for now, my thoughts would be kept to myself. Maybe for a long while.
I watched him silently for a moment, careful and ready to hide my face if ever he caught me. His face looked peaceful, rather than the usual thoughtful, reminiscent or plainly insane look that he had on his features constantly. I found it endearing mostly, and others just comical, though he was still unsure as to why I would giggle from time to time watching his face. Right now, my stomach did a small flip as the butterfly feeling erupted inside me, no these were not butterflies these were birds! With his head tilted back slightly, his eyelashes hid his wide, handsome eyes, closed and his partly opened lips where breath came out, I blushed whilst looking. I forced myself to change the path of my gaze; I choose the hat as an amusing distraction. I continued my search for the missing gemstone, but halted short of myself when I found it shimmering in caught light underneath Hatters hand, which was previously on my lap.
This time without uncertainty, I almost leapt forwards to remove Hatters slender fingers from around the shining shone, all the while ignoring the sparks that made my fingers want to flinch when I touched him. I took back the stone into my own grasp, safe from the fiery touches and picked up the top with my other hand to observe them both at eye level. The hat and the gem, sounded like a lovely story if there were anything to it.
Hatter choose that one moment to wake up and with a timeless, beautiful grace that I refused to stare at as he straightened up to sit, rubbing his eye with one hand and peeking through at me with his open eye. He smiled, muttering a morning greeting to me before asking curiously, rather than angrily what I was doing with the hat. I smiled widely, almost with too much force as I answered.
"I want you to hold onto this for a while for me, okay Hatter?" I whispered to him, but sure he would hear as clearly as if I were shouting or speaking aloud. He nodded, with a half smile on his lips and that was enough of a response from me. I took the gem to place in between my fingers, peering through it and into the sun shining hazily in the sky above, pink rays of light shone all over my face. Afterwards, with brief acknowledgement towards Hatter, I pushed it into the tough velvet material on the front, above the ribbon with my right thumb. It sunk in as perfectly as I had intended and wished it would, the backing of the hat in that place dented backwards slightly to mould its shape to the gem. Thankfully, whilst I prayed inward momentarily I let go of the gem and found it working accordingly, staying in the hold that the material created. Hatter's hat now had a small pink gem shining at the front of it, and I sighed with relief as it remained there unmoving, so I was sure it would not get lost – not that either of us would let it.
As I looked up at his radiating jade eyes, they twinkled as the gem did, now in his hat and his lips widened further into a full smile, he held out his hand to me. Before I misunderstood and put my own hand into his to hold it, I smiled weakly and placed the top hat back into his hands where they belonged – now with my heart. It was like watching my heart out of my body and given to somebody else, he wore it now. I disguised it well, I thought, but I was giving my heart to him, even if I wasn't entirely sure of it just yet. My slow memories were leading me… leading me somewhere. Home, I reminded myself inwardly for the millionth time since I fell down the rainy hole in a muddy mess.
"I'll protect it with all of my heart," He said out of the blue, and shocking me out of my daze as I looked up abruptly to his serious, thoughtful face. He finally propped the hat onto his adorably messy hair, still looking immaculate in front of me. Then he tilted it at angle with a cute smirk directed towards me. I tried not to blush too uncontrollably, "I promise not to lose it." My thoughts flickered over that word, and I saddened a little inside of me, wasn't I a betrayer of that myself… I stopped the tears before they could breach my eyes and show to Hatter. My mouth opened, forgetting what they were supposed to say and changed the string of sentences completely, I said something else instead.
"I'm sorry, Hatter, I know I've broken my biggest promise." I stared down at my lap and avoid his piercing eyes which I felt on my skin; these were like ice this time, not like the touches which burned me. I played with my fingers to distract myself from what could come next.
"Don't be sorry," He said with the softest voice I had ever heard, it was sincere but sad at the same time – it made me sad too just hearing it and the tears threatened to return despite my fighting it, "It wasn't your fault…"
"But it was!" I exclaimed, accusing and upsetting myself more.
"We will find your memories!" He said in a strong voice that cut me off, I finally looked up at him staring with large eyes and a gaping mouth. His eyes, glowing almost brighter than the day's own light were gleaming a darkening grey over the jade green it was before and he was now standing to tower above me – since I only just reached his shoulder whilst standing, sitting he seemed like an empowering giant. I so dearly wanted to reach out and touch him, to hold him, but I could not. I tried not to.
He held out his hand to me suddenly, surprising me at his tone of voice and how quickly the grey evaded from his pupils. I relaxed with a deep sigh as I took his hand, my skin flaring up like a sickly fever. How did he not feel this fire or ice? It felt like more mixed together to make a new sensation that only the insane part of myself could feel, because I was sure from the unfaltering expression on Hatter's face that he felt nothing at all. His eyes gave nothing away either. We stood close together, still holding hands whilst I stared directly at the shirt over his chest and I knew he was looking down likewise at the top of my head. I let go to drop my hand to my side, and reluctantly he mimicked me.
I decided to change the subject to a more cheerful one; for once I would try to be the optimist. I wanted to be like the Hatter in the way that my emotions did not falter, I kept well composed and I would try to see the hope in every situation! I smiled brightly thinking of how wonderfully Hatter had practiced it, I upturned my head to face him honestly and though with a little look of astonishment, after a second he returned the gesture.
"I remembered a little more, Hatter!" I exclaimed, beaming as I recalled my thoughts and wondered ahead of how best to describe my memories to him, because I wanted to tell him everything always, this was the first step, "I do believe the best way to travel is by hat." I quoted, laughing. He chuckled likewise, looking excited to hear what I had remembered suddenly looked nostalgic as he thought back too.
"Why, Alice. It's a shame that you are far too big to travel by hat anymore!" He continued, joining in the joke and story, grinning with the most beautiful smile that I had come to love so much, "However, we must make a compromise and travel by hand!" He said, and unexpectedly making me jump by grabbing a hold of my hand. His warm touch lingered as he continued to hold it, with an approving smile he began to pull me along with him back down toward the other opening for the forest to continue our journey finding the rest of my memories.
I fell into step with him eventually, rather than letting him drag me along my the hand and after the heaving, I found that this was rather nice. I let my loose grasp around his hand tighten and bind us together a little more.
As we walked together, hand in hand I began to tell him the details of my memories, loving it whenever he found it in him to see it as funny, or laughable or joyous. We laughed together, though I was unsure what holding hands really meant.
Nevertheless I decided, I quite liked travelling by hand.
A/N: I hope you accept this as a valid chapter, I know it's short, filler-y, and cheesy but I had so little time between piles of homework. YUCK!
Tomorrow is friday so I promise you a better chapter, and maybe another! Lets see how long I can write for, eh? Enjoy :)
-fallen11angel