A/N So I was going to try and make this all one chapter but it's longer than I expected so it will be broken into two parts. So yes this is the first part of the very last chapter…{Crazy!} This proved to be harder to write than I thought since it's all from Damon's perspective. I hope I did okay. Let me know… you guys make writing worth it!}
Elements of an Ill-Fated Romance
Playlist: Glass by: Gavin Degraw {Put the song on repeat and enjoy}
Chapter Twelve: And Sometimes it will Hurt just to Breathe {Part One}
Inhale…
Exhale…
Inhale…
He had been watching her breathe for the last hour…
A coma… she was in a coma…
Three days… it had been three days since he brought her back to the Salvatore Boardinghouse… three days since she hadn't regained consciousness… three days since she had fallen under what Alaric had called a Magical induced coma. He described it as a forced hibernation that usually occurred when a witch pushed herself too hard; forced her body beyond its supernatural ability.
"It's designed as a protective defense mechanism. You see it all the time. When the body is exposed to high volumes of pain or put under extreme duress it shuts down in order to protect the conscious mind from breaking… Same principles are applied to witches that cast spells they aren't ready for. The body must find a way to cope and replenish."
What Alaric said…It made sense... and at the time knowing what was happening to her had made them all feel marginally better… gave them understanding… but after seventy-two hours and no change it came to mean very little… seventy-two hours of waiting… seventy-two hours of watching Elena cry on his brother's shoulder… seventy-two hours of staring at the bite mark that had yet to heal on her neck and trying to ignore Stefan's accusing stare.
He had given them a recap of what transpired…the kidnapping by Trevor & Elijah, their stupid plan to retrieve this 'Moonstone' Katherine selling them out, his stolen ring, the torture that he had been put through and even Bonnie's daring rescue.
However he had left out the part about biting her and drinking her blood… Elena and Jeremy just assumed that it must have been Elijah and he felt no need to correct them. Besides he didn't think they would understand… he wasn't sure if he truly understood…
But Stefan knew the truth… They hadn't gotten the chance to talk about it. Bonnie's condition took precedence. First provisions had to be made where the witch was concerned. Bonnie would be kept there under constant supervision in the guest room. Elena had been adamant about taking the first shift and even the second and third… when Stefan found her passed out at Bonnie's side her hand still wrapped around her friend's he had carried her off to his bedroom for some much needed rest in spite of her protests.
Jeremy had taken up the next shift while he had gone off to 'handle' Bonnie's father. Damon had been more than happy to take care of that even with Stefan's warning before he left.
"Just compel him not to worry about Bonnie… that's all!"
He threw up his hand in mock salute and smirked. "Got it!" He had made it as far as the front door when Stefan's voice stopped him.
"I can smell her on you…"
He hadn't bothered to offer a response. Besides there was nothing that really could be said. It wasn't as if he could change what happened… what he had taken from her… what she had given to him. It was more than just blood… he had witch's blood before… he had her blood before… but this was different. Her emotions… her very being… it was like she had given him apart of her very soul. He could feel it… like a soft vibration right beneath his flesh that grew stronger every time he was close to her; a vibration that he couldn't shut off.
So he had kept his distance. It had been easy enough with Stefan, Elena and Jeremy constantly hovering… but now they were gone… off to school leaving him alone…alone with her… just him and her… and his thoughts…
Self reflection had never been something he deemed important. People who sat around and analyzed themselves and all the ways they could be different… all the ways they could be better. It had always seemed like a huge waste of time and unnecessary energy. He rolled his eyes and left that to the 'Stefan's' of the world. He didn't have time to waste on feeling guilty about all the things he had done… all the people he had hurt… mainly since he knew that at any given moment he was prone to do it again. And since he never bothered to look back it didn't really matter how much carnage he left behind him…
Until now…
Fool you made the girl fall in love…
As he stood in the corner of the guest room, sipping on a fresh glass of brandy and avoiding the sunlight that filtered through the linen drapes and across her face he suddenly couldn't help but stop and think…reflect and realize what all of it meant…
She loved him…
He didn't know when it happened… or even how it happened… but somehow this innocent foolish girl had fallen in love with him and changed the dynamic of what they were. If he were honest he knew it had already begun to change. Their initial hostility had dwindled; replaced with sarcastic remarks and petty arguments. And there was an indisputable, unspoken element of trust that had been born between them; an honesty had come to exist that occasionally bordered on brutal… but honest no less.
