SECRECY
Chapter 12
Jesse was really happy with my mom and Andy's reaction to us. So I guess that gave him the courage he needed to tell my step-brothers.
But the thing is...we never got to tell them. We planned on telling them when Jesse and I were both together and they were around. That was usually at dinner time, but Andy let Jesse and I go out together, instead of staying in for dinner (my mom had said she would cover for me until I was ready to tell them). But the thing is...we could never get them alone with us. They were always out somewhere, and we never got the chance to tell them.
So, being me, I had a proposition. I would tell my step-brothers that I needed to tell them something—something very important—and we'd get them together and Jesse and I would tell them. I really have no clue why that hadn't occurred to me before. Common sense is really not my forte.
But, of course, things had to go wrong.
Jesse and I had decided to tell them the next day. You know, announce it during dinner, or something. But things never seem to go the way I want them to.
Andy had asked me to go to the store for him to pick up some stuff for dinner. I agreed to, but just as I was going to go in reverse and back out of the driveway, I glanced at the steering wheel and noticed my gas was on E. As in, empty.
I would never make it to the grocery store, or a gas station for that matter, before the gas ran out. And, well, I didn't exactly want to be stuck in the middle of the road with my car. And I was so not going to push it to the side of the road. That's what men are for.
Or, you know, tow trucks.
My phone rang then, and, disgruntled, I took it out of my pocket. I looked at the front and noticed it was Jesse. Hmm...maybe its not as bad as I thought.
"Hey," I said after I flipped my phone open. "I'm actually glad you called. I need a ride to the grocery store."
There was silence on the other end for a good ten seconds, and I was beginning to wonder if Jesse had hung up or something. But, no, he answered, a little confused. "You have a car, do you not?" he asked. It was one of those questions where you already knew the answer, but just had to ask anyway.
"Yes, Jesse," I said. "But, well, I have no gas. And I highly doubt I'm gonna make it to a gas station."
"I love you, Susannah, but you are very careless."
I laughed. Normally if someone said I was careless I would give them a piece of my mind, but, well, this was Jesse saying it. And he said he loved me.
Again.
"It's all part of my charm," I said jokingly.
He chuckled. "Of course. One that even I could not resist."
"Ha-ha," I said. "Come on. I've gotta go there."
"All right. I'll be over in a few minutes."
And he was over in a few minutes. Three minutes and he was pulling up beside the curb. I checked to make sure my car was locked (Brad likes to go and scrounge for money in there sometimes. I can only imagine what else he does in there when he does that. Er, I actually don't even want to imagine - eww.), and then I went over to Jesse's car. Speaking of which, he was getting out of his car to open the passenger door for me.
Aw, how sweet.
I smiled at him, and leaned over to kiss his cheek, when he stopped me. Too late I realized my mistake. "Oh," I said, "right."
He smiled at me. He knew what I was like, but he was there to correct me, whether I liked it or not.
I got in the car and buckled myself up. Jesse would yell at me otherwise, saying that I could be seriously injured if something would have happened. Although, I seriously doubt that. Jesse is the most careful driver I know, even if he does own a Mustang.
After we went to the grocery store, Jesse drove me back to my house to drop the groceries off to him. Jesse took the gas that we had gotten from the gas station on the way back, and he filled my car up with as much as he could. "That should be enough to get you to a gas station," he had said.
Before we went into my house, I looked over at Jesse in the car. "Jesse?" He looked over at me. "You think we can, um, go to your house?"
He studied my face for a minute. He had to know what I was implying, what I wanted. After a moment, he nodded. "If that's what you want, querida," he said.
About ten minutes later we got to his house. There was some other car in his driveway, probably Marta's boyfriend's car. Either Jesse didn't acknowledge the unknown car, or he just didn't care.
But his parents were out, I soon learned. They were at some show up in San Francisco. They put Marta in charge of watching his other sisters.
We didn't see anyone when we walked into the house. But I could hear the television in the living room. "It's best if they don't know we're here yet," he said. It was his tone that made me realize that he did understand what I was implying earlier.
