Casualty Fic: Music Numbs my Skin

Pairing: Kirsty/Adam

Summary: Warren's treatment of Kirsty is getting too much for Adam. How will he respond when confronted with the decision to stay and comfort her or go out to seek justice?

Disclaimer: It isn't mine :-(

AN: Well it's been a while, you people probably thought I'd abandoned ship on this one. I've updated the time set so that Linda is staff nurse manager, not Tess. Everything else stays the same.

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~~Casualty~~

Chapter Six

Starving Your Friends

~~Casualty~~

Thanks a lot.
I've been disadvantaged from the start
He constricted the veins heading straight to my head,
Rerouted the blood to my heart instead

~~Casualty~~

Silas slammed his locker closed and rested his fist on the door, breathing slowly.

"Silas."

"I'm not changing my mind."

"Why not?"

"I'm moving and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Silas, wait. Why are you moving?"

"I asked to."

"Is it final?"

"Not yet, but once my mum fills in some forms, then we're off again."

"You need stability. Don't quit when things get tough. It just makes you-"

"Makes me what?" his intense stare made Nita's knee's quiver, she swallowed and mustered up a neutral face.

"It makes you a coward."

Silas set his jaw and narrowed his eyes. "I'm going. You can't stop me." He said coldly, swung his bag over his shoulder and stormed past her.

~~Casualty~~

I am braindead,
Thinking in strictly in blues and reds.
Oh, I'm in enough trouble man,
Oh man, I'm in trouble again

~~Casualty~~

A mirror was either your best friend or your worst enemy. Jenna McFarlane was one of those who spent fifty percent of her time admiring herself and the other fifty percent basking in the admiration of others. When the two happened at once, she relished every second.

The door of the bathroom opened and Jenna whipped round to see the door to one of the stalls shutting. Not one of her inner or outer circle. The girl would have had the decency to acknowledge Jenna's presence at the very least. She turned back to the mirror and spoke.

"Either you're new here, you're year seven, or you're trying to ignore me. So which is it."

Silence.

"Oh come on. Even people like Nita Clements would at least mumble hi, before dashing into the toilet like a puppy with its tail between its legs."

The door opened and Jenna's facade dropped. "Nickie. Hi. I thought you were some first year."

"Well, obviously I'm not. Jenna, you've got to grow up, life isn't always going to be people falling at your feet every guy wanting you, every girl wanting to be you. Or so it would seem."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Seriously, this whole preppy crap has got to stop. The clique thing is so immature, and yes I know I dabbled in it myself, but then I grew up. My best friend, Allie, I bullied her when we were twelve, turns out she was the only one who would be a true friend. You're not royalty, so get your head out of the pretty princess clouds and into the real world."

With that, the head girl turned and left the bathroom.

~~Casualty~~

"Jay and Mads you're on cubicles for the first hour."

"Right, Kirsty can you go into Resus, Adam wants you for a psychiatric consultation, there's no-one available from psych for now, so can you do that until they can free someone up to come down?"

"Yeah, sure Linda."

"Tess, would you be alright going to CDU for a bit and alternating between there and resus."

Tess nodded and she and Kirsty headed off to resus together.

"She is in way over her head."

"I won't go back there. I refuse to be bullied by bureaucratic spin doctors who have nothing better to do than make cuts to resources and save their own hides."

"Bet you have more time for you now though."

"Yeah. The job was just piling on more and more. I think I was good at it, but the straw came to break the camel's back, and break my back did."

"Well, best get on then. I'll go do this psych consult then."

"And I'll go to Paeds resus. The little boy from last night hasn't been moved up yet. I promised him I'd go see him as soon as I got the chance."

"Take care then." She walked through the doors of the main Resus room and saw Adam and two nurses trying to restrain an elderly patient, who was flailing wildly and rambling incessantly. "Right. Mr-" she glanced at the man's chart "Davis. I can see you're under great stress and if I can get you to calm down, my friends here can let go of you." The man slowed his flailing and struggling and stopped his rambling, his breaths short and laboured. "Good. Now, if I can just get you to lie back down on to the bed, that would be good." The man lowered himself down and lay still, his eyes darting about the room. "Mr Davis, you're in Holby City hospital, and all these people are trying to do, is make you better, ok?" The man nodded, still not speaking. "Dr Truman, you asked me here for a preliminary psychiatric consultation. May I ask why?"

"This is not the patient I wanted to ask you about. I just encountered some difficulty when Mr Davis woke up."

"Ok. Which patient is it?"

"A fifteen year old boy. He was brought in and won't talk to any of us. Just himself. His name is Michael Kent. We found his library card."

"Did you catch anything that he said?"

