The car ride home from Forks High was deathly silent, by all outward appearances.
Only I could hear the tirade of insults, reprimands, and montages of bitter frightened thoughts.
The four of us had beat a hasty retreat after the accident, with Emmett practically dragging me to the Jeep by the collar of my leather jacket. I didn't fight, and simply hung my head once I climbed into the backseat, wishing I could undo the last 10 minutes of my life. Existence.
Whatever.
I made no effort to block my siblings' thoughts, knowing I deserved all of it. As we squealed through the wet streets, I rubbed absently at my wrist, the faint burning there reminding me this wasn't just some fucked up nightmare. I barely registered the passing scenery, stewing in the bubble of fear and anger that encompassed the vehicle until we skid to a halt in front of the house.
How long did we have before this house and everything else would come to ruin?
We had barely closed the front door behind us when Rosalie's attack turned verbal. I threw myself onto the sofa, and let her rant.
"I cannot believe you'd be so fucking stupid, Edward! How could you screw up so bad after all this time!" She ranted, pacing around the living room and gesturing wildly. Catching her gaze, I signed.
What was I supposed to do, Rosalie? Let her die?
"Oh so NOW you decide to keep quiet, once the damage is done? Fucking perfect. And YES, you SHOULD have let her die! If He decided Bella needed to die, you should have just let it happen!
The very idea of it made me nauseous. Bella was too good a person to just get ripped from the world like that. It was beyond cruel.
She didn't deserve to die, Rose. I signed, my rationale flimsy at best.
"And we do? What do you think is going to happen now? To you? Me? Esme? What about Carlisle? I highly doubt he's got a warm reception waiting for him back home."
I flinched at the images that slammed into the forefront of my mind and tugged at the bronze mess on top of my head. There was no way I could survive witnessing the end of the only people I truly cared for.
The front door flew open then, and we all jumped, prepared for an attack. We relaxed slightly to see Carlisle looking around frantically with a tear-streaked Esme in tow. They were both still in scrubs. I guess someone had gotten them the message about what happened. When his cool gaze fell on my hunched form on the couch, I could see the battle raging within him. I didn't even need to read his thoughts. He shook his head at me, a few short blonde hairs falling down across his forehead.
For a moment I could nearly see the light shining from him as the stress took it's toll on his human facade. He wanted to be angry, to blame me, but he had stood in my shoes once and been defiant- just like me.
"You may as well speak now, son, no sense pretending we can go back." Tears rolled down my cheeks at his words, and I took a deep breath.
"I'm so, so sorry Carlisle. I didn't think...I never meant for this to happen..."
"Damn straight you didn't think!" Rosalie shouted and Esme shushed her gently before coming to sit and wrap her arms around me. Her perfume brought the comforting sense of home with it, and I tried to get a grip on myself. Now was not the time to lose it like a little baby. Still, my mind was reeling and I felt like there was no steady ground to stand on.
"I can leave, Carlisle. He'll find me regardless, but maybe if he finds me alone he won't come after all of you." There was no hope in my voice, only desperation, and I knew his answer before he spoke. We both did.
"You know as well as I do that won't work. He's never been the "forgive and forget" sort." I nodded and grimaced at the horrific images that flashed through Carlisle's mind, shuddering at those that I had helped cause. "I sent you away when we were unsure of the Swan child because we needed a definitive answer as to her intentions with you. Surely you must know that I would never allow my son to face this battle alone." He finished with solemn affection and I was nearly dragged under by the depth of emotion on his face. How someone designed to be nothing but pure and good could feel anything for a monster like me I would never fathom.
"What if we kill her?" came the quiet suggestion from the perch Rosalie had taken by the fireplace, breaking the moment of understanding between Carlisle and I. Esme gasped at the dark idea, and I could feel the snarl building in my chest.
"No." I bit out flatly.
"This isn't just your decision anymore Edward! This is about all of us! And maybe if we get rid of the human girl, it'll buy us some time."
