Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, just the specific story I choose to bring the characters into.

A/N: Hey everyone! I updated a little bit faster than I usually do (thanks to all your spectacular reviews) Totally made my day with all your feedback, thankyouthankyou ! This chapter and the next will be done in complete flashback of the same day. With props to Kate2008 (: Happy reading ~

Well painted passion
You rightly expect
Impersonation
The dumbing down of love
Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall
And if i tell you
Lover alone without love
Will you miss him?
--Frou Frou


Chapter Five:

November 24th, 2011.

She shut her eyes tight against morning, against an empty bed, in defiance of how she was feeling, of how she always felt when he had to leave. As tempting as the thought of sulking proved to entice Blair she knew she would get up, ignore the aching of her bones, drown out the whistling echo of solitude, and stand poised, at the ready for the day with a gingerly smile in place.

It was difficult not to wonder how often she would wake next to a cold imprint of his body, find a half eaten piece of toast on its plate. Seldom would he leave an entire breakfast in the kitchen, bits and pieces vanished from the beautiful display, a somewhat apologetic gesture in regards to his departure.

These occurrences were regular to her now, his promise a broken excuse for a compilation of words; lay at the foot of their bed licking its salted wounds. She buried her matted head further into the pillow, inhaling deeply the scent of borrowed tears and the evasive smell of forever.

The sun, a yellow ball peeking up from the hard edges of the buildings, flit dim light across the room, blocked out in patches by the heavy thickness of the curtains.

"Bl-Blair?" Nate's youthful voice bellowed throughout the apartment.

"Blair?" He called again, the sharp slam and click of the door as it locked behind him prompted her to stir, a muffled cry escaping the cloth of her pillowcase.

"Seriously," he said aloud with emphasis "I might drop this." Timidly he stepped towards the dinning room, placing his gift on its surface, apprehensive of the dull quiet around him. Generally at the smallest ruffle of wrapping paper she would appear suddenly, her doe eyes assessing the outward appearance and mass of the hidden object with glimmering eyes and disguised elation. Nate turned on his heels as the front door opened once more, revealing a beaming Serena as she lugged two presents and a card between her teeth, struggling to unhinge her purse strap from the outside knob.

"Nate" she hissed, "a little help here!" He walked over, calculated quiet steps, grabbing the presents from the crook of her arm and sliding them next to his own on the table. Serena fumbled momentarily with her strap until it unhooked and the entry way snapped shut. Three solid hasty knocks followed and she reached to pull open the door to Tessa, Courtney, Elise and Mark who lagged behind, recording camera strapped to his hand. "Sorry, my purse got caught and Nate decided to take his sweet freakin' time" nodding in the direction of the dining room where he stood solemly.

"Whatever" Tessa said, breezing past Serena and into the hallway "as long as I don't get stuck holding this cake for much longer, my fingers hurt like a bitch." With that she disappeared down the darkened path in search of the fridge.

Courtney, Elise, and Mark followed into the foyer, past Serena; to discard their presents onto the tabletop.

"She better be here!" Courtney called loudly, leaning against a wooden chair as she cracked her knuckles "Blair Bear!" Elise yelled. "B, get your birthday girl ass out here this instant!" Tessa jokingly demanded, taking stance in the hall.

It was then that Nate's eyes hardened, fastening the tray of room service with an acidic glare. He walked towards the curtains, drawing them back to divulge what the darkness expertly hid from inquiring eyes. A bottle of champagne laid on its side on the carpet next to the cabinet, its contents spilled forth and sticky to the touch. Serena gaped; instantly recognizing the scenario she ran into the kitchen, uncovering an abundance of imported chocolate wrappers stuffed in the garbage under the sink.

Tessa's eyes grew wide at the shards of glass that littered the ground, in a trail from the front of the suite all the way to the living room couch. "Call the front desk, have them send up a maid," Nate ordered to no-one in particular, Courtney swallowed loudly and reached for the phone. Mark turned off his camera hastily, "What happened?" He questioned, his smile faded into a firm frown.

Nate stomped over to the bedroom "He left," he spat in response, opening the French doors with abandoned anger.

Mark turned helplessly towards Serena, "Who- who left?"

"A stupid son of a -- ugh, forget it. He's not even worth mentioning right now" adding after a passed second "or for that matter - ever."

She felt someone perch themselves on the edge of the bed, fairly close to her stomach. The mattress dipped with the new weight and she rolled into the cover sheet, snoring lightly, hoping the intruder would think she was asleep and leave without any effort exerted. A moisturized hand reached to brush the hair from her face, pulling it behind her ear. Nate's touch was tender and calming ... "Hey" he whispered "B, wake up." Her eyes snapped open, she did not want Nate to leave, she wanted him to stay as he was un-necessary concern and love radiating from his vocal cords.

