Music Numbs My Skin Chapter 4:Tell Them That Shes Not Scared, a casualty fanfic

Casualty Fic: Music Numbs my Skin

Pairing: Kirsty/Adam

Summary: Warren's treatment of Kirsty is getting too much for Adam. How will he respond when confronted with the decision to stay and comfort her or go out to seek justice?

Disclaimer: It isn't mine :-(

AN: So is Warren really dead? YES! Or... NO! I keep dithering... read on to find out. I hope you are enjoying this so far… here's the fourth instalment... I'm planning on wrapping this up pretty soon, to counteract the bad news, I'm giving you a long-un

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~~Casualty~~

Chapter Four

Tell Them That She's Not Scared

~~Casualty~~

I'll hold your tears as a ransom
Within the palm of my hand
And tell you once again,
Don't tell me that you're scared

~~Casualty~~

It had been two weeks since Kirsty had been discharged and she was sitting at home idly flicking through a magazine. She knew she had at least four more weeks off work, to 'rest, heal and get better'. The truth though? She was bored. She felt enclosed and almost trapped. It wasn't a scary kind of trapped, more of a confinement that no matter how much she wanted, she couldn't really leave or even find the energy to even make the ten minute walk to the shops.

Adam had insisted that she and Nita come and stay with him. He'd been looking after Nita anyway and eventually Kirsty was persuaded, by both Adam and Nita, to follow. So they went to the house and got some more of their things, and nearly all of Nita's school things, so they could stay with Adam.

She hadn't really wanted to go to Warren's funeral but she felt obligated to, as they'd spent a good proportion of their lives together, and also for Nita. It had been small, and there were some of the firefighters he used to work with. She'd seen family and friends she hadn't seen in quite a few years. They offered kind words of condolences, which she'd accepted politely with a quick smile and quiet thanks. She'd been asked if she'd wanted to speak at his memorial service, but she'd declined politely. She had just been out of hospital, so no-one had questioned why.

As she thought about how she felt about Warren, she was glad he was no longer in her life, but a part of him would live on in Nita and in their memories. She had to remember that there were good ones, even great ones, among the bad. In the end, a part of her still loved him. When she thought of him, she liked to think of the man he had been before all the violence and beatings. The way he should be remembered. The kind, loving gentle soul. The man she'd fallen in love with, that she knew was buried under all the hate and anger.

Nita had wanted to speak, but was only able to say a few words before breaking down and running out to get some air. Losing her father had taken it out of her. For the week following the funeral, she'd barely talked to anyone, had barely eaten much and would hide in her room sleeping most of the time.

After the end of the week, she started to come around, but she wouldn't speak about what had happened to her dad.

~~Casualty~~

Wake, wake, wake her
From this sea of white linens and
Extract the drugs from her dreams
And sew her seams with delicateness
'Cause beneath her chest sits the heart that I live for,
You'd kill for,
The angels would die for
And with a subtle wink and a flutter of wings
They whispered

~~Casualty~~

Nita woke up crying again that morning. She'd been dreaming about her dad. About the last time she'd seen him. When he'd attacked Adam, outside the ED. Seeing that it was a few minutes to go before her alarm went off anyway, she quietly got up and turned her light on. She had to wait a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the light, before she could look in her mirror to see her face.

She'd got most of her makeup off last night, but she could see where she'd missed some of her eye make-up. There was some mascara just below each eye and there was some of her purple glittery eyeliner. She managed to get her face cleaned and threw some clothes on so she was presentable for going down to breakfast.

Her mother and Adam each greeted her and she sat down to breakfast. She forced herself to make polite conversation with the two of them. They trod around the topic of her dad like they had every morning since they'd found out what had happened. She'd have to talk about it eventually, but in her opinion, the longer she could put it off for, the better.

~~Casualty~~

Kirsty studied her daughter in quick glances. She didn't need all her years experience as a mental health nurse to tell that. It probably had something to do with her dad. No, scratch that. It definitely had something to do with her dad.

She didn't want to pressure her daughter into talking about him, but Kirsty knew that the teen would need an outlet. Someone to talk to. She knew a few people who could talk to Nita because, chances were, she wouldn't want to talk to either her or Adam. When the time came, she would suggest it, and not a minute sooner.