Emmett shifted uncomfortably, and I knew he would side with Rosalie, even if this idea felt wrong to him. But Jasper- Jasper the impeccable strategist- was nodding and looking at his sister in approval.
"It's worth a shot, Carlisle. Even if it doesn't work, it's a small sacrifice to make to try and ensure our safety."
"A SMALL sacrifice?" I thundered, causing everyone to flinch as they grew accustomed to hearing me speak aloud. "Killing a completely innocent young woman in cold blood is a SMALL sacrifice?"
"Nobody is without sin, Edward." Jasper replied coolly, not backing down from his stance. In his mind, Bella Swan was already dead. I could see now that since the first day I had met Bella Swan Jasper had been debating this. If she became a problem or a threat, he had always been prepared to kill her.
"What if it was Alice?"
Jasper blinked at my frantic statement, and I pounced on his momentary mental pause.
"What if Alice had been there, talking to Bella, and it was her I saved? Would you still be so flippant? Could you still walk up to her and simply snuff out her life to protect yours?"
"Irrelevant. Alice isn't involved." He finally countered after a bleak pause, refusing to be moved. Looking to Carlisle, I pleaded with my eyes for him to be the voice of reason. As head of the family, his vote would be the one that truly counted. I read his mind, hearing his desire to save his family fight with his nature. For a moment I was unsure which would win. But Carlisle would always be Carlisle, and I smiled before he spoke.
"Jasper, Rosalie...there is no need to add innocent bloodshed to the mess that is doubtlessly coming our way. We've all got enough marks against us. I don't approve of fighting, I cannot, but we are not defenseless. We will simply be vigilant, and when the time comes...we have Edward on our side."
I blanched as I processed what Carlisle was saying. The sacrifice I would have to make, which would surely destroy any shred of humanity I had accumulated. I nodded at him, knowing I would gladly take the trade if it gave me the strength to defend my family. This day was always bound to come, sooner or later.
Esme was shaking and crying on my right, utterly distraught at the idea of any of her loved ones being harmed. Hugging her back briefly, I managed a small smile when her amber eyes met mine.
"Esme-Mom- I swear to you I will do anything it takes to make this right. I will protect us." For a moment she seemed to recognize the true age of my stare and she nodded.
"Just be careful." With that she moved across the room to be embraced by Carlisle, who murmured sweet nothings in her ear to soothe her. Caught up in their devotion, I nearly missed Jasper's next thought.
Nearly.
My blood boiled and I glared at him sharply, growling. He had the whole fucking event planned out, right down to the flowers he would send Chief Swan to express his condolences over the "tragic accident."
"Over my dead body will you kill Isabella Swan."
"Sure ya mean that?" He countered, eyebrow raised in challenge. If I were anyone else, I would have been scared shitless. I knew Jasper had done nearly as much evil as I had, and he viewed the world like a ruthless soldier.
Jasper couldn't get the upper hand, not on the real me. But I could see in his mind that he was willing to give it a shot. He felt like his family was in danger, and was willing to do nearly anything to stop it. Even if it meant royally kicking his best friend's ass and then killing someone. In all our years of playful sparring, Jasper had never taken me down, and I wasn't about to let him start now. I focused on every ounce of pain I had seen, felt, and caused in people's minds over countless centuries. The wickedness of the world, condensed. Grinning without humor, I marinated in it, focusing on sending it to Jasper like a beam of light.
To his credit, he stood and took it for a full minute before doubling over and grunting deeply.
"Yes Jasper, I really really mean that."
"Fuck you, Edward." He spat.
"No thanks" I snarked back, and cut off my emotional assault, focusing on some happy vibes. Jasper righted himself and gave me a small smirk, conceding defeat in the fight for Bella's safety and letting me know he forgave me. For now. The room lapsed into awkward silence and I knew I would still need to look out for the girl. Just in case Jasper changed his mind.
How on earth could I be her bodyguard when I carried trouble with me like a plague?