"Hi there sleepy head," he chuckled, as she adjusted herself against a mountain of pillows "how're you feeling?"

Aside from deserted, unloved, and royally pissed off? "Achey."

If she couldn't manage to keep a steady grasp on Chuck's lapels she would always have Nate at least, even with his brows furrowed and his tongue thick, unsure of how to broach the subject that sat between them, he was still brilliantly beautiful.

"Want me to get you some water?"

"NO!" she practically screamed, clearing her throat in embarrassment, " I mean, stay - don't go anywhere" She patted the empty space next to her, and Nate obliged taking off his shoes before hopping in beside her.

A door shut in the distance from what he could only assume was Serena escorting everyone into the palace hallways with the intent to send them on their separate ways several hours earlier than previously planned.

"All the men in my life" Blair sighed, shifting against Nate who had molded himself to her, "Leave me."

"Where did he go?" He gently pushed, "What happened?"

For the eternity that he had known Blair, grown up with her, been in love with her, fallen out of love with her, all the accumulated time spent beside her, he had rarely crossed paths with the Blair Waldorf who was broken, who trembled in angst and desperation.

The eating disorder, the frenzied arguments with her mother, the inconsistency that was Chuck, these dependable events deeply wounded the Blair whose body was positioned hesitantly against him - as if he was the human embodiment of all her troubles. The woman he knew was not the one in front of him, shivering with cold, tears mixing with mascara as they streamed down her pale face. No, she was strong, solid and unforgiving, a force to be reckoned with. Always knowing where she was going and how she was going to get there. Nothing was too far out of her reach, no task too large to conquer with a rueful grin at whoever assumed she could not complete it.

He shuddered in thought of how many times he had peeled away that shell with his own mistakes, lies, and confusion, projecting it onto this Blair - the one unearthed behind locked doors.

"Th-there" she sputtered, reaching up to clear away her bleary vision, "w-was a ff-fight." Nate reached around to offer her his handkerchief, she blew into it. He cupped her cheek, pushing as much positive encouragement and understanding into the blues of his eyes. "He came home last night; later than I expected, of course, which I guess makes it expected." Her voice was weak and raspy but she continued "I thought maybe- what did I think? - maybe he'd bring me a pre-birthday present, I wasn't expecting the Louvre or anything- just a box of Godiva chocolates at best." She paused, sniffling, using a clean corner of the monogramed handkerchief to dab her eyes.

"Anyway, he didn't bring me anything, but that didn't matter much. I mean you know me Nate, the only instance in which it would really matter is if it was actually my birthday-but it wasn't- it was the day b-before. He puts his briefcase on the bed, ignores the dinner I s-set out for us on the terrace- looks up at me and says - he says-" Blair swallowed hard " 'B, I have to go to Paris in four hours, I'm so sorry. That's all he says, can you believe it? That's all I get, and then he starts to pack his suitcases. I started bawling and I don't know, I'm just fed up Nate. I got really angry; I heeled him in the shin and threw the champagne glasses I had l-left out against the dining room wall. He said 'Don't make a scene' and tried to grab me but I pushed him off and spread the shards around the apartment. 'You ca-an always come with me' he says as I'm crumpled against the kitchen island, he knew I couldn't, he knew I would not." She was getting irritated; the figurative bruises stinging with each word.

"I have exams and school and my life is here ri-right now, I can't just give that up for Chuck Bass, I will not give it up for him - for anyone. I'm s-so sick of him leaving; I'm tired of being alone in this stupid hotel, in this bed that smells like him. He's constantly leaving and returning and expecting everything to be identical to the minute he left. What can I do? I want to hate him, and sometimes I honestly do, but then I remember that I love him too much to hate him and it drives me crazy. All I can do is just go about my routine until the day he shows u-up again, whenever, however long he plans to be gone."

Nate nodded; perplexed, work was nothing against Chuck's dedication to Blair. Sure, he used to be an infamous womanizer but she was the exception to his rule wasn't she? Kicking her Marc Jacobs pumps off at the door, Serena crept into the bedroom kneeling next to the nightstand, wrapping her silk covered arms around Blair's shoulders.

"You can't judge anyone for what they've done Archibald; because people change" he had said last January, and doubt did not produce abundantly where hope built itself up, for Nate had looked over at Chuck in that moment and had seen it directly reflected in his eyes.

Serena's face mirrored a different knowledge; save one only the closest of friends could obtain about the inner workings of their relationship, a knowledge certainly Nate did not possess given he had only spent a handful of hours with Blair over the course of the last few months, and what once was Chuck's affirmation could be twisted against him as easily as it had spoken for him.

Her shoulders shook violently as she sobbed into Serena's shirt, "It's okay B, just breathe" she soothed, patting her back in rhythmical circles. Blair sputtered with the effort, burying her face into her friend's necks "It's really going to be okay."