~~Casualty~~

They whispered

I'll hold your tears as a ransom
Within the palm of my hand
And tell you once again
Don't tell me that you're scared

Alert the sawbones,
Tell them that she's not scared
She's got an army of saints armed with her prayers
Wake the angels
Tell them that she's not scared
She won't be taking the next flight out of here

~~Casualty~~

"Adam, how's Kirsty doing?" Tess asked him as she came to get some files from reception.

"Yeah, she's doing great. She's definitely on the mend." He said looking up from the forms he was filling in behind the desk. "Actually, she was saying that she might come in at the end of the week for a visit. She has an outpatients appointment and she said she'd come in on her way back while she's here."

"That'd be lovely. I'm not sure if I'll be here or not, but if I don't see her, send her my best, yeah?" she said, lifting what she needed and leaving.

"Sure thing, thanks Tess." He smiled and returned to the form. He just had a few lines to do when Noel called him over to take a phone call. He sighed and closed the folder. He could finish it later, there wasn't too much left to do.

~~Casualty~~

Nita came in from school and gave her mum a hug, before going upstairs. Kirsty sighed and went back to her book. She would speak to Adam about Nita when he got home. She was really beginning to worry. Her daughter was the centre of her universe and she'd do anything for her. But sometimes, she had to put her foot down and intervene. Nita needed to talk about what happened to her dad, because she seemed more closed off and non-committal every day. She had an appointment this Friday and she was also planning on dropping into the ED for a while afterwards. If Tess was on, she'd go talk to her.

~~Casualty~~

With a relic in her right hand,
She rushes to the front line,
Stricken by the wounds across her chest
The angels swear she's blessed with this medical test
That unlocks the gates to the place that we live for
We die for,
I know that she's bound for

~~Casualty~~

Tess was busy stressing over the next fortnight's nursing rota. With Kirsty off, she was having trouble coordinating people onto shifts. To make matters worse, Jay had gone home with food poisoning a few hours ago and Mads had requested some personal time off. She desperately needed a break. As if on cue, she heard a knock on the door. She looked up to see Kirsty opening the door looking tired, but a lot better than the last time she'd seen her.

"Kirsty! How nice to see you. Adam said you might come in. How are you?"

The young nurse smiled tiredly and closed the door behind her. "I'm alright, a bit tired but I just need to get back into the swing of things. This journey out has had both good and bad effects. It means I get out of the house, get a change of scenery and some fresh air, but to be honest, it's totally taken it out of me. I'm so tired." She laughed, and Tess smiled.

"Well it's good to see you back on your feet."

"It's good to see everyone. I'm not quite ready to come back but I shouldn't be too long."

"Don't rush yourself, just you get better. It's better to do things properly first time, than to rush it and have to take the time to fix it later on."

"Wise words." Kirsty commented, smiling "You look busy, shall I leave you to it or do you want to take a break?"

"I was just thinking of taking a break, actually. This rota's a pain. I can't seem to get it sorted properly, I might need to call in an agency nurse, but I don't really want to unless I have to."

"You could ask a few of the nurses upstairs to do even a few hours."

"I'll get back to it later. How about we go to the staffroom and get a coffee?"

"Sounds good."

~~Casualty~~

And with a subtle wink and a mother's instinct
She whispered,

She whispered

~~Casualty~~

She covered the latest blemishes with concealer. Nita wanted to fade into the background. A group of girls from the year above came in. Their ringleader, Jenna McFarlane, looked her up and down in disgust, before completely ignoring her and gazing into the mirror at her reflection. The other girls stood behind their leader like some kind of lapdogs, occasionally sneering at Nita and glancing at her up and down.

This school was so cliquey. If you weren't part of Jenna McFarlane's 'crew', or at least in her 'acceptable human beings' list, you were no-one. Nita knew she was no-one. Which was exactly why she wanted to fade into the background. Jenna finished with her makeup and turned to Nita.

"So, Nita" the girl placed emphasis on her name, as if it was a joke "What do you think of my hair?"

"It's nice." She said in the least convincing voice she could. In her honest opinion, Jenna's dry, bottle-blonde, fake flat, artificially straight hair, was as cheap and fake as the nails she'd got done over the weekend "I like your nails as well."

"Good. They cost loads." She bragged "But obviously I got them done anyway. I only deserve the best."

"You wear them well." She replied and started to leave the bathroom

"Uh. Where do you think you're going?"

"I have to go to class."

"Sure you don't."

"I have double maths in five minutes with Mr Garland. I don't want to be late."

"I have a free period. So do you."

"I just said-"

"You have a free period too."