"Well! I think that I've had just about enough stress to last me for the next few years." Emmett commented offhandedly. "So seeing as there doesn't seem to be any immediate danger of death, I'm going to go de-stress with my wife." His trademark cheeky grin returning, Emmett sauntered boldly up to Rosalie and threw her over his shoulder.
"Put me down!" She screeched, fists halfheartedly slapping his back.
"Sorry babe, this is as much for you as it is for me." Emmett laughed, giving us a quick salute before barreling up the stairs and slamming the door of their bedroom.
Gross.
Esme walked over to a keypad in the hallway and hit a few buttons, closing the massive steel shields around the mostly-glass back wall of the house. It was a stark reminder that we could be fighting for our survival at any moment. Carlisle turned back to me as I stood from the couch, and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Edward, I understand why you did what you did today. But if you truly want Isabella to make it through this, you should avoid her." More than you have been. The last part that he added mentally let me know he was aware of exactly what I had been doing with my time. Looking away, I remained silent, unable to lie to Carlisle. I wasn't about to make a promise I already intended to break. Bella Swan was going to have my protection until this catastrophe was over.
"I would selfishly ask you to delay what you need to do a while longer, but I think we both know that every moment he draws closer. You feel it, don't you?" Carlisle continued, his gaze darting to my wrist. I nodded and rubbed at the leather cuff, as if that could make the burning beneath it go away.
"Just remember who you are son, in here..." He concluded, placing his right hand directly over my heart.
I pulled him into a tight hug before moving to give Esme a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She sniffled softly and tried to keep her bottom lip from quivering.
Such a kind soul.
"Try not to destroy the entire forest, would ya?" Jasper commented wryly and I smiled as I stepped away from Esme.
"Your concern for me is touching Jasper, really it is." His smile fell, replaced by his familiar stoic mask, and I could feel the anxiety seeping out of him at what I was about to do. As I made my way to the front door I clapped him on the shoulder in passing. "I'll be fine." I whispered.
"You'd better." He muttered.
Before I could think myself out of it, I ran out the door and circled to the back of the house, leaping over the stream that edged our property and taking off into the woods. After twenty minutes of running full-tilt I decided I was probably far enough away to not destroy anyone's property.
The clearing I found myself in was small and not very well defined, but it would do. If I was lucky, the fire wouldn't take out too many trees nearby. Sinking to my knees in the middle of the muddy wet ground, I sighed, wishing I could keep my body from shaking in fear.
Speaking aloud for the first time since Carlisle had rescued me from my father over 90 years ago had broken my camouflage, and let him know where I could be found. Now I was about to drop the charade of humanity and basically plant a fucking homing beacon my ass saying:
"Here I am, fucker, come and get me if you dare."
It was a challenge that would be answered swiftly and brutally.
But I would be ready.
Gathering all the courage I could muster, I closed my eyes and turned inward to face that dark corner of my mind that I tried so hard to ignore. Like a caged animal, I could feel it rattling the bars of it's enclosure, begging to be released. Bracing myself, I threw down my defenses and blocks, letting the beast free.
Though it had been almost a century, the pain that consumed me was something I remembered all too well. I could smell smoke and sulfur, and I vaguely registered horrific screams echoing in my own ears. They were the screams of a dying man.
Were they mine, then?
The darkness spread, gnawing and tearing apart every corner of my mind. I could feel it, hungrily reaching out to merge with the blackness of my soul. I was being eaten alive, dipped in acid, and lit on fire all at once. Interminable time passed as I sacrificed the only thing I had for my family.
Hours, days, weeks. There was no measure of the agonizing increments that crept by. I could do nothing but wait to be entirely devoured, and scream...
Pinpricks of icy cold were hitting my face and I groaned in displeasure. Dragging my eyes open painfully, I took in my surroundings. Night had fallen, but I could still see as clearly as daylight.
The fifty foot circle in the woods I hazily recalled was now at least 400 feet in diameter, and nothing but smoldering ash. Charred trees surrounded the clearing, looking pitiful in the downpour that had just begun. Ecstatic, I turned my gaze upwards and laughed loud and hard at the sky.