As soon as we got to his room, he shut his door. He didn't lock it, because people in his house actually knock before they go into a room, unlike in my home.
I smiled at him when he turned around. Oh, God, he was so freaking hot. How did I manage to snag this guy?
He came over to me and put his hands on my hips, drawing me closer to him. "You're sure no one's going to come up here?" I asked.
"I'm sure," he said.
So, you know, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was perfect. He was perfect. Everything was just perfect.
Well, for that moment anyway.
I mean, Jesse and I were kissing. We were getting really into it, too. Like, his hand was creeping up my back, under my shirt (possibly heading toward my bra to unclasp it?) and everything.
I remember hearing footsteps, but it didn't really register, you know? We were just so caught up in what we were doing. Besides, if it was just Marta or one of his other sisters it wouldn't matter, right? I mean, Marta all ready knew. And if it was Josephina or Mercedes, or someone, they would just start giggling and run away.
So when the door opened, I didn't really think much of it. So one of his sisters caught us. Big whoop.
That's what I thought. At least until I heard the voice.
"Hey, man, you're home. Wh—"
It was Jake. Oh, shit. It was Jake.
I was the first to break away, followed by Jesse. I grabbed Jesse's hand and practically pulled it out of my shirt. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
Jesse's back was to him, but I could clearly see the shock on Jake's face when he saw us like that.
He looked at me, then to Jesse, and then back to me. That's when Jesse turned around to face him.
Oh, shit.
As Brad would say, BUSTED.
We were like deer caught in headlights.
"Jake, it's not what you think—" I attempted.
He blinked at me. "It's not what I think?" he scoffed. "So you guys weren't just macking each other? I was just imagining that?"
I looked at Jesse uneasily. His face was bright red, and he actually looked like he was afraid of Jake. Well, I mean, they were best friends. I guess seeing your best friend making out with your sister (even if its just your step-sister) could really get you upset.
Jesse didn't dare say anything. He knew there was nothing he could say.
So it was up to me I guess.
"Look, Jake, we were going to tell you. Tonight, actually. At dinner. You could even ask Mom and Andy—"
"Wait a second. They knew, and I didn't? What the hell is going on here? I want to know!"
I winced at his tone. I had never heard Jake get this worked up before. He never gets mad. The worst I ever saw him was when Brad decided to take his keys and go for a ride in his Camaro.
I took in his appearance. It looked like he had just gotten back from the beach. His sandals were slightly wet and his feet still had some sand on them. Plus, his hair still looked a little wet.
And also, he looked pissed. WAY pissed. Like, I'm-gonna-kill-you pissed.
What the hell had we gotten ourselves into here?
I attempted an explanation. "O-okay. Um, well, Jesse and I...we..." How the hell could I say this?
"You what?" Jake interjected snappily.
I gulped. "We're...together."
"I gathered that," he said sarcastically. "How long has this been going on, Suze?"
I looked down. I couldn't answer that. It had been way too long to be accepted. But, luckily, Jesse answered for me. "Two months," he said. I looked at him. His face was completely blank, showing no emotion whatsoever.
I could tell Jake was pissed without even looking at him. "Two months?" he asked incredulously. "You two have been sneaking behind my back for two months?"
"Jake, look, we wanted to tell you, but we couldn't."
He turned his stormy eyes to me. "Oh? And why was that?"
"Because we knew that this was how you would react! Can't you just accept that we want to be together? That we - that we love each other?"
He was about to say something, but he stopped. Right away, I knew I had said the wrong thing.
"Love? Is that what you think this is?" he asked sarcastically. He laughed bitterly. "No, you guys aren't in love. You're just in lust."
And with one last glare, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I was afraid to look at Jesse. I knew he must be feeling pretty upset right now. I mean, this was what he was trying to avoid.
But it looked like I didn't even have to look at him, because he came over and stood in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders. Looking in my eyes, he said, "Susannah, I am so sorry. I...I cannot believe that happened."
