Disclaimer: I can't own Yu-Gi-Oh and the affiliated characters, plot devices, and children's card games? Kazuki Takahashi already owns it, and it isn't on sale? Darn. GX reference in there, too. Not like I own that series either...
A/N: My beta and I edited the hell out of this chapter. Asdfkjhwedohg. It's totally different from what it was before he got around to editing it.
I'd really love it if you guys told me what you think of the duel. The rules/cards I'm are the same ones from chapter 6 of my fic "Friday", for argument's sake. It's this super-weird hybrid between anime and manga rules (Fyi, if you like this fic, you'll probably like that one, too. Go check it out!)
Obnoxious Author Ranting: So, the person I mentioned in my first chapter put a rant in the A/Ns of one of their fics, and in it, they complained about "people who flame me then block my PMs so I can't reply," or something along those lines. I would like to complain that s/he sent an extraordinarily cruel reply to my review and then blocked me, so I couldn't reply... I'm really mad that s/he's being such a hypocrite, yet incredibly sad at the same time. I really, really admire the author's writing style, and I made sure to tell him/her so. To have one of my favorite fanfiction authors literally refute my criticism point-for-point and even take offense to a joke that I put... and then get on other peoples' cases for doing the same thing that s/he did in retaliation to my review... well, it just bothers me. Tremendously. I need a hug.
(P.S. If you actually read through that rant, thank you very much... ^^)
Warnings: Some fangirling, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love, sexual innuendo, cursing.
(Mind link talking is in parentheses. Like these.)
-Wednesday, 3:00 PM, Just Outside the Game Shop-
The other Yugi chuckled. He figured it was about time his former cousin got a lover.
So, naturally, when his partner had contacted him via mind link with a plot to get Kaiba and Joey together, he agreed wholeheartedly to the plan- after, of course, adding his own little twists to it. If it was a strategy created by the great King of Games, there was no way it could fail... right?
In Yami's opinion, the pair of duelists could be a team that rivaled himself and Yugi. They were power and potential, the perfect match, and they really had more stuff in common than they realized- and yes, that "stuff" did go beyond a shared fetish involving dragons. The ever-perceptive former Pharaoh could clearly see that, in addition to a dragon fetish, they were both clearly interested in furries! And it was also pretty obvious that they got a serious kick out of fighting each other.
That was kind of important, too, in its own way.
Not to mention the pet names! Yami chuckled to himself, wondering exactly who Kaiba was fooling with that. Those two were so going to get married, figure out male pregnancy, and have children by the names of Alexis and Atticus, who would take on Kaiba's last name from before he was adopted.
Seriously. Isis predicted it.
That was why Yami decided to interfere with the almost-couple. And, like all things in the world, he was going to do it with the help of a children's card game... starting with actually accepting Kaiba's weekly request for a duel.
"Kaiba's Kitten is approaching the game shop," Téa whispered through her microphone. They'd chosen to go the unexpected route; Joey never considered himself a cat person. "He's just gotten out of detention. Is Joey's Jerk nearby?"
Yami peered out the door of the game shop and spotted a limo but a block away.
"Yes, Joey's Jerk is almost here," Yami said. "He's at the intersection between Smith Street and Dale Drive."
"We'll be there soon," Téa replied, then cut off the communication link.
("Other me," Yugi called him through the mind link. "Remember to use the strategy we discussed yesterday, all right? I know that sometimes you get caught up in the duel and forget to stick to what we talked about...")
(Yami replied, "Don't worry, Partner, I won't mess this up. My friends' happiness means a lot to me. I'll remember to use the deck we prepared last night, for certain.")
So, Yami waited. It wouldn't be long until Kaiba came to the shop, and then they could put their plan into action. While Kaiba failed to defeat him, due to the sudden influx of dog-related cards in his deck, he would be forced to think about Joey for the entire duration of the duel. And, of course, Yami had plans to drag out the duel as long as possible. He was certain that, if Joey so happened to be around after the duel- and Joey always watched Yami duel- Kaiba would suddenly realize his feelings for his blond-haired rival, and confess on the spot.
However, it was not to be the case.