Serena looked at Nate, a glum expression on her face in an attempt to communicate a miniscule portion of the complicated situation. He studied her, struggling with what she was silently asking and what he really wanted, decidedly surrendering with a lamented kiss on Blair's dampened ear, "I'll be in the other room."

"B? Come-let's have a look at you" she coaxed, retreating from the folds of Serena's shirt slowly Blair looked up, limp and tired. Her typically long, silky hazelnut curls were knotted around her face, a face splotched with red accompanied by stained trails of black mascara that smeared around her eyes and dripped towards her chin. She was only able to recall Blair this unkempt when she would barge through the bathroom door, dropping to the ground to find her best friend in the aftermath of a binge; surrounded by half eaten left-overs and sweets - none the less she hid her surprise with a weakened smile.

"Fell asleep with your make-up on again? That eighties rocker look is definitely not for you."

Wiping at her eyes with her hands, "It isn't is it?" Blair inhaled deeply."S, I don't know what to do anymore."

Serena bowed her head, training her eyes on the sheet between them "Blair, I-I don't know what to say. It's Chuck, and every time I think one thing of him he changes his tune so fast that I forget what I thought and start over again."

"Sometimes I wonder if he even loves me anymore."

"You know he does, but that doesn't make him perfect- it doesn't erase every other issue he has, every other reason he gives for running away."

"I feel so stupid, going into this-I thought- it doesn't matter anymore, we're together, I can fix him-" She looked away, tears brimming her eyes "I'm such an idiot."

"It doesn't make sense but" Serena shook her head, placing her hand on Blair's shoulder, "Feelings never do. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours until they drop you right back to where you started." The corners of her dry lips turned up in recognition of the words she had once uttered.

"How do you remember that S?"

"It just kind of stuck with me- who knew you could be so wise."

"I think you have us mixed up," she sniffled, "You're the one nobody would expect such wise things from." Serena swatted Blair's arm playfully "Well I never - now," Blue eyes locked eyes with brown, "I'll be right back." She rose from the bed and skipped into the bathroom, returning with a brush in hand. Groaning, Blair moved forward on the bed as Serena positioned herself in front of the headboard, drawing the tangles from brunette locks with tedious hands.

Chuck stepped from the jet, eluding a hefty yawn as his feet moved towards the tarmac. The clouds above wisped by in resplendent orange and pink hues that signaled the closing of yet another day, a day which he had not participated in. The weariness of a long flight coupled by the fact that he was unable to sleep the entire way shaped a clumsy rush to his movements as he scanned the sunset, drinking it in greedily, a gentle breeze twisting his hair as he shifted to sit on the musty leather of a parked limo.

Resting his head against the darkened window pane, the engine rumbled to life and the tires squealed restlessly.

"Blair, I have to go to Paris in four hours, I'm so sorry."

"What?"

"There's a huge meeting put on by the board and I have no choice other-"

"It's my birthday tomorrow." She all but whimpered, her voice a frail declaration of disbelief "You can't."

He exhaled; in, out, in, out. Why are you doing this to yourself, to her?

Looking down he took notice of the trembling in his hands, quickly setting about to busy himself with packing. Retrieving a suitcase from the upper shelf in the closet, the thump of the object as it landed on the bed caused her to jump slightly. Piling any articles of clothing into the emptiness; his eyes steadily kept on the task at hand. He could hear her breathing, uneven as it was, and he cringed in the beaten sound of her voice.

"You're always leaving" She reached up to massage her forehead "It's the only constant with you."

The pulsing truth of her words made him sick to his stomach, the flimsy excuse tasting pathetic as it rolled off his tongue, dropping flat.

"Blair, you know the board expects me to fail- their waiting with bated breath for it."

She shook her head, crossing her arms and rubbing vigorously, turning to stare out the window. He sighed, feeling the tension lessen as she walked over to him, a small smile on her lips, maybe everything would be alright, maybe she understood. Encircling her arms around his neck she leaned in to his ear "Don't come home."

It was a snarl, a deep entrenching phrase asserted with dangerous meaning. She pulled back, staring in his eyes, it was then that he felt the sharp dig of her heel in his shin, it dug and dug, and he winced, eliciting a small cry, did her heel break off in my skin? Turning her chin up at the scene he fell to the ground, watching as she paraded out of the room.

Seconds later the vibrating crash of glass against wallpaper echoed throughout the suite, clutching the corner of the bed Chuck pulled himself up, testing his footing before running into the dining room. "Blair," he said, taking small steps towards her; the glass crunching under his feet, "Don't make a scene." He reached for her wrists, yanking them to his chest; she struggled, growling at his touch before squirming free.

"Don't make a scene? Don't make a SCENE?" Her throat was dry, and her curls hung around her face in long twists.

