"Hey, can I talk to you?" Lily asked, knocking on James's open office door.
"Lily… sure come in," he said, looking up from his desk.
"I just wanted to apologise for earlier," said Lily, closing the door behind her.
"I should apologise. I'm sorry for storming off like that," said James.
"It's fine, it was probably my fault anyway," said Lily, sitting in the chair across from James. "I got the feeling you were feeling a little pushed out."
"Yeah," was all James said. "If that is immature or whatever I'm sorry. But I just feel like I'm already going to be missing so much while you're pregnant… it just makes me feel even worse when someone else gets to be there and not me."
"I'm so sorry," said Lily sincerely. "I was insensitive."
"I just want to be there for all the little things. I want to be the one to tease you about your cravings and mood swings."
"I know and I said I'm sorry," sighed Lily. "But try to understand, I hadn't seen or heard from you in three months. I was starting to get used to the fact that you weren't a part of my everyday life anymore. I didn't see you everyday, you didn't bring me coffee or tell me to take the day off because I looked like death. You were gone."
"But I'm here now," said James. He understood what Lily was saying; he hated it, but he understood and he was desperate to be a part of her everyday life again, even if it wasn't as her husband.
"I know but it's weird… we're not together anymore and I don't know how we're meant to be…" said Lily helplessly.
"I know," said James, getting up and walking over to her. He crouched down in front of her. "I know this is weird, for both of us. But we weren't just married, were we? We were friends too, and like you said we ended it before we hated each other. We can still be real friends."
"I know but it's a big adjustment."
"I know. But we can do it, we have to," said James, taking her hands in his.
"We're going to be in each other lives forever," Lily commented. "We'll do it."
"We will," said James confidently, although in the back of his of mind he couldn't help but wonder if he could do it, if he could be in Lily's life forever and not be able to love her the way he wanted to. He wasn't allowed to anymore because he had been idiot.
"So… the next time I freak out or have a craving for something odd, I'll floo you?"
"Yes, please."
"Are you sure? I'm not the easiest…"
"Lils, I lived with you for almost 3 years, I know exactly how insane and unhinged you are," chuckled James.
"But add hormonal to that."
"I can take it."
"Alright then, but just remember you asked for it," she laughed.
"And I'll enjoy every minute."
"Even at four thirty in the morning when I'm screaming at you for getting the wrong kind of ice cream?"
"I won't get the wrong kind," he grinned.
"Alright then," said Lily, getting up. "I better get home."
"Okay," said James sadly, he was enjoying getting to talk to her.
"Oh and just so you know Calvin is only a friend. He will only ever be a friend. He could never replace you in any way," said Lily quietly. She was standing right in front of James, he was taller so she was just talking to his shoulder.
"Good," said James, wrapping his arms around Lily's body and hugging her. "I haven't stopped loving you." He murmured into her hair.
"There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them," said Lily quietly.
James didn't say anything. What could he say? He couldn't tell her that he was still as in love with her as much as he had ever been, but he loved her like his family at the same time. Maybe he just had to lose her to see what she really meant to him, that he really couldn't be happy without her.
Lily pulled away and looked up at him. Without saying a word she stepped out of his embrace and walked towards the door. Before she walked out, she turned back round and said to him:
"I love you James and I always will."
He knew she meant it in a nice way, but he just felt worse. She loved him, but she hadn't said that she was still in love with him. She loved him as a friend and the father of her child. She didn't love him as her husband anymore. He was prat for letting her go.
-------------------------------------------
"Here you go, a double bacon cheeseburger with extra gherkins, mustard and strawberry jam," said James, handing Lily a bag.
"Oh yummy," said Lily as she eagerly tore the bag open.
"That is really vile, no bloody wonder you won't go and order it yourself," said James, bemused by her reaction to such a disgusting cheeseburger.
"I'm pregnant. I am fat and bloated. Your offspring is rolling around my uterus. Even my feet are fat. And all of it your fault," said Lily dangerously. "The very least you can do is get me a cheeseburger."
"Fine, I'm sorry," said James, holding his hands up in surrender.
"So you should be," she huffed.
"I am sorry, enjoy your disgusting cheeseburger love," said James, kissing the top of her head.
"You do know this all your fault," said Lily. "If you had just kept it in your pants, none of this would be happening."
"Well I'm really glad I didn't," said James, and he meant it. If Lily wasn't pregnant he would never get to see her. And they were having a baby, they now had a lifelong bond that could never break.