"Rich boy! What the Hell are you doin' here?" Joey's voice cut through Yami's thought process. He opened the door to the shop, only to find Joey and Kaiba engaged in verbal battle a mere five feet from the door. He facepalmed.
"I happen to have a duel with Muto this afternoon," Kaiba sneered back. "Unlike you, I actually possess the ability to play card games!"
"Hey! I can play Duel Monsters, too!" Joey growled. "I challenge ya to a duel! Right here, right now!"
"Please, like I have time to duel a proletariat like you," Kaiba blatantly snubbed him by walking straight past him as if he wasn't even there, fully intent on reaching the game shop.
"Oh yeah?" Joey retaliated. "I bet yer just too scared to challenge this prole- proletriat an' lose!"
"It's pronounced proletariat, mutt," Kaiba's patented death glare was now affixed to Joey's face. "And Seto Kaiba isn't afraid of anything."
"I'm not afraid of being poisoned," Kaiba thought to himself as a way of reassurance. "I'm merely being cautious. It's happened before, and I'm simply taking precautions to prevent it from happening again."
As if he'd ever admit to being afraid of anything.
"Then prove it, Moneybags," Joey already had his Duel Disk at the ready.
"Fine, Mutt!" Kaiba whipped out his Duel Disk and equipped it to his person. "Bring it on!"
("Wow, Kaiba must really love Joey," Yugi commented. "He's passing up a duel with you to fight with him!")
("Either that, or Kaiba just isn't thinking," Yami internally chuckled. "I've noticed that Joey tends to have that effect on him. Should I bring it to his attention, or leave it be?")
("Leave it for now, " Yugi replied. "It's been a while since I've seen them duel. They're always so intense!")
"Let's duel!" they yelled at each other, and drew five cards each.
"They say dat gentlemen should let ladies go first," Joey drawled.
"So, of course, I'll let you have the first turn," Kaiba smirked.
"Bastard," Joey growled, but drew from his deck, anyways. "All right, I'll summon Gearfried the Iron Knight in attack position! Then, I'll place this card face-down, under it, and end my turn!"
"You'd like to be face-down under my attack position," Kaiba thought, leering in Joey's direction.
(Duels can be romantic," Yugi insisted. He paused for a second. "Well, at least I think they can be. Maybe they'll confess after Kaiba plays the card I snuck into his deck earlier this morning.")
"I use the Advanced Ritual Art spell card to special summon Paladin of White Dragon, and I discard Battle Ox from my hand as a result," Kaiba began. "Next, I use the spell card Ancient Rules to special summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon from my hand! Then, I summon Vorse Raider, and enter the battle phase! Using my Vorse Raider, I attack and terminate your Iron Knight, which costs you 100 Life Points! Then, I attack you directly with my Blue Eyes' Destruction Burst Stream!"
"Wait up!" Joey exclaimed. "I activate my spell card, Scapegoat!"
"Fine," Kaiba growled. "I redirect my Blue Eyes' attack towards your Sheep Token, and I obliterate yet another Sheep Token with my Paladin of White Dragon. I end the battle phase, then I tribute the Paladin of White Dragon to special summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon from my deck!"
"..." Joey paused. "Wait, did you just summon a whole bunch of monsters in one turn?"
"It's all in accordance with the rules," Kaiba smirked. "I am permitted to special summon as many monsters as I wish."
"Screw the rules, I've got a headache," Joey scoured the edges of his mind, trying to figure out what Kaiba did to summon two Blue Eyes White Dragons, a Paladin of White Dragon, and a Vorse Raider all in one turn. "You've gotta be cheating!"
"If you can't figure out something as simple as special summoning, maybe you should just give up now," Kaiba sneered.
"No way!" Joey exclaimed indignantly. "Rule one of the Joey Wheeler handbook is 'Never turn down a challenge!' It's my turn, so you better get ready!"
Joey drew a card, "All right! Now, I use the Ancient Rules I just drew to special summon the Red Eyes Black Dragon in attack mode! Then, I regular summon the Gene Warped Warwolf from my hand, and I also activate Enemy Controller! I pay 1000 Life Points to take control of your Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
Kaiba's eyes widened.