"He said some numbers I don't know what for." He trailed off. "Lenny's in with him now. Right here." He pulled a screen aside and there was a boy, who looked much younger than fifteen, sitting hugging his knees and rocking on the bed, muttering to himself.

"Michael. My name's Kirsty."

"One."

"I'm just going to help Doctor Truman and Doctor Lyons make you well again. We're going to need to examine you"

"Three, six."

"Three six? What do you mean?"

"Ten. Fifteen. Twenty one."

"He's just rhyming of numbers, won't let me look at him."

"Twenty eight. Thirty six. Forty five."

"Michael, come on. Listen your mum's on the way soon."

"Fifty five."

"She'll be here soon, and she'll want to hear how you've been good for us and let us take care of you."

"Sixty six. Seventy eight. Ninety one. One hundred and five."

"Wait. One, three, six, ten, fifteen... they're triangle numbers. It's a mathematical sequence." Said Lenny "I remember GCSE maths we had to look at them."

"One hundred and twenty."

"Are you reciting the triangle numbers, Michael?" Kirsty asked

"Triangles are the strongest geometrical structure."

"He knows his stuff." Lenny commented

"Morley's trisector theorem states that in any triangle, the three points of intersection of the adjacent angle trisectors form an equilateral triangle."

"As interesting as that is, Michael, we need to be able to have a look at those cuts and burns. Some of them look quite nasty." Adam said quietly, but authoritatively

"The human flesh burns at 1400 degrees Fahrenheit and 760 degrees Celsius and 1033 Kelvin."

"Well, how about we have a look at them then, and you can tell me all about whatever you want while we have a look at you." Kirsty asked him

Finally, a breakthrough. Michael nodded. Very slightly.

~~Casualty~~

Cause everyone's ears are watching me,
But I never, ever felt that this would be
Anything more than a makeshift personal I.V.

~~Casualty~~

"Hey."

Why would anyone want to talk to me now. Only Silas would go near me.

"I believe you are Nita Clements. Is that right?"

"Yeah."

"I think you should know that I've given Jenna McFarlane a bit of advice regarding her huge head."

"What?"

"She's been put in her place regarding her treatment of her peers, most specifically, you."

"Why? Things were ok. I was fine."

"The black eye and split lip last week weren't enough?

"I don't need you to interfere. This is my business. My thing to deal with."

"Except you're not dealing with it. You're just letting it happen."

"Leave me alone. Please. Everyone does."

"Fine."

~~Casualty~~

Everything would be better if I wasn't here. Things would be easier on mum. Si wouldn't have me pulling him down. Jenna and her gang would just love to see the back of me. I won't do it here, not near where dad is- I don't want it to be like I want to be close to him. I do and I don't. I miss dad, the one who was happy and joked around, not the paranoid drunk who took over in the last while. Only while he joked around with me, he was hurting mum. I'm just going to go and let everyone get on with their lives.

The scrap of paper held her future, but Nita wasn't ready to finalise it by putting the words permanently in her diary. She had to get it right. The final page in her diary had to be just that- final. She decided it was enough and lifted her pen for the last time. As she copied each word in her messy scrawl, she started feeling a burning heat in her cheeks. It was only when the words 'I miss dad' were smudged, that she realised she was crying. She had to finish. Just a few more lines, and a few more smudges, then she was done. She left the journal on her bed, the pen closed in the last page. Nita picked up her bag and left the house for the last time. She looked back, saw the memories of her life here. Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked away, hitching her bag on her shoulders.

~~Casualty~~

I fall three times as hard
If it's from nothing at all
You all seem twice as tall as I will ever be.

And I feel terribly small
When my head works too hard
When you think with your chest,
There's not a thing that you don't see.

~~Casualty~~

"That was a difficult kid to deal with. How did you know what to do?" Linda asked Kirsty as they went into the break room

"My training and also my experience as both a nurse and a mother do help a lot."

"How are things at school with her now?"

"She seems to have settled, but there's some girls who have connections who've been giving her and a new boy a hard time."

"Connections? In a school?"

"Children of the board of governors seem to congregate together."

"That is a load of bureaucratic nonsense."

"What's a load of bureaucratic nonsense?" Lenny asked as he came into the room.

"Nothing, Lenny. It's not important." Kirsty glanced at her watch "I'm just off shift now, so I will catch you all later. I'm going home to see what state my darling daughter is in."

~~Casualty~~

Silas felt horrible. He felt like he'd betrayed the only genuine person on this planet. So here he was. Standing ringing the doorbell, because he knew she'd be home. But she wasn't, or maybe she was ignoring him. Some cars went by and Silas stepped down a few steps, maybe he had the wrong house. No. He didn't. That was Nita's purple seahorse keyring on the ground, beside the step. The key on it was scratched from use.

