A/N: Thanks again for all of your reviews and messages; they are all very much appreciated. This chapter is for my wonderful friend TDCSI who wanted some angst.
Huge thanks as always to Purdy's Pal for her input in this chapter
6
When Michael awoke the next morning, he reached across to wrap his arm around Fiona, but the bed was empty. Sitting up he looked around for any signs of her until he spotted her long slender legs propped up on a chair on the balcony.
Sitting up, he climbed out of the bed and pulled on his jeans. His bones clicked as he stretched but he ignored the noise as he made his way towards the balcony doors, pushing them open. The smile that had been ready to greet her died on his lips when he saw her looking up into the sky, with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Michael," she jumped when she noticed him standing there, and hurriedly wiped the wetness away. "I didn't hear you."
"Fi," he asked softly as he walked towards her and crouched down beside her chair. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," she told him, offering him what she hoped was a confident smile, but failed miserably. When she moved to stand up, he put his hand on her arm to stop her.
"Fiona?"
"It's hormones," she lied as she swallowed back the lump in her throat. "I'm fine."
Michael knew her well enough to know when she was lying to him; she could never look him straight in the eyes. Fiona wasn't a crier. Yes since she became pregnant she'd had bouts of tears, but he also knew that he was the cause of most of her sadness. He'd obsessed over his burn notice for the past four years, pulling her along with him. He knew his actions had hurt her on more than one occasion, but he'd never stopped to comprehend just how much she was willing to sacrifice for him.
Standing quickly he lifted her legs from the chair and sat down, replacing her feet on his lap. He watched her carefully as he ran the palm of his hand over her bare feet and lower legs.
He could see her battling with her emotions and when he reached out to take a hold of her hand, she turned her head away so he couldn't see fresh tears gathering in her eyes. He watched her carefully as he stroked her hand with his thumb, trying to find the words to express to her just how much he was happy to be home.
"How long have we got?" she asked quietly. She could feel his worry when he stroked her legs with his fingers, but her heart was aching with sadness because she knew this visit, or whatever it was, would soon be over.
"For what?" he asked, squeezing her hand so she would look at him.
She turned to him then, her eyes full of so much emotion that it caused him to gasp in a breath.
"I need to know how long we have until you leave." Her eyes focused on his fingers that stroked her skin before she looked up into his eyes. "I feel like I'm doing this on my own Michael, I really do…and it's so hard."
"I'm sorry," he slid his hand further up her legs, stopping at her knees. "I know it hasn't been easy on either of us, but this is for us. When it's over—"
"It'll never be over," she told him quickly, her voice catching as she spoke. "Even when you've completed these jobs they want, there will always be something else to take you away."
"Fi—"
"Do you know what a birth plan is Michael?" she asked him sombrely. When he shook his head she sighed heavily and dropped her gaze to their joined hands. "I have to decide if I want pain relief, how I want to have the baby and who my birth partner will be…do you know what I wrote down for that last part Michael?"
Michael caught her sorrowful gaze when she lifted her eyes back up to his and shook his head.
"I didn't write anything," she told him in a whisper. "I didn't want to write your name knowing that when the time comes, you'll be off on one of your god damn missions."
"I will be there Fi, I promise you—"
"You promised you'd be there for the sonogram," she told him, annoyance growing in her voice as she moved her legs from his lap to stand up. "I wanted you to be the first man to feel your baby move, but you weren't here…I really don't want to do this on my own…but if I have to—"
"You won't," he told her quickly as he stood up to place his hands on both of her shoulders. "I want to be here, Fi. I will do everything I can to be here." When she didn't answer he lifted her chin with his finger and looked into her eyes. "Remember I told you I met someone who pulled some strings to get me home?"
She nodded silently, scanning his eyes when he moved closer to touch his forehead to hers. "Who is this mystery man?"
"I wish I could tell you Fi," he sighed. "But he's looking into my file and he's confident he can help us."
"Help us do what exactly?" she sighed heavily. "I can't go home. I can't even tell my family about the baby…is he going to wave a magic wand and make all of our enemies disappear?"
"No, but he's working on it. He knows how important it is for me to be home." When she didn't answer, he reached over to lace his fingers with hers, hoping to convey everything he was feeling into that one touch.
"Sometimes I wonder if this is what you really want," she chanced a look at his face. "I know you, Michael. You never wanted this…"
"I do want this," he told her, placing a soft kiss onto her forehead before pulling away to smile down at her. "I think these last few weeks have taught me more about myself and what I want."
"I don't want you to leave because you think you have to. I want you to leave because you want to," sighing heavily, Fiona shook her head and closed her eyes briefly before opening them again when he kissed her forehead.
"It's time for me to move on," he told her softly as he pulled back slightly and coaxed her eyes up to his again. "I have something for you."