"I'm sorry," he choked out "I'm sorry."

"You're ALWAYS sorry" she screeched "it's not enough anymore." His frown curved deeper, no it was not. Blair needed to find someone else, someone who could give her what she wanted, what he could not give her no matter his love for her.

He was his father's son after all, doomed to a life of solidarity. True love did not belong with him; it was not what his name stood for.

She moved towards the kitchen island, shrinking to the ground, tears flowing liberally as her raspberry dress crinkled at her thighs. All he would ever do was cause her to break down, to lie on the ground, to pound her fists against him, against anything within a reasonable distance. He was talented at extracting those reactions, the reason for her pain as much as her joy.

"I hate you" she seethed, her chocolate eyes narrowing "Leave me alone."

Chuck awoke abruptly, stretching against the door, his phone vibrating against his thigh.

"Hello?"

"Chuck."

"Nathaniel, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Hrm? Whatever do you mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about; it's her birthday for fuck sakes. I can't believe you." He spat out, probobly in the living room of the suite pacing back and forth, a black pit of anger bubbling inside him.

"I have to be here, I couldn't play tardy."

"I know I haven't been around much but I know - I know-you're the head of Bass Industries you can push back anything."

"This isn't grade school Nathaniel; I can't skip out because of Blair." Her name stuck to the roof of his mouth, "How is she?"

"How is she, how is she?" He countered angrily "She's peachy keen, doing great." He wasn't going to divulge anything, and in a small way Chuck was grateful, the Blair he had left a day ago did not need to be altered for the worse in any way.

"You disgust me; you're not the man I thought you had become." He added, "You don't deserve her." The line went dead.

Chuck finished packing while she sat in the kitchen, zipping up his last suitcase with uncertain hands. Dragging it off the bed he walked down the hallway, setting it carelessly on the marble.

"You could always come with me" Blair looked up from her hands, brushing at her nose with a napkin, "Two weeks in Paris, it would be romantic." He knew she would not, she could not, but if she knew he wanted her there, she would possibly forgive him. Let him touch her one last time, permit the filling of his nostrils with her Chanel and lilac scent, to be breathed in every dream he would have away from her.

"I'm not talking to you, remember?"

"I'm going to talk anyways."

"Of course you are," she replied with copious disdain.

He knelt beside her, ducking beneath the countertop "I love you." Reaching to brush a hair out of her mouth, she shuddered, turning away.

"I asked you to leave me alone, please don't make this any harder." Drawing back slowly he nodded once in acknowledgment, rising to his feet "As you wish."

Blinking hard several times the limo skidded to a stop in front of a hotel, a bellhop's gloved hand extending to open the door. Chuck ran from the car, evading the rain as best he could, ducking under an umbrella, shaking the dew from his scarf while the driver lifted suitcases from the trunk.

"Welcome to the Ritz Paris, how may I help you?" The concierge, a rather mousey looking woman, enquired from behind a large granite desk.

"Chuck, Chuck Bass." His eyes wandering across the lobby as the woman typed his name into the system.

"Ah Mr. Bass, Welcome." Thin lips curving into a faux smile, "May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the penthouse suite?" The customary line held secretive desire for the multi-millionaire standing before her, fresh green dollar signs with each step she took towards him, "Right this way."

Following unwillingly into the golden elevator, her manicured nail pressing the top floor, instantly he became irritated by the distasteful music flooding the tiny space as it hummed to life, moving upwards.

"Thank you" he purred, handing her a crisp bill as the doors opened to a white foyer, "If you need anything Mr. Bass, anything at all," she strongly offered as the doors clanked shut. Not from you.

He immediately went in search of the bar, pouring a whisky upon its discovery, cringing as it burnt his tongue ... all alone with his liquor as every Bass man eventually was.

Her body relaxed against his chest as he plucked her carefully from the floor, she had fallen asleep on the carpet in bitter contempt of his decision. Not usually the sort to pass out in anything other than silken pyjamas tucked between thousand count Egyptian cotton sheets. it was Blair's way of declaring a resentful war on his coarse, unloving actions, and he had quietly absorbed the message as her mouth lagged open against his arm.

Upon pulling the covers over her, he pressed his lips to hers briefly before turning to exit the room. Her tiny hands reached up and pulled, with as much might as could be mustered, "Stay" she whispered, "Don't go." He twisted, crawling under the covers, "I love you too." She murmured, her mouth forcefully pressing against his in the darkness.

In the morning he was gone, a cool imprint against the mattress was all the evidence his presence left.

A/N: A few tiny pieces should be clicking into place now (: Let me know what you think (if you have some time) questions, comments, just general feedback. It helped me to get this chapter up and off the ground so fast! Once again, thanks for reading/subscribing and reviewing ~