"Hey!" he turned and saw a woman striding across the road towards him. "What are you doing in my garden?" she said, angrily, as she came up the path. Seeing the keyring clutched in Silas' hand, she snatched it and said "This is my daughter's, what're you doing with it?"

"I'm a friend of Nita's. I came here to see if she was alright, I found her key there by the front step."

"Nita never said anything about an Irish boy. Are you from school?"

"Yeah. Silas McAvoy." He held out his hand to shake.

The woman narrowed her eyes, but took his hand and shook it briefly, before releasing it as it she'd had a static shock. Pushing past the boy, she used her daughter's key, which was still in her hand to open the door. She turned and said "You'd better come in then."

He obliged and walked into the front hall. It was a nice hallway, if simple in decor.

"Nita, come down here now, you have a visitor." Turning to Silas, she said "Come through here and I'll go up to get her." He was led into a small, but nicely laid out kitchen. "Won't be a minute." With that, she left the room and bounded upstairs, calling her daughter's name again.

~~Casualty~~

I'm hardly capable of half the damage
That I would like to do
I could swear that I don't care,
But you know I'm too full of shit
To think this through.

So look at me,
I pray to God
But curse too much to be considered true.
I'm just like me,

~~Casualty~~

Warren Clements

Father, Husband, Son and friend

The only person he was unable to save was himself

Lies littered this graveyard. Nita wondered how many gravestones actually reflected the person they were commemorating. No matter how bad a person was in life, they had a small plot and a piece of rock, with a piece of respect carved into it in death. You could be horrible to someone in life, but the living fear causing offence to some higher power for not showing respect to the dead.

The white jasmines had long since died, Nita replaced them with a mix of pink and yellow roses. The centrepiece was a single black rose. It was one final thing she could do here. A small gesture, but it still meant a lot to her to do this.

She spent a few more minutes there, before gathering up the dead flowers and her bag and leaving her father's grave behind forever.

~~Casualty~~

Adam walked through the door of the house and made his way to the kitchen. He was exhausted and desperate for a good, strong cup of coffee. There was a strange boy sitting at the kitchen table, causing Adam to nearly drop his bag.

"Who are you?" he asked, alarmed.

"Silas McAvoy, I'm a friend of Nita's." The boy said in a light Irish-English mix accent "Her mum went upstairs to go get her, but that was a while ago. I was going to see if they were alright up there but I haven't heard any talking or movement since she went up calling after her."

"Adam Trueman. You're the boy who stood up for Nita, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I also was a bit short with her last week as well. Decided a stupid fight was nothing to get meself worked up about, and came round to apologise and make up with her."

"Why were you short with her?"

"Disagreement with another girl, spiralled out of control a bit and I ended up gettin' meself suspended fer a week."

"The McFarlane girl?"

"Yeah, her. Nasty piece of work she is. Shame her da's got the whole faculty in his pocket, else we'd have a fightin' chance of having a bit of help."

"What made you side with Nita? As far as I'm aware, everyone was pretty much automatically taking the other girl's side, or not wanting to get involved."

"People are scared, 'cos of her and her inner circle's connections. They're not all friends, not one. They just clump together because of their parents and they all follow Jenna around like she's some kind of deity. It's so stupid."

"Right, well, it was nice meeting you, Silas. I think I'll go find out where Kirsty and Nita have got to." With that, he left the room and headed upstairs. After checking a few rooms, he found Kirsty alone on Nita's bed with a book. "Hey, where's-" he trailed off as Kirsty looked up at him, her face soaked with tears.

"She's gone."

"Gone? Gone where?"

"I don't know, but I found her diary and I read the last page to see if there was anything in it."

He took the diary and quickly read the half page. "We'll call the police, report her missing. That boy Silas is downstairs, maybe he can help us."

"Oh. I forgot he was still down there. I'll clean myself up before I go down, I'm sure I look a right state."

"You look fine. Your daughter's missing, finding her is what counts."

"Silas." They had both come down together.

Silas was concerned to see that there were two, not three people standing in the doorway, and that Nita's mother, Kirsty had clearly been crying. "What's going on? Where's Nita?"

"We don't-" Kirsty started to cry into Adam's shoulder

"We don't know where she is." Adam finished, calmly stroking Kirsty's back

"Did she leave anything behind that'd tell us where she is?"

"No. Just her diary."

"Oh. Would there be any places you could think she'd go to? Maybe see some friends? Or family?"

A flash of realisation shot over Kirsty's face. "Warren." She dashed to get her coat from the hallway.