Wait, he thought this was his fault? I was the one who had suggested going to his house to make out, so if I hadn't said that none of this would have happened.
"Jesse, you have nothing to be sorry about, okay? Look, I'll just go home and talk to him, alright? I'll try and explain to him what's really going on."
Jesse shook his head. "No," he said. "He...he's very stubborn, Susannah. He won't even let you explain."
Oh, I would make him let me explain.
"It's worth a try, Jesse. I've lived with him for almost ten years, Jesse. I'll make him listen to me."
He sighed and took his hands off of my shoulders, letting them fall to his side. "This was exactly what I was trying to avoid," he said.
I gave him a weak smile. "I know," I said. I took his hand and intertwined my hand with his. "Everything will turn out alright, Jesse. Jake just needs some time to get used to everything. And besides, we don't need his approval. It shouldn't really matter what he thinks. We already got my mom and Andy's and your parents'."
He nodded. "I know," he said. "I know it shouldn't matter. But it does. He...he's the best friend I've ever had, Susannah." Then he added, "Besides you, of course. But now...you're more than a best friend."
I gave him a comforting smile, and squeezed his hand. Then I stood up on my tippy-toes and kissed him. He gave in the first few minutes, but then he pulled away. I wasn't all that disappointed, though. It was to be expected.
"I'm sorry, querida. It just does not feel right, right now."
I nodded. "It's okay. I understand." I gave his hand one last final squeeze and then parted from him. "I think its time I leave."
He nodded his head in agreement. "Come on. I'll drive you home."
- § -
As soon as I got home, I headed for my bedroom. I had to think about what to say to Jake before I did. I had to play my cards right. Because if I didn't, I would never get Jake to understand.
So I sat on my bed, thinking. Should I just go in there and get right to the point? Or should I drag it out as long as possible? Should I explain to him how it all began, from the first time Jesse kissed me on the beach?
I didn't know. Because no matter how long I've lived with Jake, I still don't quite get him. Brad, sure. Idiot, man-whore. Not much going on there. David, smart, cute. Again, there's not much to figure out.
But Jake? He's more complicated than I like to think.
I got up from my bed, ready to go out and talk to Jake. I wasn't really ready. I don't think I would ever be. But it just had to be done.
But right after I stood up, I heard a knock on my door.
The first thought to enter my mind was: Oh, shit, it's Jake. What the hell do I do?
"Come in," I called nervously. But, no. It wasn't Jake. It was Brad.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Of course.
"What do you want, Brad?"
He looked taken aback. I guess I couldn't really blame him. My tone was less than friendly. "Jeez. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Nothing," I said without really thinking. But I felt the need to add to that, since it was a little suspicious. Although, I couldn't help but think that maybe Jake had told Brad what had happened. "It's just...I'm not having a very good day."
He nodded in understanding. "I wouldn't either. I mean, if my brother found me sucking face with his best friend."
My eyes widened in shock. So he had told Brad. Well...hmph.
"God, Suze. I never would have thought. You skeeving around with Jesse?" He shook his head in a disapproving manner.
That got me mad. "I wasn't skeeving around with Jesse, you asshole. And if that's what you're going to tell people in school, then you better think twice. Because if I hear anything like that at all, I'm gonna automatically assume it was you, and you are gonna regret it."
He just rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I was just saying. I mean, I always thought Jesse was the wait-until-marriage kinda guy."
I put two and two together in my head. Oh, God. Is that what he thought? "We aren't having sex, you idiot. God, is that what Jake told you? Because, seriously, I need to have a word with him about that, then."
He shrugged. "No need to get worked up. Anyway, I just wanted to know what the history homework was."
By then I was standing near him by the doorway of my room. So I promptly shut the door in his face.
Oh, God. What am I going to do?
SO sorry for the wait on this. I was having trouble figuring out where to go from where I left off. Plus I've been having exam reviews and the actual exams themselves. WHich, by the way, were very hard. -wrinkles nose-
Anyway, please review! They are very welcome.
-Nicole