Yes they had begun to change… Sparring partners he could handle; a judgmental partner he could do…
But this… he didn't know what to do with this…
She loved him…
It wasn't as if it were the first time that some young, misguided female had fallen for him. He would be lying if he said he hadn't left a few broken hearts behind him…sometimes intentional…others by accident… Nameless faces of women that never mattered because they weren't Katherine… But this was different…
It mattered now… it mattered because she mattered.
He licked his lips and drew closer to her bed. Blue eyes bored down on her, as though he could awaken her by sheer will. The steady vibration raced beneath his flesh, and created warmth that might have flushed his skin if he weren't a vampire.
She loved him…
And the very thought produced a knot of tension in the pit of his stomach and an ache in over his un-beating heart.
It hurt…
The idea that she could love him in spite of what she knew him to be… that she would be willing to give him something so sacred …
Bonnie Bennett loved him even when she shouldn't. Even though she had no reason to; even though he didn't deserve it… beyond all comprehensible reason…
She loved him...
He was selfish… always had been, even before he became a vampire. He took what he wanted; did what he wanted, damn the consequences. He pursued his brother's love interest because he wanted to; he left the army because he felt like it. His needs, his wants had always come before others…
Until now…
Dropping his head he roughly ran a palm through his hair coming to a decision.
He had to make it stop…for her sake…
Caress her skin like its glass…
Moving to the window he shut the curtains, shrouding them in complete darkness. Walking to the bed he sat down next to her still form. Reaching out he brushed his fingers across her cheek. The vibrations in his digits made them tremble on contact. This was the closest he had been to her in 3 days.
Leaning in he felt a small smile come to his lips in spite of what he was about to do; because he was doing it for her… because of her…because in hindsight… this was for the best. For the first time in a long time he was putting someone else before himself. Looking down he drunk in the image of smooth caramel skin and neatly cut features…she was beautiful. He sighed as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. And when he finally spoke, his voice low, his words filled the space between them.
"If I stay… it will be the most selfish thing I have ever done… and I will not be selfish with you Bonnie Bennett." He whispered softly, his lips brushing against her frontal lobe. The kiss light against her skin. "Not with you." He promised. He watched her breathe…a steady inhale of air that filled her lungs… his vision blurred at the sight…it was the most beautiful thing he had seen…
And before she could exhale he was gone… the curtains swaying in the midst of his departure.
You breathe her air and you leave…
Hours Later…
Stefan found him in the library a black duffel bag sat by the door. Damon stood at the bay window just beyond the shadow of sunlight that was steadily diminishing as the sun went down. Hands in his pockets he seemed to be watching…waiting…
"Where's Elena? I thought she would be here by now."
Stefan sighed. "Jenna was concerned about her spending so much time here… she thought it would be best if the family spent time together… She'll be back after dinner." He nudged the bag with the tip of his shoe. "Going somewhere?"
"How observant of you," He quipped with a smirk that was lost on his brother as his eyes remained on the setting sun.
You keep your mind on yourself
And lie the glass on the shelf…
"Where are you going?"
"I'm not sure if you recall or not but my ring was stolen… and I kind of need that back." Turning away he moved towards the bar.
Folding his arms over his chest Stefan frowned. "You're not leaving because of a ring."
"It's not 'a' ring. It's 'my' ring; my daywalker ring. And we all know how cranky I can be if I don't have it… or have you forgotten about Vicky?" He challenged raising the freshly poured glass of brandy in a mock toast.
Grabbing a seat in the nearest armchair he rested his forearms on his knees and cradled his chin on his palms. His eyes focused on Damon he remained silent.
"What are you staring at?" He asked after a long pause.
"Are we really going to do this?"
He snorted even as he tipped the glass back. "Do what?"