"What?" said Adam and Silas, in unison

Kirsty came back into the room. "She's gone to see Warren. She's at his grave."

"Kirsty, are you sure?"

"Adam, she wrote that she misses her dad. So she's gone to see him. Let's go."

The three people left the house quickly. "Silas, would you like to come with us? Or do you need to let your parents know where you are?"

"Mum's at the office until the early hours of tomorrow morning, dad's in London with me sister. I'm not going to leave Nita without saying sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"I said something in haste, it was more for show in front of everyone, I was going to message her to apologise but my phone ran out of credit, and my internet is down. This was the first free moment I had to come round."

"Let's all get in the car and we'll go look."

"Actually, I came down on my bike, and I'm going to check a few other places. More ground covered and all that."

"Right, well be safe."

~~Casualty~~

I'm just like me,
So who the hell are you?

I'm but a boy,
Just like the rest of these thieves.
And I borrow phrases from
Dusty, faded, record sleeves

The story is the same,
I've just personalized the name
But if it's all you need,
Then I'd be more than happy to confess my shame'

~~Casualty~~

As soon as she arrived at the bus station, Nita took her phone, turned it on silent and hid it in a bag that was sitting on a trolley. She left the bus station, and walked to the park. She'd gone there as a kid and had enjoyed many days with her parents on the swings, the roundabout and the climbing frame.

The swing set brought back a load of memories, there was where she'd landed when she successfully jumped off and landed without incident, for the first time. Over there she'd ridden her bike for the first time, without stabilisers. The roundabout was where she'd gotten her fist skinned knee. The first of many.

"Nita!" The faint shout made her spin in her seat. It was time to get out of there.

~~Casualty~~

The flowers. Fresh flowers. She was here, but not now. Where was she? The Black rose stuck out amongst the mix of pink and yellow. The message: 'goodbye, I love you'

"We'll find her. For all we know, Silas already has."

"She's gone. The flowers. We talked about meanings of rose colours when we were choosing arrangements for the funeral."

"Why? What does it mean?"

The pink and yellow are love and happiness. The black. It means either death or farewell."

"On a grave, it's not so out of place then."

"They're not a message about him. It's her saying goodbye to her dad. For good."

~~Casualty~~

"Nita!" He cycled past the shops, the park, the local primary school. "NITA!" He realised where he was heading. He could feel the pull. She was calling to him. Only, not with her voice.

The water of the canal glistened in the sunlight, though murky. There was a scarf tied around one of the posts of the barrier. It was the same red scarf she'd worn the first day he'd spoken to her.

~~Casualty~~

I know you think you know,
But these eyelids are windows
That shut you out from all the things
That I don't want you to know.
And I refuse to tell you
One single secret I own.
'Cause you'll find I'm petrified
Of your eyes.

~~Casualty~~

She'd left the scarf for him. She wanted him to see it, to recognise it. She watched as he gently untied it from the fence. He walked over to his bike, almost entranced by the piece of material. She watched, almost as hypnotised as he tied it around the handlebars of his bike. His foot hit the pedal and soon he was out of sight.

Everything was cleared up, time to get going.

"Nita."

"Silas."

~~Casualty~~

"Where to now?"

"Just keep driving." After a few minutes "Look! There's Silas."

"What's he doing? He's just sitting there. He should be looking for her."

"Where's his bike?"

They both got out of the car and ran over. Kirsty's heart nearly stopped when she saw the scarf.

"Where is she? Silas, where is Nita?" By this time she was kneeling, with her hands on his arms, shaking him.

"Kirsty." Adam put his hand on her shoulder.

"She's gone." Silas said "I couldn't stop her. She just hugged me, said goodbye and left."

"Where? Where did she go?"

"She said that there'd be no more Nita Clements. That her life was over."

"She wouldn't. No."

Silas just looked up and said "Now would be a time to call in the pros before I have to hear that the girl I've taken quite a shine to, has turned up in her office."

~~Casualty~~

I'm hardly capable of half the damage
That I would like to do.
I could swear that I don't care,
But you know I'm too full of shit
To think this through.

~~Casualty~~

The blonde girl walked out of the salon and headed to the train station. She'd emailed her friend in the internet cafe two shops down. The train to Edinburgh left in ten minutes. New life, new start.

Nita Clements' life was over.

Becky Carmon's was just beginning.

~~Casualty~~

I've read the book,
I prayed to God,
But cursed too much to be considered true.
I'm just like me,
I'm just like me,
So who the hell are you?

############

Didn't see that one coming, did ya?

this is the end, just so you know. I was gonna have her jump in the canal, but I thought this would be a lot better.

seeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

daydreamerkid xx