"What?" she asked when he stepped back and took her by the hand to lead her back inside the loft. She followed him when he pulled her gently with him and allowed him to sit her on the edge of the bed.
He let go of her hands and walked over to the bathroom where he had thrown his bag onto the floor and picked it up to bring it back over to the bed. Carefully, his fingers unzipped the bag before he delved his hand inside and rummaged for the envelope he was searching for.
Moving back towards the bed he knelt down in front of her and handed her the battered envelope. She looked up at him questioningly before dropping her eyes onto the envelope in her hands.
"It's for you," he told her gently as he stood up. "I'll be in the shower if you need me."
"What is it?" she asked quietly before he turned away.
"I honestly don't know," he shrugged as he bent over to place a soft kiss onto her head.
Fiona watched him walk away then dropped her eyes to the envelope in her hands. Turning it over, she regarded it carefully before sliding her finger under the seal, ripping it open. As soon as the seal was broken, several photographs fell out onto her lap and she found herself staring down at them in shock.
Smiling faces looked back up at her, and for a few moments she couldn't move. With shaking fingers she lifted one of the photos and gazed down at it, tears blurring her vision. It was a photo of her mother, one she hadn't seen before. She looked older and her hair had lost most of its redness, leaving her with large streaks of grey.
A single tear escaped from her eyes to carve a track down her cheek as she picked up the next photo. She couldn't help but laugh when she saw her little twin nephews covered head to toe in mud. They were mere babies when she last saw them, now they were at least seven and looking every bit like their father.
Fiona scanned through the remaining photos and by the time she had reached the final one she was sobbing softly. Turning, she spread them all out over the bed so that she could see them all.
Michael came back into the room and sat down beside her. Reaching across he laid a hand on her arm and stroked her soft skin.
"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly as he laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Yes," she told him quickly as she turned to face him with a tearful smile. "It's the best gift you have ever given me…how did you—"
"I met up with Sean when I—" taking a breath, he caught himself before he could say more.
"You were in Ireland?" she asked softly, sudden understanding forming in her mind. "The president's visit…you were there…oh god…Michael, how are they? Did you speak to them? Is my mother—"
"Fi," he told her quickly, cutting her off mid sentence. "I only saw Sean briefly and that was by pure accident. He smuggled these out to me when I was leaving and just wanted to know why I was there without you."
"What did you tell him?" she asked with a rueful smile. "We Glenanne's aren't known for our patience!"
"Believe me I know," he chuckled.
"You didn't tell him about the baby?" she asked worriedly. "They can't know…they can't—"
"It's okay," he told her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I didn't tell him anything. I'm not going to risk anyone taking this baby away from us."
She nodded slowly when she looked into his eyes. She could see the same sadness in his gaze as her own. There were so many reasons why having a baby was such a bad idea, but right now she couldn't think of a single one.
"I wish I could tell them. My mother would be so happy to know I've finally stopped being so angry," she told him before looking over the pictures on the bed again. "I want our baby to know about its Irish family."
Michael's hand slipped down her arm and over to her rounded stomach, resting his palm against her. He still marvelled by the small movements that fluttered beneath his hand.
"We'll make sure this baby knows Fi," he told her as he leaned his head against her.
"I have something to show you too," she told him with a warm smile as she leaned across the bed to retrieve the sonogram photo of their child and handed it to him.
Michael gazed down at it in wonder, his eyes taking in the image of their tiny child. Something changed in his face when he ran a finger over the image before placing it onto the bed. Turning back towards the woman beside him, he surprised her by reaching for her to wind his arms around her small frame.
Fiona didn't know what to say anymore. She felt his arms tighten around her waist as he pulled her to him in a fierce embrace. His whole body shook along with hers. Suddenly he pulled her head up to gaze into her eyes, a smile dancing across his face. Then before she knew what was happening his lips were on hers, kissing her with a passion that felt so different from before.
Her arms left his sides to glide up his shoulders to tangle her hands in his hair. She pulled him closer to her, taking his breath from his body as she sank into his lips. She felt his arms encase her, pulling her to him as he deepened their kiss, opening his mouth to draw her inside. Fiona thought she was going to melt in his arms with the sheer force of his adoration.
Breaking the kiss he left her lips, panting heavily as he held his forehead to hers. "I'm going to be a father," he told her, bringing her into his arms again.
Fiona couldn't help but smile at him. "You've only just realised?"
"No…yes…I guess it didn't seem real before."
"It's real," she laughed. "I promise you."
She pulled his face down to hers again for another earth shattering kiss, igniting him with her passion before letting him go, reluctantly pulling away from his arms to hold onto his hands.