Stefan sighed and shook his head slightly. "Okay… okay. I'll play along." He remarked. "Bonnie can make you another ring."
"Yes…she could, if she weren't passed out upstairs."
"Damon…"
"Besides I don't want another ring… I want my ring." He shot back adolescently. "It has sentimental value."
"When are you going to stop doing this?" Taking a stand he closed the distance between them. "This isn't about a ring. You're running away… like you always do."
"If this is going to turn into another Stefan-lecture just spare me!" He rebuffed.
"No, this is about you doing what you always do."
"Trust me, this is different."
"How; How is this different? People around here actually care about you. They are depending on you! You could have a life here."
"You don't know what you're talking about." He interjected hotly.
"And what about these 'Originals', what if this Elijah guy comes back?"
"Oh please… an age old vamp that just got his ass kicked by a newbie witch…trust me…he's not coming back until he gets his shit together. And I have a feeling that Trevor is too much of a bitch to come anywhere near Bonnie especially since he knows I'm looking for him."
"This is crazy! Do you ever think about anyone else but yourself?" Stefan asked.
"Why do you think I'm leaving?" He shouted throwing the glass into the unlit fireplace. Turning away from his brother he ran his hands through his hair. Taking a moment he placed a palm over his dead heart and chuckled darkly. "She loves me." His voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears.
"I know." Stefan remarked.
He looked back at his younger brother with a shake of his head. "She loves me… and we both know that if I stay… I will break her." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I've been selfish all my life Stefan… we both know that. And if given the chance… I will use her love to suit my needs… when I'm upset… when I'm lonely… she's where I will go… and that's not fair to her. I am… not the man that she needs to love."
After the heavenly speech
Your body throws holy heat…
"And you think if you leave… that somehow that will make it stop? Damon, love doesn't work that way. If it did… you would have stopped loving Katherine the moment you found out she wasn't in the tomb." His eyes locked with his older brother's silently conveying what he knew Damon had been too afraid to voice. Yes he knew Damon still loved Katherine…in spite of her betrayal… "Love endures… in spite of all the reasons why it shouldn't…"
I wasn't prepared I wasn't thinking of you…
…that you could actually love me…
He sighed. "… you weren't there…in the church… you didn't …you couldn't understand… what she gave me…what I felt… what I feel…" He rambled softly as his palm moved back and forth across his chest. "I was dying… and she… what she gave me that night… I shouldn't have…" He licked his lips and looked back towards the darkened sky. It was almost time to go. "I owe her… and the best thing I can give her… is this." With a pat on Stefan's shoulder he made his way to the awning stopping only to grab his bag.
…it never should have started…
"Where will you go first?" Stefan turned not ready for him to leave.
Stopping in the foyer he shrugged. "While I was drifting in and out of consciousness I think I heard that bastard Trevor say something about meeting up with this Klaus guy out on the West Coast… I figure it couldn't hurt to start there. Besides Trevor didn't strike me as the kind of vamp who knew how to blend… and seeing as how he has a brand new daywalker ring… I think he might be pretty easy to track down." He remarked. He pushed the duffle bag further up onto his shoulder looking to his brother. "So I guess this is good-bye." He replied casually. "I hope you don't expect me to hug you or do something sappy and sentimental."
Stefan smiled. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Good!" He shot back even as his eyes drifted to the staircase… the second floor…where she was.
Because deep down I know that he's glass too…
"Despite what you might think of me… I am doing this for her." He stated.
"She won't see it that way." Stefan replied honestly.
But it really doesn't matter
Until it's happening to you…
"Maybe not at first… but someday… someday she will." Turning to Stefan he nodded once more. He barely had time to react when Stefan reached out and hugged him tight.
"Now don't go and do something stupid like get yourself killed…again." He quipped.
"Yeah… you either." He pulled back and looked down into his little brother's eyes. He cleared his throat softly and gave a smirk."Take care."
And then he was gone…
Everybody breaks…
Sometimes…
'Lyrics: Glass by Gavin Degraw'
Next Chapter is the last chapter!