"Are you threatening me?"

"And if I am?"

"Leave me alone."

"It's not as if anyone will notice you've gone."

"Mr Garland-"

"Is away on a course."

"But I saw him this morning."

"He left about half an hour ago."

Nita knew Jenna was lying. Her little lapdogs had blocked the exit. She was for it now.

~~Casualty~~

I'll hold your tears as a ransom
Within the palm of my hand
And tell you once again,
Don't tell me that you're...

~~Casualty~~

Blood. She was bleeding. And alone. She got up and looked in the mirror. It was just a split lip. She touched her eye gently, she'd have a black eye in the morning. Now though, she was late for class. Tidying herself up, and applying more concealer, she left the bathroom. Before she went into the classroom, she took a deep breath, to calm herself down and opened the door.

~~Casualty~~

Kirsty and Tess left the staffroom about half an hour later. They'd had a good chat and had agreed that when Kirsty came back, she would start on light labour and short hours. Kirsty had managed to help Tess sort out the next fortnight's timetable as well.

"Well it was great seeing you, Kirsty. I hope you get better soon. We all miss you here."

"Yeah, I find myself kind of bored at home sometimes, I'll be glad to get back."

"We'll all be glad to have you back, and thanks again with the timetable. You were a great help."

"No problem, Tess. Just glad I could be so useful."

~~Casualty~~

The angels dressed for the wake
But she sent them home
She sent them home
With a handful of bullet shells
With a handful of bullet shells

The angels dressed for the wake
But she sent them home
Sent them home
With a handful of bullet shells
With a handful of bullet shells

~~Casualty~~

"Alright, Skippy?"

"Who are you calling Skippy?"

"Uh, I just thought I'd use it as an icebreaker, you know, start up a conversation."

"Why would you want to start up a conversation with me?"

"I dunno. I'm new round here and you looked interesting."

"Why? 'Cos I'm on my own?"

"Yeah, why not?" there was a few minutes of silence, before he spoke again "So why are you on your own then?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, I just thought that you'd be the sort of person to be surrounded by people, laughing and joking around."

"Well, obviously I'm not. So I'm obviously not interesting, and you can sod off."

"Well, for some reason, I don't believe that for a second. Tell me a bit about yourself then."

"What's there to tell?"

"Well, start with your name. I'm Silas McAvoy, and you are-?"

"Nita Clements. How come I've never heard of you round here?"

"I moved up from London last week. My mum got a new job here."

"Where does she work?"

"The morgue."

"You're not serious. Are you?"

"I certainly am. My mum works out how people kicked the proverbial bucket."

"What about your dad?"

"He's still in London, with my sister. So what about your family then? Any sisters or brothers?"

"No. Just me."

"What about your parents?"

"My mum's a nurse, she works in Holby City ED."

"And your dad?"

"He died. In prison."

"Oh. So it's just you and your mum then?"

"No. We're staying with mum's friend, Adam. He looked after me when mum was in hospital."

"I hope she's feeling better. It's good she has people she can rely on for help. Who do you have?"

"I have my mum."

"Other than your mum, who do you have? Who do you talk to when you don't want to tell your mum something?"

"I don't-"

"What? You don't have anyone?"

"I don't have secrets from my mum."

"And why don't I believe that, Skip?"

"Because you're paranoid? And stop calling me 'Skippy'. It's rude. You know my real name, so use it."

"No need to get all defensive, buttershroom."

"I'm not- what? What's a buttershroom?"

"A cross between a buttercup and a mushroom." He replied nonchalantly "I was going to call you buttercup but you have this little extra something, I dunno what it is, so I called you buttershroom."

"You're really annoying."

"I know. It's all part of the charm." He grinned and winked at her.

"Don't wink at me."

"Oi. Am I even allowed to do anything round you?"

"Yeah. You can shut up and leave me alone."

"Now why would I want to leave such a beauty alone?"

"Well, if you want beauty then go over there." She pointed across the car park to a group of girls laughing and putting make up on every few minutes.

"Nah. I can't be bothered."

"You asked me why I wasn't laughing and joking around. If you wanted to have a laugh and a 'beauty' then you'd go over there."

"See. I'm not gonna do that, Skippy, I'm gonna stay here. They're wearing too much makeup and they're all way too shallow."

"Is that it?"

"Well, I think you're wearing a bit too much, but for some reason, something tells me you're doing it on purpose. Also, you're not orange, you're practically whiter than a ghost."