"Now, I battle!" Joey declared. "I use the Blue Eyes on my side to attack the Blue Eyes on your side, and both of 'em get destroyed! Then, I get rid of your Vorse Raider with the Gene Warped Warwolf, meaning ya lose 100 LP! Finally, I attack ya directly with my Red Eyes Black Dragon! It's Wheeler time!"
Kaiba visibly flinched from the sudden burden of losing 2400 LP in one burst. Now, he only had 1500 LP remaining, as opposed to Joey's 2900.
"You!" he roared in fury.
"But I ain't done yet, Kaiba," Joey waved the last card in his hand flirtatiously before slamming it face-up into a spell card space. "I activate Monster Reborn! Meet yer Blue Eyes White Dragon, on my side of da field to stay!"
Kaiba ground his teeth furiously, careful to let his anger show only through his eyes. His patented death glare was so intense, Joey swore he could feel a burn welling up on his skin already. How did the proletariat manage to get a Blue Eyes White Dragon, a Red Eyes Black Dragon, and a Gene Warped Warwolf on his side of the field in only one turn? Only he was allowed to summon that many monsters in one turn; the complexity of the rules forbade almost anyone else from doing so!
"It's my turn!" Kaiba declared, drawing a card. He eyed it. Strange, he didn't recall ever putting such a pathetic monster in his deck. He almost showed his contempt for the card with an actual facial expression, but settled for glaring at it instead.
And in the background, Yami sweatdropped.
("No!" Yami gasped in his head. "You didn't!")
("I did," Yugi giggled. "A Happy Lover~!")
("That was sneaky of you, Aibou," he used the Japanese term he'd heard in Yugi's language class, a term that he found vaguely cuter than 'partner'. "That will work perfectly in this plan!")
Kaiba growled, before decisively playing the other card in his hand.
"I discard a 'Happy Lover' to activate my spell card, Lightning Vortex, which destroys every monster on your side of the field!" he roared, still upset that someone had played a prank on him, forcing him to draw a card that looked like it belonged in the annoying friendship girl's deck.
"Since when did you get that card?" Joey frowned. Kaiba never put cards with such low attack into his deck!
"I don't know," Kaiba ground out. "Someone must have slipped it in when I wasn't looking. It's a good thing I caught it before a duel with anyone who actually matters."
(Yami and Yugi both internally sweatdropped.)
("So much for that plan," Yami sighed through the mindlink.)
(Yugi pouted in response.)
"Why you-" Joey clenched his fists to prevent himself from attacking Kaiba right then, which would make him forfeit the duel.
"It's my turn!" Joey said, then drew a card. Not a bad one, but not great either. "I set this card and end my turn."
Kaiba drew a card and smirked. It was exactly the one he wanted. He prepared to play it when-
Beep beep!
Kaiba glanced down at his watch, furious with it for ruining the atmosphere, where he'd set an alarm to let him know when he would have to leave for a meeting with Industrial Illusions. He'd have to finish this duel up, and fast.
"I use Monster Reborn to bring back my Blue Eyes White Dragon, then I attack with Destruction Burst Stream!" he declared.
Yami, Yugi, and Téa all watched in horror as Kaiba's dragon built up its white beam and blasted it into Joey.
Téa jabbed Yami sharply in the side as they watched Joey spasm from being hit with the enormous burst of almost opaque white energy.
"What do we do?" she hissed. "This isn't part of the plan!"
"Yugi says that dueling can be romantic," Yami whispered back. "Just let it be."
Téa hit herself in the forehead, exasperated. Ugh, boys.
Knowing that Joey's Life Points would drop to zero, Kaiba turned around and walked towards his limo.
"Hey! Get back here, Moneybags!" Joey yelled after him, waving around the card he was about to flip over, Nutrient-Z. "I haven't finished with ya yet! I still have a counter!"
"And I have an important meeting to get to, so get lost, Mutt," Kaiba growled back. Joey recoiled, looking very much like a lost, dejected puppy.
"Dueling is romantic, huh?" Téa glared at Yami, furious because of her plan's failure.
And Yami sighed.