I. Was. Free!
My sharper senses told me nearly every living creature in the area had been frightened off by my explosive transformation, and I smiled at that. Sitting up slowly, I glanced down at the throbbing spot on my now-bare right wrist. The brand had fully returned, seared deep into my flesh, and I fingered the three digits idly as I decided what my next move should be. A fierce hunger was building inside, effectively choosing for me.
Time to play.
Wiping ash and rainwater off my now-naked form, I stood and stretched, feeling the hum of power just below my skin, begging to be released.
Only too happy to oblige.
Taking a deep breath, I started to jog in the direction of town, knowing I would find just what I was searching for there. As I raced through the shadows, I scanned, looking for someone who was ripe for the picking.
Shining like a lighthouse from one of the quiet side-streets in this worthless community, was the single purest human soul I had ever encountered. Licking my lips in anticipation, I sped up, making it to the small white dwelling in just under five minutes. That perfectly magnetic soul was on the second floor, and it was mine. I opened myself to hear the luckless person's thoughts, checking if they were asleep, and was baffled to be met with silence.
How very odd.
I could just make out the dreaming thoughts of someone down the hall, but they were of no concern. Leaping up, I grabbed the window ledge and pushed the glass pane up quietly, not wanting to alert my prey to my presence. I slipped into the room like a shadow, staring down at the small form under the rumpled purple covers. There was something familiar about her long dark hair and pale skin. About the silence that surrounded her sleeping mind. Not that it mattered.
Her body and mind would be empty soon enough.
Grinning, I knelt by her bedside, tracing my finger along the edge of her delicate jaw and breathing in the delectable aroma of her purity. To my eyes, she nearly glowed.
What a treat to find someone so unspoiled. How utterly mouthwatering.
The girl shifted then, the corners of her lips going up in a soft smile as her head dipped towards me. I leaned in to press my lips to hers, to seal her fate, when she murmured.
"Edward...thank you...the van..."
Like a bolt of lightning, the memories came flooding back and I flung myself away from her bed, battling the beast for dominance of my rational mind.
Bella.
If my heart could beat now, it would be pounding as I waited in silence for her to find me here, warring with myself over her life. Instead she simply sighed and settled deeper against her pillows, breaths evening almost immediately.
She had been talking in her sleep. She wasn't awake.
I sucked in a shaky gasp in relief, my eyes nearly rolling back at the delicious aroma that came with it. The beast surged, and I grabbed the dresser next to me for support, even though I could easily turn it to dust.
My grip was slipping on my momentary control, so I quickly moved to the window and took a few deep breaths of clean air. Shame filled me as I realized I had nearly damned the girl I had risked everything to save just hours ago. The girl I had defied my best friend to protect.
I really was evil.
Climbing onto the tree outside her window, I shut the glass behind me, dropping to the ground and sprinting in the darkness for my families home. The beast raged inside, howling at the loss of his perfect meal. I responded by running harder, putting distance between Bella Swan and I before I could lose it again. My footfalls were mere whispers against the ground and I wondered if any distance would be far enough to keep me from seeking out that girl's soul. Lost in my thoughts, I let my legs carry me where I needed to be.
As I stood in front of the massive house I had come to love so well, I listened as my family moved about in various rooms. Emmett was in the kitchen with Esme, lifting her spirits with his own brand of bawdy humor. Rosalie was taking a bath and going over some new parts she wanted to add to her convertible. Jasper and Carlisle were in their respective studies, going through books and planning.
We were all so different, and all so much the same.
Taking a deep breath, I reaffirmed the promise I made before I had relinquished my human pretenses.
As long as I have strength to fight, no harm will come to you.
***A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. If so, please let me know. I'd like to know if I should keep this story going. Chapter 5 probably wont be up til Wednesday because I am getting my wisdom teeth out and will be pretty useless for a few days.****