"It's my check up today so I have to be at your mom's. She didn't want me to have my appointments here, and I don't really want a lecture from the doctor to why this isn't the right environment to raise a child," sighing heavily she huffed out a breath before moving away from him to stand up. "I mean, I know we can't have the baby here…does he think I'm that stupid!"
"That's the next priority," he told her thoughtfully when he stood up to take her hand in his. "I don't know when I'm going to be called away again, but I promise as soon as we can, we'll find a new place."
"I have another sonogram in four weeks," she told him quietly. "It's more detailed and we could find out the sex of the baby if we wanted…I really want you to be here."
"I'll be here," he told her with an enthusiastic nod.
000
When they got to Madeline's, she fussed over both of them and ushered Fiona into Michael's old room where the doctor was waiting for her. Michael was just about to follow when Madeline turned to him and flicked him around the head.
"Oww," he griped. "Maaa…what was that for?"
"That, Michael, is for leaving that poor girl again…to deal with being pregnant and alone with your baby, again…I am so mad at you right now…"
"I know ma, I know," he sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his head where she'd flicked him. "I'm trying not to be away for so long."
"Well try harder," she snapped. "You have a responsibility to Fiona and your child. I didn't raise you to be an absentee father, Michael—"
"That is something I will never be," he told her, keeping his voice low as he spoke. "I'm going to be here for both of them. Fiona already knows that."
"Yeah, well she's trying to protect you because you don't see what she's going through when you're not here." Taking a cigarette out of her pouch, she put it to her lips and watched him intently as she lit it. "She needs you, even though she'll never admit it."
"I will be here," he repeated slowly, frustration seeping into his words. They stared at each other in silence for a few moments, his eyes flashed with annoyance until Fiona came back into the room adjusting her shirt.
"Is everything okay?" Michael asked her when he reached out to stroke her arm.
"I'm fine," she nodded as she looked from mother to son and back again before turning to address the doctor who held out a new prescription for her pre-natal vitamins.
"I'll see you in another four weeks, but any problems call me right away," the doctor told her with a smile.
"Thank you," Fiona nodded before Madeline stubbed her cigarette out in an ashtray and wafted the smoke away from her.
"Come on honey," she smiled at the younger woman and took her by the arm. She cast a glare towards her son as she led Fiona into the kitchen. "I made you some iced tea."
Michael sighed heavily and turned towards the doctor who patted him on the shoulder.
"Good luck," he told him before he walked towards the door and left the house.
"Oh boy, brother," Sam told him with a sympathetic pat on the back before handing him a beer. "You've landed yourself in a heap full of trouble my friend."
"Tell me about it," Michael sighed heavily before turning away from his friend to walk towards whatever trouble awaited him in the kitchen.
000
Four weeks later they were at the darkened clinic after it had closed for the day; both of them watching the doctor as he silently ran the scanner across her stomach.
Michael's eyes gazed at the screen in wonder when the doctor took measurements of their tiny baby. Fiona glanced across at his face and squeezed his fingers when he couldn't seem to take his eyes away from the image on the screen.
"Everything is progressing normally," the doctor told them as he manoeuvred the hand held scanner across her stomach to get the best images of the baby. "Did you want to know the sex?"
Fiona glanced at Michael questioningly and tugged on his hand to bring his eyes down to hers. "Do we?"
"What?" he asked in confusion. "Sorry…I was…"
She smiled, following his gaze again back to the screen. "Do we want to know what we're having?"
"I…yes…do we?" his mouth wouldn't seem to work and his words kept sticking in his throat. Tearing his eyes away from the image he looked down at her with a watery smile. "Yes, we should know."
"Okay," she nodded and looked back towards the screen again.
"Well then," the doctor smiled. "Say hello to your daughter."
"A girl?" Fiona gasped as her eyes flashed with happy tears. "We're having a girl."
Michael couldn't seem to speak. His mind was buzzing with images of a little girl with her mother's eyes and beautiful smile. In that one moment everything became clear in his mind. This was the life he wanted.
000
Later that night, Fiona pulled on one of the maternity dresses she'd brought a few weeks before and regarded herself in the mirror. No matter which way she turned, there was no mistaking her pregnant form.
"Michael, are you sure you want to go out to dinner with your mom, Jesse and Sam?" she asked worriedly as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.
"What?" he laughed softly. "Of course I do…why?"
Turning around to face him she threw her hands to the side in defeat before returning to stare at herself in the mirror again. "I can't hide it no matter what I wear…I've gone through everything in my closet."
"Fi, you look beautiful," he told her with a smile as he stepped up behind her to join her reflection in the mirror.
"I'm huge," she grumbled, leaning back into his chest.
"No you're not," he chuckled happily when he slid his hands around her from behind to move over her swelling belly. "You're pregnant."