"Something tells me you like to exaggerate a lot."

"Nothing wrong with a little hyperbole."

"I guess not." She smiled for the first time in this conversation.

"So she does smile then." He grinned "And absolutely beautifully at that."

"If I wasn't very much mistaken, I'd think you were flirting with me"

"Something tells me you're not one for making mistakes"

They sat in silence as the last remnants of conversation sunk in. They'd been so caught up in conversation, neither had noticed how close they were sitting. But someone did. Someone with a camera-phone. And internet access.

~~Casualty~~

Alert the sawbones,
Tell them that she's not scared

~~Casualty~~

Kirsty was jerked awake by the front door slamming shut. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and got up to see who it was.

"Nita. Hey. Welcome home."

"I thought you were at the hospital."

"I was, then I came home." She looked at her daughter's face, and noticed the split lip and the beginnings of a black eye. "That looks sore, sweetheart, what happened?"

"We were playing football in PE. Guess who got the short straw of goalie. I'm going upstairs."

"Well, don't spend too long on facebook. Your homework is more important." She called after her daughter's retreating back.

"Hey."

"Hi. How was work?"

"Busy as ever. Tess said you came in, but I must have missed you."

"Yeah, she said you were busy in CDU. Besides, you see me every day now so what's a few hours missed here and there?"

He shrugged "Well, I'm home now, is Nita home yet?"

"Yeah, she came in about ten minutes before you did."

"Ok. I'm going up to take a shower. I thought the three of us could go out tonight for dinner, get out of the house for a bit."

"Actually, I'm exhausted, I came home and slept until Nita came in."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, I told you."

"No. With Nita. You got a look on your face when you said Nita's name. What's up with her?"

"She's upstairs. She-" Kirsty paused, trying to figure out how to word her next sentence "Something's wrong. I don't think it's anything to do with her dad. She came in and she looked a right state."

"What do you mean?"

"She has a split lip and what looks like what is going to be a complete whopper of a black eye."

"I think I have some antiseptic cream, which should help the split lip, and some bruise cream for her eye."

"She told me she got them playing footie."

"But you don't believe her, do you?"

"No"

"I'll go get those creams for her and hit the shower."

"Ok. Jut don't try and make her think you're interfering."

"Best bedside manner. Got it." He mock saluted, before heading upstairs.

~~Casualty~~

Tears dripped onto the table beside her keyboard, her vision so blurred she could barely read what was on the computer screen. As if she wanted to. But no, she forced herself to anyway. Her homework lay forgotten for the time being on her bed. She forced herself to read the comments posted on pictures. Nita rubbed her eyes furiously and told herself to grow up and stop being so stupid. The album title made her want to throw up: 'the beauty and the freak- a day in the life of Nita 'the freak' Clements'

There were pictures of her in class, in the library and outside. She saw several of her sitting with Silas. It made her smile a little, until she saw the comments below them about how she was a freak and how she was "such a weirdo" and "why would the new kid bother with her?"

The next album was titled 'The freak's big day out'. There were some more pictures of her and Silas and then some of her in the toilets. They'd taken pictures as they'd hurt her. What was worse were the comments:

Katy Darmane: "Gross! The new kid gets attacked by an ugly monster! Oh wait it's just Freaky Clements"

Jen McFarlane: "We should introduce ourselves to him so he doesn't get stuck with that thing"

Hannah Best: "Hey, Jen I have a title for your next album- Creepy Clements Strikes again!"

Jen McFarlane: "Love it, Hannz! So going to use it LOL! I hope she sees this!"

She decided to reply and typed "I think the next title should be 'kill the freak'. It'll be sooo funny."

A few minutes later a message came through "haha that's sooo funny, Becky! You sooo should see this girl for real. We should 'invite' her to Hannah's party and you could see her then. You sooo should come. Is there any way you could get out of your family thing?"

"No, sorry, but you so should 'make peace with her' and totally humiliate her anyway. Take pictures and post them up so I can have a good laugh.

Becky Carmon was Nita's fake account. It was actually the name of someone she'd met on holiday. She'd 'found' the other girls on a chat room and had friended them on facebook. This was going to be the best revenge ever.

If it worked.

~~Casualty~~

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In case you hadn't noticed from the songs I have included in my fics, I do enjoy Envy on the Coast.

They're not my favourite artist, but the lyrics are A-MAWH-ZING!

And I do make up a lot of words… heee heee