"But no one else is supposed to know that…" she sighed. "How am I supposed to hide it now?"
"Fiona, we're going to be fine."
"Do you really believe that?" she asked his reflection, still unable to keep the worry from her eyes.
"Yes."
"But I thought you didn't want anyone to know yet."
"I never said I didn't want anyone to know," he told her softly as he pressed a gentle kiss behind her ear.
"Well, I've tried to suck my stomach in but this baby is having none of it…I mean, with my legs and your feet, the poor child's already doomed!"
"What's wrong with your legs?" he grinned teasingly, loving the way her eyes lit up as she stared back at him in the mirror.
"You're not helping!"
"Sorry," he chuckled as he moved away from her to turn her around to face him. "Stop worrying. You're pregnant…and it's about time we stopped hiding and just came out with it."
"Just like that?" she asked incredulously.
"Just think of Barry's face when he finds out." His eyes lit up mischievously as he pulled her against him to wrap her in a strong embrace.
"You're enjoying this aren't you?" she asked him with a smile as she melted into his arms.
Pulling back he slid his hands down her arms before linking their fingers together. "This is our chance to take everyone we know head on and answer their questions together."
"Yeah, I guess," she sighed as she looked up into his eyes. "But are you sure you're ready to give up your job?"
"It's time," he told her. "And I don't want you to raise our children on your own while I'm off in some other country."
Fiona sighed and closed her eyes when he kissed her cheek before he turned away from her to walk towards the bathroom. Her eyes sprang open when she suddenly realised what he'd just said.
"Children?" she asked worriedly, following him. "How many children are you expecting here?"
When he turned to offer her a teasing smile, she scowled at him as he moved towards the sink to splash water on his face.
"That isn't funny Michael," she told him huffily. "I may be pregnant but I can still kick your ass!"
Michael held his hands up in defeat when he came back towards her to take hold of her wayward hand.
"Are you ready?" he asked her with a bright smile, when he slipped on his suit jacket.
"Yep, just hang on a minute," walking towards the bed, she reached under her pillow to pull her SIG from under it and put it in her bag.
"Fi," he sighed incredulously. "We're going out to dinner with my mom, Jesse and Sam!"
"A girl has to be prepared Michael," she told him with a smile as she gave herself one last look in the mirror. "Okay, I'm ready."
000
When they arrived at the restaurant, Fiona tried to keep her eyes away from the other diners in the room. She felt exposed and unprotected out in the open, showing off her very pregnant form. So far she'd managed to hide her pregnancy with large flowing tops and sundresses, but there was no mistaking it now.
Madeline stood up when they approached, casting a beaming smile their way.
"Sweetheart, you look wonderful," she gushed as she took Fiona's hand and pulled her into a warm embrace.
"You think so?" Fiona asked worriedly, smoothing the material over her stomach. She smilied when Madeline nodded enthusiastically, helping her to relax a little.
Michael placed his hand in the small of her back to guide her towards her chair and nodded to Sam and Jesse before giving his mother a cautious smile.
"You scrub up nice Fi," Sam grinned, holding up a bottle of beer.
"Why thank you Sam," she was taken aback by his compliment and felt herself blush slightly.
"You look beautiful, Fi," Jesse nodded towards her with his mouth slightly agape.
When they sat down, Michael's hand reached for hers under the table and she glanced at him questioningly. She had no idea why she was so nervous; it wasn't as if they were announcing her pregnancy to their unsuspecting family.
"So how did the sonogram go?" Madeline asked quietly when she leaned across the table.
"Great ma," Michael's wide smile spoke volumes and he was just about to reach inside his pocket for the new sonogram photo when his cell phone started to ring.
Fiona watched the smile slip from his face when he looked down at the caller ID and she instantly knew what that meant.
"I have to take this," he told her apologetically as he stood up and left the restaurant in a hurry.
The four people at the table sat in silence, none of them wanting to confirm something that they already knew. Michael was going to be leaving again, and when he came rushing back into the room to take Fiona's hand, she didn't have to listen to know what he was trying to tell her.
"I have to leave right away," he told her in a whisper. He reached into his pocket to pull out the sonogram photo and handed it to her.
"Take it with you," she told him tightly, as she tried desperately to swallow the lump in her throat.
"I can't. I don't know where I'm going and I can't have any personal effects on me." Reaching over to her he pressed a soft kiss onto her lips before pulling back. "I'm sorry."
"Just go," she told him quickly, averting her eyes before he could see the tears pooling in them.
"Fi?"
"I'm fine," she swallowed the lump in her throat and turned to look at him unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. "Go."
Michael squeezed her hand one more time as he reluctantly stood beside her. He glanced at Sam who nodded in an unspoken answer before he turned around and left the restaurant.
tbc